The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed-line phones from 1994 to 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed-line phones from 1994 to 2004.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line chart illustrates the data of how many people subcribed to two different communicated devices in Africa from 1994 to 2004

Overall, the two devices switched their rank between a decade since the mobile became more popularity while the fixed line phones are still popular among their old customers.

Regarding the traditional device, the proportion of users was not change significantly, only numbering from nearly 2% to 3.1%. Therefore, remaining the most popular mean of phone communication to 2001, the figure was as same as the figure for mobile and became lower than smart phones in the next years. Beginning from nearly 3% in 2001, it increased by only 0.2% while other figure climbed up to beyond 9%.

Meanwhile, a significant increase can be seen for the figure for mobile. Despite having almost no consumers, it showed a suprising increase and reached a peak in the end of the period. The proportion of mobile subscribers per 100 inhabitants reached 1% in 1999 before continuing to 8,8% in 2004. Therefore, the gap compared to its previous record was 8.74 while it was 5.7 compared to the figure for fixed line consumers

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "subcribed" -> "subscribed"
   Explanation: "Subscribed" is the correct spelling of the verb form, indicating the action of signing up for a service or publication.

2. "communicated" -> "communication"
   Explanation: "Communicated" is not the appropriate term here. "Communication devices" or simply "devices" would suffice.

3. "popularity" -> "popular"
   Explanation: "Popularity" is a noun, whereas "popular" is an adjective needed to describe the level of acceptance or usage.

4. "was not change" -> "did not change"
   Explanation: "Was not change" is grammatically incorrect. Using "did not change" forms the negative past tense correctly.

5. "remaining the most popular mean" -> "remaining the most popular means"
   Explanation: "Mean" should be "means" to maintain subject-verb agreement. "Means" refers to methods or ways, while "mean" is a singular noun or adjective.

6. "as same as" -> "the same as"
   Explanation: "As same as" is redundant. Using "the same as" is clearer and grammatically correct.

7. "smart phones" -> "smartphones"
   Explanation: "Smartphones" is a compound noun, and it is generally written as one word without a space.

8. "suprising" -> "surprising"
   Explanation: "Suprising" contains a typo. The correct spelling is "surprising."

9. "per 100 inhabitants" -> "per 100 population"
   Explanation: "Inhabitants" refers specifically to residents, while "population" is a broader term encompassing all individuals in an area.

10. "it increased by only 0.2%" -> "it increased by a mere 0.2%"
    Explanation: Adding "mere" emphasizes the smallness of the increase, enhancing the precision of the description.

11. "while other figure climbed up to beyond 9%" -> "while the other figure climbed to over 9%"
    Explanation: "Beyond" suggests exceeding a certain limit, while "over" is more precise when indicating a specific numerical threshold.

12. "suprising increase" -> "significant increase"
    Explanation: "Suprising" is misspelled. "Significant increase" accurately reflects a substantial rise in the data.

13. "reached a peak in the end of the period" -> "reached a peak at the end of the period"
    Explanation: "In the end of the period" is not idiomatic. "At the end of the period" is the correct phrase.

14. "proportion of mobile subscribers per 100 inhabitants" -> "mobile subscription rate per 100 inhabitants"
    Explanation: "Proportion of mobile subscribers per 100 inhabitants" can be simplified to "mobile subscription rate per 100 inhabitants" for clarity and conciseness.

