TASK 2. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration. How true do you think this is? How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

TASK 2. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.
A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exploration.
How true do you think this is?
How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

A number of young businessmen hold the belief that private funds for space travel will be a spectacular innovation in space exploration. Personally, I agree with this opinion as reasons presented in this essay and I will also discuss how space tourism influences the sector of discovering space.

It is undeniable that except for the government’s expenditure, the private companies’ budget also plays a crucial part in space travel and is worth considering as an attractive improvement. Specifically, the maintenance of space tourism programs is so significantly high-cost that the nation’s funding may not be enough. In fact, many space traveling projects had to be canceled due to lack of expenses, which resulted in wasting time and material brought up to the implementation of it. Therefore, it raises the demand for extra financial support from the organizations to run and maintain those space travel services.

Tourism effects on space exploration are obviously beneficial thanks to the increase in people who are able to join the programs. Opening up space for a wider range of people is a marked improvement of space exploration because this costly activity used to be only for either the government astronauts or for the well-heeled. By doing that, the general public can also stand a chance of exploring space, thus gaining higher awareness of the importance that space and science hold in our life. As a result, not only various insights and new valuable data about space can be collected as more people join hands to the exploration but inspiration from space can also provide them with everlasting unforgettable experiences.

To conclude, the private funding for space tourism plays a vital role and will probably be a worthwhile innovation. Commercial space flights also have fundamental impacts on the activity of space discovery, so I hope that more and more private budgets on space travel will be raised in the near future.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "hold the belief" -> "maintain the belief"
   Explanation: "Hold the belief" is a common phrase, but "maintain the belief" adds a touch of formality and precision to the statement, aligning better with academic style.

2. "Personally, I agree with this opinion" -> "Personally, I concur with this viewpoint"
   Explanation: "Agree with this opinion" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Concur with this viewpoint" is more formal and precise, maintaining the author’s personal perspective while enhancing the formality of the expression.

3. "is worth considering as an attractive improvement" -> "is worth considering as a significant advancement"
   Explanation: "Attractive improvement" is somewhat colloquial. "Significant advancement" is a more formal and appropriate term for expressing the positive impact of private funds on space travel.

4. "so significantly high-cost" -> "so significantly costly"
   Explanation: "So significantly high-cost" is redundant and awkward. "So significantly costly" maintains the emphasis on the high expenses in a more concise and natural manner.

5. "many space traveling projects had to be canceled" -> "many space travel projects had to be terminated"
   Explanation: "Space traveling projects" is slightly informal. "Space travel projects" is more standard. "Canceled" is replaced with "terminated" for a more formal tone.

6. "wasting time and material brought up to the implementation of it" -> "wasting time and resources invested in its implementation"
   Explanation: "Material brought up to the implementation of it" is awkward and informal. "Resources invested in its implementation" is a clearer and more formal expression.

7. "raises the demand for extra financial support" -> "heightens the demand for additional financial support"
   Explanation: "Raises the demand" is somewhat informal. "Heightens the demand" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal and precise.

8. "Tourism effects on space exploration" -> "The effects of tourism on space exploration"
   Explanation: "Tourism effects" is grammatically incorrect. By changing it to "The effects of tourism," the sentence becomes grammatically correct and maintains formality.

9. "Opening up space for a wider range of people" -> "Expanding access to space for a broader demographic"
   Explanation: "Opening up space" is a bit informal. "Expanding access to space" is more precise and formal.

10. "this costly activity used to be only for either the government astronauts or for the well-heeled" -> "this costly endeavor was previously limited to government astronauts or the affluent"
    Explanation: "Used to be only for either" is awkward and informal. "Was previously limited to" is more concise and formal. "Well-heeled" is a colloquial term; "the affluent" is a more formal alternative.

11. "stand a chance of exploring space" -> "have the opportunity to explore space"
    Explanation: "Stand a chance of exploring space" is slightly informal. "Have the opportunity to explore space" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.

12. "various insights and new valuable data about space" -> "a multitude of insights and valuable new data about space"
    Explanation: "Various insights and new valuable data" can be streamlined for better readability and formality to "a multitude of insights and valuable new data."

13. "inspiration from space can also provide them with everlasting unforgettable experiences" -> "inspiration from space can also yield unforgettable experiences"
    Explanation: "Everlasting unforgettable experiences" is redundant and somewhat informal. "Yield unforgettable experiences" maintains the meaning in a more concise and formal manner.

14. "will probably be a worthwhile innovation" -> "is likely to constitute a significant innovation"
    Explanation: "Will probably be a worthwhile innovation" is somewhat informal. "Is likely to constitute a significant innovation" maintains formality while expressing the likelihood of innovation.

