The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is easy to see negative news now are hitting the headlines and showing up frequently on mass media, and many people believe that positive news should be encouraged and I do agree with some following reasons.
Firstly, positive news could bring motivation and encouragement to everyone. To be more detailed, successful and positive stories could inspire to everybody, help them have more power to deal with problems. For example, setting good examples including disadvantaged people and successful businessman in trying to overcome difficult situations. As a result, when people read those news, people have a tendency to regenerate those activities, contributing to promote society more livable. Secondly, balancing informations is also a merit of including more good news, instead of providing negative news like accidents, and decrease in economic they also need to new developments and changes of those problems. As a consequence, it makes people reduce stress to better mental health.
Considering to the demerits, excessive negativity is harmful , audiences are bombared by negative stories. For instance, a lot of airplane accidents reported by journalists and television make audiences confused and suspicious about this type of vehicle, and consequently hurt the aviation industry. Therefore, an excessive amount of bad news causes distorted views and makes people confused, so this is why the more goods news is worth reporting,
In conclusion, my belief is that new agencies should dedicate more to positive news because it can contribute to the society and reduce stress to better mental health, compared to negative news, it causes distorted views and make people confused.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is easy to see negative news now are hitting the headlines" -> "It is evident that negative news are now frequently featured in the headlines"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"showing up frequently on mass media" -> "frequently appearing in the media"
Explanation: "Mass media" is somewhat outdated and less precise; "media" is more commonly used and fits better in contemporary academic contexts.
"I do agree with some following reasons" -> "I concur with the following reasons"
Explanation: "I do agree" is informal and redundant; "I concur" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"positive news could bring motivation and encouragement to everyone" -> "positive news can foster motivation and encouragement among individuals"
Explanation: "bring" is somewhat vague; "foster" is more precise and academically appropriate. Also, "everyone" is too general; "individuals" is more specific and formal.
"help them have more power to deal with problems" -> "empower them to address challenges"
Explanation: "help them have more power" is awkward and informal; "empower them to address challenges" is more direct and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"setting good examples including disadvantaged people and successful businessman" -> "highlighting examples of successful individuals, including those from disadvantaged backgrounds and entrepreneurs"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks specificity. The revision clarifies and formalizes the language, improving precision and inclusivity.
"balancing informations" -> "providing a balanced range of information"
Explanation: "balancing informations" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised phrase clarifies the meaning and corrects the plural form of "information."
"decrease in economic" -> "economic downturns"
Explanation: "decrease in economic" is awkward and unclear. "Economic downturns" is a more precise and commonly used term in economic discussions.
"they also need to new developments and changes of those problems" -> "they also require new developments and solutions to these issues"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.
"Considering to the demerits" -> "Considering the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Considering to the demerits" is grammatically incorrect. "Considering the drawbacks" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"audiences are bombared by negative stories" -> "audiences are bombarded by negative stories"
Explanation: "bombared" is a typographical error; "bombarded" is the correct spelling.
"a lot of airplane accidents reported by journalists and television" -> "numerous reports of airplane accidents by journalists and television"
Explanation: "a lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal. Also, "reported by journalists and television" is awkward; "by journalists and television" is more direct and clear.
"make audiences confused" -> "confuse audiences"
Explanation: "make audiences confused" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Confuse audiences" is grammatically correct and more direct.
"it causes distorted views and make people confused" -> "it causes distorted views and confuses people"
Explanation: "make people confused" is grammatically incorrect; "confuses people" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"the more goods news is worth reporting" -> "the more positive news is worth reporting"
Explanation: "goods news" is incorrect; "positive news" is the correct term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the need for more positive news in the media and presents arguments supporting this viewpoint. The first paragraph outlines the benefits of positive news, such as motivation and encouragement, while the second paragraph acknowledges the negative impact of excessive bad news. However, the essay does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, which is a critical aspect of the prompt. The conclusion reiterates the author’s belief but lacks a clear articulation of the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement in the introduction and conclusion. They could use phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I partially agree" to clarify their stance. Additionally, providing a more balanced discussion of both sides before concluding would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position advocating for more positive news. However, the phrase "I do agree with some following reasons" is vague and could be more assertive. The position is somewhat diluted by the mention of demerits without a strong counter-argument or acknowledgment of the complexity of the issue. The conclusion reiterates the belief but lacks a definitive stance on the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: The author should work on articulating a more definitive position throughout the essay. Using clear and assertive language to express agreement or disagreement will help maintain a consistent stance. Additionally, integrating counterarguments more effectively could provide a more nuanced view while still supporting the main position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the inclusion of more positive news, such as motivation and mental health benefits. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the mention of "disadvantaged people and successful businessman" is relevant, it lacks specific examples or details that would enhance the argument. The second paragraph introduces the idea of balancing information but does not fully develop how this balance can be achieved or its implications.