15. "the gap compared to its previous record was 8.74 while it was 5.7 compared to the figure for fixed line consumers" -> "the gap compared to its previous record was 8.74, whereas it was 5.7 compared to the figure for fixed line consumers"
    Explanation: Adding "whereas" clarifies the contrast between the two comparisons, improving the flow and coherence of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph, discussing the trends in mobile and fixed-line phone subscriptions from 1994 to 2004. Key features such as the switching ranks of mobile and fixed-line phones, the steady increase in mobile subscriptions, and the relatively stable trend in fixed-line subscriptions are highlighted. However, there are some inaccuracies and lack of clarity in the presentation of data. For instance, the description of the fixed-line phone trend lacks specificity and coherence, making it difficult to follow. Additionally, the comparison between the two types of subscriptions could be more explicit and coherent.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, ensure a clearer and more detailed overview of the main trends observed in the line graph. Provide specific data points and percentages to support the analysis. Additionally, focus on coherence and organization to make the essay easier to follow. Ensure that comparisons between mobile and fixed-line subscriptions are clearly articulated, with a consistent use of data to support the analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by introducing the topic and providing a general overview of the data. However, there is a lack of overall progression in the essay’s structure, as it jumps between discussing fixed-line and mobile phone subscriptions without a clear flow. Additionally, there is some comparison made between the two types of devices, but it could be more systematic and comprehensive.

The use of cohesive devices is inadequate; the essay lacks clarity due to issues with referencing and substitution. There are instances of repetitive language, and the transition between ideas is not smooth. Additionally, the essay lacks proper paragraphing, which further affects its coherence.

How to improve:

1. Focus on a clear and structured organization, ensuring a logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
2. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetition and ensure clarity in referencing.
3. Incorporate more detailed and systematic comparisons between fixed-line and mobile phone subscriptions, providing a more comprehensive analysis of the data.
4. Ensure proper paragraphing to enhance readability and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the data or analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some adequacy for the task. The writer attempts to convey the main features of the data, but the language lacks variety and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "suprising" instead of "surprising," "subcribed" instead of "subscribed," and "communicated" instead of "communication." Additionally, there are several awkward phrasings and unclear expressions throughout the essay.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and appropriate lexical items. They should pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to minimize errors. Additionally, refining the sentence structures and expressions for clarity and coherence would enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There are instances of both simple and complex sentences, but they are not consistently applied throughout the essay. While there are attempts at complex sentence structures, such as "Regarding the traditional device, the proportion of users was not change significantly, only numbering from nearly 2% to 3.1%," there are also instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which reduce the clarity of communication. For example, "Therefore, remaining the most popular mean of phone communication to 2001, the figure was as same as the figure for mobile and became lower than smart phones in the next years" contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity in expression.

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb tense ("it increased by only 0.2% while other figure climbed up to beyond 9%") and errors in subject-verb agreement ("Despite having almost no consumers, it showed a suprising increase"). Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization.

While attempts are made to convey the information, the errors in grammar and punctuation detract from the clarity and coherence of the essay, causing some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve:

1. Work on sentence structure variety: Ensure a balance between simple and complex sentences to enhance clarity and coherence.
2. Review and revise for grammatical accuracy: Pay close attention to verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
3. Improve punctuation: Consistently use punctuation marks such as commas and periods to enhance readability and clarity.
4. Practice writing essays under time constraints to develop the ability to express ideas clearly and accurately within the given word limit.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart delineates the subscriber data for two communication devices in Africa from 1994 to 2004.

Overall, there was a notable shift in preference between the two devices over the decade, with mobile phones gaining more popularity while fixed-line phones maintained their appeal among existing customers.

In terms of fixed-line phones, the user percentage experienced minimal fluctuation, hovering between approximately 2% and 3.1%. This device remained the predominant means of communication until 2001, after which its figures stagnated compared to the rising trend of mobile phones. Starting at nearly 3% in 2001, the percentage increased marginally by only 0.2%, while mobile phone subscriptions surged to over 9% during the same period.

Conversely, mobile phone subscriptions exhibited a remarkable surge. Despite a nearly negligible consumer base initially, there was a surprising escalation, culminating in a peak by the end of the period. The percentage of mobile subscribers per 100 inhabitants rose from 1% in 1999 to 8.8% in 2004. This represents a substantial gap compared to its previous record, increasing by 8.74 percentage points, while showing a 5.7-point disparity compared to fixed-line consumers.