The best way to solve world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree?
The best way to solve world's environmental problem is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that the increasing of cost of fuel should be increased in order to solve global environmental issues. This essay disagree with this idea.
Advocates for making fuel more expensive because it leads to the reduction of consumption which lower the pollution coming from carbondioxide. They assumed that customers tend to not to pay more for the same quality of fuel. Although, this overlooked some cases that industrial job required long way delivery so using petro driven vehicles is the most suitable way for drivers.This can create a finacial struggle for the company or even the drivers. Therefore, raising fuel cost is not pratical enough to work out this problem.
On the on hand, in order to diminish the carbondioxide released into the environment which cause global warming, electric vehicles is a substantial investment. Take, for example, a electrical taxi system produced by a company in VietNam named SMXANH which made a considerable contribution to the environment due to attracting people using it instead of normal taxi used fuel. This will create a positive effect on future environment which is reducing the manmade climate changes. In essence, replacing traditional vehicles with the electric one can solve environmental problems due to not release carbondioxide.
To conclude, inceasing the price of fuel may lower a number of consumers, but it is not a optimal solution for solving environmental problem. In fact, this trouble will be reduced by using electric vehicles which minimized the emissions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the increasing of cost of fuel" -> "the increasing cost of fuel"
Explanation: Removing the prepositional phrase "of" after "increasing" corrects the grammatical structure and streamlines the sentence for clarity and formality. -
"should be increased" -> "should be raised"
Explanation: "Raised" is a more precise term in this context, indicating an increase in price or cost, which is more appropriate for an academic discussion about economic policy. -
"This essay disagree with this idea." -> "This essay disagrees with this idea."
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "disagrees" to match the singular subject "essay," and adds a period after "idea" to complete the sentence. -
"leads to the reduction of consumption which lower the pollution" -> "leads to a reduction in consumption, thereby reducing pollution"
Explanation: Replacing "leads to the reduction of consumption which lower the pollution" with "leads to a reduction in consumption, thereby reducing pollution" corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity by using a more formal conjunction and verb form. -
"They assumed that customers tend to not to pay more" -> "They assume that customers are reluctant to pay more"
Explanation: "Assume" corrects the tense to match the present context, and "are reluctant to pay more" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea. -
"This overlooked some cases that industrial job required long way delivery" -> "This overlooks the fact that industrial jobs require long-distance deliveries"
Explanation: "Overlooks the fact that" corrects the grammatical structure and specificity, and "long-distance deliveries" is a more precise term than "long way delivery." -
"using petro driven vehicles" -> "using petrol-driven vehicles"
Explanation: "Petrol" is the correct spelling in British English, which is often used in formal and academic writing. -
"This can create a finacial struggle" -> "This can create a financial struggle"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "financial" to "financial" for accuracy. -
"raising fuel cost is not pratical enough" -> "raising fuel costs is not practical enough"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form of "cost" to "costs" and "pratical" to "practical" for grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"On the on hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: Corrects the phrase to "On one hand" for grammatical accuracy and clarity. -
"which cause global warming" -> "which causes global warming"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "causes" to match the singular subject "environment." -
"a electrical taxi system" -> "an electric taxi system"
Explanation: Corrects the adjective "electrical" to "electric" for the correct term used to describe vehicles powered by electricity. -
"made a considerable contribution to the environment due to attracting people using it" -> "made a significant contribution to the environment by attracting users"
Explanation: "Significant" is more formal than "considerable," and "by attracting users" is more precise and formal than "due to attracting people using it." -
"This will create a positive effect on future environment" -> "This will have a positive impact on the future environment"
Explanation: "Have a positive impact" is a more formal and precise expression than "create a positive effect." -
"reducing the manmade climate changes" -> "reducing man-made climate change"
Explanation: "Man-made climate change" is the correct term, and removing "the" before "man-made" corrects the grammatical structure. -
"inceasing the price of fuel" -> "increasing the price of fuel"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "increasing" to "increasing" for accuracy. -
"lower a number of consumers" -> "reduce the number of consumers"
Explanation: "Reduce" is the correct verb for decreasing in quantity, and "the number of consumers" is grammatically correct. -
"but it is not a optimal solution" -> "but it is not an optimal solution"
Explanation: Adds the indefinite article "an" before "optimal" for grammatical correctness. -
"this trouble will be reduced by using electric vehicles which minimized the emissions" -> "this problem will be reduced by using electric vehicles that minimize emissions"
Explanation: "Problem" is more specific than "trouble," and "that minimize emissions" corrects the verb form to match the plural subject "vehicles."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a disagreement with the notion that increasing fuel costs is the best way to solve environmental problems. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of this stance. The argument is somewhat one-sided, primarily focusing on the negative effects of increased fuel costs without adequately discussing potential benefits or alternative solutions. For instance, while it mentions the financial struggles for companies and drivers, it does not explore how higher fuel costs might incentivize the adoption of greener technologies or behaviors.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly address all aspects of the question. This includes acknowledging the potential benefits of increasing fuel costs, such as reduced consumption and environmental awareness, and then providing a balanced view that discusses both sides before concluding. Additionally, presenting alternative solutions alongside the critique of fuel cost increases would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear disagreement with the idea of raising fuel costs. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The second paragraph introduces the idea of electric vehicles as a solution but does not clearly link this back to the initial argument against increasing fuel prices. The transition between ideas is somewhat abrupt, which can confuse the reader regarding the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to the main argument in each paragraph. Using phrases like "In contrast to raising fuel prices, I believe…" can help reinforce the central argument. Additionally, providing a more cohesive structure that clearly delineates the argument against fuel price increases and the support for electric vehicles would enhance clarity.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the impact of fuel costs on consumption and the benefits of electric vehicles. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the mention of the electric taxi system in Vietnam lacks detail on how it operates or its broader implications for environmental change. The argument feels underdeveloped, with limited elaboration on how electric vehicles can effectively replace traditional ones.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on emissions reductions from electric vehicles, comparisons of costs over time, or case studies of successful implementations. Additionally, each idea should be clearly linked back to the main argument to ensure that the essay remains focused and persuasive.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing fuel costs and their relationship to environmental issues. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing electric vehicles without clearly connecting it back to the initial argument against raising fuel prices. The phrase "on the on hand" is a typographical error that disrupts the flow and clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring proper transitions between ideas will enhance coherence.
