The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One school of thought holds that teaching science subjects should be prioritized while opponents argue that sociology is better. I partially advocate that assertion for the reasons mentioned in this essay.
On the one hand, detractors of this view could contend that science subjects are essential in several aspects. One of the most significant reasons is that these subjects generate economic growth. This is because nations who apply science knowledge in their fields may receive advantages such as technological advancements and job opportunities, with better quality of working and larger labor force. An additional key rationale for this belief is that some countries compete with others in markets in order to remain the dominant state. Therefore, local authorities invest in innovation and development. For instance, in the past,the Soviet Union and the USA were in the race to deliver humans to the moon.
On the other hand, despite all the undeniable merits that teaching science subjects can bring back, I still firmly believe that it would be better to consider sociology subjects' sole benefits. There is evidence to support the view that these subjects play a vital role in what makes us human. This could be explained by the fact that subjects like art, humanities, and social sciences enhance students' creativity, personalities, and hidden talents. Moreover, jobs' proportion in countries are diverse by providing a variety of skilled workers as a consequence of balanced teaching strategies.
In conclusion, I believe that promoting only science subjects is not the most effective way. Therefore, I would recommend that governments should equalize teaching science and sociology.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"One school of thought holds that" -> "One perspective suggests that"
Explanation: "One perspective suggests that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "One school of thought holds that," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague. -
"opponents argue" -> "opponents contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "argue" and is commonly used in academic writing to denote a more structured and reasoned opposition. -
"I partially advocate that assertion" -> "I partially support this view"
Explanation: "Support this view" is more direct and clear than "advocate that assertion," which is awkward and unclear in this context. -
"detractors of this view could contend" -> "critics of this perspective might argue"
Explanation: "Critics of this perspective might argue" is more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "detractors" and the vague "could contend." -
"generate economic growth" -> "contribute to economic growth"
Explanation: "Contribute to" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "generate," which can imply a more direct causality that may not always be accurate. -
"nations who apply science knowledge" -> "nations that apply scientific knowledge"
Explanation: "That" is the correct relative pronoun to use after "nations," and "scientific knowledge" is more specific and formal than "science knowledge." -
"receive advantages such as technological advancements and job opportunities" -> "enjoy advantages such as technological advancements and enhanced job opportunities"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is more formal than "receive" in this context, and "enhanced job opportunities" is more specific than "job opportunities." -
"with better quality of working and larger labor force" -> "with improved working conditions and a larger workforce"
Explanation: "Improved working conditions" and "a larger workforce" are more precise and formal terms than "better quality of working" and "larger labor force." -
"in order to remain the dominant state" -> "to maintain their dominance"
Explanation: "To maintain their dominance" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of nations competing to remain dominant. -
"the past,the Soviet Union and the USA were in the race to deliver humans to the moon" -> "in the past, the Soviet Union and the United States were engaged in a competition to land humans on the moon"
Explanation: "Engaged in a competition" is more precise and formal than "in the race," and "land humans on the moon" is more accurate than "deliver humans to the moon." -
"despite all the undeniable merits that teaching science subjects can bring back" -> "despite the undeniable benefits that teaching science subjects can offer"
Explanation: "Benefits" is more specific and formal than "merits," and "offer" is more appropriate than "bring back," which is awkward and unclear in this context. -
"I still firmly believe that it would be better to consider sociology subjects’ sole benefits" -> "I still firmly believe that it would be advantageous to consider the exclusive benefits of sociology subjects"
Explanation: "Advantageous" and "exclusive benefits" are more formal and precise than "better" and "sole benefits," enhancing the academic tone. -
"jobs’ proportion in countries are diverse" -> "the diversity of jobs in countries"
Explanation: "The diversity of jobs in countries" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward and incorrect construction "jobs’ proportion in countries are diverse." -
"providing a variety of skilled workers as a consequence of balanced teaching strategies" -> "resulting in a diverse range of skilled workers through balanced teaching strategies"
Explanation: "Resulting in" and "a diverse range of" are more formal and precise, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a partial agreement with the notion that science subjects should be prioritized for a country’s development. It discusses both sides of the argument, mentioning the benefits of science education and the importance of sociology. However, while the essay touches on both perspectives, it lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of prioritizing one over the other. For example, the discussion of sociology is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the detailed analysis of science subjects.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could benefit from a more balanced examination of both sides. This could involve providing specific examples of how sociology contributes to development, alongside the examples given for science. Additionally, a clearer explanation of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt would strengthen the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that while science subjects are important, sociology also holds significant value. However, the phrasing "I partially advocate that assertion" could be clearer. The position is somewhat muddled, especially in the conclusion, where the recommendation to equalize teaching could be interpreted as a lack of commitment to either side.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using more definitive language, such as "I believe both subjects are equally important," could help clarify the position. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this stance will enhance overall coherence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of science and sociology. The argument for science is supported with examples related to economic growth and historical context (e.g., the space race). However, the supporting details for sociology are less robust, lacking specific examples or data that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author should provide concrete examples or statistics that demonstrate the impact of sociology on society. This could include references to how social sciences contribute to understanding societal issues or enhance workforce diversity. Additionally, developing each point with more depth will help in extending the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of both science and sociology in the context of national development. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits of sociology without directly linking them back to the prompt’s emphasis on development.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question of how each subject contributes to a country’s development. Using topic sentences that clearly connect back to the prompt will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will strengthen the overall coherence of the argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, depth, and balance in addressing both sides will help improve the Task Response score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, presenting arguments for both sides of the debate regarding the prioritization of science subjects over sociology. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs are structured to discuss the merits of science subjects first, followed by the counterargument advocating for sociology. However, the transition between the two opposing views could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first argument, but the transition to the counterargument could benefit from a more explicit contrast, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast."
