The increasing availability of low-cost airlines now lets people travel around the world. Some feel this is a positive development while others think it is negative overall. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

International travel has become unprecedentedly accessible thanks to the proliferation of economically friendly airlines. Some individuals highly praise this improved accessibility that helps travel around the world become less restrictive, while skeptics of it raise concems due to its oursized negative influence. Albeit the merits of both schools of thought, I agree more with the former perspective due to reasons that are going to be evaluated in this essay.

It is of paramount importance to understand that traveling by air was a highly exclusive service for wealthy individuals in the past given its lavish on-board catering and high operation costs due to primitive aero-engine systems. Thus, the emergence of low-cost air travel has drastically improved inclusivity, transcending the previously bolted doors of international commute and enabling those of modest means to explore the world ourside their geographic birthplace. This has fostered cultural exchange and boosted tourism industries in many places across the globe, benefiting society from both mental and financial perspectives.

Conversely, the skeptics of this trend reject looking at it through such a rose-colored glass. Air travel, despite its contribution of only 3% to the total CO2 emission, is highly destructive towards the environment as it releases contrails, nitrogen oxide and water vapour, which could contribute to global warming. This environmental onslaught is exacerbated by the resultant tourism, which often grows voraciously and unsustainably, threatening the very heritage it seeks to showcase. Moreover, the critics contend that the cultural exchange touted by advocates has its problematic side of potential culture homogenization that dilutes and distorts indigenous identities.

In conclusion, having weighed these arguments with the gravity they duly merit, I am inclined to navigate a middle path. It is irrefutable that low-cost air travel has democratized the ability to explore our planet, forging links between disparate peoples and places. Yet, this newfound mobility must not be an unchecked flight of fancy. Rather, it must be tempered by a vigilant stewardship of the environments and cultures that constitute our shared heritage. It is incumbent upon us to foster a model of travel that is sustainable, respectful, and enriching, ensuring that the skies are open to all, but not at a cost that future generations will be compelled to pay.

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Errors and Improvements:

