The pie chart below shows the percentage of a family’s household income distributed into different categories.
The pie chart below shows the percentage of a family’s household
income distributed into different categories.
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of a family’s household earnings divided into different categories.
At first glance, it can be seen that distributing income to food is the most essential thing for the family, accounting for a quarter of the total income. By contrast, the expenditure on power is equal to one-fifth of spending on food, becoming the lowest spending in household income distribution.
Besides, spending on saving, clothes and transport are quite similar. To begin with, households allocate 15% of their income towards saving. Following that, they spend in turn 13% and 12% income on clothes and transport respectively. In comparison to food, these categories represent only half of the percentage allocated to food. This shows that households have fairly even spending across these areas.
Another notable expenditure category is education, which accounts for more than one-fifth of total household income. It has the second highest spending rate after food, which is also an important aspect of households
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"At first glance" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and precise term that is better suited for academic writing, enhancing the professionalism of the introduction. -
"the most essential thing" -> "the most significant aspect"
Explanation: "The most significant aspect" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "the most essential thing." -
"accounting for a quarter" -> "accounting for approximately 25%"
Explanation: Using the exact percentage "25%" instead of the vague "a quarter" provides a more precise and formal expression. -
"the lowest spending in household income distribution" -> "the lowest proportion of household income"
Explanation: "The lowest proportion of household income" is more specific and academically appropriate than the more casual "the lowest spending in household income distribution." -
"Besides, spending on saving, clothes and transport are quite similar" -> "Furthermore, expenditures on saving, clothing, and transportation are comparable"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Besides," and "expenditures on saving, clothing, and transportation" uses more precise terms, enhancing the academic tone. -
"To begin with" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "To begin with," which can sound informal. -
"spend in turn" -> "allocate in succession"
Explanation: "Allocate in succession" is more formal and precise than "spend in turn," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"income towards saving" -> "income towards savings"
Explanation: "Income towards savings" should be "income towards saving" to maintain grammatical consistency and accuracy. -
"spending on clothes and transport" -> "expenditures on clothing and transportation"
Explanation: "Expenditures on clothing and transportation" uses more formal vocabulary and is more specific, aligning better with academic style. -
"fairly even spending" -> "relatively balanced expenditures"
Explanation: "Relatively balanced expenditures" is a more formal and precise way to describe the distribution of funds, avoiding the colloquial "fairly even spending." -
"Another notable expenditure category" -> "Another significant expenditure category"
Explanation: "Significant" is more formal and precise than "notable," which can be vague in this context. -
"accounts for more than one-fifth" -> "represents more than 20%"
Explanation: Using the exact percentage "20%" instead of "one-fifth" provides clarity and precision, which is preferred in academic writing.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the pie chart, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "spending on saving, clothes and transport are quite similar," but the chart shows that these categories have different percentages. The essay also states that "households allocate 15% of their income towards saving," but the chart shows that saving accounts for 15% of the total household income, not 15% of the total income.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant information about the pie chart. The writer should also avoid making generalizations about the data, such as stating that "households have fairly even spending across these areas." Instead, the writer should focus on presenting the data in a clear and concise way.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction of the pie chart to the discussion of different expenditure categories. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The referencing is not always clear, particularly in the transition between categories, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the discussion of similar categories could be better grouped together for clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic. Grouping similar expenditure categories into a single paragraph would also help in presenting a more organized structure. Additionally, refining the use of referencing will aid in creating clearer connections between ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the expenditure on power" which could be more clearly expressed as "expenditure on utilities" or "energy costs." Additionally, phrases like "becoming the lowest spending" could be rephrased for clarity. There are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "households allocate 15% of their income towards saving," where "saving" should be "savings." While these errors do not impede communication, they do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. They should also work on using more sophisticated phrases and collocations correctly. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would enhance clarity and coherence. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can help in acquiring more advanced vocabulary and understanding contextual usage better.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, they do not significantly hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the expenditure on power is equal to one-fifth of spending on food" and "these categories represent only half of the percentage allocated to food" show an attempt at complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as "spending on saving, clothes and transport are quite similar," where subject-verb agreement is not maintained. Overall, the essay maintains a clear structure and communicates its points effectively, but the errors and inconsistencies prevent it from achieving a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "spending on saving, clothes, and transport is quite similar").
- Complex Sentence Structures: Continue to incorporate a variety of complex sentences but ensure that they are grammatically correct and clearly expressed.
- Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and to clarify meaning.
- Proofreading: Take time to review the essay for minor errors that could be corrected to improve overall clarity and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of a family’s household earnings distributed across various categories. At first glance, it is evident that allocating income to food is the most essential priority for the family, accounting for a quarter of the total income. In contrast, expenditure on power is equal to one-fifth of spending on food, making it the lowest category in household income distribution.
Additionally, spending on savings, clothing, and transport is relatively similar. To begin with, households allocate 15% of their income towards savings. Following that, they spend 13% and 12% of their income on clothing and transport, respectively. In comparison to food, these categories together represent only half of the percentage allocated to food. This indicates that households maintain fairly even spending across these areas.
Another notable expenditure category is education, which accounts for more than one-fifth of total household income. It has the second highest spending rate after food, highlighting its significance in household budgeting.
Phản hồi