The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so they can at least read, write, and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a statement saying that providing around 6 years of unpaid education for citizens’s literacy can effectively address poverty issues in advancing nations. While there are certain problems associated, I still believe this measure is of greater significance to most countries.

Opponents of reducing poverty by free education in several years have their own rationales. Foremost, the authorities will have to cover for the unpaid fee from students by allocating an enormous amount of funding to elementary schools, not only for workers' salary but also necessary services, infrastructures, and additional activities. This financial shift towards education results in a shortage of state budget to other societal aspects which are equally crucial, leading to a less developing progress in alternative fields of life and especially, the nation’s prosperity. Besides, universally adopting this policy may lead to a lack of responsibility of parents to foster and provide for their children’s learning development. Primarily relying on such advantages can pose adverse outcomes such as poor households may be less motivated to diligently work for their family and dedicate for the kids, thereby worsening the mutual situation of economics.

However, I lean towards the viewpoint that encouraging costless teaching within early years decreases the poverty rate. Above all, literacy is considered the most crucial skill for humanity since it is the necessary foundation to communicate and connect with the outside world. Despite the absence of further school support, having aforementioned settings can help people with disadvantaged backgrounds enhance their capacities, prospects and experiences when entering the job market. Furthermore, an astonishing number of knowledgeable dwellers may attract more attention from worldwide organizations. Therefore, the poverty rate of a country can be excessively reduced by a growth in budget from beneficial association with foreign businesses.

