Students in schools and universities learn more from their teachers than through other means such as the Internet, libraries, and TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that teachers have more impact on the way students get their knowledge than learning from other materials and platforms such as the Internet, libraries, and TV. From my point of view, I totally oppose the latter because knowledge is not only about what a student receives from their teachers but also about what they get from themself.

I believe that learning from some platforms is better than learning from their leader because the Internet provides a lot of information about all things in the world. As a result, students can get more knowledge about what they want, and what is related to topics they are curious about. Meanwhile, teachers who just have one major one, can not answer all the questions student was asked immediately. In short, learning from tools and other materials helps students find more information and topics happening all over the world.
Furthermore, getting knowledge about the Internet, libraries, and TV helps the student improve their self-study skills and be more creative. For example, the Internet will recommend other topics that are related to the topic they found before, students can click on this link and learn more knowledge from this. In contrast, the student just learns the information that people give, this is the reason why nowadays pupils on some level are not creative and passive.
In conclusion, I support the idea that finding information in some materials and tools are more effective than learning from the teacher in school and university.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"One school of thought holds that" -> "A prevailing viewpoint posits that"
Explanation: "One school of thought holds that" is a bit informal for an academic essay. Replacing it with "A prevailing viewpoint posits that" maintains formality and adds a more sophisticated tone.
"the latter" -> "the former"
Explanation: "the latter" refers to the second of two things mentioned, which in this case would be learning from other materials and platforms. However, the author seems to be opposing this idea, so "the former" (referring to teachers) would be more appropriate here.
"themself" -> "themselves"
Explanation: "Themself" is not a standard English word. "Themselves" is the correct reflexive pronoun in this context, agreeing with the plural subject "students".
"better than learning from their leader" -> "preferable to learning solely from their instructors"
Explanation: "Better than learning from their leader" is informal and unclear. Replacing it with "preferable to learning solely from their instructors" clarifies the comparison and maintains academic tone.
"Internet provides a lot of information about all things in the world" -> "Internet offers vast information on a myriad of subjects"
Explanation: "Provides a lot of information about all things in the world" is overly simplistic and lacks precision. "Internet offers vast information on a myriad of subjects" is more precise and formal.
"can get more knowledge about what they want" -> "can acquire knowledge relevant to their interests"
Explanation: "Can get more knowledge about what they want" is informal. "Can acquire knowledge relevant to their interests" is more formal and specific.
"who just have one major one" -> "who specialize in one subject"
Explanation: "Who just have one major one" is awkward and unclear. "Who specialize in one subject" is more precise and formal.
"In short" -> "To summarize"
Explanation: "In short" is colloquial for academic writing. "To summarize" is a more formal transition phrase.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is slightly informal. "Moreover" is a more formal transition word used to introduce additional points.
"be more creative" -> "foster creativity"
Explanation: "Be more creative" is somewhat casual. "Foster creativity" is a more formal and precise expression.
"this is the reason why" -> "This phenomenon contributes to"
Explanation: "This is the reason why" is somewhat informal. "This phenomenon contributes to" is a more formal way to express causation.
"nowadays pupils on some level are not creative and passive" -> "contemporary students exhibit varying degrees of passivity and lack of creativity"
Explanation: "Nowadays pupils on some level are not creative and passive" is too colloquial. "Contemporary students exhibit varying degrees of passivity and lack of creativity" is a more formal and precise expression.
"finding information in some materials and tools are more effective" -> "accessing information through various sources and tools is more efficient"
Explanation: "Finding information in some materials and tools are more effective" is grammatically incorrect. "Accessing information through various sources and tools is more efficient" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing a clear opinion on whether students learn more from teachers or from alternative sources such as the Internet, libraries, and TV. It acknowledges the role of teachers but emphasizes the benefits of learning from various platforms. However, it could further strengthen its response by elaborating on the specific ways in which teachers contribute to learning, in addition to acknowledging the importance of self-directed learning.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, provide a balanced view by acknowledging the valuable role of teachers while also highlighting the benefits of alternative learning sources. Include specific examples or scenarios where teachers excel in facilitating learning and address any potential limitations of learning from alternative sources.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing that learning from alternative sources is more effective than solely relying on teachers. This position is consistently presented from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids ambiguity. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant examples and reasoning. It discusses the benefits of learning from alternative sources such as the Internet and provides examples to illustrate its points.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more in-depth analysis and elaboration on the presented examples. Additionally, integrate relevant evidence or research findings to further support the arguments and add credibility to the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the role of teachers versus alternative learning sources. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when discussing creativity and self-study skills.