The debate over the legalization of recreational drugs continues, with one side advocating for personal freedom and the potential economic benefits, while the other emphasizes the health and social risks associated with drug use. Discuss both viewpoints and present your stance on the legalization of recreational drugs.
Opinions vary on whether consuming substances for recreation should be allowed or wholly forbidden. This essay will explore both viewpoints before advocating for the prohibition of such products due to the far-reaching repercussions to society and its members.
On the one hand, opponents of drug legitimization may argue in favour of individuals’ liberty and potential economic gains. Initially, they may posit that it is the right of public members to consume recreational substances, and any restrictions would likely provoke widespread opposition. Indeed, there have been many a protest in the past against the total ban on nicotine in America, causing social disturbances and even rendering prohibitions counter-productive. Secondly, it is contended that the legitimization of such a product could boost the national economy. This is because many addictive drug manufacturers these days are providing employment for people within a country, as exemplified by many people working in the assembly line of cigarettes presently. Thus, by infringing on the freedom of drug usage, we are arguably compromising on viable economic merits.
On the other hand, while the benefits of legalizing recreational drugs cannot be denied, this essay asserts that their ramifications on society and its people prove to take precedence. On an individual basis, this has the potential to deteriorate users’ health in the long run. Given the rejuvenating properties of most substances these days, they are inclined to induce long-lasting addiction, often to the detriment of one’s mental well-being. Research has shown a direct correlation between drug dependence and a rise in depressive symptoms, highlighting its severe impacts on users. On a broader scale, this may give rise to social upheaval, for many individuals could be driven to defy the laws. Drug addicts, facing economic strains from their habits, may resort to crimes such as theft to perpetuate their addiction. This would, consequently, pose a threat to society since such misdemeanours purportedly lead to disturbances or even mortality.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential economic advantages and personal autonomy apropos of recreational drugs, I am convinced that such substances should be prohibited completely on account of its far-reaching implications for society and its members.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"Opinions vary" -> "Perspectives diverge"
Explanation: Replacing "Opinions vary" with "Perspectives diverge" elevates the language by using a more sophisticated synonym. It maintains the meaning while enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.
"forbidden" -> "prohibited"
Explanation: "Forbidden" is slightly informal; replacing it with "prohibited" aligns better with academic tone and maintains the formality of the text.
"advocating for" -> "advocating"
Explanation: "Advocating for" can be simplified to "advocating" without altering the meaning. It streamlines the sentence and sounds more concise in an academic context.
"On the one hand" -> "One perspective posits"
Explanation: Replacing the informal introductory phrase "On the one hand" with a more formal expression like "One perspective posits" enhances the academic style and clarity.
"may argue in favour of" -> "may support"
Explanation: "Argue in favour of" can be substituted with "support" to maintain the meaning in a more direct and formal manner.
"public members" -> "members of the public"
Explanation: "Public members" is less formal; using "members of the public" is a more standard and appropriate term in academic writing.
"many a protest" -> "numerous protests"
Explanation: "Many a protest" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "numerous protests" maintains formality and clarity.
"counter-productive" -> "counterproductive"
Explanation: This is a minor correction for hyphenation. "Counterproductive" is the correct spelling and is more formal.
"addictive drug manufacturers" -> "manufacturers of addictive drugs"
Explanation: Adjusting word order to "manufacturers of addictive drugs" sounds more natural and conforms to academic writing standards.
"by infringing on" -> "by restricting"
Explanation: Changing "by infringing on" to "by restricting" maintains the sense of limiting without the slightly informal tone of "infringing on."
"long-lasting addiction" -> "persistent addiction"
Explanation: "Long-lasting addiction" can be replaced with "persistent addiction" to convey the same idea more succinctly and formally.
"on one’s mental well-being" -> "on mental health"
Explanation: Simplifying "on one’s mental well-being" to "on mental health" retains clarity while using a more concise and standard term.
"proves to take precedence" -> "take precedence"
Explanation: Removing "proves to" streamlines the sentence while maintaining the intended meaning in a more concise manner.
"rejuvenating properties" -> "mind-altering properties"
Explanation: "Rejuvenating properties" might imply positive effects; "mind-altering properties" accurately conveys the potential negative impact of substances.
"purportedly lead to" -> "allegedly result in"
Explanation: Replacing "purportedly lead to" with "allegedly result in" maintains formality and clarity in academic writing.
"such misdemeanours" -> "such criminal activities"
Explanation: Substituting "misdemeanours" with "criminal activities" provides a clearer and more formal term for the context.
"I am convinced" -> "This essay contends"
Explanation: Shifting from a personal statement to a more formal stance by using "This essay contends" strengthens the academic tone of the conclusion.
These changes help align the vocabulary with a more formal, academic style while preserving the original meaning and flow of the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It explores both viewpoints on the legalization of recreational drugs before presenting a clear stance against it. The sections discussing personal freedom, economic benefits, health risks, and social consequences are comprehensive.
- How to improve: No improvement is necessary in this aspect. The essay successfully covers all aspects of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the prohibition of recreational drugs. Each paragraph reinforces the stance, providing examples and reasoning to support the argument.
