Task 2: Employers should give holidays of at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that employees should be given at least one month of holiday on a yearly basis in order to encourage them to work more effectively. In my opinion, i agree this view for some reasons
First of all, people work for a number of hours, in order to earn higher income. This could not only lead to health problems , and could affect him physically as well as mentally. For instance , if the employee has a job which spend numerous hours in front of the computer screen, this could lead on reducing his eye vison and can exhaust him. It is clear that he has to take some days off, which can unwind his mind. Furthermore, employer should ensure their employees take breaks, which will improve their performance at workplace
In addition, doing same tasks every day can make employees feel bored and tired. They will be able to have a fresh mind and be more productive if they take some time off , which means increase the quality of their work. Moreover, the duration off will also help the employees in spending time with their family, which bring more happiness in the life of them. Besides, traveling together on vacations can improve cooperative among employees within the company. Therefore , they will work more effectively and supportively
In conclusion, having a holiday is essential for workers to rest and recharge their batteries to perform better in their jobs.Additionally , it helps them recover from stress and increase their productivity

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In my opinion, i agree this view for some reasons" -> "I concur with this perspective for several reasons"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. "I concur with this perspective" is more formal and grammatically correct, and "for several reasons" is a more precise alternative to "for some reasons."
"people work for a number of hours" -> "individuals work for numerous hours"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "numerous" is more precise than "a number of."
"This could not only lead to health problems, and could affect him physically as well as mentally." -> "This could not only lead to health problems but also affect him physically and mentally."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and lacks proper punctuation. The revised version corrects these issues and uses "but also" for a clearer and more formal conjunction.
"if the employee has a job which spend numerous hours in front of the computer screen" -> "if the employee has a job that requires numerous hours in front of the computer screen"
Explanation: "Which" should be "that" in this context, and "requires" is more precise than "spend" in describing the nature of the job.
"reduce his eye vison" -> "reduce his eyesight"
Explanation: "Eyesight" is the correct term for the ability to see, whereas "eye vison" is a typographical error.
"can exhaust him" -> "can exhaust him physically"
Explanation: Adding "physically" clarifies that the exhaustion is not just mental but also physical.
"employer should ensure their employees take breaks" -> "employers should ensure their employees take breaks"
Explanation: "Employers" should be plural to match the context of multiple employers, not just one.
"doing same tasks every day" -> "performing the same tasks daily"
Explanation: "Performing" is more formal than "doing," and "daily" is more precise than "every day."
"They will be able to have a fresh mind and be more productive if they take some time off" -> "They will be able to refresh their minds and increase their productivity if they take time off"
Explanation: "Refresh their minds" and "increase their productivity" are more precise and formal expressions than "have a fresh mind" and "be more productive."
"which bring more happiness in the life of them" -> "which brings more happiness to their lives"
Explanation: "Brings" should be singular to agree with "which," and "to their lives" is grammatically correct and more formal than "in the life of them."
"Therefore, they will work more effectively and supportively" -> "Therefore, they will work more effectively and collaboratively"
Explanation: "Collaboratively" is a more precise term than "supportively" in this context, and the comma after "Therefore" should be a period for proper sentence structure.
"having a holiday is essential for workers to rest and recharge their batteries" -> "having a holiday is crucial for workers to rest and recharge their batteries"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a stronger, more academic term than "essential," enhancing the formality of the statement.
"Additionally, it helps them recover from stress and increase their productivity" -> "Additionally, it helps them recover from stress and enhance their productivity"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise term than "increase" in this context, and the comma after "Additionally" should be a period for proper sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of holidays for employees, which aligns with the idea of improving workplace performance. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I agree this view for some reasons" is vague and does not clarify the author’s position. The essay lacks a clear articulation of whether the author believes that a one-month holiday is essential, beneficial, or merely a suggestion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position on the issue. A more effective approach would be to introduce the degree of agreement in the introduction and then elaborate on this throughout the essay. For example, the author could specify whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree, and provide reasoning for this stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it expresses agreement with the idea of providing holidays, the lack of a definitive stance makes it difficult for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint. The use of phrases like "for some reasons" contributes to this ambiguity, as it does not specify what those reasons are or how they relate to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the thesis in each paragraph and summarizing the position in the conclusion. Additionally, the author should avoid vague language and instead use precise terms to articulate their agreement or disagreement.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of holidays, such as reducing health problems and increasing productivity. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, while the author mentions health issues related to long hours, they do not provide statistical data or studies to reinforce this claim. The examples provided, such as the impact of computer work on vision, are somewhat relevant but lack depth and connection to the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and evidence to back up their claims. This could include citing studies on employee productivity and well-being, or providing specific examples of companies that have implemented such policies successfully. Additionally, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made, explaining how it directly contributes to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of holidays for employees. