The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of people by age group visiting the cinema at least once per month in one particular country between 1978 and 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line graph demonstrates number of visitors that came to the cinema monthly divided into different age ranges throughout the 20-year period, starting from 1978.

Overall, what can be stand out from the chart were the upward trends of the statistics presented by two oldest groups, while the opposite was true for the younger ones.

In term of visitors were in 14-24 groups, the figure for this groups, first plummed slightly from just over 90 people per month to approximately 87 in 1988, but then, there was a gradually rise 10 years later. The figure then remain stable but as result of the decline at the end of the period, in general, the line graph portrayed a gradual but continuous declined in 2003, commencing at an initial figure of around 92 people and decreasing to around 87 people permonth by the culmination of the observation period. Regarding to the 25-34 group, the line graph revealed a drop from 80 visitors a month to just 60 people in 1988. Although a recovery was made, up to 80 people in 1998, the figure for this group then remained stable for 5 years later and decreased by 5 people in the last examined year.

There was a similarity between the figure for group of age 35-49 and over 50. While 60 people in the 35-49 group visit cinema at least once per month, then the data illustrated a moderate decrease to 50 visitors in 1988. 10 years after, the figure witnessed a substantial increase, by 20 people, from 50 in 1988 to 70 in 1998. The number of visitor every month of this group stayed the same from 1998 to 2003 and decreased slightly in the last years to around 69 people. The figure for the group of age 50+ was similar to the 35-49 groups, except two things. Although two figure had the same shape, the figure for the older group was 20 people lower than the younger groups. Meanwhile, a decline was observed in the last years in term of age 35-49 groups, a slight rise was witnessed at the same time in the over 50 groups.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the given line graph demonstrates number of visitors" -> "the given line graph demonstrates the number of visitors"
Explanation: The article "the" is necessary to specify that we are discussing a particular quantity, enhancing clarity.
"what can be stand out from the chart" -> "what stands out from the chart"
Explanation: The phrase "can be stand out" is grammatically incorrect. "What stands out" is a more natural and concise expression.
"the upward trends of the statistics presented by two oldest groups" -> "the upward trends in the statistics presented by the two oldest groups"
Explanation: "In" is the correct preposition to use with "trends," and "the" clarifies that we are referring to specific groups.
"In term of visitors were in 14-24 groups" -> "In terms of visitors in the 14-24 age group"
Explanation: "In terms of" is the correct phrase, and "age group" is more precise than "groups," ensuring clarity.
"the figure for this groups, first plummed slightly" -> "the figure for this group initially plummeted slightly"
Explanation: "Group" should be singular to match "figure," and "plummeted" is a more precise verb than "plummed," which is a misspelling.
"but then, there was a gradually rise" -> "but then, there was a gradual rise"
Explanation: "Gradually" is an adverb and should be replaced with the adjective "gradual" to correctly modify "rise."
"the figure then remain stable" -> "the figure then remained stable"
Explanation: "Remain" should be in the past tense "remained" to maintain consistency with the past narrative.
"as result of the decline at the end of the period" -> "as a result of the decline at the end of the period"
Explanation: The article "a" is necessary to form the correct phrase "as a result."
"in general, the line graph portrayed a gradual but continuous declined" -> "in general, the line graph portrayed a gradual but continuous decline"
Explanation: "Declined" is the past tense verb form, while "decline" is the noun form needed here.
"commencing at an initial figure of around 92 people and decreasing to around 87 people permonth" -> "commencing at an initial figure of around 92 people and decreasing to around 87 people per month"
Explanation: "Permonth" should be separated into "per month" for correct spacing.
"the line graph revealed a drop from 80 visitors a month to just 60 people" -> "the line graph revealed a decrease from 80 visitors per month to just 60 visitors"
Explanation: "Decrease" is a more formal term than "drop," and "per month" is more precise than "a month." Additionally, using "visitors" maintains consistency in terminology.
"the figure for this group then remained stable for 5 years later" -> "the figure for this group then remained stable for 5 years"
Explanation: The phrase "for 5 years later" is redundant; "for 5 years" is sufficient.
"There was a similarity between the figure for group of age 35-49 and over 50" -> "There was a similarity between the figures for the 35-49 age group and the over-50 age group"
Explanation: "Figures" should be plural to match "similarity," and "the" clarifies the specific groups being discussed.
"While 60 people in the 35-49 group visit cinema at least once per month" -> "While 60 individuals in the 35-49 age group visited the cinema at least once per month"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "visited" maintains past tense consistency. Additionally, "the cinema" specifies the location.
"the data illustrated a moderate decrease to 50 visitors in 1988" -> "the data illustrated a moderate decrease to 50 visitors per month in 1988"
Explanation: Adding "per month" clarifies the frequency of the visitors.
"10 years after, the figure witnessed a substantial increase, by 20 people" -> "Ten years later, the figure witnessed a substantial increase of 20 visitors"
Explanation: "Ten years later" is more formal than "10 years after," and "of 20 visitors" is clearer than "by 20 people."
"the number of visitor every month of this group stayed the same" -> "the number of visitors per month for this group remained constant"
Explanation: "Visitors" should be plural, and "remained constant" is a more formal expression than "stayed the same."
"the figure for the group of age 50+ was similar to the 35-49 groups" -> "the figure for the over-50 age group was similar to that of the 35-49 age group"
Explanation: "Over-50 age group" is a more precise term, and "that of" avoids repetition.
"the figure for the older group was 20 people lower than the younger groups" -> "the figure for the older group was 20 visitors lower than that of the younger group"
Explanation: "Visitors" maintains consistency, and "that of" clarifies the comparison.
"Meanwhile, a decline was observed in the last years in term of age 35-49 groups" -> "Meanwhile, a decline was observed in the final years for the 35-49 age group"
Explanation: "Final years" is more precise than "last years," and "for the 35-49 age group" is clearer than "in term of age 35-49 groups."
"a slight rise was witnessed at the same time in the over 50 groups" -> "a slight rise was observed simultaneously in the over-50 age group"
Explanation: "Observed" is more formal than "witnessed," and "simultaneously" is a more precise temporal connector.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but it could be more fully extended.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more specific information about the percentage of people in each age group who visited the cinema at least once per month. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the graph. For example, instead of saying "the figure for this group then remained stable for 5 years later and decreased by 5 people in the last examined year," the essay could say "the percentage of people in the 25-34 age group who visited the cinema at least once per month remained stable for 5 years, before decreasing by 5% in the last year of the study."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe the trends in cinema attendance among different age groups, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument clearly. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "the figure then remain stable" and "the number of visitor every month of this group stayed the same" are poorly constructed and disrupt the flow of ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed in their own paragraphs.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer organization of ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Improving the accuracy and variety of cohesive devices will help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will strengthen the overall presentation of the essay. Using linking words and phrases more effectively can also help to indicate relationships between ideas and improve the logical flow of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary, inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are evident, such as "plummed" instead of "plummeted" and "remain stable but as result of the decline," which lacks clarity. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "permonth" and "in term of," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the vocabulary used does not convey precise meanings effectively, and the errors detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, particularly by incorporating more precise and contextually appropriate terms. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors would improve clarity. Practicing the use of collocations and varying sentence structures can also help convey ideas more fluently and flexibly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("plummed" instead of "plummeted"), missing articles ("the figure for this groups" should be "the figure for this group"), and issues with punctuation and sentence structure. These errors occasionally hinder communication, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument clearly. While some sentences are clear, the overall grammatical control is inconsistent.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically accurate.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before submission. This can help eliminate errors that distort meaning.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one, improving the overall flow of the essay. Using linking words and phrases can help with this.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify common errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line graph demonstrates the number of visitors who attended the cinema monthly, divided into different age ranges throughout the 20-year period starting from 1978.

