The number of visits to oceanographic museums is decreasing significantly. State the causes and suggest some solutions to this problem.

The number of tourists visiting oceanographic museums has decreased significantly. What are the reasons and the solutions to the issue ? This essay will examine the causes of this problem and propose practical solutions accordingly.b
One of the main reasons why few tourists visit and enjoy museums is because they find them dry, boring, unimportant and not necessary to know. Nowadays, the more social media platforms develop, the more people spend time using them to research and watch short videos about everything. So people feel that they don't need to go to the museum but can stay at home and watch on their phones. Secondly, museums have little innovation in both advertising and content to attract tourists. Finally, visiting oceanographic museums is not yet a need or habit of Vietnamese people. The museum only focuses on conservation, emphasizing the "academic" aspect of display without really paying attention to the needs and experiences of the viewers, Therefore; the museum's activities are still poor, not rich and not attractive to visitors.
To solve these problems, the government needs to upgrade infrastructure or innovative oceanographic museums such as using scientific technology in museum experiences. They can use 3D animations or change the way they tour by watching a cinema-like introductory video or multi-dimensional video. Furthermore, the government encourages and guides museum-going habits like organizing tour packages at schools and public facilities. To attract foreign tourists, museums can cooperate with tourism businesses and organize festivals such as giving souvenirs.
This essay has given the reasons and the solutions to increasing the number of tourists

