The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between
1920 and 2019.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first line graph illustrates the proportion of households using electrical appliances and the second depicts how they spent time doing household chores from 1920 to 2019.

Overall, there was an increase in utilizing appliances powered by electricity in households, with the percentage of houses using fridges and vacuum cleaners surpassing from 1960 onwards. Meanwhile, the number of hours spent cleaning saw a decline over the period estimated.

40% of households owned washing machines, which was the highest in 1920, with a subsequent rise by 20% after two decades, before reaching roughly 65% at the end of the period. At the same time, the ownership rate of vacuum cleaners also significantly increased from 30% in 1920 to 100% in 2000 and remained at that level 19 years later. A similar, but to a greater extent, was seen in the figure for households having a refrigerator, which notably changed from almost no one used in 1920 to soaring and surpassing the figures for those using the other appliances until 1960, at 100%, before staying unchanged at that level. This figure was the same as that of households owing vacuum cleaners from 2000 onwards.

The amount of time for clean-up activities at home saw a significant decline, starting at 50 hours per week in 1920, after which it dropped more than half in 1920, before steadily decreasing to 10 hours per week at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "depicts how they spent time doing household chores" -> "illustrates their time allocation for household chores"
   Explanation: Using "illustrates their time allocation for household chores" refines the phrasing by employing a more formal and precise term, "time allocation," which enhances the technical accuracy and sophistication of the description.

2. "surpassing from 1960 onwards" -> "exceeding from 1960 onwards"
   Explanation: Replacing "surpassing" with "exceeding" provides a more conventional and contextually appropriate verb for describing quantitative changes over time in this context.

3. "the period estimated" -> "the estimated period"
   Explanation: "The estimated period" corrects the grammatical structure by placing "estimated" before "period," ensuring proper adjective-noun order for clarity and formal writing.

4. "which was the highest in 1920" -> "reaching its peak in 1920"
   Explanation: Changing to "reaching its peak in 1920" shifts from a vague descriptor to a specific, precise expression that better conveys the historical maximum or peak value in a statistical context.

5. "after two decades" -> "two decades later"
   Explanation: "Two decades later" is more precise and idiomatic in expressing a specific time interval following an event, enhancing the chronological clarity of the narrative.

6. "a similar, but to a greater extent" -> "a similar trend, but more pronounced"
   Explanation: "A similar trend, but more pronounced" replaces an awkward, incomplete phrase with a clear, descriptive statement, improving readability and formality.

7. "soaring and surpassing the figures" -> "dramatically exceeding the figures"
   Explanation: "Dramatically exceeding the figures" uses more precise vocabulary ("dramatically" and "exceeding") to emphasize the significant increase, enhancing the impact and clarity of the description.

8. "no one used" -> "nearly nonexistent usage"
   Explanation: "Nearly nonexistent usage" replaces the colloquial "no one used" with a more formal and statistically accurate description, suitable for an academic or analytical context.

9. "owing vacuum cleaners" -> "owning vacuum cleaners"
   Explanation: Correcting "owing" to "owning" fixes a typographical error, using the correct verb form to indicate possession.

10. "The amount of time for clean-up activities" -> "The time allocated for cleaning activities"
    Explanation: Replacing "The amount of time for clean-up activities" with "The time allocated for cleaning activities" uses more formal and precise language ("time allocated" and "cleaning activities"), which is better suited for a technical or scholarly report.

These changes collectively enhance the precision, formality, and readability of the essay, ensuring the vocabulary is appropriate for an analytical academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons. It presents a clear overview of the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent doing housework over the specified period. The key features, such as the increasing ownership of appliances and the decreasing time spent on housework, are highlighted appropriately.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific data points or trends to further support its overview. Additionally, extending the explanation of the comparisons made between different appliances and time spent on housework could enhance the depth of analysis. Ensure accuracy and precision in presenting statistical information.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively organizes information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. It begins with an overview of the graphs and provides a clear summary of the main features. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, such as ownership of electrical appliances or time spent doing housework, enhancing the coherence of the essay. The use of transition words and phrases facilitates the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, the essay demonstrates a range of cohesive devices, such as referencing time periods and comparing data points, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining the introduction to provide a more comprehensive overview of the data presented in the graphs. Additionally, ensure consistency in referencing data points throughout the essay to enhance clarity and coherence. Finally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and maintains logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the data. It utilizes vocabulary related to household appliances and activities, such as "utilizing appliances," "ownership rate," "cleaning," "households owning," etc. The essay also employs less common lexical items like "surpassing," "notably," and "soaring," showing some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "soaring and surpassing the figures" could be refined for clarity. Overall, the vocabulary use allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information effectively.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, strive for more varied sentence structures and explore synonyms for frequently used words. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and ensure precise word choice throughout the essay. Avoid using redundant phrases like "after which it dropped more than half in 1920," as it can lead to confusion. Reviewing the essay for coherence and clarity can help refine the use of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. There is effective use of complex structures to convey information, such as the comparison of ownership rates and the trend of time spent on housework. The essay effectively summarizes the information presented in the charts and makes relevant comparisons.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, pay closer attention to sentence structure variety. Introducing more diverse sentence structures can add depth and sophistication to the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors such as typos and ensuring consistent punctuation usage can help refine the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graphs illustrate changes in the ownership of electrical appliances and the time spent on housework in households in a particular country from 1920 to 2019.

Overall, there was a notable increase in the adoption of electrically powered appliances in households, with the percentage of households utilizing fridges and vacuum cleaners exceeding 50% from 1960 onwards. Conversely, there was a considerable decrease in the amount of time spent on household chores over the same period.

In 1920, approximately 40% of households owned washing machines, the highest proportion recorded during the period under consideration. This figure increased by around 20% over the subsequent two decades, reaching approximately 65% by the end of the period. Similarly, the ownership rate of vacuum cleaners saw a significant rise from 30% in 1920 to 100% in 2000, remaining constant at that level even 19 years later. A similar trend, albeit more pronounced, was observed in households owning refrigerators, with virtually no households owning them in 1920, but reaching 100% ownership by 1960, maintaining this level thereafter. This level mirrored that of households owning vacuum cleaners from 2000 onwards.

The time spent on household cleaning activities witnessed a substantial decline, starting at 50 hours per week in 1920. This decreased by more than half in 1940 and continued to decline steadily to 10 hours per week by the end of the period.