Test 2: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is universally believed that the most prominent objective of science is enhancing public’s living standard. In my opinion, I advocate for this viewpoint, and will analyze my own perception on this essay.
To begin with, a number of proponents contend that science should prioritize to various aspects such as natural environmental protection or searching for renewable resources from outer space. It is evident that these fields are also very crucial to the revolution. However, from my perspective, resources for science researching are not immortal and currently, are insufficient and inadequate to meet numerous other demands. It would be extravagant and impractical if we allocate all funding and our determination to persist multiple fundamental aspects of society. Therefore, using this in an efficient approach will be also very important. As a result, I believed the priority of science might concentrate to maintain and support people’s lives.
Another compelling reason to explain for my opinion is the necessity for demanding public’s living standards. In recent times, the development and widespread of advanced science could not follow the significant increase of the population. For instance, India has become the most population country worldwide with over 1.4 billion of residents. Event though, India is one of the five economic powers, this over 1 billion people nation is still encountering with the poverty due to the unequal urbanization. For that reason, enriching the national economy and spending the substantial science resources to address this problem is the most essential mission for this country.
In conclusion, I support that enhancing societal well-being should be the priority of science goals due to the necessity of maintaining residents’ lives and the practice of our resources and funding too.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is universally believed" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, avoiding the overstatement implied by "universally."
"enhancing public’s living standard" -> "enhancing the public’s standard of living"
Explanation: "Standard of living" is a more specific and formal term than "living standard," and using "the" before "public’s" corrects the possessive form.
"I advocate for this viewpoint" -> "I support this perspective"
Explanation: "Support" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "advocate for," which can imply a more active or passionate stance.
"will analyze my own perception on this essay" -> "will discuss my perspective on this topic"
Explanation: "Discuss" is more precise and formal than "analyze," which can imply a more detailed, scientific examination. "Topic" is also more appropriate than "essay," which refers to the written piece itself rather than the subject matter.
"science should prioritize to various aspects" -> "science should prioritize various aspects"
Explanation: Removing "to" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"It is evident that these fields are also very crucial to the revolution" -> "These fields are also crucial to the development"
Explanation: "Development" is a more precise term than "revolution," which can be misleading and overly dramatic in this context.
"resources for science researching are not immortal" -> "scientific resources are finite"
Explanation: "Finite" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "not immortal," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"currently, are insufficient and inadequate to meet numerous other demands" -> "currently, are insufficient to meet numerous other demands"
Explanation: Removing "and inadequate" simplifies the sentence while maintaining clarity and formality.
"It would be extravagant and impractical if we allocate all funding and our determination" -> "It would be extravagant and impractical to allocate all funding and resources"
Explanation: "Resources" is a more specific term than "our determination," which is vague and informal.
"using this in an efficient approach will be also very important" -> "adopting an efficient approach is crucial"
Explanation: "Adopting an efficient approach is crucial" simplifies and formalizes the sentence, removing redundancy and enhancing clarity.
"I believed the priority of science might concentrate to maintain and support people’s lives" -> "I believe that prioritizing science should focus on maintaining and supporting people’s lives"
Explanation: "I believe" corrects the tense error, and "prioritizing science should focus on" is more formal and clear than "the priority of science might concentrate to."
"the necessity for demanding public’s living standards" -> "the need to improve public living standards"
Explanation: "The need to improve" is a more direct and formal expression than "the necessity for demanding," which is awkward and unclear.
"Event though" -> "Despite"
Explanation: "Despite" is a more formal and appropriate conjunction for contrasting ideas than "Event though," which is a typographical error.
"spending the substantial science resources" -> "utilizing substantial scientific resources"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more precise and formal than "spending," which is less specific in this context.
"the most essential mission for this country" -> "a crucial mission for this nation"
Explanation: "A crucial mission" is more formal and appropriate than "the most essential mission," which is overly emphatic and less precise.
"enriching the national economy and spending the substantial science resources" -> "enhancing the national economy and utilizing substantial scientific resources"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is more precise than "enriching," and "utilizing" is more formal than "spending" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. The writer provides reasons supporting this viewpoint, such as the necessity to address poverty and the efficient use of scientific resources. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion that acknowledges opposing views, such as the importance of scientific advancements in other areas like environmental protection.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly mention and briefly discuss counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive view. This could involve acknowledging the significance of scientific pursuits beyond improving living standards and explaining why these may be secondary in importance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that science should prioritize improving people’s lives. However, there are moments where the phrasing is somewhat convoluted, which can obscure the writer’s stance. For example, the phrase "I advocate for this viewpoint, and will analyze my own perception on this essay" is somewhat unclear and could confuse readers about the writer’s intent.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clearer and more direct expressions of their position. Instead of stating intentions to analyze their perception, they could simply state their agreement and proceed to outline their arguments. Using straightforward language will help maintain clarity throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need to address poverty and the efficient allocation of scientific resources. However, the development of these ideas is sometimes lacking in depth. For instance, the example of India is relevant but could be expanded with more specific details about how scientific advancements could directly improve living standards in that context.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for their ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and data that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing particular scientific advancements that have successfully improved living standards in various countries would provide stronger support for their argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of science in improving people’s lives. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly when mentioning the allocation of resources without directly linking it back to how this impacts people’s lives.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument. They can achieve this by consistently linking their examples and reasoning back to the main thesis, reinforcing how each point contributes to the overall argument about the role of science in enhancing living standards.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more nuanced approach to counterarguments, clearer expression of the writer’s position, deeper development of ideas, and tighter focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, advocating that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the subsequent paragraphs attempt to provide supporting reasons. However, there are moments where the logical flow is disrupted. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of environmental protection to the argument about resource allocation feels abrupt. The connection between these ideas could be clearer to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement. Each paragraph should start with a sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details that are logically connected. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphing could be more effective. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. For example, the discussion about the limitations of scientific resources and the need for prioritization could be one paragraph, while the argument about the necessity of improving living standards could be another. This would help in maintaining focus and clarity in each section.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. This will not only improve readability but also help the reader follow the argument more easily. A good rule of thumb is to limit paragraphs to one main idea, supported by examples and explanations.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "therefore." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the transition between discussing the population issue in India and its economic implications could benefit from a more explicit linking phrase.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts will also enhance overall fluency and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on the organization of ideas, effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with terms such as "enhancing," "public’s living standard," "proponents," and "renewable resources." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the phrase "public’s living standard" is used multiple times, and synonyms or alternative expressions could have been employed to enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "living standard," alternatives like "quality of life," "standard of living," or "well-being" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to science and societal issues would elevate the essay’s overall lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the revolution" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Furthermore, "allocate all funding and our determination" could be more precisely articulated as "allocate all funding and efforts." The use of "extravagant" in the context of resource allocation is also somewhat inappropriate, as it implies wastefulness rather than impracticality.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and considering the context in which they are used. For example, replacing "the revolution" with "scientific advancement" or "scientific progress" would clarify the point being made. Engaging with academic texts or resources can also help in learning more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "Event though" should be "Even though," and "encountering with the poverty" should be corrected to "encountering poverty." Such errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a thorough proofreading process after completing the essay. Reading the text aloud can help identify awkward phrases and spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice applications can assist in catching errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In recent times, the development and widespread of advanced science could not follow the significant increase of the population" showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, there are instances of conditional structures, such as "if we allocate all funding and our determination to persist multiple fundamental aspects of society," which add depth to the argument. However, the essay also contains several simpler structures that could be further developed. For example, the phrase "I advocate for this viewpoint" could be expanded with additional clauses to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences that combine multiple independent and dependent clauses. Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and clauses can help create a more engaging rhythm in writing. Practicing the transformation of simple sentences into more complex forms can also enhance this aspect.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the most prominent objective of science is enhancing public’s living standard" should be "the public’s living standards" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the sentence "it would be extravagant and impractical if we allocate all funding and our determination to persist multiple fundamental aspects of society" contains a tense inconsistency; "allocate" should be "allocated" to match the conditional structure. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "and" in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and ensure consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. A thorough proofreading process can help identify and correct these errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is universally believed that the most prominent objective of science is enhancing the public’s living standards. In my opinion, I support this perspective and will discuss my own perception of this topic.

To begin with, a number of proponents contend that science should prioritize various aspects, such as natural environmental protection or searching for renewable resources from outer space. It is evident that these fields are also crucial to the development of society. However, from my perspective, scientific resources are finite and currently insufficient to meet numerous other demands. It would be extravagant and impractical to allocate all funding and resources to pursue multiple fundamental aspects of society. Therefore, adopting an efficient approach is crucial. As a result, I believe that the priority of science should focus on maintaining and supporting people’s lives.

Another compelling reason to explain my opinion is the need to improve public living standards. In recent times, the development and widespread use of advanced science have not kept pace with the significant increase in population. For instance, India has become the most populous country worldwide, with over 1.4 billion residents. Despite being one of the five economic powers, this nation of over 1 billion people is still encountering poverty due to unequal urbanization. For that reason, enhancing the national economy and utilizing substantial scientific resources to address this problem is a crucial mission for this country.

In conclusion, I believe that enhancing societal well-being should be the priority of scientific goals due to the necessity of maintaining residents’ lives and the efficient use of our resources and funding.