Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on Earth. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One school of thought holds that authorities should raise the expenditure on exploring more survivable planets, while others are adamant that it throws money around and results in many troubles for our planet. This essay will analyze both stances before concluding that I agree with the former.
Granted, there are compelling reasons for the belief that it is impossible and money wasting to find another life out of Earth. The key rationale is that the investigation process requires a large amount of money to buy and operate all the machines needed to launch and fly away from the Earth. If the money given were little, the standard of the machine couldn’t meet the requirements; breeding many teething problems and fatal consequences. For instance, if the service for maintenance of the spaceship is not provided regularly, the life of the astronaut under the zero gravity environment can easily face many troubles, even lose their life in the universe because of the explosion of some unmaintained parts. Moreover, the construction process needs a lot of fuels and releases a large amount of exhaust fumes; this gives rise to polluting our planet. Considering these factors, the viewpoint on looking for other planets to life is money wasting and causing many problems to earth seems jusstifiable.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that we should invest more money on finding a new planet to survive. Our Earth is becoming more and more polluted and populated, which gives rise to many problems related to accommodation and quality of life. If no actions were taken, one day there would be a disaster of overpopulation and short longevity, in which people in the future will have to live in a crowded and unsatisfied society. Moreover, there are a growing number of studies indicating that Mars and some planets which have the same structure with Earth are available in the university. Therefore, it is impossible for us to find another place to cater for all the demands in the future and a large amount of money invested is necessary and worthy.
In conclusion, while there are justifications behind the expenditure on exploring planets to survive; I would contend that more money pouring on the process of finding a new planet to live is needed since it will deal with many problems we one day will need to combat.

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Errors and Improvements:

"throws money around" -> "expenditure is extravagant"
Explanation: "Throws money around" is a colloquial expression that lacks the formality required in academic writing. "Expenditure is extravagant" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.
"This essay will analyze both stances before concluding that I agree with the former." -> "This essay will evaluate both perspectives before affirming support for the former."
Explanation: The phrase "concluding that I agree with the former" is overly informal and lacks precision. "Affirming support for the former" maintains formality and clarity.
"breeding many teething problems" -> "resulting in numerous technical challenges"
Explanation: "Breeding many teething problems" is an informal expression. "Resulting in numerous technical challenges" is more appropriate for academic writing and conveys the idea more clearly.
"even lose their life in the universe" -> "even resulting in fatalities in space"
Explanation: "Lose their life in the universe" is informal and imprecise. "Resulting in fatalities in space" is a more formal and accurate expression.
"This gives rise to polluting our planet." -> "This contributes to the pollution of our planet."
Explanation: "This gives rise to" is informal; "contributes to" is a more formal and suitable alternative for academic writing.
"seems jusstifiable" -> "seems justified"
Explanation: "Seems justifiable" contains a typographical error and lacks formality. "Seems justified" is the corrected form, maintaining appropriate academic tone.
"Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments" -> "However, despite the arguments presented above"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is overly formal for this context. "However, despite the arguments presented above" is clearer and more suitable.
"Our Earth" -> "The Earth"
Explanation: "Our Earth" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "The Earth" is a more appropriate term in this context.
"gives rise to many problems related to accommodation and quality of life" -> "gives rise to numerous issues concerning habitation and quality of life"
Explanation: "Many problems related to accommodation and quality of life" lacks precision and formality. "Numerous issues concerning habitation and quality of life" is clearer and more formal.
"in which people in the future will have to live in a crowded and unsatisfied society" -> "resulting in future inhabitants living in crowded and discontented societies"
Explanation: "In which people in the future will have to live in a crowded and unsatisfied society" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Resulting in future inhabitants living in crowded and discontented societies" provides a clearer and more concise expression.
"Mars and some planets which have the same structure with Earth are available in the university." -> "Mars and other planets with similar structures to Earth are potential options."
Explanation: "Available in the university" is incorrect and informal. "Are potential options" is a clearer and more precise phrase.
"Therefore, it is impossible for us to find another place to cater for all the demands in the future" -> "Hence, finding an alternative location to accommodate future needs is imperative."
Explanation: "Impossible for us to find another place to cater for all the demands in the future" is awkward and lacks precision. "Finding an alternative location to accommodate future needs is imperative" is more formal and clearer.
"more money pouring on the process" -> "greater investment in the process"
Explanation: "More money pouring on" is informal and lacks precision. "Greater investment in the process" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether governments should allocate funds to search for life on other planets or focus on issues on Earth. It discusses the rationale behind both perspectives, acknowledging the necessity of addressing problems on Earth while advocating for investment in planetary exploration.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. Provide more detailed examples and reasoning for why some believe it’s a waste of money to search for life on other planets and why others advocate for it. Additionally, explicitly address each component of the prompt in the introduction to set a clear roadmap for the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing agreement with the idea of investing more money in finding a new planet to sustain life. This stance is evident from the thesis statement to the conclusion, providing consistency in the argumentation.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider presenting it more explicitly in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the body paragraphs. Use transitions and topic sentences to guide the reader and reinforce the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the necessity of investing in planetary exploration and the potential consequences of not doing so. It supports these ideas with examples such as the challenges of maintaining spacecraft and the environmental impact of exploration.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas further, incorporate more specific examples, statistics, or expert opinions to bolster the arguments. Additionally, ensure that each idea is thoroughly developed with sufficient explanation and analysis to strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the two opposing views on government spending regarding planetary exploration versus addressing Earth’s problems. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as discussing overpopulation and quality of life issues without directly tying them back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly contribute to the discussion of whether governments should allocate funds to search for life on other planets or focus on Earth’s issues. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly relate to the central argument, or if included, clearly connect them back to the main topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, reinforcing the clarity of the position, extending and supporting ideas with stronger evidence, and maintaining strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay. With refinement in these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent structure by presenting both viewpoints in separate paragraphs, followed by the author’s opinion. Each paragraph focuses on one main idea, which contributes to the overall logical organization. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are clear and seamless. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. For example, the transition from discussing the arguments against space exploration to the arguments in favor could be improved by providing a smoother segue, perhaps by acknowledging the counterarguments before presenting the contrasting viewpoint.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, the length of some paragraphs could be adjusted for better readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main point. This will help to maintain focus and clarity throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the coherence within paragraphs by ensuring that all sentences relate directly to the topic sentence and contribute to the development of the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Granted," "Notwithstanding," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("it," "our," "which"), to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring consistent usage throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include conjunctions, adverbs, and other transitional expressions. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to enhance coherence. For example, consider using more conjunctions like "however," "moreover," and "therefore" to establish logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in terms of enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an effort to use varied vocabulary, as seen in phrases like "survivable planets," "teething problems," and "zero gravity environment." However, the range of vocabulary is limited in terms of depth and relevance to the topic. The use of certain words is also inappropriate or overly generalized, such as "university" instead of "universe," which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, focus on incorporating terms specifically related to space exploration and governmental budgeting. Utilizing more precise terminology like "terraforming," "astrobiology," or "fiscal allocation" could enrich the discussion. Additionally, reading scientific articles or papers on space exploration might inspire a broader vocabulary that is more topic-specific.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay has instances of imprecise language that hinder clarity and accuracy. For example, "more survivable planets" could be more accurately phrased as "potentially habitable planets." The phrase "a growing number of studies indicating that Mars and some planets which have the same structure with Earth are available in the university" is confusing and incorrectly uses "university" for "universe."
- How to improve: Precision in vocabulary can be enhanced by double-checking the meanings of less familiar words and ensuring they fit the context correctly. Use reliable scientific sources as reference points for correct terminology and structured language. Practicing sentence rephrasing exercises could also help in using vocabulary more aptly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays basic competence in spelling, with only minor errors noted such as "jusstifiable" instead of "justifiable." However, these errors still impact the reader’s perception of lexical proficiency.
- How to improve: Regular practice of proofreading and making use of spell-check tools can significantly reduce spelling errors. Engaging in activities like reading more extensively or using vocabulary apps that focus on correct spelling can also help reinforce learning. Another effective strategy could be to keep a personal list of commonly misspelled words and review it regularly.

