The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie charts illustrate the tranformation in electrical appliances ownership and number of hours that households spent for housework per week in a particular country during the period of 1920 and 2019. In general, refrigerator was the most popular appliance for the most of the period compared to the other two surveyed, meanwhile, the amount of time using for domestic tasks experienced a downtrend over the years.
In 1920, approximately 30 per cent and 40 per cent of households surveyed possessed vacuum cleaner and washing machine respectively, whereas the figure was incredibly low with under 5 per cent for refrigerator. However, during the next 20 years, a dramatic rise was seen for refrigerator then made it outweight the others and reached 100 per cent of ownership rate in 1980. Meanwhile, there was a steady increase in vacuum cleaner segment for the whole period and this appliance also gained full ownership rate in 2000. In contrast, washing machine only witnessed a slightly rise in the period 1920-1960 to reach 70 per cent then hovered around this figure for the remaining years. As a result, washing machine was lagged behind the others.
Turning to the number of hours spending for housework weekly, it can be seen that the higher the rate of appliances ownership, the lower the amount of time using for domestic tasks. The data stood at 50 hours per week in 1920, then experienced a sharp decline to 20 hours per week in 1960, then was levelled off around the range of 10-20 hours per week.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "tranformation" -> "transformation"
   Explanation: "Transformation" is the correct spelling of the word, referring to a significant change or alteration, which is what the essay intends to convey.

2. "amount of time using for domestic tasks" -> "time spent on domestic tasks"
   Explanation: "Time spent on domestic tasks" is a more concise and grammatically correct phrase to describe the duration dedicated to household chores.

3. "per cent" -> "percent"
   Explanation: While "per cent" is acceptable, "percent" is more commonly used in modern English, especially in formal writing.

4. "outweight" -> "outweigh"
   Explanation: "Outweigh" is the correct verb to indicate one thing being heavier, more significant, or more influential than another.

5. "full ownership rate" -> "full ownership"
   Explanation: "Full ownership" is a more concise and natural way to express complete possession or control of a particular item or appliance.

6. "witnessed a slightly rise" -> "experienced a slight rise"
   Explanation: "Experienced a slight rise" is a more grammatically accurate and descriptive phrase to convey a small increase in ownership or usage.

7. "lagged behind the others" -> "trailed behind the others"
   Explanation: "Trailed behind" is a more dynamic and evocative alternative to "lagged behind," suggesting a sense of competition or comparison among the appliances.

8. "number of hours spending" -> "number of hours spent"
   Explanation: "Number of hours spent" is the correct grammatical form to describe the duration of time dedicated to an activity.

9. "stood at" -> "was"
   Explanation: "Stood at" is slightly awkward in this context. "Was" is a simpler and more direct verb choice to describe the data’s value at a specific point in time.

10. "levelled off" -> "leveled off"
    Explanation: "Leveled off" is the correct spelling of the phrase, indicating a stabilization or plateauing of the data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the information provided in the charts. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent on housework. Key features such as the rise in refrigerator ownership, the steady increase in vacuum cleaner ownership, and the lagging trend in washing machine ownership are highlighted. Additionally, the essay effectively compares the changes over time in appliance ownership with the changes in the amount of time spent on housework.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific data points from the charts to support its summary. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in the presentation of data and avoiding unnecessary repetition would further enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a clear overview of the information provided in the charts, summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons. The introduction effectively introduces the topic and provides an overview of the trends discussed in the essay. The body paragraphs logically organize the information by discussing ownership trends of electrical appliances over time and their correlation with the amount of time spent on housework. The essay uses cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("In general," "Turning to…") to connect ideas and maintain coherence.

However, there are areas where cohesion could be improved. While the essay attempts to use cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical. For example, the transition between discussing appliance ownership and housework time could be smoother. Additionally, there is some repetition in the use of certain phrases ("for the most of the period," "the figure was incredibly low," "during the next 20 years") which could be avoided for greater clarity and variety in expression.

Paragraphing is generally logical, with clear topic sentences introducing each main idea. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure to enhance overall coherence. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to better distinguish the discussion of refrigerator ownership from that of vacuum cleaners and washing machines.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. Vary sentence structures to avoid repetitive phrasing and ensure clarity. Consider revising paragraph structure to enhance logical organization and coherence within the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to the topic such as "appliances ownership," "domestic tasks," and "households." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with phrases like "tranformation" and "downtrend," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "outweight" instead of "outweigh" and "witnessed a slightly rise" instead of "witnessed a slight rise." Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling, as seen in "tranformation" (transformation) and "appliances" (appliances’).

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using precise vocabulary and paying attention to word choice and collocation. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will also help enhance the lexical accuracy of the essay. Additionally, strive for consistency in the use of vocabulary throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is a reasonable attempt to use a variety of structures, though some sentences lack complexity. The essay generally communicates the intended meaning effectively, despite occasional errors in grammar and punctuation. The use of transitional phrases helps to organize ideas, contributing to coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive to incorporate more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, aim for greater precision in vocabulary choice to convey ideas more effectively. Proofreading for grammatical errors before submission can significantly improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict the evolution of electrical appliance ownership and the amount of time allocated to household chores per week in a specific country from 1920 to 2019. Overall, refrigerators emerged as the predominant appliance throughout the surveyed period, while the time dedicated to domestic tasks exhibited a consistent decline.

In 1920, approximately 30% and 40% of households possessed vacuum cleaners and washing machines respectively, with refrigerator ownership notably lower, at under 5%. However, over the subsequent two decades, refrigerators experienced a remarkable surge, surpassing other appliances and achieving full ownership status by 1980. Concurrently, there was a steady ascent in vacuum cleaner ownership, with this appliance also attaining full ownership by 2000. In contrast, washing machine ownership saw only a marginal increase from 1920 to 1960, reaching 70%, and remained relatively stagnant thereafter, resulting in its lag behind the other appliances.

Regarding the hours dedicated to housework per week, a discernible trend emerges where higher appliance ownership correlates with reduced time spent on domestic tasks. In 1920, households allocated 50 hours per week to housework, which sharply declined to 20 hours by 1960, stabilizing thereafter within the range of 10-20 hours per week.

Overall, the data portrays a significant shift in both appliance ownership and household chore allocation over the surveyed period, with refrigerators emerging as the ultimate appliance choice and a subsequent decline in time devoted to housework.