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"visiting oceanographic museums has decreased significantly" -> "visitation to oceanographic museums has significantly decreased"
Explanation: The phrase "visiting oceanographic museums has decreased significantly" is awkwardly constructed. Reordering the words to "visitation to oceanographic museums has significantly decreased" improves the grammatical structure and clarity of the sentence.
"What are the reasons and the solutions to the issue?" -> "What are the reasons and potential solutions to this issue?"
Explanation: The question should be more formal and precise. Adding "potential" before "solutions" clarifies that the solutions are proposed and not necessarily implemented.
"One of the main reasons why few tourists visit and enjoy museums is because they find them dry, boring, unimportant and not necessary to know." -> "One primary reason why few tourists visit and engage with museums is that they perceive them as dry, uninteresting, and unnecessary."
Explanation: "Find them dry, boring, unimportant and not necessary to know" is overly casual and vague. "Perceive them as dry, uninteresting, and unnecessary" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.
"the more social media platforms develop, the more people spend time using them" -> "as social media platforms evolve, individuals increasingly spend time using them"
Explanation: "The more social media platforms develop" is a bit informal and imprecise. "As social media platforms evolve" is more formal and precise, and "individuals" is a more academic term than "people."
"So people feel that they don’t need to go to the museum but can stay at home and watch on their phones." -> "Consequently, individuals believe they can access information at home through their phones rather than visiting museums."
Explanation: "So people feel that they don’t need to go to the museum but can stay at home and watch on their phones" is informal and conversational. The revised version is more formal and provides a clearer, more academic explanation.
"museums have little innovation in both advertising and content to attract tourists" -> "museums exhibit limited innovation in both advertising and content to attract tourists"
Explanation: "Have little innovation" is somewhat informal and vague. "Exhibit limited innovation" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"visiting oceanographic museums is not yet a need or habit of Vietnamese people" -> "visiting oceanographic museums is not yet a necessity or habit among Vietnamese people"
Explanation: "Need or habit of Vietnamese people" is awkwardly phrased. "Necessity or habit among Vietnamese people" is more natural and precise.
"Therefore; the museum’s activities are still poor, not rich and not attractive to visitors." -> "Therefore, the museum’s activities remain unappealing and lack richness, failing to attract visitors."
Explanation: "Poor, not rich and not attractive" is informal and redundant. "Unappealing and lack richness, failing to attract" is more formal and avoids redundancy.
"the government needs to upgrade infrastructure or innovative oceanographic museums" -> "the government should upgrade the infrastructure or introduce innovative concepts in oceanographic museums"
Explanation: "Upgrade infrastructure or innovative oceanographic museums" is unclear and grammatically awkward. "Upgrade the infrastructure or introduce innovative concepts" clarifies the intended meaning and is more precise.
"They can use 3D animations or change the way they tour by watching a cinema-like introductory video or multi-dimensional video." -> "They could employ 3D animations or modify their tours by presenting cinema-like introductory videos or multi-dimensional displays."
Explanation: "Change the way they tour by watching a cinema-like introductory video or multi-dimensional video" is awkward and unclear. The revised version is more precise and formal, improving clarity and flow.
"the government encourages and guides museum-going habits like organizing tour packages at schools and public facilities." -> "the government should encourage and facilitate museum-going habits by offering tour packages at schools and public facilities."
Explanation: "Encourages and guides museum-going habits like organizing tour packages" is informal and lacks precision. "Should encourage and facilitate museum-going habits by offering tour packages" is more formal and clearly specifies the actions involved.
"museums can cooperate with tourism businesses and organize festivals such as giving souvenirs." -> "museums could collaborate with tourism businesses and host festivals, such as offering souvenirs."
Explanation: "Cooperate with tourism businesses and organize festivals such as giving souvenirs" is informal and lacks specificity. "Collaborate with tourism businesses and host festivals, such as offering souvenirs" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the decline in visits to oceanographic museums and suggesting solutions. The reasons provided include the perception of museums as boring and the lack of innovation in their offerings. The solutions proposed involve upgrading infrastructure and promoting museum visits through educational initiatives. However, while the essay touches on relevant points, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of each cause and solution. For example, the mention of social media as a competing interest could be expanded to discuss its impact on cultural engagement more broadly.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is elaborated upon with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Similarly, solutions should be more detailed, perhaps including examples of successful initiatives from other museums or countries that have effectively increased visitor numbers.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the decline in museum visits is a significant issue that needs addressing. However, the clarity of the position could be improved. The introduction states the intention to examine causes and propose solutions, but the transition between ideas is somewhat abrupt, which can lead to confusion about the main argument. For instance, the phrase "the museum’s activities are still poor" could be rephrased to reflect a more constructive critique.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, reiterating the main thesis in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s stance and provide a cohesive ending.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of declining museum visits and offers solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the assertion that museums are perceived as boring lacks supporting evidence or examples from surveys or studies. The solutions proposed, such as using technology, are relevant but could be further developed to show how they would specifically address the identified problems.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating data, case studies, or anecdotal evidence can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline in oceanographic museum visits. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of Vietnamese people’s habits could be more directly tied to the overall argument about museum visits, as it currently feels somewhat tangential.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main question. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all ideas are relevant and contribute to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in elaboration, clarity, and focus. By providing more detailed support for claims and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed, the writer can aim for a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and a section on solutions. The logical flow is maintained as it transitions from identifying the problem to suggesting solutions. For instance, the reasons are presented in a coherent manner, with each point building on the previous one. However, the introduction could be slightly more detailed to better set the context for the discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a brief overview of the main points in the introduction. This would guide the reader on what to expect in the body of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as causes and solutions. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing causes to solutions feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the solution section to signal a shift in focus. Phrases like "In response to these challenges" or "To address these issues" can help create a more fluid transition between paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Furthermore," which help in structuring the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Therefore; the museum’s activities are still poor" could be better connected to the previous sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Consequently" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "oceanographic museums," "innovation," and "infrastructure." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "museums" and "tourists," which limits the lexical variety. Phrases like "dry, boring, unimportant" are somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms to enhance the essay’s overall quality.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "museums," they could use "exhibitions," "institutions," or "cultural centers." Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could help convey ideas more vividly.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "the museum only focuses on conservation," which could be misinterpreted as implying that conservation is the sole purpose of museums. The phrase "not yet a need or habit of Vietnamese people" is vague and could benefit from clearer articulation of what is meant by "need" and "habit."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should clarify their statements. For instance, instead of saying "not yet a need," they could specify that "visiting museums is not a common practice among Vietnamese people." This would provide a clearer understanding of the point being made. Additionally, using more specific terms related to the subject matter, such as "educational value" instead of "academic aspect," would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "accordingly.b" (the ‘b’ appears to be a typographical error) and "Therefore;" (the semicolon is incorrectly placed). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work more carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch typographical errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can further improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are used effectively, such as "One of the main reasons why few tourists visit and enjoy museums is because they find them dry, boring, unimportant and not necessary to know." This showcases the ability to combine clauses. However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures, such as "The museum only focuses on conservation," which could be expanded for variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "museums have little innovation," you could say, "Although museums have little innovation, they could attract more visitors by implementing modern technologies." This not only adds variety but also enhances the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "the issue ?" contains an unnecessary space before the question mark. Additionally, the sentence "Therefore; the museum’s activities are still poor, not rich and not attractive to visitors." incorrectly uses a semicolon instead of a comma. The use of "not rich and not attractive" is also somewhat awkward and could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and semicolons. For instance, replace the semicolon in "Therefore; the museum’s activities" with a comma. Additionally, consider rephrasing awkward constructions. Instead of "not rich and not attractive," you could say "lacking in richness and appeal." This not only improves grammatical accuracy but also enhances the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The number of tourists visiting oceanographic museums has decreased significantly. What are the reasons and potential solutions to this issue? This essay will examine the causes of this problem and propose practical solutions accordingly.

One primary reason why few tourists visit and engage with museums is that they perceive them as dry, uninteresting, and unnecessary. Nowadays, as social media platforms evolve, individuals increasingly spend time using them to research and watch short videos about various topics. Consequently, individuals believe they can access information at home through their phones rather than visiting museums. Secondly, museums exhibit limited innovation in both advertising and content to attract tourists. Finally, visiting oceanographic museums is not yet a necessity or habit among Vietnamese people. The focus of these museums is primarily on conservation, emphasizing the “academic” aspect of displays without adequately addressing the needs and experiences of viewers. Therefore, the museum’s activities remain unappealing and lack richness, failing to attract visitors.

To solve these problems, the government should upgrade the infrastructure or introduce innovative concepts in oceanographic museums. They could employ 3D animations or modify their tours by presenting cinema-like introductory videos or multi-dimensional displays. Furthermore, the government should encourage and facilitate museum-going habits by offering tour packages at schools and public facilities. To attract foreign tourists, museums could collaborate with tourism businesses and host festivals, such as offering souvenirs.

This essay has outlined the reasons for the decline in visitors and proposed solutions to increase the number of tourists at oceanographic museums.