Teenagers should be encouraged to parrticipate in more community serviecs activities. Do you agree or disagree

There is a widely held belief that teenagers need to
be urged to get involved in more community service activities.
And I completely approve of this viewpoint
The first argument gives to support my opinion is that outreach programs belp the youth develop empathy and compasion. They will have a variety of changes to gain another way of viewing about their lite for example, when volunteering at homeless shelter or taking care of elder in nursing home .The young will a better understanding about the struggles of others by experient one day with them Therefore, valunteer work teaches teenagers the value of kindness and elfort.
Another rationale behind my beliet is that partipation in service projects buld essential life skills Teamwork, leaderships or problem – solving skills are strengthened through activities requiring callaboration and planning. More over disaster reporse skills are also one of the basic needs humanity that civic engagement can provide.
for instance Studems are able to learn simple first
aid and quickly tind food to save their lives urgent case. via pathetical situations.
with all mentioned above, I agree that it is really importance to motivate the young to join in public Servicesprojects

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a widely held belief" -> "It is a widely accepted belief"
Explanation: "It is a widely accepted belief" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by avoiding the passive construction "There is."
"be urged to get involved" -> "be encouraged to participate"
Explanation: "Be encouraged to participate" is more formal and specific, fitting the context of community service activities better than "get involved," which is somewhat informal.
"The first argument gives to support my opinion" -> "The first argument supporting my opinion"
Explanation: "The first argument supporting my opinion" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"outreach programs belp the youth develop" -> "outreach programs help the youth develop"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "belp" to "help," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.
"compasion" -> "compassion"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "compasion" to "compassion," maintaining the integrity of the text.
"They will have a variety of changes to gain another way of viewing about their lite" -> "They will have various opportunities to gain a different perspective on their lives"
Explanation: "Various opportunities to gain a different perspective on their lives" is more precise and academically appropriate than the vague and grammatically incorrect "a variety of changes to gain another way of viewing about their lite."
"The young will a better understanding" -> "The young will gain a better understanding"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "a" to "gain," ensuring proper verb usage.
"experient one day with them" -> "experience a day in their lives"
Explanation: "Experience a day in their lives" is grammatically correct and clearer than the awkward and incorrect "experient one day with them."
"valunteer work" -> "volunteer work"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "valunteer" to "volunteer."
"elfort" -> "effort"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "elfort" to "effort."
"beliet" -> "believe"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "beliet" to "believe."
"partipation" -> "participation"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "partipation" to "participation."
"build essential life skills" -> "build essential life skills"
Explanation: Ensures the verb "build" is correctly used in the present tense.
"leaderships" -> "leadership"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form "leaderships" to the singular "leadership," as "leadership" is typically used as a singular noun.
"callaboration" -> "collaboration"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "callaboration" to "collaboration."
"disapore" -> "disaster response"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "disapore" to "disaster response."
"quickly tind food" -> "quickly find food"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "tind" to "find."
"urgent case" -> "urgent cases"
Explanation: Changes "case" to "cases" to match the plural context of "disaster response skills."
"really importance" -> "really important"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "really importance" to "really important."
"join in public Servicesprojects" -> "participate in public service projects"
Explanation: "Participate in public service projects" is grammatically correct and more formal than "join in public Servicesprojects," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that teenagers should participate in community service activities. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. While the author presents two main arguments—developing empathy and building life skills—these points are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples or explanations. For instance, the mention of volunteering at a homeless shelter is vague and lacks depth in illustrating how this experience fosters empathy.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should expand on each argument with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could elaborate on specific community service activities and their direct impact on teenagers. Additionally, including counterarguments or acknowledging opposing views could provide a more balanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of encouraging teenagers to participate in community service. However, the clarity is sometimes undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can confuse the reader. For example, phrases like "the first argument gives to support my opinion" are unclear and detract from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should focus on refining their sentence structure and grammar. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can also help reinforce the main argument and guide the reader through the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the development of empathy and life skills, but fails to extend or support these ideas adequately. The examples provided are either too general or poorly articulated, such as "experient one day with them," which lacks clarity and depth. The discussion of skills like teamwork and leadership is also superficial and does not provide concrete examples of how these skills are developed through community service.