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs to guide the reader through the argumentation. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which can help reinforce the logical structure of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with distinct sections for the introduction, arguments for science, counterarguments for sociology, and the conclusion. Each paragraph is focused, which aids in clarity. However, the second body paragraph could be more clearly delineated, as it introduces multiple ideas without a strong linking sentence to connect them cohesively.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main idea and link it back to the overall thesis. This will reinforce the coherence of each section and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For example, the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to show relationships between ideas, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," which would enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases that clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, when introducing a counterargument, phrases like "However," "Nevertheless," or "Despite this" can provide a clearer contrast. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and improve cohesion throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical flow, there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph clarity, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argumentation and achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits of science and sociology. Phrases like "economic growth," "technological advancements," and "vital role" indicate an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the range is somewhat limited, as many terms are repeated (e.g., "subjects" and "teaching"), which can detract from the overall impression of lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "subjects," alternatives like "disciplines," "fields of study," or "areas of knowledge" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text (e.g., "critical role" instead of "vital role").
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "better quality of working" is awkward and unclear; it could be interpreted in various ways. The term "detractors" is also somewhat formal for the context, which may confuse readers unfamiliar with the term.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "better quality of working," a clearer phrase like "improved working conditions" would be more effective. Additionally, simplifying language where appropriate can help ensure that the message is conveyed clearly to a broader audience.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "the past,the" which lacks a space after the comma. Furthermore, "jobs’ proportion" is awkwardly phrased and could lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and phrases relevant to the topic can enhance overall spelling proficiency.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "One school of thought holds that teaching science subjects should be prioritized while opponents argue that sociology is better" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, phrases like "this could be explained by the fact that" show an attempt to elaborate on ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of varied clause structures, which can detract from the overall richness of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and experiment with different ways to combine ideas. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One of the most significant reasons is," the writer could vary the structure by using phrases like "A significant reason for this is…" or "This is significant because…". Additionally, integrating more relative clauses and participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, with only a few errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "nations who apply science knowledge in their fields may receive advantages" should use "that" instead of "who" since it refers to "nations." Additionally, the sentence "in the past,the Soviet Union and the USA were in the race to deliver humans to the moon" contains a punctuation error; there should be a space after the comma. Overall, while the grammatical structures are mostly accurate, these minor errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of relative pronouns. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can help. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, such as ensuring spaces after commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes that may have been overlooked during writing.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
One perspective suggests that teaching science subjects should be prioritized, while opponents contend that sociology holds greater importance. I partially support this view for the reasons outlined in this essay.
On the one hand, critics of this perspective might argue that science subjects are essential in several respects. One of the most significant reasons is that these subjects contribute to economic growth. This is because nations that apply scientific knowledge in their fields may enjoy advantages such as technological advancements and enhanced job opportunities, with improved working conditions and a larger workforce. An additional key rationale for this belief is that some countries compete with others in markets to maintain their dominance. Therefore, local authorities invest in innovation and development. For instance, in the past, the Soviet Union and the United States were engaged in a competition toland humans on the moon.
On the other hand, despite the undeniable benefits that teaching science subjects can offer, I still firmly believe that it would be advantageous to consider the exclusive benefits of sociology subjects. There is evidence to support the view that these subjects play a vital role in what makes us human. This can be explained by the fact that subjects like art, humanities, and social sciences enhance students’ creativity, personalities, and hidden talents. Moreover, the diversity of jobs in countries results in a diverse range of skilled workers through balanced teaching strategies.
In conclusion, I believe that promoting only science subjects is not the most effective approach. Therefore, I would recommend that governments should equalize the teaching of science and sociology.