15. "so I hope that more and more private budgets on space travel will be raised in the near future" -> "thus, I anticipate a rise in private funding for space travel in the near future"
    Explanation: "Private budgets on space travel will be raised" is slightly awkward. "A rise in private funding for space travel" is a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the prompt, discussing the belief in privately funded space tourism as the next exciting development in space exploration and considering how space tourism would affect space exploration. However, the analysis lacks depth and detail, particularly in the exploration of the potential impact of space tourism.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific examples and elaborate on how space tourism might impact various aspects of space exploration, such as scientific research, technological advancements, and public engagement.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance supporting the idea that privately funded space tourism will be a significant innovation in space exploration. The position is evident from the introduction and maintained throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, enhancing the depth of analysis and providing more nuanced arguments would strengthen the clarity and conviction of the essay’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the importance of private funding for space travel and the benefits of space tourism. However, the development and support of these ideas are somewhat superficial, lacking in-depth analysis and concrete examples.
  • How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations, cite specific examples or studies to support claims, and consider potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argumentation.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the potential of privately funded space tourism and its impact on space exploration. However, some points lack coherence, and there is a need for greater focus on directly answering the prompt.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to addressing the prompt, avoiding tangential discussions or vague statements that detract from the central theme. Additionally, maintain logical flow and coherence throughout the essay to strengthen the overall structure and coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position supporting the role of privately funded space tourism in space exploration, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting ideas with evidence, and maintaining focus on the prompt. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, in the second paragraph, the discussion shifts abruptly from the role of private funding to the benefits of space tourism without a smooth transition.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one aspect of the argument. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition between paragraphs smoothly to maintain coherence and flow.
• Use Paragraphs:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs, which is appropriate. However, paragraph structure could be strengthened. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the importance of private funding and the benefits of space tourism, making it less focused.
  • How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to have a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop each idea thoroughly within the paragraph and consider splitting longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and clarity of thought.
• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("and," "but," "therefore") and pronouns ("it," "this") to link ideas within and between sentences. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be enhanced for smoother transitions.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "On the other hand," "In addition") and synonyms to avoid repetition. Ensure cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas logically and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "spectacular innovation," "crucial," "marked improvement," "well-heeled," and "fundamental impacts." These lexical choices contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic and enhance the overall quality of the essay.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary, further diversifying the word choice can elevate the sophistication of expression. Introducing specialized terminology related to space exploration and entrepreneurship could enrich the discussion further. For instance, incorporating terms like "entrepreneurial ventures," "spacefaring endeavors," or "cosmic exploration" could add depth to the analysis.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. For instance, phrases like "private funds for space travel" and "commercial space flights" accurately capture the essence of the discussion. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "worth considering as an attractive improvement" could be replaced with a more precise term like "promising advancement" to enhance clarity and conciseness.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider carefully selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings. Utilizing synonyms or more specific terms can help avoid ambiguity and strengthen the overall impact of the essay. Additionally, reviewing the context in which vocabulary is used can aid in determining the most appropriate terms for conveying ideas effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are minor instances of misspelling, such as "extra financial support" where "financial" is misspelled as "finacial." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, enhancing spelling accuracy can further enhance the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
  • How to improve: Employing strategies such as spell-checking tools, proofreading thoroughly, and actively practicing spelling can help improve accuracy. Additionally, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct spelling can mitigate errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and structures, such as introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, "A number of young businessmen hold the belief that private funds for space travel will be a spectacular innovation in space exploration" employs a complex sentence structure with an introductory phrase. However, the essay could benefit from further diversity, particularly in the use of complex and compound-complex sentences to enhance coherence and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by integrating subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. Additionally, vary sentence lengths and patterns to maintain reader engagement and convey ideas more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with minor errors scattered throughout the text. Examples include "It is undeniable that except for the government’s expenditure, the private companies’ budget also plays a crucial part" where the phrasing could be improved for clarity and correctness. Additionally, there are occasional punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and incorrect usage of apostrophes (e.g., "companies’ budget"). These errors, while not pervasive, slightly impede the clarity and precision of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on sentence structure and subject-verb agreement. Review the use of articles, prepositions, and verb tenses to ensure consistency and clarity. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage after introductory elements and apostrophes for possessives. Practicing proofreading techniques can help identify and correct these errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and honing grammatical skills, the essay can achieve greater clarity, coherence, and sophistication, ultimately enhancing its effectiveness in conveying ideas to the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

A cohort of young entrepreneurs maintain the belief that privately funded space tourism will be a significant advancement in space exploration. Personally, I concur with this viewpoint for the following reasons, and I will also discuss how space tourism is likely to constitute a significant innovation in the sector.

It is undeniable that, apart from government expenditure, private companies’ financial contribution is worth considering as a significant advancement. Specifically, the high cost associated with maintaining space tourism programs has led to the termination of many space travel projects due to insufficient funding, wasting time and resources invested in their implementation. Consequently, this heightens the demand for additional financial support from organizations to sustain and develop these space travel services.

The effects of tourism on space exploration are notable, particularly in expanding access to space for a broader demographic. Previously, this costly endeavor was limited to government astronauts or the affluent. However, with the advent of private funding, more individuals have the opportunity to explore space, thereby increasing awareness of the significance of space and science in our lives. Consequently, a multitude of insights and valuable new data about space can be obtained as more people participate in space exploration. Moreover, inspiration from space can also yield unforgettable experiences for these individuals.

In conclusion, privately funded space tourism is likely to constitute a significant innovation in space exploration. Expanding access to space for a broader demographic not only democratizes space exploration but also enhances our understanding of the universe. Thus, I anticipate a rise in private funding for space travel in the near future, further advancing the exploration and discovery of space.