The rise of smartphones has negatively impacted face-to-face communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There have been debates regarding whether the development of smartphones has adversely affected face-to-face communication. From my perspectives, while some argue that the threats are minimal, I contend that there are distinct downsides.
On the one hand, people might argue that the development of smartphones technology not only has limited adverse effect on face-to-face communication, but may even facilitate the interaction process. Advancements in video call technology enable people to preserve nearly all aspects of real-life conversation. Elements such as hearing each other's voice and observing facial expressions and body language can be effectively conveyed through video calls. Given the advantages of maintaining the quality of real-life conversations, smartphones also alleviate the need for individuals to travel distances for face-to-face interactions. This proves particularly beneficial for people who live far apart, such as overseas students who wish to engage in video calls with their parents.
However, I believe that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks that smartphones pose to face-to-face communication. Despite the advancements in video call technology, a majority of individuals continue to prefer text messaging on smartphones – a platform that can negatively affect people’s in-person conversation skills. People frequently choose this means of communication due to its convenience, including features such as conversation storage and the ability to reply at one's leisure. However the excessive use of it can potentially lead to a diminished practice of essential communication skills, such as interpreting body languages or facial expression, adjusting tone and intonation, and building the confidence. Furthermore, smartphones often divert individuals from engaging in face-to-face conversations in public spaces. It has become commonplace nowadays for a group of people to prioritize attention on their phones even when presented with opportunities to initiate conversations and share experiences with each other.
In conclusion, while the development of smartphones, particularly video call technology, allows people to simulate real-life conversations without the need for physical travel, the overreliance on messaging can hinder the practice of essential communication skills. Additionally, smartphones have the tendency to divert individuals from engaging in face-to-face conversations in public spaces

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"From my perspectives" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: The phrase "From my perspectives" should be corrected to "From my perspective" to maintain a singular point of view and adhere to a more formal tone.
"not only has limited adverse effect" -> "not only has a limited adverse effect"
Explanation: Inserting the article "a" before "limited adverse effect" improves grammatical correctness. The original phrase lacks proper syntax and can be clarified with this addition.
"Advancements in video call technology enable people" -> "Advancements in video call technology enable individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" contributes to a more formal and academic tone. "Individuals" is a slightly more sophisticated term suitable for academic writing.
"maintaining the quality of real-life conversations" -> "preserving the quality of face-to-face conversations"
Explanation: Substituting "maintaining" with "preserving" adds precision to the sentence, aligning with a more formal style. The term "face-to-face" is used for clarity and specificity.
"This proves particularly beneficial for people who live far apart" -> "This is especially advantageous for individuals residing at a distance"
Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality and clarity by using "especially advantageous" instead of "particularly beneficial" and by expressing the idea in a more structured manner.
"However, I believe that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks" -> "However, I contend that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks"
Explanation: Replacing "believe" with "contend" strengthens the author’s assertion and introduces a more formal term, aligning with academic writing conventions.
"a majority of individuals continue to prefer text messaging on smartphones" -> "the majority of individuals still prefer text messaging on smartphones"
Explanation: The use of "the majority" and "still" improves the accuracy and formality of the statement. Additionally, it avoids unnecessary repetition of the word "continue."
"However the excessive use of it" -> "However, the excessive use of it"
Explanation: Inserting a comma after "However" corrects the punctuation error, creating a grammatically sound sentence.
"tone and intonation, and building the confidence" -> "tone, intonation, and confidence-building"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for parallelism and conciseness enhances clarity and aligns with academic writing standards.
"Furthermore, smartphones often divert individuals" -> "Furthermore, smartphones frequently divert individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "often" with "frequently" adds precision and formality to the sentence. "Frequently" is a more sophisticated term in academic writing.

