The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001

The diagram illustates Felixstone in UK had modifications between 1967 and 2001.
Overall, while the natural features still reamained, the space previously used for farming, trading and transport had been replaced.
In 1967, at the seafront, there was a pier, a marina and a fish market. A hotel and a cafe stood was in close proximity to the marina, not far from there was a group of trees and dunes. On the nother side of Felixstone, two blocks of shops were situated along High street. The shop on the West was beside the golf course, while the ones on the East were next to a farmland.
Thirty-four year later, there was no change in the green space, dunes, cafe and golf course.
Meanwhile, the most striking shift was public and private beaches were built as a replacement of a pier, marina and fish market. Nearby, the hotel was enlarged in size, adding a car park, and wind turbines had been erected south of dunes. Another notable feature was the removal of farm land to make room for a hotel, tennis courses and a swimming pool. Lastly, an apartment was constructed with a view to replacing the easthern shop on High street.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. Correcting the spelling enhances the professionalism of the text.
"Felixstone in UK" -> "Felixstowe in the United Kingdom"
Explanation: "Felixstone" is a misspelling of "Felixstowe," and "UK" should be expanded to "the United Kingdom" for formality and clarity.
"reamained" -> "remained"
Explanation: This is another typographical error. Correcting it improves the accuracy of the text.
"the space previously used for farming, trading and transport had been replaced" -> "the areas previously designated for agriculture, commerce, and transportation had been transformed"
Explanation: "Designated" is more precise than "used," and "agriculture," "commerce," and "transportation" are more formal alternatives to "farming," "trading," and "transport."
"stood was in close proximity" -> "stood in close proximity"
Explanation: The word "was" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence.
"not far from there was a group of trees and dunes" -> "adjacent to this area were a cluster of trees and dunes"
Explanation: "Adjacent to this area" is more precise than "not far from there," and "cluster" is a more formal term than "group."
"the nother side of Felixstone" -> "the northern side of Felixstowe"
Explanation: "Nother" is a typographical error, and "northern" is the correct adjective. Correcting the spelling of "Felixstone" to "Felixstowe" is also necessary.
"two blocks of shops were situated along High street" -> "two blocks of shops were located along High Street"
Explanation: "Located" is a more formal term than "situated," and "High Street" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"the shop on the West" -> "the shop on the western side"
Explanation: "Western side" is more precise and formal than "West."
"the ones on the East were next to a farmland" -> "those on the eastern side were adjacent to agricultural land"
Explanation: "Those" is more formal than "the ones," "eastern side" is more precise than "East," and "agricultural land" is a more formal term than "a farmland."
"Thirty-four year later" -> "Thirty-four years later"
Explanation: The plural form "years" is necessary for grammatical correctness.
"the green space, dunes, cafe and golf course" -> "the green spaces, dunes, café, and golf course"
Explanation: "Green spaces" should be plural for consistency, "café" should have the accent for correct spelling, and a comma should precede "and" for clarity.
"the most striking shift was public and private beaches were built as a replacement of a pier, marina and fish market" -> "the most striking shift was the construction of public and private beaches to replace the pier, marina, and fish market"
Explanation: "The construction of" clarifies the subject, and "to replace" is more precise than "as a replacement of."
"enlarged in size" -> "expanded"
Explanation: "Expanded" is a more concise and formal term than "enlarged in size."
"adding a car park, and wind turbines had been erected south of dunes" -> "adding a car park, and wind turbines were erected south of the dunes"
Explanation: Changing "had been erected" to "were erected" simplifies the tense and improves clarity.
"removal of farm land" -> "removal of agricultural land"
Explanation: "Agricultural land" is a more formal and precise term than "farm land."
"to make room for a hotel, tennis courses and a swimming pool" -> "to accommodate a hotel, tennis courts, and a swimming pool"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more formal term than "make room for," and "tennis courts" is the correct term instead of "tennis courses."
"an apartment was constructed with a view to replacing the easthern shop on High street" -> "an apartment was constructed to replace the eastern shop on High Street"
Explanation: "To replace" is more direct than "with a view to replacing," and "eastern" is corrected from "easthern." "High Street" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in Felixstone between 1967 and 2001. It identifies the key features of the diagrams and presents a clear comparison of the changes. However, the essay lacks some detail and accuracy. For example, it states that the hotel was enlarged in size and a car park was added, but it does not mention the addition of tennis courts and a swimming pool. Additionally, the essay states that an apartment was constructed to replace the eastern shop on High Street, but it does not mention the removal of the farmland.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail and accuracy in its description of the changes. For example, the essay could mention the specific changes that were made to the hotel, such as the addition of tennis courts and a swimming pool. The essay could also provide more detail about the removal of the farmland and the construction of the apartment.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in Felixstone, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the narrative smoothly. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "the space previously used for farming, trading and transport had been replaced" could be clearer. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, as some ideas are not well-separated or logically ordered.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas more logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic will aid in guiding the reader through the changes described. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will improve the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in Felixstone, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "was in close proximity" and "most striking shift." There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "illustates," "reamained," "nother," and "easthern," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of terms like "public and private beaches" and "tennis courses" lacks precision and sophistication, which is expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items and synonyms to avoid repetition. Attention should also be paid to spelling and word formation to reduce errors. Using more precise language to convey specific meanings and employing varied sentence structures can further improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as "illustates" (illustrates), "reamained" (remained), and incorrect sentence constructions like "a hotel and a cafe stood was in close proximity." These errors occasionally hinder clarity and comprehension. While some sentences are clear, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent, leading to a score of 5.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before submission to enhance overall accuracy.
Practice Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to clarify meaning and enhance readability.
Use of Connectives: Employ a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion and coherence in the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the changes in Felixstone, UK, between 1967 and 2001. Overall, while the natural features remained largely intact, the areas previously designated for farming, trading, and transport were significantly transformed.

In 1967, at the seafront, there was a pier, a marina, and a fish market. A hotel and a café were located in close proximity to the marina, and not far from there was a group of trees and dunes. On the northern side of Felixstone, two blocks of shops were situated along High Street. The shop on the west was adjacent to the golf course, while the ones on the east were next to farmland.

Thirty-four years later, there was no change in the green space, dunes, café, and golf course. Meanwhile, the most striking shift was the construction of public and private beaches, which replaced the pier, marina, and fish market. Nearby, the hotel was expanded, adding a car park, and wind turbines were erected south of the dunes. Another notable change was the removal of farmland to make way for a hotel, tennis courts, and a swimming pool. Lastly, an apartment complex was constructed to replace the eastern shop on High Street.