The leaders or directors of organisations are often older people, but some say that young people can be leaders. Do you agree or disagree?
The leaders or directors of organisations are often older people, but some say that young people can be leaders.
Do you agree or disagree?
It has been a norm that the older generations tend to be suitable to lead the companies, however, some argue that the youth are also capable of being the directors. I partially agree with this statement due to several reasons.
Initially, i support the idea that young people responsible for the leading positions is reasonable. Youngsters usually possess an innovative thinking and adaptibility, which plays a pivotal role in navigating a group or a company to a more successful path. Especially in the rapidly changing society, embracing new changes and prepare to take risks are vital factors for any enterprises to stand out among other competitors, in fact, these abilities can often be recognized in young leaders. Furthermore, they tend to have the qualities to inspire as well as arouse excitement among others at the workplace settings, assisting employees to accomplish their goals, therefore, leading to a more friendly and effective working environment.
However, there are still some restrictions viable in young leaders. Firstly, they are likely to lack of experience, comprehensive perspectives about the field, which can be accumulated in prolonged period of time, compared to the elders. This may result in inefficient workforce management and being unable to predict potential adversities, thereby, affecting the development of organisations. Moreover, it may be challenging for youngsters to gain trust and credibility from their colleagues and employees due to the doubt about their abilitity to represent the company. Subsequently, achieving the sense of community and unity could be difficult tasks, this could also have detrimental impacts on both company and the leaders personally.
In conclusion, i believe young people are potentially able to become the directors due to their essential qualities which benefit the organisations. Nevertheless, it still takes time to foster personal enhancement in order to lead the company.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It has been a norm" -> "It has been a common practice"
Explanation: "It has been a norm" is somewhat vague and informal. "It has been a common practice" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"tend to be suitable to lead" -> "are often well-suited to lead"
Explanation: "Tend to be suitable" is awkward and informal. "Are often well-suited" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence. -
"some argue" -> "some contend"
Explanation: "Argue" can imply a less formal or emotional tone. "Contend" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"i support" -> "I support"
Explanation: Capitalization of the first letter is necessary for proper English grammar. -
"young people responsible for the leading positions" -> "young individuals in leadership positions"
Explanation: "Responsible for the leading positions" is awkward and unclear. "In leadership positions" is more direct and formal. -
"possess an innovative thinking" -> "possess innovative thinking"
Explanation: "An innovative thinking" is grammatically incorrect. "Innovative thinking" is the correct form. -
"plays a pivotal role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: While "pivotal" is not incorrect, "crucial" is more commonly used in academic contexts to emphasize importance. -
"prepare to take risks" -> "be prepared to take risks"
Explanation: "Prepare to take risks" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Be prepared to take risks" is more formal and natural in academic writing. -
"vital factors for any enterprises" -> "essential factors for any enterprise"
Explanation: "Enterprises" is plural, but "enterprise" is the correct singular form when referring to a general concept. -
"they tend to have the qualities to inspire" -> "they often possess the qualities that inspire"
Explanation: "Tend to have the qualities to inspire" is awkward and unclear. "Often possess the qualities that inspire" is clearer and more formal. -
"arouse excitement among others" -> "inspire enthusiasm among others"
Explanation: "Arouse excitement" is somewhat informal and vague. "Inspire enthusiasm" is more precise and formal. -
"assist employees to accomplish their goals" -> "help employees achieve their goals"
Explanation: "Assist employees to accomplish their goals" is verbose and slightly awkward. "Help employees achieve their goals" is more concise and formal. -
"a more friendly and effective working environment" -> "a more congenial and productive work environment"
Explanation: "Friendly" and "effective" are somewhat informal and vague. "Congenial" and "productive" are more precise and formal. -
"lack of experience" -> "lack of experience"
Explanation: "Lack of experience" is grammatically correct, but "a lack of experience" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing. -
"comprehensive perspectives about the field" -> "comprehensive understanding of the field"
Explanation: "Perspectives about" is less formal and slightly vague. "Understanding of" is more precise and formal. -
"being unable to predict potential adversities" -> "inability to predict potential challenges"
Explanation: "Being unable to predict potential adversities" is awkward and verbose. "Inability to predict potential challenges" is more concise and formal. -
"due to the doubt about their abilitity" -> "due to doubts about their ability"
Explanation: "Doubt about their abilitity" is grammatically incorrect. "Doubts about their ability" corrects the plural form and verb agreement. -
"achieve the sense of community and unity" -> "achieve a sense of community and unity"
Explanation: "Achieve the sense" is grammatically incorrect. "Achieve a sense" is correct and more formal. -
"i believe" -> "I believe"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper English grammar. -
"foster personal enhancement" -> "foster personal development"
Explanation: "Enhancement" is less specific and slightly informal. "Development" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether older individuals or younger people are more suitable for leadership roles. The writer partially agrees with the statement, which is clearly articulated in the introduction and conclusion. The essay presents arguments supporting the capabilities of young leaders, such as their innovative thinking and adaptability, while also acknowledging the limitations they face, such as lack of experience and challenges in gaining trust. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as it leans slightly more towards supporting young leaders without fully exploring the strengths of older leaders.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or evidence illustrating the strengths of older leaders, such as their experience and established networks. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that young people can be effective leaders, but it does so with a partial agreement that suggests a nuanced view. The position is consistent throughout the essay, with the writer reiterating their belief in the potential of young leaders while also acknowledging their limitations. However, the use of "partially agree" could lead to some ambiguity regarding the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could explicitly state their position in a more definitive manner. For example, they could clarify whether they believe young leaders should be given more opportunities or if they should work alongside older leaders to balance experience with innovation. This would help solidify their argument and make it easier for the reader to follow.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the capabilities of young leaders, such as their innovative thinking and ability to inspire. These ideas are extended with explanations about how these qualities contribute to a positive work environment. