The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart illustrates the comparison of 5 main methods of obtaining news in two distinct nations which are Canada and Australia.

From an overall perspective, it is clear that the proportion of Online procedures in Australia was the highest. In contrast, the lowest figure was found for both rates of Radio and Not specified method in the same country.

In Canada, the percentage of Print constitutes 14%, falling 22% and 26% behind that of Online and TV, respectively. The figure for Radio stood at 7% whereas that for Not specified is 3%.

In Australia, the proportion of Online way is the highest at 52%, followed by the figure for TV and Print, at 37% and 7%, respectively. While Radio is on par with Not specified, at 2%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"From an overall perspective" -> "From an overarching perspective"
Explanation: "From an overarching perspective" conveys a broader viewpoint and sounds more formal and precise than "From an overall perspective."
"procedures" -> "methods"
Explanation: "Methods" is a more appropriate and versatile term for describing different ways of obtaining news compared to "procedures," which typically refers to a series of steps or actions.
"constitutes" -> "accounts for"
Explanation: "Accounts for" is a more dynamic and precise alternative to "constitutes" when discussing percentages or proportions.
"falling 22% and 26% behind" -> "lagging behind by 22% and 26% respectively"
Explanation: "Lagging behind by 22% and 26% respectively" provides a clearer and more specific indication of the difference between the percentages.
"figure for Radio stood at 7%" -> "Radio accounted for 7%"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more active and appropriate term for describing the proportion of something, enhancing clarity and precision.
"figure for TV and Print" -> "figures for TV and Print"
Explanation: Plural "figures" is needed to maintain parallelism with "Online way" and to correctly represent multiple percentages.
"is on par with" -> "equals"
Explanation: "Equals" is a more direct and precise term for indicating that two values are the same, avoiding ambiguity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in accessing news in Canada and Australia. It accurately summarizes the information provided in the pie charts, highlighting the main features such as the dominance of online methods in Australia and the varied preferences in Canada. The comparison between the two countries is clear and relevant.

How to improve:
To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider extending the analysis of key features. While the main trends are well highlighted, providing additional insights or discussing potential reasons behind the differences in news consumption patterns between the two countries could further enhance the response. Additionally, ensuring precise and consistent use of language throughout the essay would strengthen clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a summary of the information provided in the pie charts comparing news access methods in Canada and Australia. It attempts to outline the main features and makes some relevant comparisons. However, the organization lacks clear progression, and there is a lack of cohesion between ideas. The essay jumps between countries without a smooth transition, making it somewhat challenging to follow. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in the presentation of information, such as mentioning percentages without a clear comparison between the two countries. While some cohesive devices are used (e.g., "in contrast"), they are not employed consistently throughout the essay.

How to improve:

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas, starting with an introduction that sets the context and provides an overview of the main features to be discussed.
Use cohesive devices consistently to connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay. This includes using transition words and phrases to indicate relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
Provide a more structured comparison between Canada and Australia, focusing on similarities and differences in news access methods. This could involve grouping similar methods together for easier comparison.
Be consistent in presenting information, particularly when discussing percentages or data points. Clearly compare and contrast the data between the two countries to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the pie charts. The use of phrases such as "from an overall perspective" and "the proportion of Online procedures in Australia was the highest" indicates an effort to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportion of Online procedures" and "the lowest figure was found for both rates of Radio and Not specified method", which are slightly awkward or inaccurate expressions for describing statistical data. These instances reflect a Band 7 performance where lexical resource is sufficient but not without flaws.

How to improve:
To aim for a higher band, focus on enhancing precision in word choice and collocation. For instance:

Replace "Online procedures" with "Online sources" to more accurately reflect the context of accessing news.
Instead of saying "the lowest figure was found for both rates of Radio and Not specified method", a clearer expression would be "the lowest figures were for Radio and the ‘Not specified’ category".
Practice incorporating a variety of vocabulary to describe data more precisely and engagingly, such as "dominates" for the highest percentages, or "lags behind" for lower ones, which can add a layer of sophistication to the text.
Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used is specific to the context and maintains accuracy throughout the essay to minimize the impact of errors on the reader’s understanding.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, utilizing a variety of sentence forms to convey information. There is an attempt at presenting complex ideas, but some grammatical errors and inaccuracies are present. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation. Proofreading for errors before finalizing the essay can help ensure clarity and accuracy in communication. Additionally, aim to vary sentence structures more consistently to enhance the overall fluency of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict a comparative analysis of the primary methods of accessing news in Canada and Australia.

Overall, it is evident that online sources dominate in Australia, whereas Canada exhibits a more diversified approach to news consumption.

In Canada, print media accounts for 14% of news consumption, trailing behind online sources by 22% and television by 26%. Radio stands at a modest 7%, while the proportion of those not specifying a method is 3%.

Conversely, in Australia, online news consumption is the most prevalent at 52%, followed by television and print at 37% and 7%, respectively. Both radio and unspecified methods share a smaller portion at 2%.

In conclusion, while both countries exhibit varying preferences in news consumption, online platforms notably dominate in Australia, while Canada maintains a more balanced distribution across multiple mediums.