The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The presented pie charts illustrate the major purposes of using phones of teenagers from the results of surveys in an African from 2016 to 2019.
A glance at the charts reveal that teenagers mostly using phone for social networks and digital camera witnessed an upward trend whereas the opposite was true for email and phone calls reasons. Among the four purposes, social netwoks was the most prevelant throughout the period.
It is crystal clear that the percentage of people who used phone for social networks in 2016 stood at 50%, which was two times as high as the figure for people using phone for Email. This was followed by digital camera, at 10%, which was 5% higher than phone calls.
Thereafter, there was a considerable increase to 56% in the proportion of social networks reason in 2019, after which a slight decline to 48% in 2017 was recorded , still ranking first. Similarity, the year of 2019 saw a moderate growth to 20% in the amount of people using smartphone for camera. In contrast, percentage of people utilizing phone for Email underwent a gradual decrease to 19% in 2019. Besides, people using phone for calling rose minimally by 3% in 2017 before seeing a plummet to 5% in 2019.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrate the major purposes of using phones of teenagers" -> "illustrate the primary purposes for which teenagers use phones"
Explanation: "Primary" is a more formal and precise term than "major." The phrase "for which teenagers use phones" clarifies the relationship between teenagers and phone usage, improving grammatical structure.
"the results of surveys in an African" -> "the results of surveys conducted in Africa"
Explanation: "Conducted" specifies the action taken with the surveys, and "Africa" is the correct geographical term, eliminating the vague "an African."
"A glance at the charts reveal" -> "A glance at the charts reveals"
Explanation: The subject "glance" is singular, requiring the singular verb "reveals" for grammatical agreement.
"teenagers mostly using phone for social networks" -> "teenagers primarily using phones for social networking"
Explanation: "Primarily" is more formal than "mostly," and "phones" should be plural for consistency. "Social networking" is the more commonly used term in academic contexts.
"the opposite was true for email and phone calls reasons" -> "the opposite was true for the purposes of email and phone calls"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that "email" and "phone calls" are being discussed as purposes, improving clarity and formality.
"social netwoks was the most prevelant" -> "social networking was the most prevalent"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "networks" to "networking" aligns with the previously suggested terminology, and "prevalent" is the correct spelling.
"the percentage of people who used phone for social networks" -> "the percentage of individuals who used phones for social networking"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "phones" should be plural. "Social networking" maintains consistency with earlier terminology.
"two times as high as the figure for people using phone for Email" -> "twice the figure for individuals using phones for email"
Explanation: "Twice" is a more concise and formal expression than "two times as high," and "email" should be in lowercase as it is not a proper noun.
"there was a considerable increase to 56% in the proportion of social networks reason" -> "there was a significant increase to 56% in the proportion of individuals using phones for social networking"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal term than "considerable," and the phrase is restructured for clarity and precision.
"after which a slight decline to 48% in 2017 was recorded" -> "followed by a slight decline to 48% in 2017"
Explanation: "Followed by" is more concise and eliminates unnecessary passive construction.
"the year of 2019 saw a moderate growth to 20% in the amount of people using smartphone for camera" -> "the year 2019 saw moderate growth to 20% in the number of individuals using smartphones for photography"
Explanation: "Moderate growth" is more concise, "number" is more precise than "amount," "smartphones" should be plural, and "photography" is a more accurate term than "camera."
"percentage of people utilizing phone for Email underwent a gradual decrease" -> "percentage of individuals utilizing phones for email experienced a gradual decrease"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," "phones" should be plural, and "experienced" is a more active verb than "underwent."
"people using phone for calling rose minimally by 3% in 2017 before seeing a plummet to 5% in 2019" -> "individuals using phones for calling increased slightly by 3% in 2017 before experiencing a decline to 5% in 2019"
Explanation: "Increased slightly" is more formal than "rose minimally," and "experiencing a decline" is a more neutral and academic way to describe the change.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the data is recounted mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents the key features, but inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the use of phones for social networks has increased significantly over the period, while the use of phones for email and phone calls has decreased. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of teenagers using phones for social networks increased from 50% in 2016 to 56% in 2019. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate language. For example, the essay could use the phrase "a significant increase" instead of "a considerable increase."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the pie charts, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases being repetitive and not effectively linking ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not logically structured, which detracts from the overall coherence of the response.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic, and maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and substitution would help avoid repetition and clarify relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the charts, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "prevelant," "netwoks," "utilizing") and word formation (e.g., "the reasons for using phones" should be "the reasons for using phones"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message clearly. Overall, the vocabulary used does not fully meet the requirements for higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. They should also pay attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that can impede communication. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, while ensuring correct collocation, would further improve the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "teenagers mostly using phone" and "the percentage of people who used phone for social networks" lack proper verb forms and articles. Additionally, errors in punctuation and word choice, such as "prevelant" instead of "prevalent" and "utilizing phone for Email," can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and ensure that they are grammatically correct.
Verb Forms and Agreement: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb tenses.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling and grammatical errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented pie charts illustrate the major purposes for which teenagers used their phones, based on survey results from an African country between 2016 and 2019.

A glance at the charts reveals that the use of phones for social networks and digital cameras experienced an upward trend, whereas the opposite was true for email and phone calls. Among the four purposes, social networks were the most prevalent throughout the period.

It is clear that the percentage of teenagers using their phones for social networks in 2016 stood at 50%, which was two times higher than the figure for those using phones for email. This was followed by digital cameras, at 10%, which was 5% higher than the percentage of phone calls.

Thereafter, there was a considerable increase to 56% in the proportion of teenagers using phones for social networks in 2019, although a slight decline to 48% was recorded in 2017, still ranking first. Similarly, in 2019, there was moderate growth to 20% in the number of teenagers using smartphones for cameras. In contrast, the percentage of teenagers utilizing phones for email underwent a gradual decrease to 19% in 2019. Additionally, the number of people using phones for calling rose minimally by 3% in 2017 before experiencing a plummet to 5% in 2019.