the internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The advent of the internet has revolutionized the way people communicate, reshaping social interactions and transcending geographical boundaries. In this 4.0 era, a significant portion of communication takes place through social media platforms. While some individuals embrace this change as a positive development, others hold contrasting views, expressing concerns about the potential negative effects of social media. The forthcoming paragraphs aims to profoundly explore both perspectives
To commence with, it is not exaggerative to avow that internet has comprehensively changed the way people contact. As a further illustration, so pluriform are the application such as Facebook, Twitter, Messenger… that user can easily talk, gossip or even have a video call, even they are on the other side of the globe. Thus, can use them whenever they want as long as they have internet connection which will help people make savings and optimize efficiency. Thanks to the advancement of the internet, people can stay in touch better which will enhance the quality of communication
Otherwise, despite the fact that internet has upgraded user's communication experiences for decades, internet still can not completely take the place of having an in-person conversation. On account of people cannot witness the firsthand expressions and emotions of other people when they have an online conversation could lead to unwanted misunderstandings. Additionally, If people had exposure to high-energy visible light which come from electrical devices like smartphone, computer…etcetera can lead to many eye diseases and contribute to the development a sedentary lifestyles. Furthermore, when people converse via internet, there is a possibility encounter identity theft, impersonation or even online scammer. Users might be exploited for illegal purposes and they may remain unaware of the hazards involved.
In conclusion, in order to become a perspicacious digital citizen, people need to be more vigilant when using internet. Hence, users can take full advantage of internet and social media
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"the way people contact" -> "the way people communicate"
Explanation: Replacing "contact" with "communicate" is more formal and aligns with academic language, providing a clearer expression of the topic.
"so pluriform are the application such as Facebook, Twitter, Messenger…" -> "such diverse applications as Facebook, Twitter, Messenger…"
Explanation: Substituting "pluriform" with "diverse" and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality. Additionally, replacing "such as" with "as" contributes to a more polished style.
"can easily talk, gossip or even have a video call" -> "can easily engage in conversations, exchange information, or even participate in video calls"
Explanation: The suggested alternatives use more formal and varied vocabulary, contributing to a more academic tone. "Gossip" is replaced with "exchange information" for a more neutral and scholarly expression.
"which will help people make savings" -> "which can lead to cost savings"
Explanation: Changing "make" to "lead to" and refining the phrase to "cost savings" elevates the language, emphasizing the positive outcomes of using social media platforms.
"Despite the fact that internet has upgraded user’s communication experiences for decades" -> "Despite the fact that the internet has enhanced users’ communication experiences for decades"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with proper articles and possessive form improves grammatical correctness and maintains a formal tone.
"cannot completely take the place of having an in-person conversation" -> "cannot entirely replace face-to-face conversations"
Explanation: Substituting "completely take the place of" with "entirely replace" provides a more concise and formal expression.
"On account of people cannot witness the firsthand expressions and emotions of other people" -> "Because people cannot observe firsthand expressions and emotions"
Explanation: The suggested revision employs a more formal structure and replaces "on account of" with "because" for increased formality.
"come from electrical devices like smartphone, computer…etcetera" -> "emanate from electronic devices such as smartphones, computers, and others"
Explanation: Replacing "come from" with "emanate from" and using a proper enumeration enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.
"a sedentary lifestyles" -> "sedentary lifestyles"
Explanation: Removing the indefinite article "a" before "sedentary lifestyles" corrects the grammar and improves conciseness.
"when people converse via internet" -> "when people communicate online"
Explanation: Substituting "converse via internet" with "communicate online" is more concise and formal, aligning with academic language.
"there is a possibility encounter identity theft" -> "there is a possibility of encountering identity theft"
Explanation: Adding "of" after "possibility" corrects the structure and maintains formal language in describing potential risks.
"in order to become a perspicacious digital citizen" -> "to become an informed digital citizen"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more precise term, "informed," instead of "perspicacious," maintaining formality and clarity.
"users can take full advantage of internet" -> "users can fully leverage the internet"
Explanation: The suggested alternative replaces "take full advantage of" with "fully leverage," offering a more sophisticated expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses both views on the impact of the internet and social media on communication. It discusses the positive aspects, such as enhanced global communication and efficiency, as well as the negative aspects, including the potential for misunderstandings, health issues, and security concerns.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples to support each viewpoint. Additionally, a more structured approach to presenting these ideas would improve clarity and coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects of social media while emphasizing the need for vigilance in internet use to become a wise digital citizen.
- How to improve: While the essay successfully presents a clear position, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement at the beginning to explicitly outline the author’s stance on the issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, but there is room for improvement in extending and supporting them. For instance, the positive effects of social media are briefly mentioned, and the negative effects could be further elaborated with specific examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples and develop each point further. This will add depth to the analysis and make the essay more convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the impact of the internet on communication through social media. However, some parts of the essay, particularly the paragraph discussing eye diseases and sedentary lifestyles, could be more directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt. If discussing potential health issues, connect them explicitly to the use of social media for communication to maintain relevance.