By addressing these aspects, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score in Lexical Resource by demonstrating a broader and more accurate use of vocabulary, as well as improved spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, showcasing a decent range. For instance, the essay includes compound sentences (e.g., "Granted, there are compelling reasons for the belief that…") and complex sentences with subordinate clauses (e.g., "If the money given were little, the standard of the machine couldn’t meet the requirements…"). However, there is room for improvement in further diversifying the sentence structures to enhance coherence and fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating additional complex and compound-complex sentences. These structures can provide greater depth and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, strive to vary sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy with few noticeable errors. However, there are some instances where sentence structures could be refined for clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "in the university" should be "in the universe" for correct meaning. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors and awkward phrasings that slightly hinder the essay’s readability.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice to ensure clarity and precision in expression. Review the essay for punctuation errors such as missing commas or misuse of semicolons. Consider revising awkward phrasings for smoother flow and coherence. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and rectify these issues, thereby enhancing overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought advocates for increased government spending on the exploration of potentially habitable planets, while others argue that such expenditures are extravagant and result in numerous technical challenges for our planet. This essay will evaluate both perspectives before affirming support for the former.

Admittedly, there are compelling reasons for the belief that searching for extraterrestrial life is a futile and wasteful endeavor. The primary rationale is the exorbitant cost associated with the exploration process, necessitating significant investment in spacecraft and related infrastructure. With insufficient funding, the quality of the equipment may suffer, leading to technical challenges and even fatalities in space. For example, inadequate maintenance of spacecraft can pose serious risks to astronauts, potentially resulting in tragic accidents. Furthermore, the construction and operation of these spacecrafts entail the consumption of vast amounts of fuel, contributing to the pollution of our planet. Given these considerations, the argument that allocating resources to the search for other habitable planets is a waste of money and exacerbates problems on Earth seems justified.

However, despite the arguments presented above, I am convinced that greater investment in the process of finding alternative habitable planets is imperative. The Earth is facing escalating issues related to pollution and overpopulation, which give rise to numerous challenges concerning habitation and quality of life. Without intervention, there is a looming threat of overpopulation and decreased life expectancy, leading to overcrowded and discontented societies in the future. Moreover, recent studies suggest that Mars and other planets with similar structures to Earth offer potential options for colonization. Hence, finding an alternative location to accommodate future needs is essential.

In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about the expenditure on space exploration, I contend that investing more resources in the search for habitable planets is necessary. Doing so will address many of the problems that we may face in the future and provide viable solutions to ensure the sustainability of human civilization.