The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The displayed bar chart demonstrates the proportion of males and females in one Asain country who qualified for driving licenses from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, it can clearly be seen that the year 2000 saw the percentage of both women and men passed their test hit the peak, while the opposite was true for the figure of both counterparts in the year 1980.

Throughout the years, a consistent discrepancy of approximately 20% existed between the success rates of women and men in acquiring their driver’s licenses. However, a notable exception occurred in 2010.

In 1980, around 50% of women successfully fulfilled the driving test requirements, while for men, the corresponding figure was approximately 30%. Subsequent years witnessed a gradual ascent in both categories, reaching their zenith in 2000 at nearly 70% for women and 50% for men.

Notably, in 2010, a decrease is observed, with only about 63% of women passing their driving test, almost 7% decline compared to 2000. In contrast, the success rate for male drivers remained unchanged between 2000 and 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "the percentage of both women and men passed their test hit the peak" -> "the percentage of both women and men who passed their test peaked"
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and proper grammar. Using "who passed their test" clarifies the subject and verb relationship.
2. "the figure of both counterparts" -> "the figures of both genders"
   Explanation: "Counterparts" doesn’t accurately describe the genders. "Genders" is a more precise term in this context.
3. "a consistent discrepancy of approximately 20% existed" -> "a persistent disparity of around 20% persisted"
   Explanation: "Discrepancy" is fine, but "existed" could be replaced with "persisted" for a more active voice and "consistent" with "persistent" for variety.
4. "Subsequent years witnessed a gradual ascent" -> "Subsequent years saw a gradual increase"
   Explanation: "Ascent" might be too formal for this context. "Increase" is more commonly used and maintains clarity.
5. "a decrease is observed" -> "a decrease is evident"
   Explanation: "Observed" can be replaced with "evident" to add variety to the language while maintaining clarity.
6. "with only about 63% of women passing their driving test" -> "with only approximately 63% of women passing their driving test"
   Explanation: Adding "approximately" enhances precision in the percentage mentioned.
7. "almost 7% decline compared to 2000" -> "a decline of almost 7% compared to 2000"
   Explanation: This rephrasing maintains clarity and follows a more standard grammatical structure.
8. "the success rate for male drivers remained unchanged between 2000 and 2010" -> "the success rate for male drivers remained constant between 2000 and 2010"
   Explanation: "Unchanged" can be replaced with "constant" to add variety to the language while maintaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data presented in the chart. It accurately reports the key features, such as the overall trend of increasing pass rates for both genders from 1980 to 2000, followed by a slight decline in 2010. The essay also highlights the consistent discrepancy between the pass rates of men and women throughout the years, as well as the notable exception in 2010 where the pass rate for women declined while remaining unchanged for men.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could extend the analysis by providing more specific data points from the chart to support its observations. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs would enhance readability.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas and information, starting with an introductory statement summarizing the main features of the chart. The writer logically organizes the information by discussing the trend over time and making relevant comparisons between genders. Cohesive devices such as "Throughout the years," "Notably," and "In contrast" help maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on either the overall trend or specific years. However, there are minor instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices ("Throughout the years"), and some transitions could be smoother for enhanced cohesion.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, aim for more varied sentence structures and transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure cohesive devices are used judiciously to avoid repetition. Consider incorporating more diverse linking words and phrases to create seamless connections between ideas and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. It uses some descriptive terms such as "proportion," "qualified," "success rates," "discrepancy," "ascend," "zenith," and "decrease." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive ("approximately," "notably," "while," "approximately"). There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "Asain" instead of "Asian," "counterparts" instead of "counterpart," and "fulfilled" instead of "fulfilled."

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

• Increase the variety of vocabulary used. Try to include more specific terms related to the data presented in the chart, such as "pass rates," "percentages," "peaks," "declines," etc.
• Work on word formation and spelling accuracy to reduce errors that may distract the reader.
• Avoid repetitive phrasing and use more varied sentence structures to convey precise meanings.

This would help elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a somewhat varied structure. The introduction sets the context appropriately, providing an overview of the chart and outlining the main trends. Throughout the essay, there is an attempt to convey information using a mix of sentence structures, although some sentences could be more varied to enhance coherence and fluency.

The essay presents a clear overview of the data, summarizing the main trends and making relevant comparisons between the genders across different years. It effectively describes the overall trend of increasing pass rates for both men and women over time, with a notable peak in 2000 and a slight decrease for women in 2010. However, some aspects could be further developed for clarity and depth.

In terms of grammatical accuracy, the essay generally communicates the intended meaning, but there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "Overall, it can clearly be seen" could be revised to improve clarity and conciseness. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors throughout the essay that slightly disrupt the flow of the text.

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on enhancing the range of sentence structures used throughout the essay. Introduce more complex sentence forms to add variety and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical accuracy, ensuring that sentences are free from errors and phrased in a clear and concise manner. Review punctuation usage to ensure coherence and fluidity in the writing. Finally, strive for greater depth and development in the analysis of the data, providing more specific details and insights where possible.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the distribution of male and female individuals in a particular Asian nation who obtained driving licenses from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, it is evident that the peak performance for both genders occurred in the year 2000, while conversely, 1980 marked a nadir for both male and female success rates.

Throughout the examined period, there was a consistent discrepancy of approximately 20% between the attainment rates of females and males in obtaining their driver’s licenses. However, a notable deviation occurred in 2010.

In 1980, approximately half of the female candidates successfully completed the driving test, while for males, the corresponding figure stood at around 30%. Subsequent years witnessed a gradual increase in both cohorts, culminating in their apex in 2000, with nearly 70% of females and 50% of males passing their driving exams.

Interestingly, a decline is observed in 2010, with only about 63% of females passing their driving test, representing a decrease of almost 7% compared to 2000. In contrast, the success rate for male drivers remained constant between 2000 and 2010.