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses both sides of the issue. To improve, consider providing more specific examples, structuring ideas for better coherence, strengthening the thesis statement, and ensuring all points directly relate to the topic. Additionally, a more balanced development of positive and negative aspects would enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and the two contrasting views. However, the organization within body paragraphs is somewhat erratic. For instance, the second paragraph seems to discuss the positive aspects of internet communication, but then introduces concerns about online conversation. This inconsistency in thematic progression affects the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, maintain a clear thematic progression within each paragraph. Group related ideas together and ensure a smooth transition from one point to the next. Consider reorganizing paragraphs to maintain a coherent discussion of each perspective.
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use paragraphs, but the structure is not consistently effective. Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions, making it challenging for the reader to follow the development of ideas. The second paragraph, for example, seems to cover both positive and negative aspects without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a central theme and supports it with relevant examples or details. Consider dividing or combining paragraphs to maintain a logical and cohesive structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "To commence with," and "Otherwise"). However, the use is limited, and there is a need for more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, the relationship between sentences and ideas could be more explicitly established.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs, to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Explicitly highlight relationships between ideas, contrasting or supporting viewpoints, to improve the overall cohesion of the essay. Vary sentence structures for added fluency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both perspectives, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a more cohesive and coherent presentation of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, including terms like "revolutionized," "pluriform," and "sedentary lifestyles." However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "social media" and "internet" throughout the essay limits the breadth of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more varied and advanced vocabulary. Synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or domain-specific terms related to the topic can contribute to a richer lexical resource. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "internet," try using alternatives such as "cyberspace" or "virtual realm."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, as seen in phrases like "advancement of the internet" and "sedentary lifestyles." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "pluriform," which may not be the most fitting term in the context. Additionally, the phrase "4.0 era" lacks clarity and could be confusing for readers.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Avoid using terms that may be ambiguous or unclear to the reader. Choose words that align closely with the context of the essay. Instead of "4.0 era," consider using more commonly understood terms like "digital age" or "modern era."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "exaggerative" (should be "exaggerative"), "avow" (may be unclear, "assert" might be more appropriate), and "perspicacious" (correct spelling, but the usage might be too formal for this context).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and pay attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, be cautious with the use of formal or uncommon terms; choose vocabulary that aligns with the overall tone and formality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in sentence variety. For instance, many sentences follow a straightforward subject-verb-object structure, limiting the sophistication of expression. The use of transition phrases could also be more diverse to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of compound and complex sentences. Experiment with sentence structures such as inversion, conditional sentences, and participle phrases to add complexity. Integrate a variety of transition words and phrases to create a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as in the phrase "so pluriform are the application," where the adjective should be pluralized as "applications." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases. These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall polish of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Proofread for punctuation errors, particularly after introductory phrases. Consider seeking feedback on specific instances of confusion, and practice incorporating corrections. Utilize resources such as grammar guides and proofreading tools to strengthen grammatical accuracy.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures. To improve, focus on incorporating more diverse sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. Regular proofreading and targeted practice on identified areas of improvement will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
The rise of the internet has transformed the way people communicate, reshaping social interactions and transcending geographical boundaries. In this digital era, a significant portion of communication unfolds through various social media platforms. While some individuals embrace this change as a positive development, others hold contrasting views, expressing concerns about the potential negative effects of social media. The following paragraphs aim to delve into both perspectives.
To begin with, it is not an exaggeration to affirm that the internet has comprehensively changed the way people connect. As a prime example, diverse applications such as Facebook, Twitter, and Messenger provide users with the ability to easily engage in conversations, exchange information, or even participate in video calls, regardless of their location. This convenience not only facilitates communication but also leads to cost savings and optimized efficiency. Thanks to the advancement of the internet, people can stay in touch more effectively, thereby enhancing the quality of communication.
On the other hand, despite the fact that the internet has enhanced users’ communication experiences for decades, it cannot entirely replace face-to-face conversations. This is due to the inability of individuals to observe firsthand expressions and emotions when engaged in online conversations, which can lead to unwanted misunderstandings. Additionally, prolonged exposure to high-energy visible light emitted by electronic devices such as smartphones and computers may contribute to the development of sedentary lifestyles and various eye diseases. Furthermore, the online communication realm carries the risk of encountering identity theft, impersonation, or falling victim to online scammers. Users may unknowingly be exploited for illegal purposes and remain unaware of the potential hazards involved.
In conclusion, to become an informed digital citizen, it is imperative for people to be vigilant when using the internet. While the internet and social media offer valuable communication tools, users must be aware of the potential pitfalls and take necessary precautions to safeguard their digital identity and well-being. By doing so, users can fully leverage the internet and social media, ensuring a positive and secure online experience.