The problem of playing video games and watching TV too much has a significant impact on users, especially among the younger generation, and it is crucial to understand the causes of this problem and identify solutions to mitigate its effects.

The problem of increased screen time has significant impacts on health and social interactions, making it crucial to understand its causes and find solutions to reduce its effects. The root causes are numerous, including easy access to technology, the popularity of streaming services, and changing social habits. Solutions should be adopted by both governments and families to address this trend.
To commence with, advancements in technology have enabled easy access to various entertainment options, which has contributed to excessive screen time. Firstly, streaming platforms have led to binge-watching by allowing viewers to watch multiple episodes at once. Additionally, video games have resulted in people spending long hours online. For instance, many teenagers now spend over five hours a day on social media. As a result, this can lead to health issues like obesity and anxiety.
To remedy the impacts of increased screen time, it is important to implement effective measures. At the macro level, governments should promote awareness about the dangers of too much screen time. Another suggestion to tackle this issue is to include lessons about healthy screen use in schools. At the micro level, families should set limits on screen time and encourage outdoor activities. An example of this is organizing regular family outings to spend time together.
In conclusion, increased screen time is an urgent issue stemming from the rise of digital technology. However, solutions exist, like awareness campaigns and educational programs. It is important that both governments and families implement these measures quickly to address this problem and ensure a healthier future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The problem of increased screen time" -> "The phenomenon of excessive screen use"
Explanation: "The phenomenon of excessive screen use" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the ongoing and widespread nature of the issue, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"significant impacts" -> "substantial effects"
Explanation: "Substantial effects" is a more precise term that conveys the magnitude of the consequences more effectively in an academic context, where specificity is valued.
"making it crucial to understand" -> "emphasizing the need to comprehend"
Explanation: "Emphasizing the need to comprehend" is a more formal and precise way to express the importance of understanding the issue, aligning better with academic style.
"easy access to technology" -> "unrestricted access to technology"
Explanation: "Unrestricted access to technology" more accurately describes the ease of access, which is a key factor in the context of screen time, and is more specific and formal.
"the popularity of streaming services" -> "the proliferation of streaming services"
Explanation: "The proliferation of streaming services" is a more precise term that conveys the widespread adoption and growth of streaming services, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"changing social habits" -> "evolving social norms"
Explanation: "Evolving social norms" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the dynamic nature of societal changes, fitting the academic style better.
"To commence with" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To begin with" is a more standard and formal transitional phrase in academic writing, enhancing the flow and formality of the essay.
"has contributed to" -> "has led to"
Explanation: "Has led to" is a more direct and formal expression, suitable for academic writing, which aims to clearly state causality.
"video games have resulted in people spending long hours online" -> "video games have led to extended online usage"
Explanation: "Extended online usage" is a more precise and formal way to describe the prolonged time spent online, which is more appropriate for an academic context.
"many teenagers now spend over five hours a day on social media" -> "numerous teenagers now spend more than five hours daily on social media"
Explanation: "Numerous teenagers now spend more than five hours daily on social media" uses more formal language and provides a clearer, quantified measure of the time spent, which is preferred in academic writing.
"To remedy the impacts" -> "To mitigate the effects"
Explanation: "To mitigate the effects" is a more precise and formal term that better suits the context of reducing the negative consequences of increased screen time, aligning with academic standards.
"Another suggestion to tackle this issue is to include lessons about healthy screen use in schools" -> "Another strategy to address this issue is to incorporate lessons on healthy screen use into school curricula"
Explanation: "Incorporate lessons on healthy screen use into school curricula" is a more formal and precise way to suggest educational interventions, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"An example of this is organizing regular family outings to spend time together" -> "An illustration of this is organizing regular family outings to foster quality time together"
Explanation: "Foster quality time together" is a more formal and precise phrase that better captures the intent of promoting positive family interactions, aligning with the academic style.
"ensure a healthier future" -> "promote a healthier future"
Explanation: "Promote a healthier future" is a more active and formal verb choice, which is preferred in academic writing to convey proactive measures towards a positive outcome.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying both the causes of excessive screen time and potential solutions. The causes mentioned include easy access to technology and the popularity of streaming services, which are relevant to the younger generation. The solutions proposed, such as government awareness campaigns and family interventions, align well with the prompt’s requirement to identify ways to mitigate the issue. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit connection between the causes and their specific impacts on users, particularly the younger generation.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each cause is directly linked to its effects on the younger generation. For example, elaborating on how binge-watching specifically affects social skills or academic performance would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that excessive screen time is a significant issue that needs addressing. The stance is consistent throughout, as the writer emphasizes the importance of understanding the causes and implementing solutions. However, the position could be made even clearer by explicitly stating the writer’s viewpoint on the severity of the issue in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could include a strong thesis statement in the introduction that encapsulates their viewpoint. Additionally, reiterating this position in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes and solutions of increased screen time. The writer uses examples, such as the mention of teenagers spending over five hours on social media, which supports the argument about health issues. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the health implications mentioned are somewhat vague and could benefit from more detailed explanations or statistics.