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples and elaborate on each point. For instance, they could include statistics or studies that demonstrate the impact of positive news on mental health. Additionally, discussing practical ways the media could achieve a balance between good and bad news would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of positive news in the media. However, there are moments where the argument becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the second paragraph, where the transition from discussing positive news to the negative impacts of bad news could be clearer. The phrase "excessive negativity is harmful" introduces a new idea without sufficient connection to the previous points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to the next. Using clear topic sentences and linking phrases can help maintain coherence. Additionally, the author should avoid introducing new ideas without fully exploring them, as this can distract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and coherence. By addressing these aspects, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of including more positive news stories, which is a strong point. The introduction outlines the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting reasons. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of positive news to the demerits of negative news is somewhat abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs sometimes lack a clear progression, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the first body paragraph mixes examples of positive news with general statements about motivation without a clear link.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits of positive news, a transition like "In contrast, the prevalence of negative news can lead to…" would help clarify the shift in focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first body paragraph attempts to cover multiple ideas without sufficient separation, making it difficult to discern the main point. The second body paragraph introduces the demerits but does not clearly delineate this from the previous discussion, which can confuse the reader about the overall structure of the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two: one focused on the benefits of positive news and another on the negative impacts of excessive negativity. This separation will provide clarity and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For instance, phrases like "As a result," and "For example," are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated linking words and phrases that enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases for common transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use "To begin with" or "In addition." Additionally, incorporating phrases that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," would strengthen the connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear position and some logical organization, improvements in paragraph structure, logical flow, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance its coherence and cohesion. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "motivation," "encouragement," "disadvantaged," and "distorted views." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "good news" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, phrases like "successful businessman" could be diversified to include terms such as "entrepreneurs" or "business leaders."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good news," alternatives like "positive stories," "uplifting news," or "constructive reports" could be employed. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help identify synonyms and broaden vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "help them have more power to deal with problems" could be more effectively expressed as "empower them to tackle challenges." Additionally, the phrase "contributing to promote society more livable" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity, such as "contributing to a more livable society."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by reviewing sentences for clarity and considering whether the chosen words accurately reflect the ideas being expressed. Practicing paraphrasing can also help in finding more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "informations," "bombared," and "new agencies." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader. The misspelling of "bombarded" and the incorrect pluralization of "information" indicate a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay after writing can help catch spelling errors. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying words that do not sound correct, prompting a review of their spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is easy to see negative news now are hitting the headlines") and compound sentences ("For example, setting good examples including disadvantaged people and successful businessman in trying to overcome difficult situations"). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which restricts the overall grammatical range. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "the more goods news is worth reporting," which could be more effectively expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "positive news could bring motivation and encouragement to everyone," the writer could say, "While negative news often dominates headlines, positive news has the potential to bring motivation and encouragement to everyone." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity. Engaging with varied sentence starters and integrating relative clauses would also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "now are hitting the headlines" should be corrected to "are now hitting the headlines." Additionally, phrases like "successful businessman" should be pluralized to "successful businessmen" for grammatical consistency. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can be observed in sentences like "excessive negativity is harmful , audiences are bombared by negative stories," where a semicolon or period would be more appropriate to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify common mistakes. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding the use of commas, semicolons, and periods to ensure that sentences are correctly punctuated. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper punctuation usage and enhance overall writing skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, improvements in sentence variety and grammatical accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will lead to clearer and more effective communication in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is easy to see that negative news is now hitting the headlines and frequently appearing in the mass media, and many people believe that positive news should be encouraged. I concur with the following reasons.

Firstly, positive news can bring motivation and encouragement to everyone. To be more detailed, successful and positive stories could inspire everybody and help them have more power to deal with problems. For example, highlighting examples of successful individuals, including those from disadvantaged backgrounds and entrepreneurs, can show how they try to overcome difficult situations. As a result, when people read this news, they have a tendency to replicate those activities, contributing to making society more livable.

Secondly, providing a balanced range of information is also a merit of including more good news. Instead of only providing negative news like accidents and economic downturns, audiences also require new developments and solutions to these issues. As a consequence, this can help reduce stress and promote better mental health.

Considering the drawbacks, excessive negativity is harmful; audiences are bombarded by negative stories. For instance, numerous reports of airplane accidents by journalists and television make audiences confused and suspicious about this type of vehicle, consequently hurting the aviation industry. Therefore, an excessive amount of bad news causes distorted views and confuses people, which is why the more positive news is worth reporting.

In conclusion, my belief is that news agencies should dedicate more attention to positive news because it can contribute to society and reduce stress, leading to better mental health. Compared to negative news, which causes distorted views and confusion, positive news is essential.