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The crime rate in many countries tend to increase rapidly. What are some problems of this issue? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the crime rate.

The crime rate in many countries tend to increase rapidly.
What are some problems of this issue?
Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the crime rate.

Introduction
-Crime rates have never failed to attract public attention.
-Crime rates in some countries tend to increase rapidly and out of control.
-This essay aims to present the main problems for criminal behavior and propose some measures to prevent the current crime rate.
One major problem associated with rising crime is the economic recession. Maintaining a weak economy, unemployment, and inflation in countries will certainly affect crime rates and give rise to crime.
-One of the reasons for this is that many businesses reduce investment in production and business, leading to unemployment and job loss for workers. From here, life is difficult, with robberies, thefts and frauds arising. For example, ABC News( 2023,April 19) found that at last April, a Home Depot employee was shot and killed in a store in Pleasanton, California, after trying to stop a female shoplifting suspect .It can be seen that economic inequality can cause many social problems including increased unemployment, reduced income which is a threat to human life.
-Another problem to consider is drug crime. The increase in the number of cases and deaths is of great concern to the government and people. A part of the population wants to get rich at all costs, they trade drugs, organize drug circulation, and smuggle drugs. sneaking drugs into residential areas for addicts to use. Another reason is that some families have a carefree lifestyle, do not manage their children's education well, and pay little attention to their children. For example, Many people use synthetic drugs, leading to mental disorders and loss of behavioral control. Drug addiction causes murders, intentional injuries, and traffic accidents that kill many people, causing particularly serious consequences, affecting social order and safety, causing anxiety and insecurity, peace in public opinion. Unless the Government has to increase penalties this problem will be solved and will no longer be a threat to the people.
Solution

Nowadays, many solutions are being proposed to solve the problem of crime.

-To limit socio-economic inequality issues, the state needs to provide medical support and reduce tuition for pupils and students in difficult circumstances. Although it contributes to improving the health of everyone, there are still some shortcomings such as the situation where the poor and unemployed still use frozen food. Forming a gap between the rich and the poor on the basis of democracy. Today, the state increasingly creates work opportunities for the poor, aiming to reduce the unemployment rate.
-In some countries around the world, there are laws that punish drug addicts.Death penalty for drugs(2023,March 17) found that in the Philippines, drug traffickers are sentenced to death. You may be presumed to be a drug trafficker if you have more than a third of an ounce of a drug in your possession

Conclusion
The article clarifies the problem of crime rate and some measures to overcome crime rate.
-Summary the ideas analyzed in the body of the article
… causes some problems related to …/ only if
-I think these solutions bring certain effectiveness in some countries around the world.
-Prevent crime and don't turn yourself into a criminal.
So that everyone can live and develop in a positive society, a peaceful country without the danger caused by criminals.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Crime rates have never failed to attract public attention." -> "Crime rates consistently capture public attention."
    Explanation: The original sentence is acceptable, but the suggested improvement uses a more sophisticated structure, replacing "have never failed" with "consistently capture," which aligns better with formal language.

  2. "Crime rates in some countries tend to increase rapidly and out of control." -> "Crime rates in certain nations tend to escalate rapidly and become unmanageable."
    Explanation: The recommended changes enhance the formality of the sentence by using more precise terms like "certain nations," "escalate rapidly," and "become unmanageable."

  3. "This essay aims to present the main problems for criminal behavior and propose some measures to prevent the current crime rate." -> "This essay aims to elucidate key factors contributing to criminal behavior and propose preventive measures to address the current crime rate."
    Explanation: The improved version employs more formal language, replacing "present the main problems for criminal behavior" with "elucidate key factors contributing to criminal behavior" and "propose some measures" with "propose preventive measures."

  4. "Maintaining a weak economy, unemployment, and inflation in countries will certainly affect crime rates and give rise to crime." -> "Sustaining a feeble economy, high unemployment, and inflation in countries will undoubtedly impact crime rates and contribute to an increase in criminal activities."
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce more formal vocabulary such as "feeble economy," "impact crime rates," and "increase in criminal activities."

  5. "It can be seen that economic inequality can cause many social problems including increased unemployment, reduced income which is a threat to human life." -> "Economic inequality is observed to engender numerous social problems, including heightened unemployment and diminished income, posing a threat to human well-being."
    Explanation: The recommended alterations enhance clarity and formality by rephrasing and structuring the sentence more precisely.

  6. "Another problem to consider is drug crime." -> "Another significant issue to consider is drug-related crime."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement adds specificity and formality by replacing "drug crime" with "drug-related crime."

