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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe that it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

There are two schools of thought addressing whether university students should study disciplines outside their majors or focus completely on one field of study. In this essay, I will address both sides of this contentious issue before concluding that the appropriate decision is dependent on the career route that each student chooses to pursue after completing their studies.

Students can obtain distinct unique viewpoints on a topic by mastering a wide range of subjects, according to proponents of multidisciplinary study. This improves their critical thinking and creative problem solving skills. This is especially useful in today's world, where there are a slew of pressing multifaceted issues, such as climate change and systematic racism. Students who pursue interdisciplinary courses are more likely to become specialists capable of comprehending the complexities of these difficulties and devising feasible solutions. Furthermore, disciplines like Statistics and Data Analysis may be applied in a variety of professions, so students who supplement their majors with these courses can considerably increase their career prospects in the future.

However, many students believe that it is better to commit all of their time and effort to a single subject of study. Students who attend school to study a craft or become qualified in a certain field, such as those attending law school or medical school, should concentrate only on their majors. In their employment, having a breadth of knowledge is less valued, and spending time on it can lengthen the time it takes them to obtain their qualifications, raising the expense of their education. In these cases, students are better suited fully committing and attempting to achieve specific skill in one topic in the shortest amount of time possible.

In conclusion, I believe that students going into fields that value specific expertise should only focus on their majors, but for many other students, studying across disciplines will be more beneficial because it allows them to have a more nuanced understanding of today's issues and greatly increases their employability.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "There are two schools of thought addressing whether university students should study disciplines outside their majors or focus completely on one field of study." -> "There exist divergent perspectives on whether university students should diversify their studies beyond their majors or concentrate solely on one field of study."
    Explanation: Replacing "schools of thought addressing" with "divergent perspectives" and rephrasing "study disciplines outside their majors" to "diversify their studies beyond their majors" enhances formality and clarity, while maintaining the academic tone.

  2. "In this essay, I will address both sides of this contentious issue before concluding that the appropriate decision is dependent on the career route that each student chooses to pursue after completing their studies." -> "This essay will explore both viewpoints before concluding that the optimal choice hinges on the career trajectory each student selects after graduation."
    Explanation: Simplifying "address both sides of this contentious issue" to "explore both viewpoints" and restructuring the sentence for conciseness and formality improves the academic style.

  3. "proponents of multidisciplinary study" -> "advocates of interdisciplinary education"
    Explanation: Substituting "proponents of multidisciplinary study" with "advocates of interdisciplinary education" maintains the meaning while employing more precise and academic language.

  4. "This improves their critical thinking and creative problem solving skills." -> "This enhances their capacity for critical thinking and creative problem-solving."
    Explanation: Replacing "improves" with "enhances" and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality enhances the academic tone.

  5. "where there are a slew of pressing multifaceted issues" -> "where numerous pressing multifaceted issues exist"
    Explanation: Changing "a slew of" to "numerous" and rephrasing for greater formality and precision improves the academic style.

  6. "Furthermore, disciplines like Statistics and Data Analysis may be applied in a variety of professions" -> "Moreover, fields such as Statistics and Data Analysis find applications across various professional domains"
    Explanation: Replacing "disciplines like" with "fields such as" and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality enhances academic language use.

  7. "However, many students believe that it is better to commit all of their time and effort to a single subject of study." -> "However, a considerable number of students advocate dedicating all their time and effort to a singular subject of study."
    Explanation: Substituting "believe that it is better to commit" with "advocate dedicating" and using "a considerable number of" elevates the academic tone while maintaining clarity.

  8. "having a breadth of knowledge is less valued" -> "a broad spectrum of knowledge holds lesser significance"
    Explanation: Replacing "having a breadth of knowledge is less valued" with "a broad spectrum of knowledge holds lesser significance" employs more formal language and enhances precision.

  9. "In their employment, having a breadth of knowledge is less valued" -> "Within their professions, the value placed on diverse knowledge is diminished"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "Within their professions" instead of "In their employment" improves academic tone and precision.

  10. "raising the expense of their education" -> "escalating the cost of their education"
    Explanation: Replacing "raising" with "escalating" improves the formality and accuracy of the sentence.