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument of the essay. Avoid introducing tangential points that do not directly contribute to addressing the prompt. Instead, prioritize staying relevant to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument, while the body paragraphs present supporting points. However, the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. There are instances where the connection between sentences and paragraphs feels abrupt, and the progression of ideas could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s argument and establish clear connections between ideas. Consider outlining the essay beforehand to ensure a logical flow of information from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness in conveying ideas could be strengthened. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, but the structure within paragraphs lacks depth and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring paragraphs around one main idea each, supported by relevant evidence or examples. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details. Ensure a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and facilitate understanding for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a limited range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While there are instances of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "meanwhile," "in contrast," "in conclusion"), their usage is somewhat repetitive and could be more varied. Additionally, there is room to incorporate other cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and lexical cohesion for smoother transitions.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a variety of transition words, pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover"), and lexical cohesion (e.g., synonyms, parallel structure). This will help establish clearer connections between ideas and enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas, structuring paragraphs effectively, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and coherence. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "platforms," "self-study skills," "creative," "impact," and "effective." However, some repetition occurs with phrases like "learning from" and "knowledge." Additionally, more sophisticated vocabulary choices could enhance the depth of expression.
- How to improve: To broaden the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used terms. Introduce specialized vocabulary related to education and learning to add nuance and depth to your arguments. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "learning from," you could employ phrases like "acquiring knowledge from," "gaining insights via," or "extracting information from."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary with moderate precision. For instance, the phrase "learning from some platforms" is somewhat vague, and a more precise term like "utilizing educational platforms" could strengthen clarity. However, the essay effectively communicates ideas such as the Internet providing "information about all things in the world" and students becoming "more creative."
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in vocabulary choice to convey ideas with precision. Avoid generalizations and opt for terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "some platforms," specify the platforms being referenced, such as "online educational resources" or "digital learning platforms." This specificity enhances the clarity and sophistication of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout. However, there are minor errors, such as "themself" instead of "themselves" and "pupils" instead of "students." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to detail in spelling enhances the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Review the essay carefully for common spelling errors, paying attention to irregularities and exceptions. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers or proofreading tools to identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can reinforce correct usage and improve overall accuracy. Remember to double-check the spelling of less common words or terms to ensure precision in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to readability. For instance, the essay employs both dependent and independent clauses, such as "One school of thought holds that…" and "Furthermore, getting knowledge about the Internet, libraries, and TV helps the student improve their self-study skills and be more creative."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures further, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions, such as using relative clauses or conditional sentences. Additionally, strive for greater fluency by ensuring transitions between ideas are seamless, promoting coherence and cohesion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("…teachers who just have one major one, can not answer all the questions student was asked immediately"), and punctuation inconsistencies (e.g., missing commas before introductory phrases). These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs align with their subjects in number and person. Additionally, consistently apply punctuation rules, especially regarding commas for clarity and coherence. Reviewing and editing written work meticulously can help identify and rectify such errors, thereby enhancing grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates the author’s perspective on the topic, showcasing a satisfactory range of sentence structures and proficient grammatical accuracy. To achieve a higher band score, continue refining sentence variety and grammar precision through deliberate practice and thorough proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

One prevailing viewpoint posits that teachers play a significant role in shaping students’ knowledge acquisition, yet I contend that learning through alternative channels such as the Internet, libraries, and TV is equally valuable. Knowledge isn’t solely derived from teachers but also from independent exploration.

Accessing information through the Internet offers vast insights into diverse subjects, allowing students to acquire knowledge relevant to their interests. Unlike teachers who specialize in one subject, the Internet provides a plethora of information on myriad topics. Thus, students can delve deeper into areas of personal curiosity, broadening their understanding of the world.

Moreover, learning from various platforms fosters creativity and self-study skills. For instance, the Internet suggests related topics, encouraging students to explore further. In contrast, relying solely on teachers may limit exposure to diverse perspectives, leading to passivity and a lack of creativity among contemporary students.

To summarize, while teachers undoubtedly contribute to students’ learning, accessing information through various sources and tools is more efficient and conducive to fostering creativity. This phenomenon contributes to a more well-rounded education, wherein students actively engage with diverse perspectives and information sources.