  7. "Unless the Government has to increase penalties this problem will be solved and will no longer be a threat to the people." -> "Unless the government implements stricter penalties, this issue will persist and continue to pose a threat to the public."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language, replacing "the Government has to increase penalties" with "the government implements stricter penalties" for a more refined expression.

  8. "Nowadays, many solutions are being proposed to solve the problem of crime." -> "Currently, numerous solutions are being proposed to address the issue of crime."
    Explanation: The recommended changes use a more formal and precise term, replacing "solve the problem" with "address the issue."

  9. "Although it contributes to improving the health of everyone, there are still some shortcomings such as the situation where the poor and unemployed still use frozen food." -> "While it contributes to enhancing overall health, there are still shortcomings, such as instances where the poor and unemployed rely on processed food."
    Explanation: The suggested improvements refine the sentence by using "enhancing overall health" and specifying the issue with "the poor and unemployed still use frozen food."

  10. "Forming a gap between the rich and the poor on the basis of democracy." -> "Exacerbating the gap between the rich and the poor within the framework of democracy."
    Explanation: The suggested change uses more formal language, replacing "forming a gap" with "exacerbating the gap" for a more precise expression.

  11. "The article clarifies the problem of crime rate and some measures to overcome crime rate." -> "The article elucidates the issues surrounding crime rates and proposes measures to mitigate them."
    Explanation: The improved version uses more formal language, replacing "clarifies the problem of crime rate" with "elucidates the issues surrounding crime rates" and "overcome crime rate" with "mitigate them."

  12. "Summary the ideas analyzed in the body of the article" -> "Summarize the analyzed ideas presented in the body of the article."
    Explanation: The recommended change corrects the grammar, replacing "Summary" with "Summarize."

  13. "I think these solutions bring certain effectiveness in some countries around the world." -> "I believe these solutions demonstrate efficacy in various countries globally."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement uses a more formal term, replacing "bring certain effectiveness" with "demonstrate efficacy."

  14. "Prevent crime and don’t turn yourself into a criminal." -> "Prevent crime and refrain from engaging in criminal activities."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language, replacing "don’t turn yourself into a criminal" with "refrain from engaging in criminal activities" for a more sophisticated expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It identifies two main problems contributing to the increase in crime rates – economic recession and drug-related crimes. Furthermore, the essay suggests measures to address these issues, such as providing medical support and reducing tuition for those in difficult circumstances and imposing strict penalties for drug-related offenses.

    • How to improve: While the essay successfully addresses the components of the prompt, it could benefit from a more detailed analysis of the problems and solutions presented. Providing specific examples or statistics would enhance the depth of the response.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout. It consistently argues that economic recession and drug-related crimes are significant contributors to rising crime rates. The proposed solutions also align with these identified problems, ensuring a coherent stance.

    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on economic recession and drug-related crimes adequately. It provides some examples, such as the Home Depot incident and the Philippines’ death penalty for drug traffickers. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough, with deeper analysis and more varied examples to enrich the content.

    • How to improve: To improve, the essay could include more detailed explanations, delve deeper into the causes and consequences of the identified problems, and use a wider range of examples to support its arguments.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the problems of increasing crime rates and suggesting measures to counter them. However, there is a brief mention of frozen food and democracy, which may be somewhat tangential to the main focus.

    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should avoid introducing elements that are not directly related to the main discussion. Stick to the core issues of economic recession and drug-related crimes.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the task response criteria and earns a Band Score of 8, improvements in depth of analysis, clarity, development of ideas, and maintaining focus could further elevate the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction introduces the topic and the main points to be discussed. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the discussion on economic recession and its impact on crime is presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. The transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider developing a more structured approach within paragraphs. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to create a more cohesive flow. For instance, in the economic recession paragraph, start with a clear statement about its impact on crime, provide specific examples, and then conclude with a smooth transition to the next point.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure within some paragraphs is not consistently effective. Paragraphs should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. In some instances, the lack of clear organization within paragraphs hinders the essay’s overall readability.

    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a consistent paragraph structure throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the main idea. Follow this with supporting details and examples. Conclude each paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main point and transitions smoothly to the next paragraph. This will contribute to a more organized and reader-friendly essay.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "Another problem to consider is…," "Nowadays, many solutions are being proposed…"). However, the use is limited, and a more varied range of cohesive devices could strengthen the essay’s coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections to preceding or succeeding ideas.

