The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world. Units: million

The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.

Units: million

The chart illustrates how people around the world used interaction technologies, with regards to services and broadbands from 1998 to 2008.
Overall, there was an increase in five categories, with cellular phone service witnessing the most dramatic rise and hence the highest figures from 2002 onwards.
The number of users opt for landline service started at around 15 million, after which it witnessed a slight growth to precisely 20 million in 2006, before falling insignificantly by about 1 million in 2008. Meanwhile, no one chose fixed and mobile broadband until 2002, both figures began to increase marginally from that year to reach 5 million and just under 5 million respectively at the end of the period.
Cellular phone service received subscriptions from roughly 5 million people, with a dramatic rise to about 17 million in 2002 and kept rising to reach a peak of exactly 60 million in 2008. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, the number of people choosing internet service increased steadily from 5 million to 20 million throughout the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "with regards to" -> "regarding"
   Explanation: "With regards to" is a less formal and more colloquial phrase. "Regarding" is a more concise and appropriate alternative for formal writing.

2. "hence" -> "thus"
   Explanation: "Hence" is slightly archaic and less commonly used in contemporary formal writing. "Thus" is a more precise and sophisticated alternative.

3. "opt for" -> "opted for"
   Explanation: "Opt for" is the present tense, while the context requires past tense to match the timeframe of the data presented.

4. "insignificantly" -> "marginally"
   Explanation: "Insignificantly" is less precise and somewhat vague. "Marginally" is a clearer and more appropriate term to describe a small decrease.

5. "fixed and mobile broadband" -> "fixed-line and mobile broadband"
   Explanation: Adding "line" clarifies the distinction between fixed-line and mobile broadband services.

6. "just under" -> "nearly"
   Explanation: "Just under" is less precise than "nearly" when describing a quantity close to a specific number.

7. "received subscriptions from roughly" -> "had subscriptions from approximately"
   Explanation: "Received subscriptions from roughly" is wordy and less formal. "Had subscriptions from approximately" is more concise and formal.

8. "Similar changes, but to a lesser extent," -> "Similar trends, albeit less pronounced,"
   Explanation: "Changes" is vague and less precise compared to "trends." "Albeit less pronounced" is a more sophisticated way to express the decrease in magnitude of the changes.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in communication service usage from 1998 to 2008. It presents and highlights key features such as the rise in cellular phone service subscriptions and the steady increase in internet service users. However, the response could be more fully developed, especially in extending the discussion of each service’s trends.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could expand on each service’s changes over time, providing more detailed analysis or insights into the reasons behind the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring that all information is relevant and accurately presented will enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout the essay. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data presented in the graph, such as landline service, broadband, and cellular phone service. The progression is clear, moving from one category to the next in a structured manner. Additionally, cohesive devices are used appropriately to link ideas and information within and between sentences. For example, phrases like "Overall," and "Meanwhile," help to connect different parts of the essay and maintain coherence. Each paragraph also presents a clear central topic, addressing a specific aspect of the data.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. While the essay does employ cohesive devices effectively, incorporating a wider range of connectors and transitional phrases can add depth to the coherence. Additionally, ensuring consistent and logical paragraphing can strengthen the overall organization of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering key terms related to the graph such as "interaction technologies," "cellular phone service," "landline service," "fixed and mobile broadband," and "internet service." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "witnessing," "opt for," "marginally," and "subscriptions." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "users opt for landline service" could be better phrased as "users opted for landline service," and "subscriptions from roughly 5 million people" could be "subscriptions of roughly 5 million people." There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "broadbands" instead of "broadband." These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary choices. Pay close attention to word forms and collocations. For instance, use "opted for" instead of "opt for" and "subscriptions of roughly 5 million people" instead of "subscriptions from roughly 5 million people." Additionally, proofread the essay to correct spelling errors and ensure consistent word formation throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures, such as the use of introductory clauses ("The chart illustrates how people around the world used interaction technologies") and compound-complex sentences ("Overall, there was an increase in five categories, with cellular phone service witnessing the most dramatic rise and hence the highest figures from 2002 onwards"). There is also evidence of varied sentence structures throughout the essay.

Most of the sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication of ideas. The writer demonstrates control over grammar and punctuation, with errors being infrequent and not significantly impacting comprehension.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could incorporate a greater variety of complex structures and sentence types. Additionally, a more precise choice of vocabulary and phrasing could elevate the essay’s sophistication. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in grammar and punctuation can help ensure consistently high accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph presents data on the utilization of various communication services globally over the period from 1998 to 2008, measured in millions.

Overall, there was a notable increase in the usage of five categories, with cellular phone service experiencing the most substantial growth, leading to the highest figures from 2002 onward.

The number of individuals utilizing landline service commenced at approximately 15 million, experiencing a slight increase to precisely 20 million in 2006, before experiencing a marginal decline of about 1 million in 2008. Conversely, the utilization of fixed and mobile broadband services began in 2002, with both figures gradually rising to reach 5 million and just under 5 million, respectively, by the end of the period.

Cellular phone service garnered subscriptions from roughly 5 million individuals, with a remarkable surge to about 17 million in 2002, steadily increasing to peak at exactly 60 million in 2008. Similarly, albeit to a lesser extent, the number of individuals opting for internet service saw a steady rise from 5 million to 20 million throughout the period.