"unprecedentedly" -> "remarkably"
Explanation: While "unprecedentedly" is technically correct, "remarkably" offers a smoother transition and is more commonly used in academic writing, maintaining the formality of the essay.
"highly praise" -> "strongly advocate"
Explanation: "Highly praise" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Strongly advocate" conveys a similar meaning but with a more formal tone.
"oursized" -> "oversized"
Explanation: "Oursized" is not a standard term. "Oversized" is the correct word to use in this context, describing something that is excessively large.
"Albeit" -> "Although"
Explanation: "Albeit" is less commonly used in formal writing. "Although" is a more appropriate and widely accepted alternative.
"going to be evaluated" -> "to be assessed"
Explanation: "Going to be evaluated" is unnecessarily wordy. "To be assessed" is more concise and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"paramount importance" -> "crucial"
Explanation: "Paramount importance" is somewhat redundant. "Crucial" conveys the same meaning in a more concise manner.
"lavish" -> "luxurious"
Explanation: "Lavish" can carry connotations of excessiveness. "Luxurious" is a more precise and formal term in this context.
"bolted doors" -> "barriers"
Explanation: "Bolted doors" is a metaphor that might be considered slightly informal. "Barriers" is a more straightforward and formal term.
"modest means" -> "limited financial resources"
Explanation: "Modest means" might be interpreted as subjective. "Limited financial resources" provides a clearer and more objective description.
"voraciously" -> "rapidly"
Explanation: "Voraciously" is somewhat informal. "Rapidly" maintains the formal tone and conveys the idea of fast growth.
"touted" -> "promoted"
Explanation: "Touted" is more colloquial. "Promoted" is a more formal alternative that fits better in academic writing.
"homogenization" -> "standardization"
Explanation: "Homogenization" might be considered overly technical. "Standardization" is a clearer and more widely understood term.
"middle path" -> "middle ground"
Explanation: "Middle path" is less commonly used in formal writing. "Middle ground" is a more typical expression in academic contexts.
"irrefutable" -> "undeniable"
Explanation: "Irrefutable" is slightly stronger in tone. "Undeniable" maintains the assertiveness but is more commonly used in academic writing.
"flight of fancy" -> "reckless abandon"
Explanation: "Flight of fancy" is more idiomatic and informal. "Reckless abandon" is a more formal expression that fits better in academic writing.
"stewardship" -> "custodianship"
Explanation: "Stewardship" is commonly used but "custodianship" adds a more formal tone, aligning better with academic writing conventions.
"compelled to pay" -> "forced to bear"
Explanation: "Compelled to pay" is slightly informal. "Forced to bear" maintains formality and clarity in expressing the idea of enduring consequences.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the increasing availability of low-cost airlines and providing the writer’s opinion.
- Positive aspects: The essay acknowledges that low-cost airlines have made international travel more accessible to a broader demographic, fostering cultural exchange and boosting tourism.
- Negative aspects: The essay recognizes concerns about the environmental impact of air travel, including CO2 emissions and potential cultural homogenization.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, ensure that each viewpoint (positive and negative) is explored in more depth. Provide specific examples or evidence to support each perspective, offering a more nuanced analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, expressing agreement with the positive perspective on the accessibility of low-cost air travel while also acknowledging the negative implications.
- Clear position: The writer states their agreement with the positive perspective in the introduction and consistently supports this stance throughout the essay.
- Acknowledgment of counterarguments: The writer acknowledges the concerns raised by skeptics and adopts a balanced approach by advocating for responsible travel practices.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the writer’s stance is explicitly stated in the thesis statement and reinforced throughout each paragraph. Additionally, provide stronger transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas by providing examples and explanations to illustrate key points.
- Presentation of ideas: The essay introduces each viewpoint (positive and negative) clearly and supports them with relevant arguments.
- Extension of ideas: The writer elaborates on each perspective by discussing the impact of low-cost air travel on inclusivity, tourism, environmental sustainability, and cultural exchange.
- Support for ideas: The essay provides evidence to support its arguments, such as mentioning the environmental impact of air travel and the potential consequences of tourism.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, consider incorporating additional evidence or examples to enrich the discussion and provide more depth to each perspective. Ensure that each idea is fully developed and connected to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt regarding the positive and negative aspects of low-cost air travel.
- Adherence to the topic: The essay maintains focus on the effects of low-cost airlines on international travel, exploring both favorable and unfavorable consequences.
- Avoidance of tangents: The essay does not deviate significantly from the main topic, remaining relevant to the discussion of air travel accessibility and its implications.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid introducing extraneous information or arguments that are not directly related to the topic. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of low-cost air travel’s impact.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the positive and negative aspects of the increasing availability of low-cost airlines. To improve, the writer should strive for greater depth and specificity in exploring each viewpoint and reinforce clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that succinctly presents both sides of the argument, followed by two body paragraphs elaborating on each perspective, and concludes with a balanced personal opinion. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, providing smooth transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is effective, there are minor instances where the flow could be further enhanced. For instance, in the second body paragraph, the transition from discussing environmental concerns to tourism’s impact on heritage could be made smoother to strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. The paragraphs are of appropriate length, neither too long nor too short, aiding readability.
- How to improve: There are opportunities to further improve paragraph coherence by ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its central idea. In some instances, paragraph transitions could be refined to create a seamless flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "thus," "conversely," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, cohesive devices like pronouns ("it," "this") help maintain continuity within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: While the essay utilizes cohesive devices adequately, there is room for greater diversity and precision in their usage. Introducing a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "however," and "nevertheless," can enrich the essay’s coherence and cohesion. Additionally, ensuring consistent pronoun reference throughout the essay will further enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices to construct a coherent argument. By refining paragraph transitions and diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, employing a diverse range of terms and expressions throughout. For instance, phrases like "unprecedentedly accessible," "inclusivity," "bolstered," "cultural exchange," "voraciously," and "indigenous identities" showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic and contribute to the richness of the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a strong vocabulary, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more domain-specific terminology related to aviation, sustainability, and cultural studies where relevant. Additionally, ensuring the seamless integration of advanced vocabulary into complex sentence structures can elevate the sophistication of the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "ourside their geographic birthplace" might benefit from a clearer term such as "beyond" or "outside of." Similarly, instead of "unsustainably," a more precise term like "excessively" or "uncontrollably" could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, it’s advisable to scrutinize each term used and ensure it precisely captures the intended meaning. This can be achieved through careful consideration of synonyms and context to select the most appropriate word for the intended message. Additionally, revising sentences to eliminate unnecessary words or redundant phrases can contribute to greater clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors noted. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "oursized" (oversized), "concems" (concerns), and "irrefutable" (irrefutable). While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence of the essay, addressing them would further enhance the professionalism and polish of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools during the writing process and allocating time for careful proofreading before final submission. Additionally, cultivating a habit of reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through targeted exercises can contribute to ongoing improvement in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For example, it effectively employs compound sentences like "Some individuals highly praise this improved accessibility…while skeptics of it raise concerns due to its outsized negative influence." Additionally, it utilizes complex sentences such as "It is of paramount importance to understand that traveling by air was a highly exclusive service for wealthy individuals in the past…" These structures contribute to the coherence and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider integrating more varied sentence types, such as parallel structures, rhetorical questions, or conditional sentences. This can add depth and nuance to your arguments, making your writing even more engaging and persuasive.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few areas where improvement is needed. For instance, there’s a typographical error in "oursized" which should be corrected to "oversized." Additionally, the phrase "albeit the merits of both schools of thought" could be revised for clarity, perhaps as "although both perspectives have merits." Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, continue to review and revise your writing carefully, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation usage. Additionally, consider utilizing proofreading tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch any overlooked errors and refine your writing further.

