The diagrams give information on the outskirts of the town of Fosbury between 1980 and 2015. Overall, it can be seen that the area has had many new facilities added, while others were removed.
Looking closer on the map, one can see that the park has moved to the right of the old park after 35 years and created more space to build some houses. In 2015, the tennis court was upgraded to a sports center and a parking lot also appeared.
It can be seen that in the middle of the second map, a roundabout was built, causing grocery stores and block of flats to be relocated. Furthermore, terraced houses have been demolished to build parking lots and supermarkets. The fields also disappeared, replaced by warehouses that grew in that area. Several small roads were built to connect the main road with the sports center and warehouse. However, some houses and hotels have remained unchanged for 35 years.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"give information on" -> "depict details regarding"
Explanation: Replacing "give information on" with "depict details regarding" elevates the vocabulary by using a more specific and descriptive phrase to describe the content provided by the diagrams.
"area has had many new facilities added" -> "area has witnessed numerous new amenities"
Explanation: "Facilities added" can be replaced with "new amenities," enhancing the sophistication of the language and providing a more refined term for the newly incorporated features.
"Looking closer on the map" -> "Upon closer examination of the map"
Explanation: The suggested phrase offers a more formal and precise way of indicating a detailed examination, maintaining the context while using a more sophisticated expression.
"park has moved to the right of the old park" -> "park has shifted to the right from its original location"
Explanation: The term "moved" can be substituted with "shifted," providing a more precise description of the park’s relocation, thereby enhancing clarity.
"a parking lot also appeared" -> "a parking lot also emerged"
Explanation: Replacing "appeared" with "emerged" introduces a more nuanced and sophisticated term, conveying the idea of something coming into existence or being visible.
"a roundabout was built" -> "a roundabout was constructed"
Explanation: "Built" can be replaced with "constructed" for a more formal and descriptive term to denote the creation of the roundabout.
"grocery stores and block of flats" -> "grocery stores and apartment blocks"
Explanation: Using "apartment blocks" instead of "block of flats" maintains a more standard terminology commonly used in formal contexts.
"terraced houses have been demolished" -> "terraced houses were razed"
Explanation: "Demolished" can be substituted with "razed" for a more vivid and precise description of the destruction of the terraced houses.
"fields also disappeared" -> "fields were replaced"
Explanation: Replacing "disappeared" with "were replaced" offers a clearer understanding that the fields were substituted by other structures or developments.
"Several small roads were built" -> "Several minor thoroughfares were constructed"
Explanation: Using "minor thoroughfares" instead of "small roads" offers a more sophisticated and descriptive term for the constructed roads, enhancing the language’s richness.
"some houses and hotels have remained unchanged" -> "some houses and hotels have remained unaltered"
Explanation: "Unchanged" can be replaced with "unaltered" to provide a more refined and sophisticated term while maintaining the same meaning in the context.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview of the main trends in the outskirts of the town of Fosbury between 1980 and 2015. The key features, such as the relocation of the park, the transformation of the tennis court into a sports center, and the construction of a roundabout, are highlighted. The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of detail in describing the changes, including the relocation of grocery stores and block of flats, demolition of terraced houses, and the transformation of fields into warehouses. The connection of small roads to the main road, sports center, and warehouse is appropriately mentioned. The mention of unchanged houses and hotels provides additional context.
How to improve:
To enhance the essay, consider providing more specific details and data, such as numbers or percentages, to support the description of changes. Additionally, ensure that the information is presented in a more organized manner, perhaps by following a chronological or thematic sequence. Aim to extend the discussion of key features, making the essay more fully developed. Be cautious about potential inaccuracies or vague statements and strive for precision in language use.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay exhibits a generally coherent structure and progression of ideas. There is an attempt to organize information logically, particularly in highlighting changes over the 35-year period. The use of cohesive devices is evident, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically; some transitions between ideas lack smoothness.
How to improve:
Enhance Cohesive Devices: Ensure a more varied and precise use of cohesive devices. This could involve a careful choice of pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas.
Refine Paragraph Structure: Work on a more logical organization of paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
Sentence-Level Cohesion: Pay attention to cohesion within sentences. Review sentence structures to eliminate any mechanical or faulty cohesion, ensuring that ideas flow seamlessly.
Consistent Paragraphing: Maintain consistency in the use of paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph contains a cohesive set of ideas and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay shows promise but requires refinement in the application of cohesive devices and paragraph structure to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the changes in the town of Fosbury. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a relatively varied vocabulary. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, affecting overall accuracy. For instance, there is a spelling mistake in "block of flats" (should be "blocks of flats"). Despite these minor errors, the essay effectively communicates the main points and shows an understanding of the task.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, focus on minimizing errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Review the essay carefully to identify and correct these minor inaccuracies. Additionally, strive for even more variety in vocabulary, considering synonyms and alternative expressions to convey ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures. There is a coherent attempt to convey information, and the essay is generally clear in its communication. However, several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings are present, affecting the overall accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Looking closer on the map" should be "Looking closer at the map") and some sentences lack precision in expressing ideas.
How to improve:
- Precision and Clarity: Refine sentence structures for clarity and precision. For example, instead of "Looking closer on the map," use "Examining the map closely."
- Grammar and Verb Tense: Ensure consistency in verb tenses and correct any errors. For instance, "a parking lot also appeared" could be revised to "a parking lot also appeared in 2015."
- Sentence Variety: Introduce more sentence variety for a smoother flow. Vary the use of sentence structures to enhance overall coherence.
- Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and rectify grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. This will contribute to a more polished and accurate piece.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical control, but refining these aspects would elevate it to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Improved IELTS Task 1 Report:
The provided diagrams illustrate changes in the outskirts of the town of Fosbury over the span of 35 years, from 1980 to 2015. Overall, the area underwent significant transformations with the addition of new facilities and the removal of existing ones.
Upon closer examination of the maps, it is evident that the park, originally situated on the left, shifted to the right after three and a half decades, creating additional space for the construction of residential houses. Notably, in 2015, the tennis court underwent a transformation, evolving into a comprehensive sports center, accompanied by the introduction of a parking lot.
In the middle of the second map, a roundabout was constructed, leading to the relocation of grocery stores and blocks of flats. Furthermore, to accommodate this change, terraced houses were demolished, making way for the development of parking lots and supermarkets. The once-existing fields vanished, replaced by the emergence of warehouses that expanded across the area. Additionally, several small roads were constructed to connect the main road with both the sports center and the warehouses. It is noteworthy that despite these extensive alterations, some houses and hotels remained unaltered throughout the 35-year period.
In conclusion, the dynamic transformation of the Fosbury outskirts is evident in the relocation and upgrading of various facilities. The evolution from parks to sports centers, the construction of new roads, and the replacement of residential areas with commercial structures highlight the substantial changes that occurred in the given time frame.