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and evidence. Including statistics on health issues related to screen time or citing studies could substantiate the claims made and provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to excessive screen time. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, which is commendable. However, some sections could be more tightly focused, particularly when discussing solutions, as the examples provided could be more directly linked to the specific impacts of screen time.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example and solution directly ties back to the main issue of excessive screen time. This could involve explicitly stating how each solution addresses the specific problems caused by increased screen time, thereby enhancing the relevance of the discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there are opportunities for improvement in linking causes to effects, clarifying the position, developing ideas with more depth, and ensuring all points remain tightly focused on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and its significance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph discussing the causes of increased screen time and the second addressing potential solutions. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is effectively managed by the phrase "To remedy the impacts of increased screen time."
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between sections. For instance, after discussing the causes, a sentence such as "Having identified the root causes, it is essential to explore viable solutions" could strengthen the connection between the two main sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on either the causes or solutions. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly delineated, providing a strong framework for the essay. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "The primary causes of increased screen time include advancements in technology and changing social habits."
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain clarity and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "As a result," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition to," or "Conversely" could enhance the sophistication of the writing and provide clearer connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain the flow of ideas. For instance, instead of repeating "Additionally," consider using "Moreover" or "Another factor to consider is" to introduce new points.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "binge-watching," "advancements in technology," and "health issues like obesity and anxiety." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "increased screen time" and "excessive screen time," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "increased screen time," you could use "prolonged exposure to screens" or "excessive digital engagement." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions to describe causes and solutions would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "health issues like obesity and anxiety" is accurate, but it could be more specific by mentioning how these issues relate to screen time. The term "macro level" is also somewhat vague without further context.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary by providing specific examples or elaborating on terms. Instead of saying "health issues," you might specify "physical health problems such as obesity due to sedentary behavior." Clarifying terms like "macro level" with phrases such as "on a governmental scale" would also enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the provided text. Words such as "technology," "solutions," and "interactions" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, continue practicing with spelling exercises and reading extensively. Engaging with diverse texts can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, consider proofreading your work to catch any potential errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay meets the criteria for a Band 6 in Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "To remedy the impacts of increased screen time, it is important to implement effective measures" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay includes a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain clarity and engagement. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with "To commence with" and "Firstly," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the introductory phrases and using more complex structures. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Firstly," you could use alternatives like "One significant factor is…" or "An additional point to consider is…". Incorporating more subordinate clauses can also add complexity, such as "Although technology has made entertainment more accessible, it has also contributed to health issues."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "which has contributed to excessive screen time" is correctly structured, and punctuation is mostly accurate throughout the essay. However, there are minor issues, such as the use of "impacts" instead of "impact" in the first sentence, which could lead to confusion regarding whether it’s a countable or uncountable noun in this context. Additionally, the phrase "this can lead to health issues like obesity and anxiety" could be clearer with a more explicit subject.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the countability of nouns. For example, revise "impacts" to "impact" for clarity. Furthermore, consider rephrasing sentences for better clarity, such as changing "this can lead to health issues" to "excessive screen time can lead to health issues." Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with varied sentence constructions can also enhance overall accuracy.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The phenomenon of excessive screen use has substantial effects on health and social interactions, making it crucial to comprehend its causes and identify solutions to mitigate its effects. The root causes are numerous, including unrestricted access to technology, the proliferation of streaming services, and evolving social norms. Solutions should be adopted by both governments and families to address this trend.

To begin with, advancements in technology have enabled unrestricted access to various entertainment options, which has led to excessive screen time. Firstly, streaming platforms have facilitated binge-watching by allowing viewers to watch multiple episodes consecutively. Additionally, video games have led to extended online usage. For instance, numerous teenagers now spend more than five hours daily on social media. As a result, this can lead to health issues like obesity and anxiety.

To remedy the impacts of increased screen time, it is important to implement effective measures. At the macro level, governments should promote awareness about the dangers of excessive screen use. Another strategy to address this issue is to incorporate lessons on healthy screen use into school curricula. At the micro level, families should set limits on screen time and encourage outdoor activities. An illustration of this is organizing regular family outings to foster quality time together.

In conclusion, excessive screen time is an urgent issue stemming from the rise of digital technology. However, solutions exist, such as awareness campaigns and educational programs. It is essential that both governments and families implement these measures promptly to address this problem and promote a healthier future.