The use of social media (e.g. Facebook and Twitter) is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s modern world, with the current technological advancement, individuals are more dependent on social media flatforms to communicate with each other, undermining the importance of face-to-face interactions. Although there are some benefits stemming from this trend, its drawbacks are more significant.
On the one hand, undeniably, using social media to keep in touch with others offers several considerable advantages. First, social media users can have opportunity to stay connected with others from a distance. This is extremely beneficial when regarding people travelling or studying overseas since family members could stay updated with their loved ones without any inconveniences related to distance. Another merit worth mentioning is that individuals can socialize and expand their social circle via virtual social media regardless of any geographical boundaries. A prominent example for this is Omegles, a popular website where people could go online and video call with others from different cultures, thereby promoting a sociable attitude and minimizing the feeling of loneness among global citizens.
However, on the other hand, the absence of direct interaction poses several threats to individuals’ communication ability. Overusing social media applications without little or no face-to-face contact could degrade one’s ability to communicate. This is particularly detrimental when people have to deal with situations that require them to have a deep understanding about societal norms, engendering irreconcilable conflicts, potentially fostering resentment between them. In addition, people preferring social media to real-life contact may have a higher risk of mental disorder. Studies have shown that when people engage in face-to-face conversation, they have a lower chance of catching emotional distress or depression caused by the long-lasting lack of human direct interaction, ultimately bolstering their mental health.
In conclusion, while the prevalent use of social media in human communication might offer users various advantages such as cross-border communication and socialization means, its disadvantages are more of a concern due to the deterioration in communication ability as well as the higher risk of mental diseases.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"flatforms" -> "platforms"
Explanation: "Flatforms" is a misspelling of "platforms." Using the correct term enhances clarity and maintains formal language.
"Although there are some benefits stemming from this trend, its drawbacks are more significant." -> "Although there are some benefits associated with this trend, its drawbacks outweigh them."
Explanation: "Stemming from" is overly casual in this context. "Associated with" is more appropriate. Also, "more significant" can be strengthened to "outweigh them" for better emphasis.
"opportunity" -> "opportunities"
Explanation: Plural form is needed here to match the plural subject "social media users."
"stay updated with their loved ones without any inconveniences related to distance" -> "keep abreast of their loved ones’ activities without being hindered by geographical barriers"
Explanation: "Stay updated" is colloquial; "keep abreast of" is more formal. "Inconveniences related to distance" can be replaced with "geographical barriers" for precision and formality.
"A prominent example for this is Omegles" -> "A notable example of this is Omegle"
Explanation: "For" should be replaced with "of" to maintain proper syntax. Also, "prominent" is more commonly used for people rather than examples; "notable" is a better fit.
"thereby promoting a sociable attitude and minimizing the feeling of loneness among global citizens" -> "thus fostering sociability and alleviating loneliness among individuals worldwide"
Explanation: "Promoting a sociable attitude" is slightly awkward; "fostering sociability" is smoother. "Minimizing the feeling of loneliness among global citizens" can be improved for conciseness and clarity.
"the absence of direct interaction poses several threats to individuals’ communication ability" -> "the lack of direct interaction poses numerous threats to individuals’ communicative skills"
Explanation: "Threats to individuals’ communication ability" can be more precisely described as "threats to individuals’ communicative skills" for clarity and formality.
"Overusing social media applications without little or no face-to-face contact could degrade one’s ability to communicate." -> "Excessive use of social media applications with minimal or no face-to-face interaction could impair one’s communication skills."
Explanation: "Without little or no" is redundant; "with minimal or no" is more concise. "Degrade one’s ability to communicate" can be improved to "impair one’s communication skills" for clarity and formality.
"This is particularly detrimental when people have to deal with situations that require them to have a deep understanding about societal norms, engendering irreconcilable conflicts, potentially fostering resentment between them." -> "This is particularly detrimental when individuals must navigate situations that demand a profound understanding of societal norms, leading to irreconcilable conflicts and potentially fostering resentment."
Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and lacks clarity. Simplifying and restructuring it improves readability and formal tone.
"have a higher risk of mental disorder" -> "are at an increased risk of mental disorders"
Explanation: "Higher risk of mental disorder" lacks specificity and precision. "Increased risk of mental disorders" is more accurate and formal.
"Studies have shown that when people engage in face-to-face conversation, they have a lower chance of catching emotional distress or depression caused by the long-lasting lack of human direct interaction, ultimately bolstering their mental health." -> "Studies indicate that face-to-face conversation reduces the likelihood of experiencing emotional distress or depression resulting from prolonged absence of direct human interaction, thereby enhancing mental well-being."
Explanation: "Lower chance of catching emotional distress or depression" is informal. "Reduces the likelihood of experiencing emotional distress or depression" is more precise. Additionally, "bolstering their mental health" can be improved to "enhancing mental well-being" for a more formal tone.
"while the prevalent use of social media in human communication might offer users various advantages" -> "while the widespread use of social media in human communication may afford users various advantages"
Explanation: "Prevalent" can be replaced with "widespread" for a more formal tone. "Might offer" can be changed to "may afford" for increased certainty.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing reliance on social media over face-to-face communication. It discusses benefits such as maintaining connections over long distances and expanding social circles, as well as drawbacks including the degradation of communication skills and potential mental health risks.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more nuanced examples and discussing potential solutions or mitigations for the identified disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of relying on social media outweigh the advantages. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph explicitly reinforces the chosen position and avoids ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas regarding both advantages and disadvantages of social media usage, extending them with examples such as staying connected with distant family members and the risk of mental health issues. However, some ideas could be further developed for depth and clarity.