Bài sửa mẫu

International travel has become unprecedentedly accessible thanks to the proliferation of economically friendly airlines. Some individuals highly praise this improved accessibility that helps make travel around the world less restrictive, while skeptics raise concerns due to its oversized negative influence. Although there are merits to both viewpoints, I agree more with the former perspective for reasons that are going to be assessed in this essay.

It is crucial to understand that air travel was once a highly exclusive service reserved for wealthy individuals, given its luxurious onboard catering and high operational costs due to primitive aero-engine systems. Thus, the emergence of low-cost air travel has dramatically improved inclusivity, transcending the previously locked doors of international commuting and enabling those with limited financial resources to explore beyond their geographic birthplaces. This has fostered cultural exchange and boosted tourism industries in many places across the globe, benefiting society from both mental and financial perspectives.

Conversely, skeptics of this trend reject viewing it through such rose-colored glasses. Air travel, despite contributing only 3% to total CO2 emissions, is remarkably destructive to the environment as it releases contrails, nitrogen oxide, and water vapor, which could contribute to global warming. This environmental onslaught is exacerbated by the resultant tourism, which often grows voraciously and unsustainably, threatening the very heritage it seeks to showcase. Moreover, the critics contend that the cultural exchange promoted by advocates has its problematic side of potential culture homogenization that dilutes and distorts indigenous identities.

In conclusion, having weighed these arguments with the gravity they duly merit, I am inclined to navigate a middle ground. It is undeniable that low-cost air travel has democratized the ability to explore our planet, forging links between disparate peoples and places. Yet, this newfound mobility must not be pursued with reckless abandon. Rather, it must be tempered by vigilant custodianship of the environments and cultures that constitute our shared heritage. It is incumbent upon us to foster a model of travel that is sustainable, respectful, and enriching, ensuring that the skies are open to all, but not at a cost that future generations will be forced to bear.