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, they could describe a particular community service project and the skills learned through participation. Additionally, incorporating statistics or studies that support the benefits of community service could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of community service for teenagers. However, there are moments where the writing strays into vague statements or unclear phrasing, such as "via pathetical situations," which detracts from the main argument and can confuse readers about the relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. They should also avoid vague language and ensure that all examples and explanations are directly tied to the benefits of community service for teenagers.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their arguments with specific examples, refining their language for clarity, and ensuring that all points are relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that teenagers should participate in community service. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first paragraph focusing on the development of empathy and the second on the acquisition of life skills. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing empathy to life skills lacks a clear connective phrase that would enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," to connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, introducing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more structured. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences for clarity. The second paragraph also lacks a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, consider concluding each paragraph with a sentence that reinforces the main idea discussed. This structure will help create a more cohesive flow throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "therefore." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of appropriate linking words. For example, the phrase "with all mentioned above" is awkward and could be replaced with a more standard phrase like "In conclusion" or "Overall."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "consequently," "on the other hand," and "in contrast." This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can also improve their natural integration into writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "outreach programs," "empathy," and "civic engagement." However, the range is limited, and there are several instances of repetition and basic vocabulary that do not enhance the argument effectively. For example, the phrase "community service activities" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "community service activities," alternatives like "volunteer initiatives" or "social service projects" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "altruism" or "philanthropy," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "belp" instead of "help," "compasion" instead of "compassion," and "beliet" instead of "belief." These errors hinder clarity and detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument. Furthermore, phrases like "gain another way of viewing about their lite" are awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is crucial to proofread the essay for spelling errors and to ensure that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "gain another way of viewing about their lite," a clearer expression could be "gain a new perspective on life." Utilizing a thesaurus can also assist in finding more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, including "parrticipate," "belp," "compasion," "lite," "experient," "valunteer," "beliet," "partipation," "buld," "leaderships," "callaboration," "reporse," "Studems," "tind," and "importance." These errors significantly impact readability and professionalism.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to practice spelling common words, especially those relevant to the essay topic. Using spell-check tools during the writing process can help identify and correct mistakes. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during silent reading. Regularly engaging with vocabulary exercises can also reinforce correct spelling.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple and compound sentences. For example, the use of "The first argument gives to support my opinion is that outreach programs help the youth develop empathy and compassion" shows an attempt at complexity. However, the essay largely relies on basic sentence forms, which limits its effectiveness. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "they will have a variety of changes to gain another way of viewing about their lite," which detracts from clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although some may argue against it, I believe that…"). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can help improve flow and coherence. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also aid in developing more sophisticated structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "belp" should be "help," and "compasion" should be "compassion." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the young will a better understanding," which is missing the verb "have." Punctuation errors include missing commas and periods, such as in "More over disaster reporse skills are also one of the basic needs humanity that civic engagement can provide," which should be punctuated for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common spelling mistakes and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Practicing grammar exercises that target specific areas of difficulty, such as verb forms and punctuation rules, can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic essays can help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion and some supporting arguments, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and attention to detail will be key in enhancing the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widely accepted belief that teenagers should be encouraged to participate in more community service activities. I completely agree with this viewpoint.

The first argument supporting my opinion is that outreach programs help the youth develop empathy and compassion. They will have a variety of opportunities to gain a different perspective on their lives. For example, when volunteering at a homeless shelter or taking care of the elderly in a nursing home, young people will gain a better understanding of the struggles faced by others. By experiencing a day in their lives, teenagers learn the value of kindness and effort.

Another rationale behind my belief is that participation in service projects builds essential life skills. Teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving skills are strengthened through activities that require collaboration and planning. Moreover, disaster response skills are also one of the basic needs of humanity that civic engagement can provide. For instance, students can learn simple first aid and how to quickly find food to save lives in urgent cases through practical situations.

With all the points mentioned above, I believe it is really important to motivate the young to participate in public service projects.