The graph shows the proportions of three nutrients in three different diets. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart delineates the percentage of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in three distinct diets.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the figure for carbohydrates accounted for most of all the surveyed types of eating programs, however, fat was not commonly used for these plans.

Referring to a healthy diet for sport, the portion of carbohydrates is largest, at 60%. The data on protein is lower, at 25%. Nonetheless, fat accounts for the lowest percentage, at 15%.

Notably, in the average diet, both the proportion of carbohydrates and protein is the same at 40%, this figure is double that of fat, at 20%. In a healthy eating plan, the percentage of carbohydrates in a healthy diet accounts for 50%, half of total nutrients, whereas 30% of protein and 20% of fat are ingested in this program.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie chart delineates" -> "The pie chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "delineates" in the context of presenting data in a visual format like a pie chart.
"it is evident that the figure for carbohydrates accounted for most of all the surveyed types of eating programs" -> "it is clear that carbohydrates comprise the largest proportion of all the surveyed diets"
Explanation: "Comprise" is more precise than "accounted for" in this context, and "diets" is a more specific term than "eating programs," aligning better with the academic style.
"however, fat was not commonly used for these plans" -> "however, fat is not a primary component in these diets"
Explanation: "Is not a primary component" is more specific and formal than "was not commonly used," which is vague and informal.
"the portion of carbohydrates is largest" -> "carbohydrates comprise the largest portion"
Explanation: Reversing the phrase improves readability and maintains a more formal structure typical of academic writing.
"the data on protein is lower" -> "the proportion of protein is lower"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "data" when referring to the amount of a substance in a composition.
"fat accounts for the lowest percentage" -> "fat represents the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Represents" is more formal and precise than "accounts for" in this context, and "smallest proportion" is a clearer and more academic way to describe the relative size of the percentage.
"Notably, in the average diet, both the proportion of carbohydrates and protein is the same" -> "Notably, in the average diet, both carbohydrates and protein have equal proportions"
Explanation: "Have equal proportions" is more concise and formal than "is the same," and removing "the" before "proportion" corrects the grammatical structure.
"this figure is double that of fat" -> "this proportion is double that of fat"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and appropriate than "figure" when discussing percentages in a comparative context.
"the percentage of carbohydrates in a healthy diet accounts for 50%" -> "carbohydrates account for 50% of a healthy diet"
Explanation: Reversing the phrase improves the sentence structure and clarity, aligning better with formal academic style.
"half of total nutrients, whereas 30% of protein and 20% of fat are ingested in this program" -> "half of the total nutrients, whereas 30% of protein and 20% of fat are consumed in this program"
Explanation: "Consumed" is more precise than "ingested" in this context, and "the total nutrients" clarifies the reference to the overall composition.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "the portion of carbohydrates is largest, at 60%" in the healthy diet for sport, but it does not make a clear comparison to the other diets. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "fat was not commonly used for these plans."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main features of the data and by making more explicit comparisons between the different diets. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from one diet to another. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "notably" and "referring to" are used, but some transitions feel mechanical. Paragraphing is present, but the organization within paragraphs could be clearer, particularly in distinguishing between the different diets.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Additionally, improving the logical structure of paragraphs by clearly defining the main topic of each one and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate directly to that topic would strengthen overall clarity. Finally, avoiding repetitive phrases and varying sentence structure could also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "delineates," "proportion," and "nutrients." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the figure for carbohydrates accounted for most of all the surveyed types of eating programs," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, while attempts are made to use less common vocabulary, some errors in word formation and phrasing occur, such as "the percentage of carbohydrates in a healthy diet accounts for 50%," which could be simplified for clarity. Overall, the vocabulary used does not impede communication, but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, reducing awkward phrasing and improving sentence structure will contribute to clearer communication. Engaging with more complex texts and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly impede communication. For example, phrases like "the figure for carbohydrates accounted for most of all the surveyed types of eating programs" could be clearer. Additionally, the use of "this figure is double that of fat" is somewhat informal and could be expressed more precisely. Overall, the essay shows an understanding of the task and presents the information clearly, but the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward constructions prevent it from scoring higher.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of complex structures with greater accuracy. Focusing on sentence variety and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would help. Additionally, refining phrasing for clarity and precision, as well as reviewing grammatical rules, would contribute to a more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart delineates the percentages of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in three distinct diets.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the proportion of carbohydrates accounted for the majority across all surveyed eating plans; however, fat was less commonly included in these diets.

Referring to a healthy diet for sport, the portion of carbohydrates is the largest, at 60%. The data for protein is lower, at 25%. Nonetheless, fat represents the smallest percentage, at 15%.

Notably, in the average diet, both the proportions of carbohydrates and protein are the same at 40%, which is double that of fat, at 20%. In a healthy eating plan, the percentage of carbohydrates accounts for 50%, representing half of the total nutrients, while 30% of protein and 20% of fat are included in this program.