Some think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, companies and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that it is not crucial to switch occupations while others hold the opposite view. Whilst there are some benefits in the former view, I am convinced that the latter view holds more benefits.
There are a number of arguments why maintaining a job for a long time brings lots of positive consequences. Firstly, employees would reach high employment opportunities. As the current situation of many workers giving up or changing their occupations is more common due to both their suitability and the high income that other jobs gain. This way is considered to be untrustworthy and easily discouraged. The master might observe these clearly that leading to the possibility of facing unemployment for these types of people. Secondly, it ensures financial stability. When people work at one place for a long time, they will have a stable income and other benefits such as health and social insurance, and other rewards from their workplace that are based on their contribution. Additionally, working long-term provides for the accumulation of experience, enhancing skills, expertise and becoming more proficient in their field.
On the other hand, people decide to change the company regularly due to personal and professional matters.
On the other hand, some people decide to alter jobs regularly. As constantly changing careers, many people, especially young would expand their knowledge and develop new skills. For instance, switching jobs can benefit workers by making them more adaptable to new workplaces and processes. This can lead to enhanced communication skills and solve the problems abilities significantly. Furthermore, toward this type of workers, achieving high positions in their works is more quickly. As showing a high adaptability in many fields, they will contribute highly effectively for the businesses as well as train new quality workforces for society.
In conclusion, although holding on to a job has several benefits for financial, altering occupations brings more positive consequences in progressing in terms of personal and social in more aspects.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals believe" -> "Some people believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is slightly more formal than "people," but "people" is still appropriate in academic writing. The term "individuals" might sound overly formal in this context, making "people" a more natural choice.
"it is not crucial to switch occupations" -> "it is not essential to change jobs"
Explanation: "Switch occupations" is a bit formal and less common. "Change jobs" is more direct and widely understood in academic contexts.
"the latter view holds more benefits" -> "the latter perspective offers more advantages"
Explanation: "Benefits" can be vague and informal; "advantages" is more precise and formal. "Perspective" is also more academically appropriate than "view."
"employees would reach high employment opportunities" -> "employees can access higher job opportunities"
Explanation: "Reach" is not the correct verb in this context; "access" is more appropriate for describing the availability of job opportunities. "Higher" is also more precise than "high."
"the current situation of many workers giving up or changing their occupations" -> "the prevalent trend of many workers quitting or switching jobs"
Explanation: "The current situation" is vague; "the prevalent trend" is more specific and formal. "Quitting" and "switching" are more precise verbs than "giving up" and "changing."
"the high income that other jobs gain" -> "the higher salaries offered by other jobs"
Explanation: "Gain" is not the correct verb in this context; "offered" is more accurate for describing salaries. "Higher salaries" is also more specific than "high income."
"This way is considered to be untrustworthy and easily discouraged" -> "This approach is viewed as unreliable and easily discouraged"
Explanation: "This way" is informal and vague; "this approach" is more specific and formal. "Unreliable" is more precise than "untrustworthy."
"The master might observe these clearly" -> "Employers may clearly observe these"
Explanation: "The master" is an archaic term and unclear in this context; "employers" is the correct term. "May" is more formal than "might."
"facing unemployment for these types of people" -> "risking unemployment among these individuals"
Explanation: "Facing unemployment for these types of people" is awkward and unclear; "risking unemployment among these individuals" is more direct and formal.
"they will have a stable income and other benefits" -> "they will enjoy a stable income and other benefits"
Explanation: "Have" is somewhat passive; "enjoy" is more active and engaging, fitting better in academic writing.
"working long-term provides for the accumulation of experience" -> "long-term employment fosters the accumulation of experience"
Explanation: "Working long-term" is informal; "long-term employment" is more precise and formal. "Fosters" is a more academic term than "provides for."
"achieving high positions in their works" -> "reaching high positions in their careers"
Explanation: "Achieving high positions in their works" is awkward and unclear; "reaching high positions in their careers" is clearer and more formal.
"train new quality workforces for society" -> "train new, high-quality workforces for society"
Explanation: Adding "high-quality" clarifies the type of workforce being referred to, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"altering occupations brings more positive consequences" -> "changing jobs yields more positive outcomes"
Explanation: "Altering occupations" is less common and slightly awkward; "changing jobs" is straightforward and widely understood. "Yields" is more formal than "brings."
"progressing in terms of personal and social in more aspects" -> "advancing in both personal and social aspects"
Explanation: "Progressing in terms of personal and social in more aspects" is awkward and unclear; "advancing in both personal and social aspects" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding job stability and job changing, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The first part discusses the advantages of staying in one job, such as financial stability and skill accumulation. The second part touches on the benefits of changing jobs, including adaptability and skill development. However, the discussion of the opposing view could be more balanced and detailed, particularly in the first half of the essay, where the arguments for job stability are more developed than those for job changing.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both perspectives are explored more equally. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the benefits of job stability and job changing. Additionally, a clearer transition between the two views would enhance coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear opinion that changing jobs brings more benefits. However, this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the conclusion reiterates this stance, the body paragraphs could better integrate the writer’s viewpoint, particularly in the discussion of job stability, which sometimes reads as overly neutral.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in each body paragraph, linking back to their main argument. Phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help signal the writer’s stance more clearly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as financial stability and skill development, but these ideas are not always fully developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, the mention of "high employment opportunities" lacks explanation or context, making it less persuasive. Similarly, the benefits of changing jobs are mentioned but not deeply explored.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing financial stability, they could include statistics or real-world examples of how long-term employees benefit from their loyalty. Similarly, when discussing the advantages of changing jobs, specific examples of industries or roles where this is particularly beneficial could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of job stability and job changing. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the phrasing becomes somewhat convoluted and less directly related to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument of the paragraph. This can be achieved by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that all subsequent sentences relate back to that topic. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentence structures can help maintain clarity and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from greater balance in discussing both views, clearer reinforcement of the writer’s position, more detailed support for ideas, and improved focus throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views. The arguments for maintaining a long-term job are presented first, followed by the counterarguments for changing jobs. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and some repetition. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used twice in succession, which can confuse readers regarding the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using varied transition phrases to signal shifts between ideas. For example, instead of repeating "On the other hand," you could use "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis and that the progression of ideas is smooth and coherent.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be better structured. The first paragraph discussing the benefits of long-term employment could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on financial stability and the other on skill accumulation. This would allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic. For example, in the paragraph discussing the benefits of changing jobs, start with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the advantages before providing examples and explanations.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Furthermore." However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the transition between the benefits of long-term employment and the advantages of job switching could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically connects to the next, using phrases that clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, when transitioning from discussing long-term employment to job switching, you might say, "While long-term employment offers stability, frequent job changes can provide unique opportunities for growth and adaptability."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "occupations," "financial stability," and "adaptability." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "changing jobs" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "changing jobs," you could use "job-hopping," "career transitions," or "switching professions." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "job satisfaction," "career mobility," or "professional development," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the current situation of many workers giving up or changing their occupations" could be clearer. The term "giving up" may imply a lack of choice, which does not accurately reflect the context of voluntary job changes. Additionally, phrases like "the master might observe these clearly" are vague and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in word choice. Replace vague terms with more specific language. For example, instead of "the master," you could refer to "employers" or "management." Furthermore, clarify phrases like "giving up" by using "choosing to leave" or "deciding to change." This will help convey your ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "untrustworthy" (which is correctly spelled but used inappropriately) and "solve the problems abilities," which should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, "toward this type of workers" should be "toward these types of workers."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify errors. Practicing spelling through reading and writing exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Whilst there are some benefits in the former view, I am convinced that the latter view holds more benefits." However, the use of some structures is inconsistent. For example, the phrase "As the current situation of many workers giving up or changing their occupations is more common due to both their suitability and the high income that other jobs gain" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with "On the other hand," which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to begin sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, instead of starting two consecutive sentences with "On the other hand," the writer could use alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can improve clarity and readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, in the sentence "As the current situation of many workers giving up or changing their occupations is more common due to both their suitability and the high income that other jobs gain," the structure is awkward and lacks proper punctuation. The phrase "the master might observe these clearly that leading to the possibility of facing unemployment for these types of people" is also grammatically incorrect and unclear. Furthermore, there are missing articles, such as "the" before "high employment opportunities," which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on complex sentence structures and punctuation rules, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors and awkward phrasing can help catch mistakes before submission. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that it is not essential to change jobs, while others hold the opposite view. While there are some benefits to the former perspective, I am convinced that the latter perspective offers more advantages.