In summary, addressing poverty by giving free education for 6 years has potential drawbacks like interfering developing progress in other fields and detrimental affecting the family working spirit. While, individuals can become competitive candidates for employment and nations’s prosperity can rises through outside opportunities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a statement saying" -> "It is often argued that"
Explanation: "It is often argued that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a common opinion or belief in academic writing, avoiding the informal phrasing of "There is a statement saying."
"providing around 6 years of unpaid education" -> "providing six years of free education"
Explanation: "Free" is a more precise term than "unpaid" in this context, as it directly conveys the absence of cost, which is clearer and more commonly used in academic discussions about education policy.
"citizens’s literacy" -> "citizens’ literacy"
Explanation: The possessive form "citizens’s" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "citizens’."
"in advancing nations" -> "in developed countries"
Explanation: "Developed countries" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic discourse than "advancing nations," which is vague and less precise.
"certain problems associated" -> "several challenges"
Explanation: "Several challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "certain problems," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"the authorities will have to cover for the unpaid fee" -> "the authorities will need to fund the free education"
Explanation: "Fund the free education" is more direct and clear than "cover for the unpaid fee," which is awkward and unclear.
"an enormous amount of funding" -> "substantial funding"
Explanation: "Substantial funding" is a more precise and formal term than "an enormous amount of funding," which is somewhat colloquial.
"not only for workers’ salary but also necessary services, infrastructures, and additional activities" -> "not only for teachers’ salaries but also for necessary services, infrastructure, and additional activities"
Explanation: Clarifying "workers’ salary" to "teachers’ salaries" specifies the intended meaning, and "infrastructure" should be singular to match the singular "necessary services."
"less developing progress" -> "less significant progress"
Explanation: "Less significant progress" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the impact on development, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "less developing."
"Primarily relying on such advantages" -> "Primarily relying on these advantages"
Explanation: "These" is the correct demonstrative pronoun to use when referring to previously mentioned items, making the sentence more formal and precise.
"diligently work for their family" -> "work diligently for their families"
Explanation: "Work diligently for their families" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"dedicate for the kids" -> "dedicate to their children"
Explanation: "Dedicate to their children" is grammatically correct and more formal than "dedicate for the kids."
"an astonishing number of knowledgeable dwellers" -> "a significant number of educated citizens"
Explanation: "A significant number of educated citizens" is more precise and formal than "an astonishing number of knowledgeable dwellers," which is awkward and unclear.
"nations’s prosperity can rises" -> "national prosperity can rise"
Explanation: "National prosperity can rise" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal term, "national," to refer to the nation’s prosperity.
"nations’s prosperity can rises" -> "national prosperity can rise"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error in the verb form, aligning with standard English usage.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the effectiveness of providing six years of free education as a means to reduce poverty in developing countries. The author presents counterarguments against the proposal, such as the financial burden on the government and potential negative impacts on parental responsibility. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The conclusion hints at a balanced view but does not clearly state the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the author should clearly articulate their stance in the introduction and conclusion. A more definitive statement on the extent of agreement or disagreement would strengthen the essay’s overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that favors free education as a means to combat poverty, but this position is somewhat diluted by the extensive discussion of counterarguments. While the author does express a belief in the importance of literacy, the lack of a strong, consistent position throughout the essay can lead to confusion about the author’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" more frequently, especially when transitioning between discussing counterarguments and supporting their own viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of literacy and the potential economic benefits of a more educated workforce. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions that literacy can enhance job prospects, they do not provide concrete examples or statistics to illustrate this point.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should include specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of free education. This could involve referencing successful educational programs in other countries or statistics that demonstrate the correlation between education and poverty reduction.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between free education and poverty reduction. However, some sections, particularly the discussion of financial implications, could be seen as slightly tangential. The author introduces the idea of government budget allocation but does not sufficiently tie it back to the central argument about poverty reduction.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the question of how free education impacts poverty, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By clarifying the position, providing more specific support for ideas, and ensuring all points are directly relevant to the prompt, the author can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance on the topic. The first body paragraph discusses the opposing viewpoint regarding the financial implications of free education, while the second body paragraph supports the writer’s agreement with the proposal. However, the transition between these ideas could be smoother, as the shift from opposing arguments to supporting arguments feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "However, I lean towards the viewpoint…" could benefit from a more explicit transitional phrase that signals a shift in perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help signal a change in viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea can further improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph deals with the drawbacks of free education, while the second addresses its benefits. However, the conclusion appears to lack a clear summary of the main points discussed, which could leave the reader feeling unsatisfied. Furthermore, the use of a concluding sentence in each body paragraph that ties back to the main argument would strengthen the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a clear main idea but also concludes with a sentence that reinforces how that idea supports the overall thesis. In the conclusion, summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs can help reinforce the argument and provide a more satisfying closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "foremost," "besides," and "however," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this financial shift towards education results in a shortage of state budget to other societal aspects" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "as a result." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using cohesive devices that reflect the relationship between ideas, such as cause and effect or contrast.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "financial shift," "adverse outcomes," and "disadvantaged backgrounds." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the term "poverty" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms, such as "economic hardship," "financial struggles," or "low-income households." Additionally, using phrases like "educational opportunities" instead of repeating "education" could diversify the vocabulary and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "unpaid education" is misleading; it should be "free education." Additionally, "citizens’s literacy" contains a grammatical error and should be "citizens’ literacy." The phrase "detrimental affecting" is also awkward and should be revised to "detrimentally affecting."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread for grammatical errors and ensure that terms accurately convey the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more appropriate words, but it is crucial to understand the context to avoid misapplication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a fair level of spelling accuracy, but there are errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "advancing nations" should be "developing nations," and "nations’s" is incorrectly spelled and should be "nations’." The term "workers’ salary" is correct, but the phrase could be more fluidly expressed as "salaries of workers."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises or using spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the lexical resource through varied vocabulary, precise language, and correct spelling will contribute to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases like "While there are certain problems associated" and "However, I lean towards the viewpoint that encouraging costless teaching within early years decreases the poverty rate" show an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the use of "foremost" and "besides" as transitional phrases could be complemented with more diverse linking words or phrases to enhance coherence and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the other hand." Additionally, experimenting with different sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion for emphasis) could enhance the overall complexity and interest of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "providing around 6 years of unpaid education for citizens’s literacy" contains a possessive error; it should be "citizens’ literacy." Additionally, the phrase "not only for workers’ salary but also necessary services" lacks parallel structure, as it should read "not only for workers’ salaries but also for necessary services." Furthermore, there are punctuation issues, such as the inconsistent use of commas, which can lead to run-on sentences and affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, possessive forms, and ensuring parallel structure in lists. A careful proofreading process could help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences, would enhance clarity. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and some effective use of language, attention to grammatical accuracy and further diversification of sentence structures would elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a statement saying that providing around six years of free education for citizens’ literacy can effectively address poverty issues in developing countries. While there are certain problems associated with this approach, I still believe this measure is of greater significance to most countries.

Opponents of reducing poverty by offering free education for several years have their own rationales. Foremost, the authorities will need to fund the free education by allocating a substantial amount of funding to elementary schools, not only for teachers’ salaries but also for necessary services, infrastructure, and additional activities. This financial shift towards education results in a shortage of the state budget for other societal aspects that are equally crucial, leading to less significant progress in alternative fields of life and, especially, the nation’s prosperity. Besides, universally adopting this policy may lead to a lack of responsibility among parents to foster and provide for their children’s learning development. Primarily relying on such advantages can pose adverse outcomes, such as poor households being less motivated to work diligently for their families and dedicate themselves to their children, thereby worsening the overall economic situation.

However, I lean towards the viewpoint that encouraging free education during the early years decreases the poverty rate. Above all, literacy is considered the most crucial skill for humanity since it is the necessary foundation to communicate and connect with the outside world. Despite the absence of further school support, having the aforementioned settings can help people from disadvantaged backgrounds enhance their capacities, prospects, and experiences when entering the job market. Furthermore, a significant number of educated citizens may attract more attention from worldwide organizations. Therefore, the poverty rate of a country can be excessively reduced by a growth in budget from beneficial associations with foreign businesses.

In summary, addressing poverty by providing six years of free education has potential drawbacks, such as interfering with development progress in other fields and adversely affecting family working spirit. However, individuals can become competitive candidates for employment, and national prosperity can rise through outside opportunities.