Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person.

Why do you think this is the case?

What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

it is indeed true that numerous adolescent nowadays have penchant for communicating via online social media sites instead of getting together with others. this can be attributed to several factors, calling for possible solutions to be adopted.
there exist several explanations as to why the young are preferable to socialize online. oone possibility is that technology is thriving rapidly, which is instrumental to produce many convenient and state of the art application such as facebook, instagram, such inventions lend juvenils a hand to communiacte without the distance, time, resulting in the fact that they gradually get used to that method in conveying their messages. another point worth mentioning is that the development of society bring about the exorbitant cost of services such as transportation, restaurants. accordingly, those reasons can hinder the young from meeting others due to the fact that the young cannot posses money to utilize services in coffeshops, even the cost of transprtation is one of the causes hampering them from getting together.
various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these factors. the first possible solutions could be that government can decrease the cost of public transportation to encourage adolescent to facilitate their meeting or alternatively reducing the tax for services so that the restaurants, coffee shops can offer an affordable and accessible prices for the young. the second approach is that parents can encourage their children to hang out by supplying them an adequate amount of money to afford the services for meeting. futhermore, parents can organize some small party at own home for children to take their friend to.
to take everything in to consideration, while many reasons can be offered to explain why teenagers tend to harness online platforms to communicate, several plausible steps can be taken to ameliorate the unfavorable situations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"adolescent" -> "adolescents"
Explanation: "adolescent" is singular and should be plural to match the subject "numerous," which is plural.
"penchant" -> "preference"
Explanation: "penchant" is a bit formal and uncommon in academic writing; "preference" is a more appropriate and widely understood term.
"getting together with others" -> "socializing in person"
Explanation: "getting together with others" is somewhat colloquial; "socializing in person" maintains formality while being clearer.
"calling for possible solutions to be adopted" -> "necessitating the adoption of potential solutions"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit wordy and lacks precision; the suggested alternative is more concise and academically appropriate.
"there exist several explanations" -> "several explanations exist"
Explanation: Reordering the sentence for clarity and formality.
"oone" -> "one"
Explanation: Typo corrected for accuracy.
"instrumental to produce" -> "instrumental in producing"
Explanation: Correcting the preposition usage for accuracy.
"such inventions lend juvenils a hand to communiacte" -> "such inventions facilitate communication for juveniles"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the expression for better readability.
"gradually get used to that method in conveying their messages" -> "gradually become accustomed to this method of conveying their messages"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality.
"bring about the exorbitant cost" -> "result in the exorbitant cost"
Explanation: Improving phrasing for accuracy and clarity.
"hinder the young from meeting others" -> "hinder young people from socializing"
Explanation: Using "young people" instead of "the young" for smoother language flow.
"cannot posses money" -> "do not possess the means"
Explanation: Using "means" instead of "money" for a more formal tone.
"utilize services in coffeshops" -> "use services in cafes"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "coffeeshops" and using "cafes" instead of "coffeeshops" for clarity.
"the cost of transprtation" -> "transportation costs"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "transportation" and improving phrasing for clarity.
"various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented" -> "Nevertheless, various measures can be implemented"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for clarity and formality.
"adolescent" -> "adolescents"
Explanation: Consistency in pluralizing "adolescents" for agreement with the subject.
"facilitate their meeting" -> "facilitate their gatherings"
Explanation: Using "gatherings" instead of "meeting" for broader coverage of social activities.
"reducing the tax for services" -> "lowering taxes on services"
Explanation: Using "lowering" instead of "reducing" for precision and formality.
"can offer an affordable and accessible prices" -> "can offer affordable and accessible prices"
Explanation: Removing the article "an" before "affordable" for grammatical correctness.
"the second approach is that" -> "Another approach involves"
Explanation: Introducing a transition for smoother sentence flow.
"hang out by supplying them an adequate amount of money" -> "spend time outside by providing them with sufficient funds"
Explanation: Using "spend time outside" instead of "hang out" for formality and rephrasing for clarity.
"futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "Furthermore" for accuracy.
"children to take their friend to" -> "children to invite their friends"
Explanation: Using "invite" instead of "take" for clarity and formality.
"to take everything in to consideration" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Using "In conclusion" for a more formal and appropriate transition to the conclusion.
"teenagers tend to harness online platforms" -> "teenagers tend to utilize online platforms"
Explanation: Using "utilize" instead of "harness" for a more formal tone.
"plausible steps can be taken to ameliorate" -> "plausible steps can be implemented to alleviate"
Explanation: Using "alleviate" instead of "ameliorate" for a more formal synonym, and "implemented" instead of "taken" for variety.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the prevalence of online socialization among teenagers and suggests possible reasons for this phenomenon. Additionally, it provides measures that could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting in person.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover all parts of the question, the explanations could be more developed and specific. Providing more detailed examples or elaborating on the potential impact of the proposed measures could enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging that teenagers prefer socializing online and proposing measures to encourage more in-person interactions. However, the clarity of expression could be improved for better coherence and understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument cohesively. Additionally, refine language use for greater precision and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the reasons behind teenagers’ preference for online socialization and suggests measures to address this issue. However, the development and support of these ideas are somewhat lacking. For instance, while it mentions the impact of technology and societal costs, it does not provide detailed evidence or examples to substantiate these claims.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support each point. Additionally, ensure that each idea is thoroughly developed and connected to the main argument for greater coherence and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the reasons for teenagers’ preference for online socialization and proposing measures to encourage in-person interactions. However, there are instances of vague or tangential discussion, such as the brief mention of government decreasing transportation costs without further elaboration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point directly relates to the main argument and supports the overall thesis. Avoid tangential discussions or vague statements that do not contribute to the central theme.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more specific examples, enhancing clarity and coherence, and staying focused on the main topic. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically, but there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction briefly introduces the topic and the reasons for teenagers preferring online socializing. However, the body paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas, leading to some confusion. For instance, the discussion of technological advancements and societal costs could be better integrated to create a more coherent argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s important to create a clear structure for the essay. Start by outlining main points and ensuring a smooth transition between ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, and there should be a clear progression from one paragraph to the next. Consider restructuring the body paragraphs to follow a logical sequence, perhaps starting with the impact of technology and then discussing societal factors. Additionally, use topic sentences to clearly introduce each paragraph’s main point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not consistently structured or effectively utilized. While there is an attempt to separate ideas into paragraphs, some paragraphs contain multiple points without clear topic sentences or transitions. For example, the second paragraph discusses both technological advancements and societal costs without a clear separation between these ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs that each address a single main point. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that paragraphs have clear transitions to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Consider dividing the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs to address each point more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, but there is limited variety and effectiveness. Cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns are used sporadically, leading to some disjointedness in the essay’s flow. For instance, there is a lack of transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to improve the flow and coherence of the essay. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as "however," "therefore," "consequently," and pronouns like "these," "those," to connect ideas within and between sentences. Use transitional phrases to signal shifts between paragraphs and sections of the essay. This will help create a smoother, more cohesive narrative and improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion in its attempt to address the prompt, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, using paragraphs effectively, and employing a wider range of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas and implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "adolescent," "socialize," "juvenile," "conveying," "implement," "plausible," and "ameliorate." However, some phrases lack precision and sophistication, such as "young," which could be replaced with more specific terms like "teenagers" or "adolescents," and "take everything into consideration," which could be expressed more concisely.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, strive for greater variety in vocabulary selection. Replace generic terms like "young" with more specific terms where appropriate. Additionally, aim for more precise and sophisticated expressions to elevate the overall quality of vocabulary usage. Consider using synonyms and exploring nuanced vocabulary to add depth to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage, as seen in phrases like "adolescent" being interchanged with "young," and "services" being repeated without specificity. Additionally, some phrases lack clarity or could be expressed more effectively, such as "take everything into consideration."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary precisely to convey intended meanings with clarity. Avoid using vague terms like "young" when referring specifically to teenagers or adolescents. Instead of repeating generic terms like "services," specify the type of services being discussed, such as "transportation services" or "hospitality services." Furthermore, strive for clarity and conciseness in expression, avoiding phrases that could be simplified or replaced with more direct language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "penchant" misspelled as "penchent," "communicate" as "communiacte," "juvenile" as "juvenils," "services" as "sevices," "coffee shops" as "coffeshops," and "furthermore" as "futhermore."
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy through regular practice and utilization of spell-check tools. Pay close attention to common spelling patterns and review frequently misspelled words. Additionally, consider proofreading your work carefully to catch and correct errors before submission. Developing a habit of proofreading and seeking feedback can significantly improve spelling accuracy over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a moderate level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary usage, employing precise terminology, and enhancing spelling skills, the essay can achieve a higher level of sophistication and clarity in expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, albeit with some recurring patterns. There’s an attempt to vary sentence lengths and structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there’s a noticeable repetition of certain sentence structures, like simple subject-verb-object constructions. While there’s evidence of complex sentences, they could be utilized more consistently and effectively throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently. Utilize techniques such as subordinate clauses, relative clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence openings. Additionally, strive for a balance between short and long sentences to maintain readability and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of grammatical accuracy, with occasional errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. For example, "the development of society bring about" should be "brings about," and "juvenils" should be "juveniles." Punctuation is also inconsistently applied, with missing commas in compound sentences and errors in capitalization.
- How to improve: Focus on strengthening grammatical accuracy by reviewing fundamental grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, pay closer attention to punctuation, ensuring proper placement of commas in compound sentences and consistent capitalization. Proofreading carefully before submission can help identify and correct these errors effectively. Consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify recurring mistakes and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that numerous adolescents nowadays have a penchant for communicating via online social media sites instead of getting together with others. This can be attributed to several factors, calling for possible solutions to be adopted.

There exist several explanations as to why the young prefer to socialize online. One possibility is that technology is thriving rapidly, which is instrumental in producing many convenient and state-of-the-art applications such as Facebook and Instagram. These inventions lend juveniles a hand in communicating without the barrier of distance or time, resulting in the fact that they gradually get used to this method of conveying their messages. Another point worth mentioning is that the development of society brings about the exorbitant cost of services such as transportation and restaurants. Accordingly, those reasons can hinder the young from meeting others due to the fact that they cannot possess money to utilize services in coffee shops, and even the cost of transportation is one of the causes hampering them from getting together.

Various measures, nevertheless, can be implemented to address these factors. The first possible solution could be that the government can decrease the cost of public transportation to encourage adolescents to facilitate their meetings or, alternatively, reduce taxes for services so that restaurants and coffee shops can offer affordable and accessible prices for the young. The second approach is that parents can encourage their children to hang out by supplying them with an adequate amount of money to afford the services for meeting. Furthermore, parents can organize small parties at home for children to take their friends to.

Taking everything into consideration, while many reasons can be offered to explain why teenagers tend to harness online platforms to communicate, several plausible steps can be taken to ameliorate the unfavorable situations.