The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge but one that teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The notion that which factors constitute a well-rounded educational provision is a multifaceted issue that requires careful examination. A school of thought holds that it is not theoretical knowledge alone to equip students with sufficient understanding and skill when they embark on adulthood, but instead, lessons emphasizing on dealing with a constantly-changing world are much in need. From my perspective, I share with the statement .
The 21st century is a competitive era, and in today’s world, if anyone wants to excel, they must have both practical and theoretical Knowledge. Unlike in the past, now it is impossible to get high remuneration without skills. One must have the ability to deal with difficult situations which arise in business or in a job. Students learn these skills only if they are exposed in school to such scenarios and learn to be patient in new situations and concentrate on finding solutions without panicking. These kinds of skills are not only useful in the work environment but also in unforeseen situations in life. For instance, if there is a fire in a building and if students are taught the practical method of how to use a fire extinguisher, they can save their own and other people’s lives. Still, if they only know theory and do not know how to use it in an emergency, then that theoretical Knowledge is useless.

Furthermore, in an advanced technological era, it is possible to teach concepts easily to children because of audio-visual aids. Students can easily remember the concept if they learn about the practical use of the concepts they are studying. This has two advantages: firstly, they do not have to mug up anything, and secondly, they can use this knowledge in future. To cite an example, If the concepts of mirrors and reflections are not only taught to the students, but they are allowed to practically do those things in the lab, they can easily understand how binoculars work, and by this, they can also learn critical thinking with which they can invent something new.

Unfortunately, many teachers and schools are still following the method and the curriculum designed by the government bodies and this curriculum is not revised regularly. As a result, pupils learn the concepts which are no longer in use, or they study the concepts but do not know how to apply them in actual scenarios. Many parents also want their children to simply pass the exam with good grades; hence, they also promote mugging up concepts. However, this practice is not useful when children leave school and enter competitive fields. So, in the long run, a curriculum which helps students to use the Knowledge they studied in the past is definitely much more valuable than only static Knowledge about concepts.

To conclude, Knowledge is power but only when one knows how to use this power in difficult situations and this can be taught to them by their teachers in school. Hence, instead of this, schools must focus on the curriculum, which teaches practical skills along with the theoretical concepts, since that is what schools are meant to do, isn’t it?

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Errors and Improvements:

"that which factors constitute" -> "which factors constitute"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "that" improves the sentence’s flow and adherence to formal language.
"much in need" -> "essential"
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "much in need" with "essential" maintains formality and precision in conveying the importance of lessons focusing on a constantly-changing world.
"share with the statement" -> "align with the statement"
Explanation: Substituting "share with" with "align with" enhances the academic tone by using more precise and appropriate language to convey agreement with the given statement.
"competitive era" -> "competitive age"
Explanation: "Competitive age" is a more refined and academically appropriate term than "competitive era."
"they must have both practical and theoretical Knowledge" -> "they must possess both practical and theoretical knowledge"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Knowledge" is corrected to the lowercase "knowledge," and replacing the phrase with "possess both practical and theoretical knowledge" maintains formality.
"now it is impossible" -> "it is now impossible"
Explanation: Adjusting the word order to "it is now impossible" adheres to a more formal structure.
"high remuneration" -> "competitive remuneration"
Explanation: Substituting "high remuneration" with "competitive remuneration" adds a more sophisticated and appropriate term in the context of career success.
"in unforeseen situations in life" -> "in unforeseen life situations"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "in unforeseen life situations" improves the sentence’s flow while maintaining the intended meaning.
"theoretical Knowledge" -> "theoretical knowledge"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Knowledge" is corrected to the lowercase "knowledge" for consistency and adherence to formal writing conventions.
"audio-visual aids" -> "multimedia resources"
Explanation: Replacing "audio-visual aids" with "multimedia resources" offers a more formal and contemporary term.
"mug up anything" -> "memorize information"
Explanation: Substituting "mug up anything" with "memorize information" provides a more formal alternative for expressing the act of memorization.
"enter competitive fields" -> "enter competitive professions"
Explanation: Replacing "enter competitive fields" with "enter competitive professions" adds specificity and formality to the statement.
"curriculum which" -> "curriculum that"
Explanation: Changing "which" to "that" improves the sentence’s grammatical accuracy.
"Knowledge is power but only when" -> "Knowledge is powerful when"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "Knowledge is powerful when" enhances conciseness while maintaining the intended meaning.
"instead of this" -> "therefore"
Explanation: Replacing "instead of this" with "therefore" strengthens the logical connection between the conclusion and the preceding statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the complexity of defining a well-rounded education and takes a clear stance in agreement with the statement. It discusses the importance of practical skills alongside theoretical knowledge.
- How to improve: To further enhance completeness, consider providing a more explicit outline of the various aspects of a well-rounded education. This could involve specifying the key practical skills or examples that contribute to coping with change.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position in agreement with the statement. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion consistently emphasize the importance of practical skills alongside theoretical knowledge.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a logical manner, discussing both theoretical and practical knowledge. However, some examples lack specificity, and there is room for more extensive development of ideas.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more concrete examples to support key points. Additionally, elaborate further on the potential benefits of integrating practical skills into the curriculum, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of practical skills in education. However, there are instances where the argument could be more focused, and some examples seem tangential.
- How to improve: Ensure that each example directly ties back to the central argument. Avoid introducing points that may divert attention from the main theme. A more focused discussion will enhance the essay’s cohesiveness.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively supports its stance. To improve, the writer should aim for more specific examples, strengthen the coherence of the argument, and ensure that every point directly contributes to the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and the author’s perspective. The body paragraphs follow a structured pattern, presenting arguments and supporting examples. However, there are instances where the transitions between ideas could be smoother, affecting the overall flow. For instance, the transition between the second and third paragraphs is abrupt, and the connection between the ideas could be clarified for better coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next. This can include words like "furthermore," "moreover," or "in addition" to signal the relationship between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, creating a seamless progression of thoughts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay features appropriate paragraphing, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. For instance, the second paragraph could begin with a stronger topic sentence summarizing the importance of practical and theoretical knowledge in the 21st century.
- How to improve: Strengthen the effectiveness of paragraphs by starting each with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. This will help readers navigate the essay more easily and understand the purpose of each section.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. Currently, there is an overreliance on certain words like "but" and "however," which can make the writing repetitive. Additionally, there are instances where the connection between ideas is not explicitly established.
- How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. This can include synonyms for common connectors, such as "nevertheless" instead of "but." Additionally, focus on making explicit connections between ideas, ensuring that readers can follow the logical progression of the argument. Consider using pronouns and referencing concepts from previous sentences to enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, refinements in transitional language and the diversification of cohesive devices can elevate the overall effectiveness of the essay’s organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating a mix of common and more advanced words. It effectively communicates the writer’s ideas, with a variety of terms such as "multifaceted," "remuneration," "panicking," and "critical thinking."
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource score, consider introducing more nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "competitive era," consider terms like "cutthroat environment" to demonstrate a higher level of lexical prowess.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where word choices could be more specific. For example, in the phrase "lessons emphasizing on dealing with a constantly-changing world," a more precise term such as "emphasizing adaptation to a dynamic world" might enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Review each sentence for opportunities to replace general terms with more specific and contextually fitting vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate spelling level. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "remuneration" (correct) being spelled as "renumeration" and "Knowledge" (correct in context) being inconsistently capitalized.
- How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, pay attention to consistent capitalization, ensuring that terms are capitalized appropriately throughout the essay.

