The only way to improve the safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishment for driving offenses. What do you extent ,agr or dis

Opinions are divided on whether implementing rigorous punishments for driving offenses could be the sole way to improve the quality of safety in road systems. Personally, I partly agree with this statement, as there are other measures that could be more effective.

Admittedly, one might argue that safety could become more prevalent if stricter punishment is enacted on our daily basis. It is true that such measures could significantly reduce the frequency of private vehicle travel and diminish unexpected incidents on the road, thereby improving security and quality of life.
However, this line of reasoning is not sound because younger people may not fully understand standardized laws, and they might still repeat these mistakes.
As a result, such impulsive actions can contribute to disorder on the road through illegal activities such as speeding or running red lights. Therefore, it is unreasonable to attribute that this is a solely way to ensure safety in our road
systems.

Nevertheless, I still hold a firm belief that there will be other ways that could be more efficient than the aforementioned approach. Chief among these is deploying campaigns to encourage individuals to obtain driver's licenses. It is understandable why traffic accidents can be derived from lacking driving skills. When this measure is applied, citizens could gain driving knowledge and an understanding of related laws, thereby ensuring safety when using vehicles.
Additionally, educating the younger generation about traffic rules could play a crucial role in guaranteeing safety.
This means that implementing an education program about traffic laws not only creates a strong foundation of knowledge but also raises awareness, helping individuals prevent others from engaging in unauthorized activities on the road.

