Task 1/ The graph below shows the percentage of households with different types of technology in the UK from 1997 to 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant

The line graph shows the proportion of UK households that possessed 5 different types of technology – CD player, telephone, computer, internet and DVD player between 1997 and 2001.

Overall, there was an increase in the adoption of all technologies, with telephones witnessing the most dramatic rise to surpass computers in the last year of the period. In addition, CD players had by far the highest figures throughout the period shown.

The share of households owning CD players started at 60% in 1997, after which it experienced a moderate increase to 70% and remain unchanged until 1999, before reaching 80% in 2001. Similarly, the figures for computers and the internet rose from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year correspondingly.

Just about 20% of households used telephones, with a substantial growth to just over 60% in 2001. Opposite changes could be seen in the figures for DVD players in the first half of the period, which dropped slightly from just under 30% to exactly 24% in 1999, but later grew dramatically to 50% in 2001.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the proportion of UK households that possessed 5 different types of technology" -> "the proportion of UK households that possessed five distinct types of technology"
Explanation: The word "different" is vague; "distinct" provides clarity. Additionally, numbers below ten are typically written out in academic writing.
"witnessing the most dramatic rise" -> "experiencing the most significant increase"
Explanation: "Experiencing" is more formal than "witnessing," and "significant increase" is a more precise term than "dramatic rise," which can be seen as overly emotional.
"had by far the highest figures" -> "exhibited the highest ownership rates"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal term than "had," and "ownership rates" is more precise than "figures," which is vague.
"after which it experienced a moderate increase" -> "subsequently experiencing a moderate increase"
Explanation: "Subsequently" provides a clearer transition and is more formal than "after which."
"remain unchanged until 1999" -> "remained stable until 1999"
Explanation: "Remained stable" is a more precise and formal expression than "remain unchanged."
"rose from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year correspondingly" -> "increased from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year, respectively"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal term than "rose," and "respectively" is the correct term to indicate correspondence.
"Just about 20% of households used telephones" -> "Approximately 20% of households utilized telephones"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "just about," and "utilized" is a more formal alternative to "used."
"with a substantial growth to just over 60% in 2001" -> "resulting in a substantial increase to just over 60% in 2001"
Explanation: "Resulting in" clarifies the cause-effect relationship, and "increase" is more precise than "growth."
"Opposite changes could be seen in the figures for DVD players" -> "Conversely, the figures for DVD players exhibited contrasting trends"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transition than "opposite changes could be seen," and "exhibited contrasting trends" is more precise.
"which dropped slightly from just under 30% to exactly 24% in 1999" -> "which decreased marginally from just under 30% to precisely 24% in 1999"
Explanation: "Decreased marginally" is a more formal and precise way to describe a slight drop, and "precisely" is more accurate than "exactly."
"but later grew dramatically to 50% in 2001" -> "but subsequently increased significantly to 50% in 2001"
Explanation: "Subsequently" provides a clearer temporal transition, and "increased significantly" is more formal and precise than "grew dramatically."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "the figures for computers and the internet rose from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year correspondingly," but it does not provide any further details about the growth of these technologies.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more adequately. For example, the essay could state that "the figures for computers and the internet rose from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year correspondingly, with the internet experiencing a more rapid increase." The essay could also provide more details about the growth of these technologies. For example, the essay could state that "the internet experienced a more rapid increase, with the percentage of households owning internet access increasing by 40% over the period, while the percentage of households owning computers increased by 20%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively outlines the main features of the graph, and the body paragraphs detail the changes in technology ownership over the specified years. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight under-use, particularly in transitions between ideas. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7, demonstrating a good level of coherence and cohesion.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next would improve overall coherence. More explicit referencing to the data points and trends could also strengthen the clarity of comparisons made.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "dramatic rise," and "substantial growth," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "the figures for computers and the internet rose" which could be more precisely stated. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "remain unchanged," which should be "remained unchanged." These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also improve fluency and flexibility in language. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate minor errors that can affect the overall impression of lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the most dramatic rise to surpass computers" and "opposite changes could be seen" could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as inconsistent use of commas. Overall, the errors do not significantly impede communication, but they are noticeable enough to prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and ensuring that complex sentences are used correctly. This can be done by proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as well as practicing the use of more varied sentence structures. Additionally, enhancing punctuation consistency will help improve overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the proportion of UK households that possessed five different types of technology—CD players, telephones, computers, the internet, and DVD players—between 1997 and 2001.

Overall, there was an increase in the adoption of all technologies, with telephones experiencing the most significant rise, surpassing computers in the final year of the period. Additionally, CD players consistently had the highest ownership figures throughout the timeframe.

The percentage of households owning CD players began at 60% in 1997, followed by a moderate increase to 70%, which remained stable until 1999, before reaching 80% in 2001. Similarly, the figures for computers and the internet rose from 40% and 10% in 1997 to 60% and 50% in the final year, respectively.

Approximately 20% of households used telephones, with a substantial growth to just over 60% by 2001. In contrast, the figures for DVD players exhibited opposite trends in the first half of the period, declining slightly from just under 30% to exactly 24% in 1999, before experiencing a dramatic increase to 50% in 2001.