The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below illustrate the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housechores and households in a country from 1920 to 2019.

It is clear that due to the increase of electrical appliances ownership, number of hours of housework per week, per household decreased. Meanwhile, the percentage of households with refrigerator experienced the biggest change through the period.

In 1920, started with 40%, the ownership of washing machine was the highest, followed by vacuum cleaner with 30% and 0% by refrigerator. After 40 years, refrigerator ownership experienced a substancial increase to 90%, while washing machine and vacuum cleaner ownership increased to 70%. From 1960 to 2019, refrigerator ownership increased to 100% in 1980 and continued to remain to 2019. Moreover, the vacuum cleaner ownership steadily increased to 100% from 1960 to 2000 and continued to remain at 100% in 2019. Meanwhile, the washing machine ownership had decreased to 65% in 1980 before recovered and increased to 72% in 2019.

As a result, from 1920 to 1960, the number of hours of housework perweek experienced a substancial decrease from 50% to 20% and then continued to drop to 11% in 2019.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "housechores" -> "household chores"
   Explanation: "Household chores" is a more standard and formal term for tasks done around the house, compared to "housechores."

2. "from 1920 to 2019" -> "between 1920 and 2019"
   Explanation: "Between" is more precise when referring to a range of years.

3. "due to the increase of electrical appliances ownership" -> "due to the increase in ownership of electrical appliances"
   Explanation: "Electrical appliances ownership" should be rephrased to "ownership of electrical appliances" for clarity and grammatical correctness.

4. "number of hours of housework per week, per household decreased" -> "the number of hours spent on household chores per week per household decreased"
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and specificity. Adding "spent on household chores" clarifies the context, and rephrasing improves readability.

5. "substancial" -> "substantial"
   Explanation: "Substantial" is the correct spelling of the word.

6. "percentage of households with refrigerator" -> "percentage of households owning a refrigerator"
   Explanation: "Households with refrigerator" should be changed to "households owning a refrigerator" for grammatical correctness.

7. "started with 40%" -> "began at 40%"
   Explanation: "Began at" is a more precise phrase to indicate the starting point.

8. "0% by refrigerator" -> "0% for refrigerators"
   Explanation: "By refrigerator" is incorrect usage. "For refrigerators" is more appropriate when discussing ownership percentages.

9. "refrigerator ownership experienced a substancial increase" -> "refrigerator ownership experienced a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Substantial" should be replaced with "significant" for accuracy and clarity.

10. "steadily increased to 100%" -> "steadily rose to 100%"
    Explanation: "Rose" is a more precise and formal term to describe an increase.

11. "had decreased to 65%" -> "had declined to 65%"
    Explanation: "Declined" is more accurate in this context than "decreased."

12. "before recovered" -> "before recovering"
    Explanation: "Before recovering" is the correct form to maintain grammatical consistency.

13. "the number of hours of housework perweek" -> "the number of hours of housework per week"
    Explanation: "Perweek" should be two separate words: "per week" for clarity and correctness.

14. "substancial decrease" -> "substantial decrease"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "substantial" maintains accuracy in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent doing housework over the specified period. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected, covering the main trends in ownership and housework hours. Key features such as the increase in refrigerator ownership and the decrease in housework hours are adequately highlighted.
How to improve: To improve, provide more specific data where possible (e.g., exact percentages) and ensure accuracy in reporting. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a clearer organization and smoother transitions between points.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of information with a clear overall progression. The introduction succinctly outlines the main trends to be discussed. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, such as changes in appliance ownership or hours of housework, contributing to the logical flow of ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the relationship between sentences within paragraphs could be clarified for smoother readability. Additionally, there is some repetition in the use of language, such as "ownership" and "increased," which could be varied for better cohesion.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to establish clearer relationships between ideas and sentences. Transition phrases, such as "furthermore," "meanwhile," or "as a result," can help connect sentences more smoothly. Additionally, strive for lexical diversity to avoid repetitive language and improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main topic, with supporting details logically arranged to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, offering varied expressions to describe the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent on household chores. The writer employs vocabulary related to data interpretation such as "illustrate," "changes," "increase," "decrease," "percentage," and "experienced a substantial increase." Additionally, there is appropriate use of specific terms like "refrigerator ownership," "washing machine ownership," and "vacuum cleaner ownership." The essay also employs some less common lexical items like "substantial increase" and "substancial decrease," contributing to lexical variety. However, there are a few instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse and precise, such as replacing repetitive phrases like "ownership increased" with alternative expressions.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary throughout the essay. Consider using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition, especially concerning phrases like "ownership increased" or "experienced a substantial increase." Additionally, aim for greater precision in word choice and try to incorporate more sophisticated lexical items where appropriate. Finally, pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and ensure clarity in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, aligning with the Band 6 descriptor. The use of various sentence types, such as compound and complex sentences, shows an attempt to convey information clearly. However, there are grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity but do not significantly hinder overall communication. Errors include the incorrect form of "substancial" (should be "substantial") and awkward phrasing such as "the percentage of households with refrigerator" which would be more accurately phrased as "the percentage of households with a refrigerator." Moreover, the sentence structure and grammar usage are not consistently accurate but manage not to severely disrupt the reader’s understanding of the main points.

How to improve:
To elevate the essay toward a higher band score, focusing on the accuracy and variety of grammatical structures used is crucial.

1. Review and apply basic grammar rules—Ensure that singular and plural nouns are correctly matched with their verbs and articles.
2. Enhance sentence variety—Incorporate a wider range of complex structures, such as conditional sentences, passive voice, and varied conjunctions, to enrich the text.
3. Proofread for spelling and punctuation errors—Attending to these details can significantly clean up the text and improve the overall impression.
4. Practice paraphrasing—Develop skills in expressing the same idea in different ways to avoid repetition and demonstrate flexibility in language use.

Continued practice with these focuses can help in progressively building up to a more advanced level of grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts depict the alterations in the ownership of electrical appliances and the time allocated to household chores in a particular nation spanning from 1920 to 2019.

It is evident that an escalation in the possession of electrical appliances correlates with a decline in the hours dedicated to household tasks per week, per household. Moreover, notable shifts occurred in the percentage of households possessing refrigerators throughout the observed period.

In 1920, the ownership of washing machines stood at 40%, surpassing that of vacuum cleaners, which stood at 30%, while refrigerator ownership remained at 0%. Over the subsequent four decades, refrigerator ownership experienced a significant surge, reaching 90%, paralleled by washing machine and vacuum cleaner ownership, both peaking at 70%. Subsequently, from 1960 to 2019, refrigerator ownership consistently climbed to 100% by 1980 and maintained this figure until 2019. Concurrently, vacuum cleaner ownership steadily rose to 100% between 1960 and 2000, maintaining this level through 2019. Conversely, washing machine ownership witnessed a decline to 65% in 1980 before rebounding to 72% by 2019.

Consequently, the hours spent on housework per week underwent a substantial decrease from 50% in 1920 to 20% in 1960, declining further to 11% by 2019.