Some say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often believed that an effective method to convince customers purchasing things is advertising while others argue that commercials are too universal to attract their concentration to it. This essay will discuss both opinions, but I personally lean toward the view that advertisement is a key to persuading clients.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people think that advertising does not help to leave their attention to goods. First and foremost, commercials can be considered as a disturbing factor by customers. It can be explained that too many advertisements may result in the loss of content and cause them to waste more time searching . For example, when they are trying to find out the information for their study on a website such as Studocu or Vietjack, suddenly a large number of ads appear and this makes them feel extremely annoyed. Another reason is that advertising is not as effective as expected. This is because the majority of people usually skip commercials instead of watching them completely. For instance, if an ad is shown while they are viewing videos on Youtube, clients have tendencies to bounce it just within 3 seconds.

On the other hand, I firmly hold that advertising plays an important role in convincing customers to buy things. Firstly, it can be seen that commercials have significant influences on public consumption. This is due to the fact that many of the ads conducted aesthetically as well as having the appearance of celebrities can attract more attention from a huge number of fans. By way of illustration, Son Tung MTP, a famous singer in Viet Nam, took part in an OPPO phone advertising and this made the sales of the OPPO company increase rapidly then get a lot of profits. Furthermore, when the frequency of ads for products is higher, this helps to create viewers’ trust gradually and achieve success in persuading them to purchase goods. Secondly, advertisements are really impactful to many individuals in some cases. The compelling reason is that these commercials can be of great use whereas people have several options to choose from. Thanks to the information provided by them, customers will have an easier time deciding what products would suit their needs the most.