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing family time and cooperative travel among employees. While these points are related, they could be more tightly connected to the main argument about workplace performance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis regarding holidays and workplace performance. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, the author should avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not directly support their main position.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should clarify their position on the prompt, develop and support their ideas with specific examples and evidence, and ensure that all points made are relevant to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of providing employees with a month-long holiday. The introduction effectively states the writer’s opinion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression of ideas. For example, the first body paragraph discusses health implications, while the second focuses on the psychological benefits of time off. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing health issues to boredom could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that ties the two concepts together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas, such as "In addition to health concerns, another significant factor is…" This would help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph would reinforce the logical organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on health issues and the other on the necessity of breaks. This would create a clearer structure and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Aim to maintain a consistent structure by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. For instance, the second body paragraph could begin with a statement like, "Moreover, the monotony of daily tasks can lead to decreased motivation among employees."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "in addition," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this could lead on reducing his eye vison" could be better connected to the preceding sentence with a cohesive device that clarifies the relationship, such as "As a result."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "consequently," "furthermore," and "in contrast." Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences. For example, instead of repeating "employees," you could use "they" or "workers" in subsequent sentences to maintain cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "effectively," "health problems," "exhaust," and "productive." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "employees should be given" and "take some time off," which could be varied for better impact. The use of phrases like "cooperative among employees" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "employees" frequently, alternatives like "staff," "workers," or "team members" could be used. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to workplace dynamics, such as "collaboration," "well-being," or "job satisfaction," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "this could lead on reducing his eye vison," where "lead to" would be the correct phrase. The term "vison" is a misspelling of "vision," which affects clarity. The phrase "the duration off" should be "the duration of," indicating a lack of precision in word choice.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "doing same tasks every day," a more precise expression would be "repetitive tasks." Additionally, proofreading for common phrases and ensuring correct collocations will help in achieving better precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "vison" instead of "vision," and "off" instead of "of." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes before submission. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "In my opinion, I agree this view for some reasons" attempts to express a personal stance but lacks clarity and complexity. The use of phrases like "First of all" and "In addition" indicates an attempt to organize thoughts logically. However, many sentences are quite straightforward and could benefit from more complex constructions. For instance, the sentence "This could not only lead to health problems, and could affect him physically as well as mentally" could be restructured for greater sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Incorporating relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions can enhance the complexity. For example, instead of "This could not only lead to health problems, and could affect him physically as well as mentally," the writer could say, "Not only can this lead to health problems, but it can also have detrimental effects on both physical and mental well-being."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and effectiveness. For instance, "i agree this view for some reasons" should be "I agree with this view for several reasons." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as the unnecessary space before commas (e.g., "health problems , and could affect him") and missing commas that could improve readability. The phrase "the duration off" should be corrected to "the duration of," indicating a misunderstanding of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common mistakes can help. For punctuation, the writer should study the rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper punctuation and grammar usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance its quality. Engaging in targeted practice and seeking feedback on specific grammatical issues will be beneficial for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that employees should be given at least one month of holiday on a yearly basis in order to encourage them to work more effectively. In my opinion, I concur with this perspective for several reasons.

First of all, people work for numerous hours in order to earn a higher income. This could not only lead to health problems but also affect them physically as well as mentally. For instance, if the employee has a job that requires numerous hours in front of the computer screen, this could lead to reduced eyesight and can exhaust them physically. It is clear that they need to take some days off, which can help unwind their minds. Furthermore, employers should ensure their employees take breaks, which will improve their performance at the workplace.

In addition, performing the same tasks daily can make employees feel bored and tired. They will be able to refresh their minds and increase their productivity if they take some time off, which means an increase in the quality of their work. Moreover, the duration off will also help employees spend time with their families, which brings more happiness to their lives. Besides, traveling together on vacations can improve cooperation among employees within the company. Therefore, they will work more effectively and collaboratively.

In conclusion, having a holiday is crucial for workers to rest and recharge their batteries to perform better in their jobs. Additionally, it helps them recover from stress and enhance their productivity.