In conclusion, albeit relentless punishments are effective ways against driving offenders, other retribution can deter people from driving infractions as well, such as deep education about traffic laws and learning driver's license.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided" -> "There is a divergence of opinion"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that opinions are varied, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"implementing rigorous punishments" -> "the implementation of stringent penalties"
Explanation: "The implementation of stringent penalties" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial tone of "rigorous punishments."
"could be the sole way" -> "could be the sole method"
Explanation: "Method" is a more precise term in this context, referring specifically to a systematic approach, which is more appropriate in an academic discussion.
"on our daily basis" -> "on a daily basis"
Explanation: "On a daily basis" is the correct idiomatic expression, which is more natural and formal.
"diminish unexpected incidents" -> "reduce unforeseen incidents"
Explanation: "Reduce unforeseen incidents" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"younger people may not fully understand standardized laws" -> "younger individuals may not fully comprehend standardized regulations"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "comprehend" is more precise than "understand," while "regulations" is more specific than "laws" in this context.
"such impulsive actions" -> "such impulsive behaviors"
Explanation: "Behaviors" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "actions" in this context.
"therefore it is unreasonable to attribute that this is a solely way" -> "therefore, it is unreasonable to assume that this is the sole method"
Explanation: "Assume" is more precise than "attribute," and "the sole method" corrects the grammatical error in "a solely way."
"deploying campaigns" -> "conducting campaigns"
Explanation: "Conducting" is a more formal verb choice than "deploying" in this context, which is typically used for military or technical deployments.
"traffic accidents can be derived from" -> "traffic accidents may arise from"
Explanation: "May arise from" is a more accurate and formal way to express the potential cause of accidents, avoiding the vague and less formal "can be derived from."
"citizens could gain driving knowledge" -> "citizens could acquire driving skills"
Explanation: "Acquire driving skills" is more specific and appropriate than "gain driving knowledge," which is less precise.
"raises awareness" -> "enhances awareness"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more formal synonym for "raises," fitting better in an academic context.
"not only creates a strong foundation of knowledge but also raises awareness" -> "not only establishes a solid foundation of knowledge but also fosters awareness"
Explanation: "Establishes a solid foundation of knowledge" and "fosters awareness" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"other retribution" -> "other deterrents"
Explanation: "Deterrents" is the correct term for measures that discourage or prevent undesirable behavior, whereas "retribution" typically refers to punishment after the fact.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the effectiveness of stricter punishments for driving offenses while also acknowledging alternative measures to improve road safety. The introduction clearly states the writer’s partial agreement with the notion that stricter punishments are necessary, which is a good start. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit outline of the different parts of the question, particularly in clarifying what other measures could be considered alongside stricter punishments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should more clearly delineate all aspects of the prompt. The writer could explicitly mention the potential benefits of stricter punishments in the introduction and then outline the alternative measures that will be discussed. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a consistent position throughout the essay, expressing a belief that while stricter punishments can be beneficial, they are not the only solution. However, the use of phrases like "I partly agree" could lead to some ambiguity regarding the strength of the position. The essay does a good job of presenting arguments for both sides, but the overall stance could be more assertively communicated.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should consider using more definitive language. Instead of saying "I partly agree," the writer could state, "While I acknowledge the importance of stricter punishments, I believe that other measures are equally, if not more, important." This would help to reinforce the writer’s stance and provide a clearer direction for the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to road safety, such as the need for stricter punishments and the importance of education and skill development. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the argument about the lack of understanding of laws among younger drivers is introduced but not fully explored. The essay mentions campaigns for obtaining driver’s licenses but does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing educational campaigns, the writer could reference successful case studies or statistics showing the impact of education on driving behavior. This would not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of road safety and the effectiveness of punishments versus other measures. However, there are moments where the argument could drift slightly, such as when discussing the impulsive actions of younger drivers without directly linking it back to the main argument about punishments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis. When introducing a new idea, it should be clearly tied to the discussion of punishments or alternative measures. Additionally, revisiting the main argument in each paragraph can help reinforce the topic and ensure that the essay remains cohesive.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in clarity, development, and focus. By refining these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s position, while the body paragraphs discuss arguments for and against stricter punishments. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing the effectiveness of punishments to alternative measures feels abrupt. The argument about the understanding of laws by younger people is somewhat disconnected from the previous point about the impact of stricter punishments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the potential drawbacks of strict punishments, explicitly state how this leads to the need for alternative measures.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the potential benefits of stricter punishments, while the second discusses alternative approaches. However, some paragraphs could be more clearly defined; for example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on educational campaigns and another on the importance of understanding traffic laws.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences directly relate to that idea. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new concept or argument. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to follow the essay’s progression more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "admittedly," "however," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" could be better supported with a clearer link to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify the relationship between ideas. For instance, when introducing a counterargument, phrases like "on the other hand" can help signal a shift in perspective more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "rigorous punishments," "traffic accidents," "impulsive actions," and "unauthorized activities." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "safety" and "road systems." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "safety," alternatives like "road safety," "security," or "protection" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "traffic management" or "road safety measures" can diversify the vocabulary related to the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "this line of reasoning is not sound" is somewhat vague and could be clearer. Additionally, "deep education about traffic laws" is awkward; "comprehensive education" or "thorough understanding" would be more precise.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Replace vague phrases with more specific terms. For example, instead of saying "this is a solely way," it would be better to say "this is the only method." Practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate vocabulary will enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are notable errors such as "extent" instead of "extent," "agr" instead of "agree," and "retribution" instead of "alternatives." These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used words in academic writing can build confidence and reduce mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "Admittedly, one might argue that safety could become more prevalent if stricter punishment is enacted on our daily basis" showcases a conditional structure effectively. However, there are instances where simpler structures dominate, such as "it is true that such measures could significantly reduce the frequency of private vehicle travel." This indicates a tendency to rely on straightforward constructions, which can limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "It is true that," the writer could use phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition to this," to create a smoother flow and enhance complexity. Practicing the combination of different clauses and using varied sentence openings can help achieve a higher level of grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "it is unreasonable to attribute that this is a solely way to ensure safety in our road systems" contains awkward phrasing and a grammatical error; it should be "the only way" instead of "a solely way." Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the absence of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "As a result, such impulsive actions can contribute to disorder on the road through illegal activities such as speeding or running red lights" could be clearer with better punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in sentence structure and punctuation. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking peer feedback can help identify mistakes. Additionally, the writer should practice constructing sentences that clearly convey their intended meaning, ensuring that subjects and verbs agree and that modifiers are placed correctly. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will also aid in improving overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their writing in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the implementation of stringent penalties for driving offenses could be the sole method to improve the safety of our road systems. Personally, I partly agree with this statement, as there are other measures that could be more effective.

Admittedly, one might argue that safety could become more prevalent if stricter punishments are enacted on a daily basis. It is true that such measures could significantly reduce the frequency of private vehicle travel and diminish unforeseen incidents on the road, thereby enhancing security and quality of life. However, this line of reasoning is not entirely sound because younger individuals may not fully comprehend standardized regulations, and they might still repeat these mistakes. As a result, such impulsive behaviors can contribute to disorder on the road through illegal activities such as speeding or running red lights. Therefore, it is unreasonable to assume that this is the sole method to ensure safety in our road systems.

Nevertheless, I firmly believe that there are other ways that could be more efficient than the aforementioned approach. Chief among these is conducting campaigns to encourage individuals to obtain driver’s licenses. It is understandable why traffic accidents may arise from a lack of driving skills. When this measure is applied, citizens could acquire driving skills and an understanding of related laws, thereby ensuring safety when using vehicles. Additionally, educating the younger generation about traffic rules could play a crucial role in guaranteeing safety. This means that implementing an education program about traffic laws not only establishes a solid foundation of knowledge but also fosters awareness, helping individuals prevent others from engaging in unauthorized activities on the road.

In conclusion, although rigorous punishments are effective against driving offenders, other deterrents can also discourage people from driving infractions, such as comprehensive education about traffic laws and obtaining a driver’s license.