The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Currently , there are opposing views about whether or not technology has almost altered the way people interact . While there are arguements against online meetings , I believe that physical interaction is one of the key factors to enhance one’s skills because of the following reasons .
On the one hand , hosting impractical face-to-face chats can offer many benefits . To explain , It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions . In addition , you will not have to encounter issues such as the weather , health problems and physical disabilities when meeting someone . For instance , when It is raining outside , online face-to-face meetings can be a clear solution especially when compared to physical communications . If interactions continue to take place on online platforms , society may face many changes in terms of comunication and more quality lives .
On the other hand , there are many issues in not having to communicate physically . This can be explained that when you are exchanging talks online you can not fully experience the atmosphere talking to a person practically and for that many problems occurred such as lack of communication skills and moreover practical skills . For example , some types of people, especially young people, are being exposed to cutting-edge technology and this makes them neglect traditional meetings and furthermore makes them lack experience in meeting face-to-face . As a result , they can not acquire communication skills when facing the pressure of talking to another person physically .
In conclusion , there are arguments against organizing meetings online but I think that having to balance both ways of communication can be a correct way to achieve the convenience of chatting online and learning communication skills in talking physically .
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Currently" -> "Presently"
Explanation: Replacing "Currently" with "Presently" adds a more formal and sophisticated touch to the introductory word, aligning it better with academic style.
"arguements" -> "arguments"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelled word "arguements" to "arguments" ensures proper spelling and maintains formality.
"practical interactions" -> "physical interactions"
Explanation: Substituting "practical interactions" with "physical interactions" is more precise and aligns with a formal description of face-to-face communication.
"It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions." -> "Online meetings offer convenience as they alleviate concerns associated with physical interactions."
Explanation: The suggested revision provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea, avoiding awkward phrasing and maintaining a formal tone.
"when It is raining outside" -> "during inclement weather"
Explanation: Replacing "when It is raining outside" with "during inclement weather" enhances the sophistication of the sentence and eliminates the informal tone.
"communication and more quality lives" -> "communication and improved quality of life"
Explanation: Substituting "more quality lives" with "improved quality of life" results in a more precise and academically appropriate expression of the idea.
"there are many issues in not having to communicate physically" -> "there are drawbacks to relying solely on non-physical communication"
Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more concise and formal expression of the idea, avoiding the use of double negatives.
"This can be explained that" -> "This can be attributed to the fact that"
Explanation: The suggested revision introduces a more formal and precise transition, replacing the informal "This can be explained that" with "This can be attributed to the fact that."
"you can not fully experience the atmosphere" -> "one cannot fully experience the ambiance"
Explanation: Substituting "you can not" with "one cannot" and "atmosphere" with "ambiance" contributes to a more formal and polished expression.
"and for that many problems occurred" -> "leading to the occurrence of many problems"
Explanation: The suggested revision offers a more structured and formal expression, avoiding the colloquial "for that" and replacing it with a clearer transitional phrase.
"some types of people" -> "certain demographic groups"
Explanation: Substituting "some types of people" with "certain demographic groups" adds precision and formality to the statement.
"young people, are being exposed to cutting-edge technology" -> "young individuals are increasingly exposed to cutting-edge technology"
Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances the formality and precision of the sentence by replacing the informal "young people" with "young individuals" and restructuring the phrasing.
"neglect traditional meetings and furthermore makes them lack experience" -> "neglect traditional meetings, resulting in a lack of experience"
Explanation: The revised sentence offers a more concise and formal expression, avoiding redundancy and improving clarity.
"they can not acquire communication skills" -> "they may fail to acquire effective communication skills"
Explanation: Substituting "they can not" with "they may fail to" and adding "effective" improves precision and maintains a formal tone.
"having to balance both ways of communication" -> "striking a balance between both modes of communication"
Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more elegant and academically appropriate phrasing, avoiding the use of "having to" and replacing it with "striking a balance."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Currently, there are opposing views about whether or not technology has almost altered the way people interact. While there are arguments against online meetings, I believe that physical interaction is one of the key factors to enhance one’s skills because of the following reasons."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction provides a clear indication of the writer’s opinion but lacks a concise summary of the main points to be discussed. To enhance the essay’s structure, consider briefly outlining the reasons supporting your belief in the importance of physical interaction. This will guide readers and provide a roadmap for your argument.
- Improved example: "Currently, the impact of technology on human interaction is debated. Despite arguments against online meetings, I firmly believe that fostering physical interactions is crucial for skill development. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the reasons behind this perspective."