There are several arguments supporting the idea that maintaining a job for a long time brings many positive consequences. Firstly, employees can access higher job opportunities. The prevalent trend of many workers quitting or switching jobs is often driven by both their suitability for new roles and the higher salaries offered by other jobs. This approach is viewed as unreliable and easily discouraged. Employers may clearly observe these frequent changes, which can lead to the risk of unemployment among these individuals. Secondly, long-term employment ensures financial stability. When people work in one place for an extended period, they will enjoy a stable income and other benefits such as health and social insurance, as well as rewards based on their contributions. Additionally, long-term employment fosters the accumulation of experience, enhancing skills and expertise, and allowing individuals to become more proficient in their field.

On the other hand, some people choose to change jobs regularly due to personal and professional reasons. Constantly changing careers can enable individuals, especially the younger workforce, to expand their knowledge and develop new skills. For instance, switching jobs can benefit workers by making them more adaptable to new workplaces and processes. This adaptability can significantly enhance their communication skills and problem-solving abilities. Furthermore, individuals who frequently change jobs may achieve high positions in their careers more quickly. By demonstrating high adaptability across various fields, they can contribute effectively to businesses and help train new, high-quality workforces for society.

In conclusion, although long-term employment has several financial benefits, changing jobs yields more positive outcomes in terms of personal and social advancement.