Overall, what stands out from the chart is the upward trend in the statistics for the two oldest groups, while the opposite trend is observed for the younger ones.

In terms of visitors in the 14-24 age group, the figure for this group initially plummeted slightly from just over 90 people per month to approximately 87 in 1988. However, there was a gradual rise 10 years later. The figure then remained stable, but as a result of the decline at the end of the period, the line graph portrayed a gradual but continuous decrease in 2003, starting at an initial figure of around 92 people and decreasing to approximately 87 people per month by the end of the observation period. Regarding the 25-34 age group, the line graph revealed a drop from 80 visitors a month to just 60 people in 1988. Although a recovery occurred, bringing the number back up to 80 people in 1998, the figure for this group then remained stable for the next five years before decreasing by 5 people in the last examined year.

There was a similarity between the figures for the 35-49 age group and those aged over 50. While 60 people in the 35-49 group visited the cinema at least once per month, the data illustrated a moderate decrease to 50 visitors in 1988. Ten years later, the figure witnessed a substantial increase of 20 people, rising from 50 in 1988 to 70 in 1998. The number of visitors in this group remained the same from 1998 to 2003 and decreased slightly in the last years to around 69 people. The figure for the over 50 age group was similar to that of the 35-49 group, except for two aspects. Although both figures had the same trend, the number for the older group was consistently 20 people lower than that of the younger group. Meanwhile, while a decline was observed in the last years for the 35-49 group, a slight rise was noted at the same time in the over 50 group.