In conclusion, although advertisements are thought to be unnecessary, I strongly believe that commercials have the power to affect a large number of people and are one of the successful ways in selling.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is often believed" -> "It is commonly held"
Explanation: "It is commonly held" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more casual "It is often believed."
"convince customers purchasing things" -> "influence consumer purchasing decisions"
Explanation: "Influence consumer purchasing decisions" is more specific and formal, focusing directly on the impact on consumer behavior rather than the vague "convince customers purchasing things."
"too universal to attract their concentration to it" -> "too ubiquitous to capture their attention"
Explanation: "Too ubiquitous to capture their attention" is more precise and academically appropriate, replacing the awkward and informal "attract their concentration to it."
"advertisements does" -> "advertisements do"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from singular to plural agreement with "advertisements."
"can be considered as a disturbing factor by customers" -> "can be perceived as a disturbance by customers"
Explanation: "Can be perceived as a disturbance" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "disturbing factor."
"It can be explained that" -> "This can be explained by"
Explanation: "This can be explained by" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the flow of the sentence.
"cause them to waste more time searching" -> "cause them to spend more time searching"
Explanation: "Spend" is a more precise verb in this context than "waste," which carries a negative connotation that may not be intended.
"extremely annoyed" -> "highly annoyed"
Explanation: "Highly annoyed" is a more formal and academically appropriate term compared to "extremely annoyed."
"not as effective as expected" -> "less effective than anticipated"
Explanation: "Less effective than anticipated" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison.
"clients have tendencies to bounce it just within 3 seconds" -> "viewers tend to skip them within 3 seconds"
Explanation: "Viewers tend to skip them" is more specific and formal, replacing the colloquial "clients have tendencies to bounce it."
"plays an important role in convincing customers to buy things" -> "plays a significant role in persuading customers to purchase products"
Explanation: "Persuading customers to purchase products" is more formal and specific than "convincing customers to buy things."
"have significant influences on public consumption" -> "exert significant influence on consumer behavior"
Explanation: "Exert significant influence on consumer behavior" is more precise and formal, focusing on the impact on behavior rather than the vague "public consumption."
"conducted aesthetically as well as having the appearance of celebrities" -> "crafted aesthetically and featuring celebrity endorsements"
Explanation: "Crafted aesthetically and featuring celebrity endorsements" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision.
"get a lot of profits" -> "generate substantial profits"
Explanation: "Generate substantial profits" is more formal and precise than the colloquial "get a lot of profits."
"really impactful to many individuals in some cases" -> "significantly impactful for many individuals in certain situations"
Explanation: "Significantly impactful for many individuals in certain situations" is more formal and precise, replacing the vague "really impactful to many individuals in some cases."
"can be of great use whereas people have several options to choose from" -> "can be highly beneficial as consumers have multiple options"
Explanation: "Can be highly beneficial as consumers have multiple options" is more formal and concise, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of advertising. It presents the argument that advertising is often overlooked due to its ubiquity, supported by examples of user experiences with ads on platforms like YouTube and educational websites. The opposing view is also articulated, emphasizing the persuasive power of advertising, particularly through celebrity endorsements and the accumulation of trust over time. This balanced discussion demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances between the two views. For instance, discussing scenarios where advertising is particularly effective or ineffective could provide a deeper analysis. Additionally, integrating more varied examples could strengthen the argument and make it more relatable to a wider audience.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advertising is a key method of persuasion. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the text, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reiterates their belief in the effectiveness of advertising. The use of phrases like "I firmly hold" and "I strongly believe" emphasizes the author’s commitment to their viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the author could include transitional phrases that connect the discussion of both views back to their own opinion more explicitly. For example, after presenting the opposing view, a sentence that directly contrasts it with their own perspective could enhance clarity and cohesion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas effectively, particularly regarding the influence of celebrity endorsements and the role of advertising in building consumer trust. These ideas are supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of Son Tung MTP and OPPO, which adds credibility to the argument. However, some points could be elaborated further for depth.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the author could elaborate on the mechanisms behind why celebrity endorsements are effective or provide statistics on consumer behavior in response to advertising. Including more detailed examples or studies could also enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, focusing on the effectiveness of advertising and addressing both sides of the argument. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of advertisements being a "disturbing factor" could be better linked to how this affects consumer behavior in relation to purchasing decisions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of advertising’s effectiveness. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each example clearly ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task with a clear position and well-supported arguments. With some refinements in depth and clarity, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining both perspectives and stating the writer’s opinion. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses the ineffectiveness of advertising, the second jumps directly into its effectiveness without a clear linking sentence that contrasts the two views.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast," to clearly signal the shift in perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the viewpoint that advertising is ineffective, while the second supports the idea that it is persuasive. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first paragraph is slightly longer and more detailed than the second, which may disrupt the balance of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar number of supporting points and examples. For instance, the second paragraph could be expanded with additional examples or elaboration on how advertising influences consumer behavior, thereby providing a more comprehensive view.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "furthermore." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider alternatives like "for instance," "to illustrate," or "as an illustration." Additionally, using phrases like "on the contrary" or "in addition" can help to enhance the flow of ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving transitions, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variety in word choice. For instance, terms like "advertising," "customers," and "commercials" are repeated frequently without sufficient synonyms or variations. While the use of phrases like "disturbing factor" and "significant influences" shows some attempt at complexity, the overall vocabulary could be more diverse to enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," alternatives like "promotional campaigns," "marketing strategies," or "advertisements" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "capture attention" instead of "attract their concentration" would enhance lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "to leave their attention to goods" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression would be "to focus their attention on products." Additionally, the term "clients" is used interchangeably with "customers," which can be misleading as "clients" often refers to a more professional relationship.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clarity and precision in vocabulary. It would be beneficial to revise phrases that are unclear or awkward. For instance, instead of "the loss of content," a clearer phrase could be "the dilution of meaningful content." Ensuring that terms are used consistently and appropriately will also strengthen the essay’s overall clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are instances where spelling could be improved, such as "Vietjack" which may be a proper noun but should be checked for accuracy. The phrase "tendencies to bounce it" should be corrected to "tend to skip it" for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can help reduce errors. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "This is due to the fact that many of the ads conducted aesthetically as well as having the appearance of celebrities can attract more attention from a huge number of fans." However, the essay also contains several simpler structures, which could limit the overall range. The use of phrases like "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Secondly," indicates an attempt to organize thoughts clearly, but the reliance on these transitional phrases can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the use of conjunctions. For instance, instead of consistently starting sentences with transitional phrases, try embedding these ideas within more complex sentences. Additionally, using passive voice or different clause structures can add depth to the writing. For example, instead of saying "advertising plays an important role," you could say "the role that advertising plays in influencing consumer behavior is significant."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "an effective method to convince customers purchasing things" should be "an effective method to convince customers to purchase things." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "too many advertisements may result in the loss of content," which could be clearer if rephrased. Punctuation errors include missing commas, such as in "this makes them feel extremely annoyed," where a comma before "this" would improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review the rules for verb forms and prepositions. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help clarify awkward constructions. For punctuation, consider revisiting the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed for clarity. Additionally, proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often believed that an effective method to convince customers to purchase things is advertising, while others argue that commercials are too ubiquitous to capture their attention. This essay will discuss both opinions, but I personally lean toward the view that advertising is key to persuading clients.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people think that advertising does not help to hold their attention to goods. First and foremost, commercials can be perceived as a disturbance by customers. This can be explained by the fact that too many advertisements may result in the loss of content and cause them to spend more time searching. For example, when they are trying to find information for their studies on a website such as Studocu or Vietjack, suddenly a large number of ads appear, making them feel extremely annoyed. Another reason is that advertising is less effective than anticipated. This is because the majority of people usually skip commercials instead of watching them completely. For instance, if an ad is shown while they are viewing videos on YouTube, clients tend to skip it within 3 seconds.

On the other hand, I firmly hold that advertising plays a significant role in persuading customers to buy things. Firstly, it can be seen that commercials exert significant influence on public consumption. This is due to the fact that many of the ads are crafted aesthetically and feature celebrity endorsements, which can attract more attention from a huge number of fans. By way of illustration, Son Tung M-TP, a famous singer in Vietnam, took part in an OPPO phone advertisement, which caused the sales of the OPPO company to increase rapidly and generate substantial profits. Furthermore, when the frequency of ads for products is higher, this helps to gradually build viewers’ trust and achieve success in persuading them to purchase goods. Secondly, advertisements can be highly beneficial as consumers have multiple options to choose from. Thanks to the information provided by them, customers will have an easier time deciding which products would suit their needs the most.

In conclusion, although advertisements are thought to be unnecessary, I strongly believe that commercials have the power to influence a large number of people and are one of the successful ways of selling.