Note: The improvements provided aim to enhance the academic style and formality of the essay while maintaining clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the arguments in favor of smartphones facilitating face-to-face communication through video calls and counters these points with concerns about the preference for text messaging and its impact on in-person communication skills. Relevant sections are cited to support these points.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could provide a more nuanced exploration of the counter-argument, considering potential benefits of text messaging and acknowledging that the impact may vary among individuals.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by expressing a belief in the negative impact of smartphones on face-to-face communication. The stance is consistent, and specific examples, such as the preference for text messaging and the diversion of attention in public spaces, are provided.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could use more varied sentence structures and transitions to guide the reader through the argument smoothly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, offering arguments both in favor of and against the impact of smartphones on face-to-face communication. The development of ideas is supported by specific examples, such as the benefits of video call technology and the drawbacks of excessive text messaging.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, the essay could explore the long-term consequences of diminished communication skills and societal implications. Providing additional examples or scenarios could strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of smartphones on face-to-face communication. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing the benefits of video call technology, which may not directly relate to the negative impact on face-to-face communication.
- How to improve: To maintain a more focused discussion, the essay could emphasize the drawbacks of video call technology or connect this technology more explicitly to the overall negative impact on face-to-face communication.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position with supporting examples, there is room for improvement in exploring counter-arguments, enhancing sentence structure for clarity, extending ideas for a more comprehensive discussion, and ensuring a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the debated topic. The essay progresses with a balanced exploration of both sides of the argument. Each paragraph presents a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to a coherent flow of ideas. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider reinforcing the essay’s structure. Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s main points. Additionally, consider a more nuanced and complex development of ideas to add depth to the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with clear beginnings and endings. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, aiding the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally sound, make sure that each paragraph has a strong topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, consider varying the length of sentences for stylistic diversity and impact, ensuring that the essay maintains a good rhythm.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Transition words such as "on the one hand" and "however" are used effectively to guide the reader through contrasting viewpoints. Pronouns and reference words contribute to coherence.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, explore advanced transition words and phrases that add sophistication to the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the balance between the use of cohesive devices and sentence structures. Consider incorporating more complex sentence structures to elevate the overall quality of cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 6. To enhance the score, focus on refining the logical organization, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying both cohesive devices and sentence structures.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate diverse words and phrases, such as "advancements," "overreliance," and "diminished practice." However, some repetition of terms like "face-to-face communication" and "smartphones" is noticeable.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring alternative expressions for key concepts. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "face-to-face communication," try variations like "in-person interaction" or "direct conversations." This will not only add variety but also demonstrate a deeper lexical command.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, such as "simulate real-life conversations" and "overreliance on messaging." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "the threats are minimal," which could benefit from more specific terms.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by avoiding vague terms. For example, instead of "the threats are minimal," specify the exact challenges or drawbacks posed by smartphones on face-to-face communication. Precision enhances clarity and strengthens the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "smartphones technology" (should be "smartphone technology") and "in-person conversation skills" (should be "in-person communication skills").
- How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to details, and consider proofreading the essay to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Additionally, be mindful of singular and plural forms to ensure grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay exhibits a competent level of lexical resource. To enhance the score, focus on diversifying vocabulary, using precise terms consistently, and refining spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("From my perspectives, while some argue that the threats are minimal, I contend that there are distinct downsides") and compound sentences ("Advancements in video call technology enable people to preserve nearly all aspects of real-life conversation"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, a greater use of compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases could enhance the overall richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of your sentences, consider incorporating compound-complex structures. Additionally, experiment with different introductory phrases to add variety and sophistication to your writing. For example, instead of always starting with "On the one hand" or "However," try using phrases like "Contrary to popular belief" or "In contrast."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors and awkward phrasing are present, such as in the sentence: "However the excessive use of it can potentially lead to a diminished practice of essential communication skills." The correct phrasing would be "However, the excessive use of it can potentially lead to a diminished practice of essential communication skills." Additionally, there are occasional issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure that require attention.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout your essay. Review your sentences for clarity and coherence, making sure that ideas are expressed in a logical and organized manner. Consider seeking feedback on specific grammatical points to further refine your skills. Additionally, proofread your work carefully to catch and correct any punctuation errors, such as missing commas or misplaced modifiers.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a strong foundation in grammatical range and accuracy, refining sentence structures for greater variety and addressing specific grammatical issues will contribute to further improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

There have been debates about whether the advent of smartphones has negatively impacted face-to-face communication. From my perspective, while some argue that the impact is minimal, I contend that there are distinct downsides.

On one hand, people might argue that smartphone technology not only has a limited adverse effect on face-to-face communication but may even enhance the interaction process. Advancements in video call technology enable individuals to preserve nearly all aspects of real-life conversation. Elements such as hearing each other’s voice and observing facial expressions and body language can be effectively conveyed through video calls. Given the advantages of maintaining the quality of face-to-face conversations, smartphones also alleviate the need for individuals to travel long distances for in-person interactions. This is especially advantageous for individuals residing at a distance, such as overseas students who wish to engage in video calls with their parents.

However, I contend that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks that smartphones pose to face-to-face communication. Despite advancements in video call technology, the majority of individuals still prefer text messaging on smartphones—a platform that can negatively affect people’s in-person conversation skills. People often choose this means of communication due to its convenience, including features such as conversation storage and the ability to reply at one’s leisure. However, the excessive use of it can potentially lead to a diminished practice of essential communication skills, such as interpreting body language or facial expressions, adjusting tone and intonation, and building confidence. Furthermore, smartphones frequently divert individuals from engaging in face-to-face conversations in public spaces. It has become commonplace nowadays for a group of people to prioritize attention on their phones even when presented with opportunities to initiate conversations and share experiences with each other.

In conclusion, while the development of smartphones, particularly video call technology, allows people to simulate real-life conversations without the need for physical travel, the overreliance on messaging can hinder the practice of essential communication skills. Additionally, smartphones have the tendency to divert individuals from engaging in face-to-face conversations in public spaces.