    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to establish clearer connections between ideas. Include a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay smoothly. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall coherence, building on the preceding information and setting the stage for the subsequent content. This will enhance the essay’s overall cohesion and make it more cohesive and easy to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use various words and phrases, the choices sometimes lack precision and diversity. For instance, there is repetition of terms like "crime rate," "problem," and "solution" throughout the essay. Additionally, some sentences are overly simplistic, hindering the demonstration of a richer vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and more nuanced expressions. Avoid repetitive use of certain terms and explore alternative ways to convey ideas. Be mindful of sentence structure, aiming for complexity without sacrificing clarity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary. Certain terms are used vaguely, such as "economic recession," "drug crime," and "carefree lifestyle." The lack of specificity in these terms impacts the clarity and depth of the discussion. Moreover, there are instances where more precise words could replace general ones, leading to a clearer and more impactful expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Work on refining your vocabulary by using more precise and contextually appropriate terms. Instead of broad terms like "economic recession," consider specifying aspects like "financial downturn" or "economic instability." Be meticulous in choosing words to accurately convey the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy overall. However, there are some minor errors, such as missing spaces after commas and inconsistent use of capitalization (e.g., "Home Depot" vs. "home depot"). While these do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to detail in spelling and punctuation would enhance the professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Review and edit your work carefully to catch and correct minor spelling and punctuation errors. Utilize proofreading tools or ask a peer to provide feedback on these aspects. Consistency in capitalization and punctuation contributes to a polished and professional presentation.

In summary, the essay achieves a band score of 6 in Lexical Resource, indicating a satisfactory but not outstanding performance. To improve, focus on diversifying and refining your vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining meticulous spelling and punctuation practices.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use different sentence types, including complex and compound sentences. However, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, leading to clarity issues. For instance, in the introduction, the sentence "One major problem associated with rising crime is the economic recession" is clear but could benefit from more concise phrasing.
    • How to improve: Consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance clarity and readability. Shorten and simplify complex sentences for better understanding. For example, the sentence discussing economic problems could be revised for greater clarity: "The economic recession is a major factor contributing to the rise in crime."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of grammatical accuracy, with noticeable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "Crime rates in some countries tend to increase rapidly and out of control," where the phrase "out of control" does not align with the verb tense. Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances of missing commas, affecting sentence flow.
    • How to improve: Review and edit for subject-verb agreement issues, ensuring consistency in verb tenses. Pay attention to the placement of commas for improved punctuation accuracy. For example, in the sentence "Maintaining a weak economy, unemployment, and inflation in countries will certainly affect crime rates," consider adding commas for clarity: "Maintaining a weak economy, unemployment, and inflation in countries will certainly affect crime rates."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts varied sentence structures, attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence clarity is needed for a more polished and coherent response.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Introduction:**
Crime rates consistently capture public attention. In various nations, these rates tend to escalate rapidly, posing significant challenges. This essay aims to elucidate key factors contributing to criminal behavior and propose preventive measures to address the current crime rate.

**Major Problems of Rising Crime:**
One major issue associated with the surge in crime is the economic recession. Sustaining a feeble economy, high unemployment, and inflation in countries will undoubtedly impact crime rates and contribute to an increase in criminal activities. When businesses reduce investment, unemployment rises, leading to difficult lives and a surge in robberies, thefts, and frauds. For instance, ABC News (2023, April 19) reported an incident where a Home Depot employee was shot and killed in Pleasanton, California, while attempting to stop a shoplifting suspect. Economic inequality engenders social problems, including heightened unemployment and diminished income, posing a threat to human well-being.

Another significant issue to consider is drug-related crime. The increase in cases and deaths is a matter of great concern. Some individuals, driven by a desire to get rich, engage in drug trading, circulation, and smuggling, bringing drugs into residential areas for addicts. Negligence in managing children’s education and attention can lead to drug abuse, causing mental disorders and behavioral issues. Unless the government implements stricter penalties, this issue will persist and continue to pose a threat to the public.

**Proposed Measures to Reduce Crime:**
Currently, numerous solutions are being proposed to address the issue of crime. To address socio-economic inequality, the state should provide medical support and reduce tuition for disadvantaged pupils and students. Although contributing to overall health, there are still shortcomings, such as instances where the poor and unemployed rely on processed food, exacerbating the gap between the rich and the poor within the framework of democracy. The state is increasingly creating job opportunities for the poor to reduce the unemployment rate.

In some countries, strict laws punishing drug offenders, including the death penalty, have proven effective. For instance, in the Philippines, drug traffickers are sentenced to death if found with more than a third of an ounce of drugs.

**Conclusion:**
In conclusion, this essay has elucidated the issues surrounding crime rates and proposed measures to mitigate them. Summarize the analyzed ideas presented in the body of the article. I believe these solutions demonstrate efficacy in various countries globally. It is crucial to prevent crime and refrain from engaging in criminal activities so that everyone can live and develop in a positive, peaceful society without the danger caused by criminals.

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