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened with more concrete examples or data. Additionally, the counterarguments regarding the limitations of young leaders are mentioned but could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing successful young leaders in various industries or discussing specific situations where young leaders have excelled could enhance the persuasiveness of the argument. Similarly, elaborating on the challenges faced by young leaders with real-world examples would provide a more balanced view.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the capabilities and challenges of young leaders in comparison to older leaders. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "this could also have detrimental impacts on both company and the leaders personally" is somewhat vague and could be elaborated to clarify how these impacts manifest.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the question of leadership suitability. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing specific examples or scenarios would help keep the discussion relevant and engaging. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the potential of young leaders versus older leaders. It begins with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two main body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument. The first body paragraph effectively highlights the strengths of young leaders, while the second addresses their limitations. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of young leaders to their disadvantages feels abrupt. This disrupts the logical flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that signal the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument, making the relationship between points more explicit.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing the strengths and weaknesses of young leaders. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should summarize the key points more effectively. The use of paragraphing is generally effective, but the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and does not encapsulate the discussion adequately.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by restating the main arguments in a concise manner and reinforcing the writer’s position. This will provide a more satisfying closure to the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea, which will help reinforce the structure.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "firstly," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and indicate the progression of thought. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "in fact" is used, but it does not effectively link the preceding and following sentences, leading to a slight disconnection in the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," "as a result"). This will enhance the flow of the essay and make the relationships between ideas more explicit. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify the connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "innovative thinking," "adaptability," and "inefficient workforce management." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "the older generations" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "senior leaders" or "experienced professionals." Additionally, the use of "youth" and "youngsters" is repetitive; varying the terms would enrich the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "young people," they could use "young professionals," "emerging leaders," or "millennials." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify word choice.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "lack of experience, comprehensive perspectives about the field" could be more clearly articulated as "lack of experience and comprehensive understanding of the industry." Additionally, the term "detrimental impacts" is somewhat vague; specifying the nature of these impacts would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clearly defining terms and avoiding vague language. They can practice by rewriting sentences to eliminate ambiguity. For instance, instead of saying "detrimental impacts," they could specify "negative effects on employee morale and productivity."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "adaptibility" (should be "adaptability"), "i" (should be capitalized as "I"), and "abilitity" (should be "ability"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, coupled with careful revision, will also help in reducing spelling errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "Youngsters usually possess an innovative thinking and adaptibility, which plays a pivotal role in navigating a group or a company to a more successful path" shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "they" or "this," which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "they" or "this," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to their innovative thinking," or "Despite their potential," to create more engaging transitions. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can enhance the rhythm and flow of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "young people responsible for the leading positions is reasonable" is grammatically incorrect; it should read "the idea that young people are responsible for leading positions is reasonable." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "they are likely to lack of experience," which should be "they are likely to lack experience." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, also hinder readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that verbs correctly correspond with their subjects. Practicing sentence restructuring can help clarify complex ideas. For punctuation, the writer should focus on using commas to separate clauses and items in a series correctly. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It has been a norm that the older generations tend to be suitable to lead companies; however, some argue that the youth are also capable of being directors. I partially agree with this statement due to several reasons.
Initially, I support the idea that young people in leadership positions are reasonable. Youngsters usually possess innovative thinking and adaptability, which plays a crucial role in navigating a group or a company to a more successful path. Especially in a rapidly changing society, embracing new changes and being prepared to take risks are essential factors for any enterprise to stand out among competitors. In fact, these abilities can often be recognized in young leaders. Furthermore, they tend to have the qualities that inspire as well as arouse enthusiasm among others in workplace settings, assisting employees to achieve their goals; therefore, leading to a more congenial and productive work environment.
However, there are still some restrictions regarding young leaders. Firstly, they are likely to lack experience and a comprehensive understanding of the field, which can be accumulated over a prolonged period of time compared to older individuals. This may result in inefficient workforce management and an inability to predict potential challenges, thereby affecting the development of organizations. Moreover, it may be challenging for youngsters to gain trust and credibility from their colleagues and employees due to doubts about their ability to represent the company. Subsequently, achieving a sense of community and unity could be a difficult task, which could also have detrimental impacts on both the company and the leaders personally.
In conclusion, I believe young people are potentially able to become directors due to their essential qualities that benefit organizations. Nevertheless, it still takes time to foster personal development in order to lead a company effectively.