- How to improve: Expand on each point by providing additional evidence or elaborating on the consequences of social media reliance, reinforcing the argument’s depth and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the impact of social media on face-to-face communication, supported by relevant examples and arguments. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be tighter, such as the brief mention of Omegle, which slightly veers off the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a strict focus on addressing the prompt throughout the essay, avoiding tangential discussions or examples that do not directly contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of social media usage, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive examples, reinforcing clarity of position, extending ideas for greater depth, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Strengthening these aspects would further enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear overall organization with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, presenting ideas in a coherent manner. For instance, the introduction sets up the discussion by outlining both sides of the argument, followed by body paragraphs elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages separately. This logical progression allows readers to easily follow the train of thought.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence clearly introduces the main point to guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. Topic sentences introduce the main points of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. For example, the second paragraph discusses the advantages of social media for communication, while the third paragraph addresses the disadvantages. This structure enhances readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing further, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single main idea. Additionally, consider varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs to add rhythm and flow to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which signal shifts between contrasting points. Additionally, pronouns such as "this" and "its" refer back to previously mentioned concepts, maintaining continuity. Moreover, repetition of key terms like "social media" reinforces the central theme of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion further, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and conjunctions. This will add depth to the essay’s coherence and make the connections between ideas more explicit for the reader. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns and ensure clarity in referencing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "technological advancement," "undermining," "considerable advantages," "sociable attitude," and "irreconcilable conflicts." These terms enhance the depth and variety of the discussion.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas. For example, instead of using "detrimental," consider using "adverse" or "harmful" to add variety and sophistication to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, in the sentence, "Another merit worth mentioning is that individuals can socialize and expand their social circle via virtual social media," the term "merit" could be replaced with "advantage," which is more precise in this context.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the context in which vocabulary is used and ensure that each word is the most precise choice for conveying the intended meaning. Avoid using overly general terms when more specific ones are available.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors such as "flatforms" (platforms) and "loneness" (loneliness). These errors do not significantly impede communication but should be addressed for improvement.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-checking tools or dictionaries to verify the correct spelling of words. Additionally, practice writing frequently to reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, with a wide range of terms used effectively to convey ideas. To further improve, focus on using more precise vocabulary choices and ensuring correct spelling throughout the essay. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simpler ones. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "Although there are some benefits stemming from this trend, its drawbacks are more significant," showcasing the ability to construct sentences with multiple clauses. Additionally, compound sentences such as "In addition, people preferring social media to real-life contact may have a higher risk of mental disorder" are utilized effectively to present cohesive arguments.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of sentence structures, further enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or inversions, to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Introducing rhetorical devices like parallelism or varied sentence beginnings can also enrich the essay’s structure and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, contributing to its coherence and clarity. Sentences are generally well-structured, with accurate subject-verb agreement and proper use of punctuation marks such as commas and periods. For example, "On the one hand, undeniably, using social media to keep in touch with others offers several considerable advantages" showcases correct punctuation and grammar. However, there are instances where minor errors occur, such as the phrase "without little or no face-to-face contact," which could be revised for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading to identify and rectify minor errors like misplaced modifiers or incorrect verb forms is recommended. Additionally, paying close attention to sentence structure and ensuring coherence between clauses can help refine the overall quality of the essay. Utilizing advanced grammatical structures with precision, such as relative clauses or subjunctive mood, can elevate the sophistication of the writing and contribute to a more polished presentation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, further refinement in sentence structure variety and meticulous attention to grammatical details can lead to even greater coherence and effectiveness in communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern world, with current technological advancements, individuals are increasingly reliant on social media platforms to communicate with each other, diminishing the importance of face-to-face interactions. Although there are some benefits stemming from this trend, its drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, undoubtedly, using social media to keep in touch with others offers several considerable advantages. First, social media users have the opportunity to stay connected with others from a distance. This is extremely beneficial, especially for people traveling or studying overseas, as family members can stay updated with their loved ones without any inconveniences related to distance. Another noteworthy benefit is that individuals can socialize and expand their social circle via virtual social media, regardless of any geographical boundaries. A prominent example of this is Omegle, a popular website where people can go online and video call with others from different cultures, thereby promoting a sociable attitude and minimizing feelings of loneliness among global citizens.

However, on the other hand, the absence of direct interaction poses several threats to individuals’ communication ability. Overusing social media applications with little or no face-to-face contact could degrade one’s ability to communicate effectively. This is particularly detrimental when people have to deal with situations that require a deep understanding of societal norms, potentially leading to irreconcilable conflicts and fostering resentment between them. Additionally, people preferring social media to real-life contact may have a higher risk of mental disorders. Studies have shown that when people engage in face-to-face conversation, they have a lower chance of experiencing emotional distress or depression caused by the prolonged lack of human direct interaction, ultimately bolstering their mental health.

In conclusion, while the prevalent use of social media in human communication might offer users various advantages such as cross-border communication and socialization means, its disadvantages are more concerning due to the deterioration in communication ability as well as the higher risk of mental diseases.