- How to improve: The clarity and consistency are strong. To enhance further, consider emphasizing the stance in the introduction and conclusion to create a more cohesive structure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples and reasoning for both viewpoints before offering a well-supported argument against the legalization of recreational drugs.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each example is directly tied to the main points and thesis. A more explicit connection between economic benefits and the prohibition stance could strengthen the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the legalization of recreational drugs and the associated viewpoints. However, there are some moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of nicotine bans in America.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, avoid tangential references. Keep examples and arguments directly tied to the central theme of drug legalization to maintain coherence.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively addresses the prompt. The clarity of the position, comprehensive exploration of viewpoints, and well-supported arguments contribute to the high band score. To further improve, focus on maintaining topic relevance and reinforcing the stance in the introduction and conclusion. Overall, a well-executed response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument before stating the author’s position. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific viewpoint, providing clarity and coherence. However, there’s room for improvement in the introduction, where a clearer thesis statement could enhance the overall organization.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the introduction to explicitly outline the essay’s stance on the legalization of recreational drugs. A well-defined thesis statement can guide readers and provide a roadmap for the essay.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect of the debate, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is a minor inconsistency in paragraph length, with the second paragraph being notably shorter.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length to maintain a balanced and visually appealing structure. Ensure that each paragraph fully develops its point, avoiding abrupt transitions that may disrupt the essay’s flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and linking words, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices employed.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used. While the essay already includes some effective transitions, incorporating a broader array (e.g., synonyms, pronouns, parallel structures) can further enhance the coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, with well-organized content and effective paragraphing. To improve further, focus on refining the introduction for a clearer thesis statement, maintaining consistency in paragraph length, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and nuanced expression of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate diverse words and expressions, such as "repercussions," "legitimization," and "counter-productive." However, some phrases are repeated, and there is room for improvement in the selection of more sophisticated and varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance your score in this criterion, strive for greater diversity in your word choice. Instead of relying on common phrases, experiment with more nuanced and advanced vocabulary. For instance, explore synonyms for frequently used words and incorporate them judiciously. This will not only elevate the language but also demonstrate a more advanced lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where expressions could be more exact. For example, the phrase "rejuvenating properties of most substances these days" could be more specific. Additionally, the term "misdemeanours" might be replaced with a more accurate term, considering the context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words and phrases that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid vague or overly general terms. In the case of "rejuvenating properties," specify which substances and properties are being referred to. Also, consider using a term like "criminal activities" instead of "misdemeanours" to provide a clearer and more specific description.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances that require attention. For instance, "legitimization" appears to be the preferred spelling, and "repercussions" is correctly used. Nevertheless, there are minor errors, such as "prohibitied" instead of "prohibited" and "apropos" instead of "with regard to."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, make a conscious effort to double-check the spelling of words that may be prone to mistakes. Developing this habit will contribute to consistently accurate spelling throughout your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures. The essay tends to rely on some repetitive patterns, which may impact the overall fluency and sophistication of expression. For instance, there is a consistent use of the "On the one hand…On the other hand" structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types such as inverted sentences, conditional sentences, and rhetorical questions. Experiment with different introductory phrases and transitions to add fluidity and complexity to your writing.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where sentence construction could be refined for clarity. For example, in the phrase "This essay asserts that their ramifications on society and its people prove to take precedence," the construction is slightly convoluted. It would benefit from simplifying the expression to improve clarity.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence construction, ensuring that ideas are presented clearly and concisely. Avoid overly complex structures that might confuse the reader. Proofread carefully to catch any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays competent punctuation usage for the most part. However, there are a few instances where commas could be used more effectively for clarity. For example, in the sentence "Given the rejuvenating properties of most substances these days, they are inclined to induce long-lasting addiction," a comma after "days" would enhance readability.
- How to improve: Focus on the precise use of punctuation marks, especially commas, to clarify the relationships between different parts of a sentence. Review the rules for comma usage in complex sentences and practice incorporating them appropriately. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, but refinement in sentence variety and precision could elevate the writing to a higher band score. Keep practicing diverse sentence constructions and pay attention to fine-tuning grammatical nuances for continued improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions diverge on whether the consumption of substances for recreational purposes should be allowed or completely prohibited. This essay will explore both perspectives before advocating for the prohibition of such products due to the significant repercussions for society and its members.
On one hand, opponents of drug legalization may argue in favor of individual freedom and potential economic benefits. Initially, they may assert that it is the right of the public to consume recreational substances, and any restrictions would likely provoke widespread opposition. Indeed, there have been numerous protests in the past against the total ban on nicotine in America, causing social disturbances and rendering prohibitions counterproductive. Secondly, it is argued that the legalization of such products could boost the national economy. This is because many manufacturers of addictive drugs currently provide employment for people within a country, as exemplified by many working in the assembly line of cigarettes. Thus, by restricting the freedom of drug usage, we are arguably compromising on viable economic merits.
On the other hand, while the benefits of legalizing recreational drugs cannot be denied, this essay contends that their ramifications on society and its people take precedence. On an individual basis, this has the potential to deteriorate users’ health in the long run. Given the mind-altering properties of most substances these days, they are inclined to induce persistent addiction, often to the detriment of one’s mental well-being. Research has shown a direct correlation between drug dependence and a rise in depressive symptoms, highlighting its severe impacts on users. On a broader scale, this may lead to social upheaval, as many individuals could be driven to defy the laws. Drug addicts, facing economic strains from their habits, may resort to criminal activities such as theft to perpetuate their addiction. This would, consequently, pose a threat to society, as such criminal activities allegedly result in disturbances or even mortality.
In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential economic advantages and personal autonomy regarding recreational drugs, I am convinced that such substances should be prohibited completely due to their far-reaching implications for society and its members.