  11. "for many other students" -> "for numerous other students"
    Explanation: Substituting "many" with "numerous" maintains the meaning while enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "There are two schools of thought addressing whether university students should study disciplines outside their majors or focus completely on one field of study. In this essay, I will address both sides of this contentious issue before concluding that the appropriate decision is dependent on the career route that each student chooses to pursue after completing their studies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully presents the topic but lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay. Consider revising the introduction to include a brief roadmap of the arguments you will present, enhancing the overall structure and guiding the reader through your essay.
    • Improved example: "The debate over whether university students should diversify their studies or specialize in a single discipline is multifaceted. This essay explores both perspectives before asserting that the optimal choice depends on the career trajectory each student envisions post-graduation. I will delve into the advantages and drawbacks of each approach to provide a nuanced understanding of this ongoing discourse."
  2. Quoted text: "This improves their critical thinking and creative problem-solving skills. This is especially useful in today’s world, where there are a slew of pressing multifaceted issues, such as climate change and systematic racism."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the idea presented is valid, it lacks specific examples or illustrations to support the claim. To enhance your argument, provide concrete examples from your own knowledge or experience that illustrate how interdisciplinary studies contribute to improved critical thinking and problem-solving skills.
    • Improved example: "Mastering diverse subjects fosters critical thinking and creative problem-solving skills. For instance, delving into literature and environmental science equips students to analyze and propose innovative solutions to multifaceted issues like climate change. Similarly, exploring sociology alongside economics enhances the understanding of systematic racism and encourages nuanced perspectives."
  3. Quoted text: "Students who attend school to study a craft or become qualified in a certain field, such as those attending law school or medical school, should concentrate only on their majors."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument is clear, but it lacks depth in terms of counterarguments. To strengthen your position, consider acknowledging the potential benefits of specialization for certain professions while still presenting counterpoints that support the importance of interdisciplinary studies in other contexts.
    • Improved example: "While it is crucial for students in specialized fields like law or medicine to concentrate solely on their majors, it’s essential to recognize that other disciplines may benefit from a broader approach. For example, aspiring lawyers can gain valuable insights by incorporating courses in ethics, promoting a more holistic understanding of legal practices."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position, but improvements in thesis clarity, supporting examples, and acknowledging counterarguments could elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, contributing to coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and there is a smooth flow of ideas between them. The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and effectively addresses both sides of the argument.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider providing more explicit transitions between paragraphs to create a seamless connection between ideas. While the essay does well in presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph, focusing on even more precise topic sentences can further strengthen the organization. Additionally, ensuring a consistent and varied use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more refined presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with an attempt to use less common lexical items, contributing to a satisfactory level of precision and flexibility in conveying meanings. There is evidence of an awareness of style and collocation, and the essay generally avoids major errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. However, some sentences lack the sophistication expected in higher bands, and there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for greater precision. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 by employing a sufficient range of vocabulary with occasional errors that do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance sentence structure and complexity to achieve a more sophisticated tone.
  2. Pay attention to the selection of less common lexical items, ensuring they are used accurately and effectively.
  3. Work on refining word choice for greater precision, especially in conveying nuanced ideas.
  4. Review and edit sentences where there is a slight lack of clarity to ensure the message is communicated seamlessly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively demonstrates a wide range of sentence structures, showcasing a mix of simple and complex sentences throughout. The writer employs varied sentence beginnings, uses different types of clauses, and incorporates a range of vocabulary, contributing to a well-developed discussion. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional minor errors that do not impede comprehension. The control over grammar and punctuation is strong, allowing the essay to flow smoothly.

How to improve:
To further enhance the essay, pay closer attention to maintaining consistency in complex sentence structures. While the essay effectively balances simple and complex sentences, ensuring a seamless integration of complex structures can elevate the overall sophistication of the writing. Additionally, a deeper exploration of counterarguments or opposing viewpoints could add more depth and complexity to the discussion.

Bài sửa mẫu

There exists a debate about whether university students should diversify their studies beyond their main subjects or concentrate solely on their field of specialization. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before concluding that the most suitable choice depends on the career path each student intends to pursue after finishing their studies.

Advocates of studying various disciplines argue that acquiring knowledge across a spectrum of subjects offers different perspectives, enhancing critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. This becomes particularly relevant in our current world, grappling with complex issues like climate change and systemic racism. Students engaging in interdisciplinary studies are more likely to become adept in comprehending these intricacies and proposing viable solutions. Moreover, subjects like Statistics and Data Analysis have broad applicability across professions. Hence, supplementing majors with these courses significantly bolsters future career opportunities.

On the contrary, some students believe that dedicating all their time to their major is more beneficial. Those pursuing specialized fields such as law or medicine prioritize focusing solely on their majors. In these fields, depth of knowledge outweighs breadth, and diversifying studies might prolong their education duration and increase costs. Hence, it is more pragmatic for these students to concentrate on acquiring specific skills efficiently.

In conclusion, students entering professions valuing specialized expertise should focus solely on their majors. Conversely, for many others, delving into various disciplines proves more advantageous. It equips them with a more comprehensive understanding of contemporary issues and substantially enhances their employability.

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