The graph below shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK between 1950 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK between 1950 and 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart compares the figures of divorces and marriages in the UK in the period from 1950 to 2000. Overall, the numbers of divorces and second marriages witnessed an upward trend while the figures of all marriages and first marriages exhibited a reverse trend. Additionally, despite of experiencing downtrend, all marriages remained the subject with highest number throughout the period.
Regarding the decreasing categories, the figure of individuals anticipating all marriages constituted the highest number through fifty years from 1950 to 2000. It witnessed a steadily increased from approximately 450000 at the beginning to nearly 550000 in the first 30 years in prior hitting a significant plummet by about 100 thousand and finished at a low of under 450000 in 2000. Similarly, in 1950, there were around 370000 first marriages, which slightly rose by relatively 50000 to reach 420000 in the first three decades before experiencing extremely reduced to 310000 over the subsequent 20 years.
Concerning the other categories, despite starting with the modest figure of nearly 10000, the number of divorces saw a remarkable surge, overtaking the second marriages subject to reach the value of 300000 in 2000. This figure was 15 times higher than its initial number and 3 times higher than that of second marriages. On the contrary, although beginning with nearly 100000, the quantity of second marriages experienced fluctuations around this number and subsequently concluded at 100000 in 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"figures of divorces and marriages" -> "figures for divorces and marriages"
Explanation: The preposition "for" is more appropriate in this context, as it indicates the data being compared pertains to divorces and marriages.
"the numbers of divorces and second marriages witnessed an upward trend" -> "the numbers of divorces and second marriages exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise term than "witnessed," which can be seen as informal or vague in academic writing.
"the figures of all marriages and first marriages exhibited a reverse trend" -> "the figures for all marriages and first marriages displayed a downward trend"
Explanation: "Displayed" is a more precise term than "exhibited," and "downward trend" is clearer than "reverse trend," which can be ambiguous.
"despite of experiencing downtrend" -> "despite experiencing a downward trend"
Explanation: The phrase "despite of" is incorrect; "despite" alone suffices. "Downtrend" is less formal than "downward trend," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"remained the subject with highest number" -> "remained the category with the highest number"
Explanation: "Category" is more precise than "subject," and adding "the" before "highest number" improves grammatical accuracy.
"the figure of individuals anticipating all marriages constituted the highest number" -> "the figure for individuals anticipating all marriages represented the highest number"
Explanation: "Represented" is a more formal and precise verb than "constituted," which can imply a different meaning.
"It witnessed a steadily increased from approximately 450000" -> "It experienced a steady increase from approximately 450,000"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more appropriate verb in this context, and "steady increase" is the correct phrase, while "increased" should be "increase" to match the noun form.
"in prior hitting a significant plummet" -> "before experiencing a significant decline"
Explanation: "Before" is more appropriate than "in prior," and "decline" is a more formal term than "plummet," which can sound overly dramatic.
"finished at a low of under 450000 in 2000" -> "concluded at a low of below 450,000 in 2000"
Explanation: "Concluded" is a more formal term than "finished," and "below" is more precise than "under." Additionally, using a comma in "450,000" improves readability.
"which slightly rose by relatively 50000" -> "which slightly rose by approximately 50,000"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "relatively" in this context, and using a comma enhances clarity.
"before experiencing extremely reduced to 310000" -> "before experiencing a significant reduction to 310,000"
Explanation: "Significant reduction" is more formal and precise than "extremely reduced," which is vague.
"the number of divorces saw a remarkable surge" -> "the number of divorces experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "saw," and "significant increase" is a clearer and more precise term than "remarkable surge."
"subject to reach the value of 300000 in 2000" -> "reaching a value of 300,000 in 2000"
Explanation: The phrase "subject to reach" is awkward; "reaching" provides a smoother transition.
"This figure was 15 times higher than its initial number and 3 times higher than that of second marriages" -> "This figure was fifteen times higher than its initial value and three times higher than that of second marriages"
Explanation: Writing out the numbers "fifteen" and "three" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"the quantity of second marriages experienced fluctuations around this number" -> "the quantity of second marriages experienced fluctuations around this value"
Explanation: "Value" is a more precise term than "number" in this context, enhancing clarity.
"subsequently concluded at 100000 in 2000" -> "and subsequently concluded at 100,000 in 2000"
Explanation: Adding "and" improves the flow of the sentence, and using a comma in "100,000" enhances readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that the number of divorces saw a remarkable surge, overtaking the second marriages subject to reach the value of 300000 in 2000. However, the essay does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more effectively. For example, the essay could state that the number of divorces increased from approximately 10,000 in 1950 to 300,000 in 2000, while the number of second marriages remained relatively stable. The essay could also provide more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that the number of divorces increased by 15 times between 1950 and 2000.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or awkward. For example, phrases like "the figure of individuals anticipating all marriages constituted the highest number" could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the logical flow could be improved, particularly in the transitions between different categories of data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that each sentence flows smoothly into the next. Improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will also help avoid repetition and confusion. Furthermore, organizing paragraphs more logically by grouping similar ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic will strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, employing some less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "witnessed an upward trend" and "constituted the highest number," which may not convey the intended meaning clearly. Additionally, errors in spelling and word formation, such as "despite of experiencing downtrend" and "extremely reduced," are present but do not significantly impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, the inaccuracies and errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will improve clarity. Practicing with a wider range of vocabulary and reviewing common phrases used in data description can also help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "despite of experiencing downtrend" and "the figure of individuals anticipating all marriages constituted the highest number," which can hinder clarity. However, these errors do not significantly impede overall communication, allowing the reader to understand the main points.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase grammatical accuracy: Review sentence structures and ensure that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Avoid awkward phrases and ensure that all grammatical forms are used accurately.
Enhance variety in sentence structures: Incorporate a wider range of grammatical structures, including more subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings, to demonstrate flexibility.
Proofread for errors: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical and punctuation errors that may detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart compares the figures for divorces and marriages in the UK from 1950 to 2000. Overall, the numbers of divorces and second marriages experienced an upward trend, while the figures for all marriages and first marriages exhibited a downward trend. Additionally, despite this decline, all marriages consistently represented the highest number throughout the period.

Regarding the decreasing categories, the figure for individuals anticipating all marriages constituted the highest number over the fifty years from 1950 to 2000. It steadily increased from approximately 450,000 at the beginning to nearly 550,000 in the first 30 years, before experiencing a significant drop of about 100,000, finishing at a low of under 450,000 in 2000. Similarly, in 1950, there were around 370,000 first marriages, which slightly rose by approximately 50,000 to reach 420,000 in the first three decades, before experiencing a dramatic reduction to 310,000 over the subsequent 20 years.

Concerning the other categories, despite starting with a modest figure of nearly 10,000, the number of divorces saw a remarkable surge, overtaking the second marriages category to reach a value of 300,000 in 2000. This figure was 15 times higher than its initial number and three times higher than that of second marriages. In contrast, although beginning with nearly 100,000, the quantity of second marriages experienced fluctuations around this number and ultimately concluded at 100,000 in 2000.