The diagram below shows how one type of coal is used to produce electricity.

The exhibited procedure illustrates the way in which one type of coal is manufactured.
Overall, there are eight major steps required to produce, commencing with mining coal and culminating in delivering electricity to houses and factories.
At the beginning of the process, coal is excavated from underground mines. After that, large chunks of coal are crushed into finer pieces before being transported to a gacifier. In this process, coal is burned with high heat to create gas. This amount of gas, subsequently, sent to a facility to be cooled off, during which waste heat is emitted.
In the next stage, the cooled gas undergoes purification before using as input for a gas power plant. At the same time, eccessive heat is released as a resource of waste. Ultimately, the generated electric current is trasmitted via power lines to meet the demands of businesses and residences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"manufactured" -> "produced"
Explanation: The term "manufactured" generally implies a more industrial or mechanical creation process, whereas "produced" is a more universally applicable term for the generation of goods or energy, making it more suitable for the context of coal processing.
"delivering electricity" -> "distributing electricity"
Explanation: "Distributing" specifically refers to dispersing or supplying goods or services across a range of locations, which is more accurate for the process of electricity reaching various end-users than "delivering," which implies a direct, one-time transfer.
"large chunks of coal are crushed" -> "substantial coal fragments are pulverized"
Explanation: "Substantial coal fragments" and "pulverized" both provide a more precise and technically accurate description of the coal processing stage, enhancing the formality and specificity of the language.
"gacifier" -> "gasifier"
Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. The correct term for the device used to convert organic or fossil fuel based material into carbon monoxide, hydrogen, and carbon dioxide is "gasifier."
"This amount of gas" -> "This volume of gas"
Explanation: In the context of gases, "volume" is the correct term used to describe the quantity of gas, rather than "amount," which is more generically used for uncountable nouns.
"to be cooled off" -> "to be cooled"
Explanation: The phrase "cooled off" is colloquial and less formal. Simply using "cooled" maintains a more formal and clear expression suitable for technical writing.
"before using as input" -> "before being used as input"
Explanation: The phrase should include "being" to grammatically indicate that the gas undergoes the action of use as input, which makes the sentence structure more correct and formal.
"eccessive heat" -> "excessive heat"
Explanation: This is a spelling correction. "Excessive" means more than necessary, which correctly describes the heat being discussed.
"resource of waste" -> "source of waste"
Explanation: "Source" is the correct term when referring to the origin or starting point of something, in this case, waste heat, whereas "resource" implies a supply that can be used beneficially.
"trasmitted" -> "transmitted"
Explanation: Another spelling correction; "transmitted" is the correct form of the word, meaning to pass something from one place to another, which is applicable to the transmission of electricity.
"to meet the demands" -> "to satisfy the demands"
Explanation: "Satisfy" is a more specific verb in this context, indicating the fulfillment of requirements or needs, and thereby enhancing the precision of the language used.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by presenting an overview of the process of using coal to produce electricity. It covers all the major steps involved, from mining coal to delivering electricity, although some steps are not as clearly explained as they could be. Key features of the process are highlighted, such as crushing coal, gasification, purification of gas, and transmission of electricity via power lines.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detail and clarity in explaining each step of the process. Additionally, ensuring that all key features are fully extended and accurately described would strengthen the response. Consider refining language and grammar for clearer communication of ideas. Remember to provide factual information without conjecture or speculation.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently with a clear overall progression, starting from mining coal to delivering electricity. There is effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas, although there are some mechanical or faulty instances. The central topic of each paragraph is clear, focusing on different stages of the process. However, the paragraphing is not always logical, particularly in the second paragraph where multiple actions are described in a single sentence, making it less cohesive.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on clearer paragraphing. Break down complex sentences into smaller, more digestible parts to improve clarity and cohesion. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some basic and repetitive language used throughout. While the essay does convey the process adequately, it lacks variety and sophistication in vocabulary choice. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "gacifier" instead of "gasifier" and "trasmitted" instead of "transmitted." Additionally, there are spelling errors like "eccessive" instead of "excessive" and "culminating" instead of "culminates," which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied language to describe the process. They should aim to use technical terms accurately and consistently, such as "gasifier" instead of "gacifier." Proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring correct word formation would also enhance the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating various structures such as passive voice ("coal is excavated"), gerunds ("burning with high heat"), and subordinate clauses ("Before using as input"). While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication. For example, "eccessive" should be "excessive," and "trasmitted" should be "transmitted."

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater consistency in sentence structures and ensure proper punctuation throughout the essay. Proofreading for errors such as misspellings and incorrect word usage will further improve clarity and precision. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and complex constructions can elevate the essay’s sophistication and language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the process involved in the production of electricity using a specific type of coal. Overall, there are eight distinct stages involved in this process, starting from the extraction of coal from underground mines to the distribution of electricity to both residential and industrial consumers.

Initially, coal is excavated from underground mines. Subsequently, the large coal chunks are crushed into smaller pieces before being transported to a gasifier. In this stage, coal undergoes combustion at high temperatures to produce gas. The resulting gas is then conveyed to a facility for cooling, during which waste heat is emitted.

Following the cooling process, the gas undergoes purification before being utilized as an input for a gas power plant. Simultaneously, excess heat is released as a waste resource. Eventually, the generated electric current is transmitted through power lines to meet the energy demands of various businesses and residences.