In conclusion, the essay showcases a decent range of vocabulary, with some room for improvement in terms of precision and spelling consistency. By incorporating more nuanced vocabulary choices and refining spelling accuracy, the essay can enhance its lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably diverse range of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences, compound sentences, and occasional simple sentences. The use of varied structures enhances the overall readability and engagement of the essay. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures, particularly at the beginning of paragraphs. For instance, the repeated use of "The 21st century is a competitive era" and "Students can easily" creates a pattern that, while clear, may benefit from more variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s structural variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as subordinate clauses or inversion, to avoid repetition. This will contribute to a more dynamic and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly impact the overall accuracy. For example, in the sentence "From my perspective, I share with the statement," the phrase "I share with" lacks clarity and could be rephrased for better coherence. Additionally, there are a few instances of subject-verb agreement issues, such as "they must have both practical and theoretical Knowledge," where "Knowledge" should be lowercase.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Review sentences for clarity, and consider revising awkward phrasings. Utilize a variety of sentence structures to add complexity while maintaining accuracy. Proofread thoroughly to catch minor grammatical errors and ensure precise punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in structural variety and precision in grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The consideration of which factors constitute a well-rounded educational provision is indeed a complex matter that warrants careful examination. A prevailing viewpoint suggests that equipping students with a comprehensive understanding and skills for adulthood requires more than theoretical knowledge alone. Instead, there is a pressing need for lessons that emphasize coping with a constantly changing world. From my perspective, I align with this statement.

In the 21st century, characterized by a competitive age, individuals aspiring to excel must possess both practical and theoretical knowledge. Gone are the days when high remuneration could be achieved solely through theoretical expertise. The ability to navigate challenging situations in business or employment is crucial. Students can acquire these skills when exposed to real-life scenarios in school, learning to be patient and focusing on finding solutions without panicking. Such skills prove valuable not only in the professional realm but also in unforeseen life situations. For example, if students are taught the practical use of a fire extinguisher during a fire emergency, they can potentially save lives. Conversely, theoretical knowledge, without practical application, becomes futile in emergencies.

Moreover, in this advanced technological era, concepts can be easily conveyed to children through multimedia resources. Students grasp concepts more effectively when they understand their practical applications. This dual approach has two distinct advantages: students no longer need to memorize information, and they can apply their knowledge in the future. Consider, for instance, teaching the concepts of mirrors and reflections in a practical setting. This not only helps students understand how binoculars work but also nurtures critical thinking skills, enabling them to innovate.

Regrettably, some teachers and schools persist in adhering to government-designed methods and curricula that are infrequently revised. Consequently, students may learn outdated concepts or study theoretical ideas without understanding their practical implications. Some parents, emphasizing exam success, encourage rote memorization. However, this practice proves inadequate when students enter competitive professions. A curriculum that integrates practical skills with theoretical concepts proves more valuable in the long run compared to static knowledge about concepts.

In conclusion, knowledge is powerful when individuals know how to apply it in challenging situations. Schools play a pivotal role in imparting this ability to students. Therefore, schools should prioritize a curriculum that teaches practical skills alongside theoretical concepts, fulfilling their fundamental purpose.