In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of the prompt, maintain a consistent position, develop ideas with more depth and evidence, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that increasing fuel costs is the best solution for environmental issues. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each address different aspects of the argument. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the negative impact on drivers and companies to the benefits of electric vehicles could be smoother. The second paragraph introduces a new idea without adequately linking it to the previous one.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing can help ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For example, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that explicitly states the main idea, and the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the drawbacks of fuel price increases and another on the advantages of electric vehicles.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, consider using supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic sentence and provide examples. This will create a more cohesive and organized structure within each paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "for example," and "in essence." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their usage is not always effective. For instance, the phrase "on the on hand" is a typographical error and should be "on the one hand," which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "however." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their effectiveness. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices will help enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "global environmental issues," "reduction of consumption," and "manmade climate changes." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in the use of terms related to fuel and environmental issues. Phrases like "increase the cost of fuel" and "carbondioxide" appear multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fuel," alternatives like "petroleum," "gasoline," or "energy sources" could be employed. Additionally, varying phrases such as "global warming" with "climate change" or "environmental degradation" would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the increasing of cost of fuel should be increased" is redundant and awkwardly constructed. Additionally, "carbondioxide" should be written as "carbon dioxide," and "pratical" is a misspelling of "practical." The use of "electric vehicles is a substantial investment" lacks clarity, as it implies that the vehicles themselves are an investment rather than the infrastructure or transition to them.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of saying "the increasing of cost of fuel should be increased," a clearer expression would be "the cost of fuel should be increased." Furthermore, ensuring correct spelling and using terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning will enhance precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "carbondioxide" (should be "carbon dioxide"), "finacial" (should be "financial"), "inceasing" (should be "increasing"), and "normal taxi used fuel" (which is awkwardly phrased). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling common terms related to the topic and reviewing frequently misspelled words can help. Creating flashcards or using spelling apps can also reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, and there is a noticeable lack of complex sentences that could enhance the argument. For instance, sentences like "This essay disagree with this idea" and "They assumed that customers tend to not to pay more for the same quality of fuel" are straightforward but lack variety. The use of phrases such as "on the on hand" also indicates a need for more sophisticated transitional phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This can create a financial struggle for the company," the writer could say, "While raising fuel costs may reduce consumption, it can also create a financial struggle for companies that rely on fuel for transportation." Additionally, practicing the use of varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can help improve the flow and complexity of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "the increasing of cost of fuel should be increased" is redundant and awkwardly phrased. The phrase "this essay disagree" should be "this essay disagrees," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, like in "drivers.This can create a financial struggle," where a space is needed after the period. Additionally, "carbondioxide" should be written as "carbon dioxide," and "inceasing" is a typographical error for "increasing."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and avoid redundancy in phrases. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on verb forms and agreement, would be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, especially in compound sentences and after introductory phrases. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.
Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument regarding environmental issues, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance clarity and coherence. Engaging in targeted practice and revising the essay with these suggestions in mind will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is argued that the increasing cost of fuel should be raised in order to solve global environmental issues. This essay disagrees with this idea.
Advocates for making fuel more expensive believe that it leads to a reduction in consumption, thereby reducing pollution coming from carbon dioxide. They assume that customers are reluctant to pay more for the same quality of fuel. However, this overlooks the fact that industrial jobs require long-distance deliveries, so using petrol-driven vehicles is the most suitable option for drivers. This can create a financial struggle for the company or even the drivers. Therefore, raising fuel costs is not practical enough to solve this problem.
On one hand, in order to diminish the carbon dioxide released into the environment, which causes global warming, electric vehicles represent a substantial investment. Take, for example, an electric taxi system produced by a company in Vietnam named SMXANH, which has made a significant contribution to the environment by attracting users instead of normal taxis that use fuel. This will have a positive impact on the future environment by reducing man-made climate change. In essence, replacing traditional vehicles with electric ones can solve environmental problems due to not releasing carbon dioxide.
To conclude, increasing the price of fuel may reduce the number of consumers, but it is not an optimal solution for solving environmental problems. In fact, this issue will be reduced by using electric vehicles that minimize emissions.