Quoted text: "On the one hand, hosting impractical face-to-face chats can offer many benefits. To explain, It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions. In addition, you will not have to encounter issues such as the weather, health problems, and physical disabilities when meeting someone."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph highlights the benefits of online meetings but lacks depth in supporting examples. To improve, provide specific instances or anecdotes from personal experience that illustrate the convenience of online meetings, making your argument more convincing.
- Improved example: "On the positive side, hosting virtual meetings offers undeniable benefits. For instance, the convenience of online interactions eliminates concerns related to weather, health issues, and physical disabilities. In my own experience, I have found that virtual meetings provide a practical solution, ensuring seamless communication regardless of external factors."
Quoted text: "On the other hand, there are many issues in not having to communicate physically. This can be explained that when you are exchanging talks online you can not fully experience the atmosphere talking to a person practically and for that many problems occurred such as lack of communication skills and moreover practical skills."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the paragraph addresses the drawbacks of not communicating physically, it lacks specific examples to illustrate the impact on communication and practical skills. Incorporate real-life examples or scenarios to strengthen your argument and provide a more vivid understanding of the challenges posed by relying solely on online communication.
- Improved example: "Conversely, the absence of physical communication poses challenges. For instance, online exchanges fail to capture the rich atmosphere of face-to-face conversations, hindering the development of essential communication and practical skills. In my own encounters, I have observed that virtual interactions often fall short in providing the nuanced experiences crucial for honing these skills."
Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but could benefit from deeper development of supporting examples to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, falling into Band 6. The introduction provides a clear overview of the opposing views on technology’s impact on communication. The body paragraphs present contrasting arguments with examples, and the conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion. While there is a sense of overall progression, some issues affect the cohesion. Sentence structure and word choices, at times, hinder clarity. The use of cohesive devices is effective, though there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there is room for improvement.
How to Improve:
- Sentence Structure and Word Choices: Aim for clearer expression and varied sentence structures to enhance coherence.
- Cohesive Devices: Ensure cohesive devices are used more consistently and naturally to strengthen the flow of ideas.
- Clarity in Referencing: Pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
- Paragraphing Logic: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence. Consider using topic sentences more consistently.
Overall, achieving a higher band score would involve refining language use, tightening cohesion, and enhancing paragraphing logic.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting to use less common vocabulary at times. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that slightly affect the fluency and precision of expression. Some errors in spelling and word formation are present, but they don’t significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choices for more accuracy and precision. Work on using less common vocabulary more confidently and accurately. Additionally, pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to improve overall clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering a range of structures. While there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to use a variety of complex structures, contributing to a relatively good control of grammar and punctuation. However, some errors, such as the misuse of articles and awkward phrasing, are present throughout the essay.
How to improve:
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to articles ("the," "a," "an") and their appropriate usage. Review sentence structures for better clarity and coherence.
Word Choice: Refine the word choices for smoother expression. For instance, replace "impractical face-to-face chats" with a more precise phrase like "in-person interactions."
Sentence Structure: Aim for more varied and sophisticated sentence structures. This includes a mix of complex and compound sentences to enhance the overall fluency of the essay.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct minor errors that currently distract from the overall message. This will ensure a more polished and professional presentation.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating improved grammatical accuracy and greater fluency in the use of complex sentence structures.
Bài sửa mẫu
There are differing opinions on whether technology has significantly changed how people interact. While some argue against online meetings, I believe that face-to-face interaction is crucial for enhancing skills due to several reasons.
On one hand, holding virtual face-to-face conversations can offer numerous advantages. It’s convenient as it eliminates various issues present in physical interactions, such as weather conditions, health concerns, and physical limitations. For instance, when it’s raining, online meetings become a practical alternative compared to in-person discussions. Continued reliance on online platforms for interactions may lead to significant changes in communication patterns and contribute to improved quality of life.
On the other hand, there are downsides to not engaging in physical communication. When conversing online, one misses out on fully experiencing the atmosphere of practical interactions, leading to issues like insufficient communication and practical skills. For example, many young individuals, influenced by advanced technology, tend to disregard traditional face-to-face meetings, resulting in a lack of experience in direct communication. Consequently, they struggle to acquire communication skills when confronted with the necessity of in-person interaction.
In conclusion, while there are arguments against conducting meetings online, I believe striking a balance between online and face-to-face communication is crucial. This approach allows for the convenience of online conversations while also fostering the development of essential communication skills through physical interaction.