. There are more workers to work from home and more students to study from home. This is because computer technology is more accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

In the advanced era, a statement that it is increasingly prevalent for adults to work online and students to study from home on the Internet has been in question. While there are some potential benefits to this trend, I believe its drawbacks outweigh the advantages.
There could be two clear positives of working and studying from home. First of all, workers are likely to create their flexible schedules. Specifically, they can do their work whenever they wish and are not be pressured by time. Therefore, adults have a sense of comfort and satisfaction, have a clear mind could help workers complete assigned tasks well. Apart from that, students can study online every time, regardless of the weather. When having bad weather like storms, floods, or heavy rain, students are likely to study at home in online classes. Consequently, students do not deal with bad climates which affect their health and transport, they can utilize this time to accomplish their homework better.
Nevertheless, one of the most significant drawbacks of working from home is the potential for isolation. As workers have less opportunity for face-to-face interaction with colleagues, their social skills may decline, impacting their ability to collaborate and communicate effectively. In addition, students studying online can face challenges related to accessing necessary equipment, such as laboratory equipment for science subjects. This lack of access can make it difficult for students to fully grasp concepts and conduct practical experiments, hindering their learning experience.
In conclusion, while working and studying online offer some advantages, such as flexibility, and do not deal with weather, the potential drawbacks, including isolation and lack of essential equipment, are far more significant. These negative impacts outweigh the benefits, suggesting that this trend requires careful consideration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the advanced era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "Advanced" can be vague and less precise in this context. "Contemporary" more accurately describes the current time period, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"a statement that it is increasingly prevalent" -> "a trend that it is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "A statement" is too vague and informal for academic writing. "A trend" is more specific and appropriate for discussing ongoing phenomena.
"has been in question" -> "has been debated"
Explanation: "Has been in question" is somewhat informal and vague. "Has been debated" is more precise and commonly used in academic discourse to describe ongoing discussions.
"workers are likely to create their flexible schedules" -> "workers can create their own flexible schedules"
Explanation: "Are likely to" is speculative and less direct. "Can" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing, emphasizing the capability of workers.
"are not be pressured by time" -> "are not pressured by time constraints"
Explanation: "Are not be pressured" is grammatically incorrect. "Are not pressured by time constraints" corrects the grammar and specifies the type of pressure.
"have a sense of comfort and satisfaction, have a clear mind could help workers complete assigned tasks well" -> "feel more comfortable and focused, which enables them to complete tasks effectively"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The revised version is clearer and more formal, improving readability and flow.
"students can study online every time, regardless of the weather" -> "students can study online at any time, regardless of the weather"
Explanation: "Every time" is too absolute and informal. "At any time" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"students are likely to study at home in online classes" -> "students can study from home through online classes"
Explanation: "Are likely to" is speculative and less direct. "Can" is more definitive and suitable for academic writing.
"do not deal with bad climates" -> "are not affected by adverse weather conditions"
Explanation: "Do not deal with bad climates" is informal and vague. "Are not affected by adverse weather conditions" is more precise and formal.
"they can utilize this time to accomplish their homework better" -> "they can utilize this time to improve their homework"
Explanation: "Accomplish their homework better" is redundant and informal. "Improve their homework" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"the potential drawbacks, including isolation and lack of essential equipment" -> "the significant drawbacks, including isolation and the absence of essential equipment"
Explanation: "Potential" is too vague; "significant" is more precise. "Lack of" is less formal than "absence," which is preferred in academic writing.
"do not deal with weather" -> "are not affected by weather conditions"
Explanation: "Do not deal with weather" is informal and unclear. "Are not affected by weather conditions" is more precise and formal.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of working and studying from home. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion by acknowledging the trend and stating a clear opinion that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. The body paragraphs present two positives (flexibility and weather-related advantages) and two negatives (isolation and lack of access to equipment), which comprehensively covers the question’s requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could delve deeper into the implications of the positives and negatives. For example, discussing how flexibility can lead to improved productivity or how isolation might affect mental health could provide a more nuanced view. Additionally, including specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the drawbacks of remote work and study outweigh the benefits. The writer explicitly states their belief in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing positives and negatives could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For instance, after discussing the positives, they could use phrases like "However, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks…" to create a more fluid transition.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The positives are supported with explanations, such as the flexibility of schedules and the ability to study regardless of weather conditions. The negatives are also well-supported, particularly the point about isolation affecting social skills. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the writer should aim to extend their ideas further. For instance, when discussing isolation, they could elaborate on how this impacts teamwork in a professional setting or the social development of students. Including real-life examples or case studies could also provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the implications of remote work and study without deviating into unrelated areas. Each point made is relevant to the central argument of whether this trend is positive or negative. However, there are minor instances where the phrasing could be more precise, such as "a statement that it is increasingly prevalent" which may confuse readers about the essay’s focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all phrasing is direct and unambiguous. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague expressions will help keep the reader engaged and clear about the essay’s direction. Additionally, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the main argument will reinforce the essay’s coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates a well-supported argument. With some refinements in transitions, elaboration of ideas, and clarity of expression, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph focusing on the positives and the second on the negatives. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Nevertheless" effectively signals a shift in focus, but the connection between the two sections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the importance of considering the other side of the argument before introducing the drawbacks. This would help the reader follow your line of reasoning more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of working and studying from home, while the second paragraph focuses on the drawbacks. However, the paragraph discussing the advantages could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs to separately address the benefits for workers and students, thereby enhancing clarity and focus.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider creating separate paragraphs for each distinct point. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the flexibility for workers, while another could discuss the benefits for students. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "therefore," and "consequently," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Apart from that" could be replaced with a more formal transition like "Additionally" to maintain an academic tone.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use synonyms or alternative phrases for "first of all" and "therefore," such as "initially" or "as a result." Additionally, consider using phrases that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast," to enhance the complexity of your writing and improve coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "advanced era," "flexible schedules," and "potential drawbacks." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and depth. For instance, terms like "positives" and "negatives" are quite basic and could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms such as "advantages" and "disadvantages." Additionally, phrases like "students can study online every time" lack nuance and could be expressed more elegantly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and advanced synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of saying "students can study online every time," they could say "students can engage in online learning at any time." Reading widely and practicing paraphrasing can help in acquiring a broader vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "have a clear mind could help workers complete assigned tasks well" is awkward and unclear. The intended meaning seems to be that a clear mind aids productivity, but the construction is convoluted. Additionally, "do not deal with bad climates" is vague and could be more effectively articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical correctness. For instance, the sentence could be revised to "students can avoid the adverse effects of inclement weather." Practicing sentence structure and clarity will help in using vocabulary more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "adults have a sense of comfort and satisfaction, have a clear mind could help workers complete assigned tasks well," where the structure leads to confusion rather than spelling errors. The phrase "are not be pressured" contains a grammatical error rather than a spelling error, indicating a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall accuracy, the writer should proofread their work more thoroughly. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors and improve overall clarity. Additionally, focusing on grammar and sentence structure will contribute to clearer communication.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with more complex texts and practicing writing with varied vocabulary will be beneficial for future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases like "First of all" and "In addition" effectively organizes the ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "students can study online every time" and "workers are likely to create their flexible schedules," which could be expressed in more varied ways. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "students can study online every time," they might say, "students have the opportunity to study online at any time, which allows for greater flexibility in their learning." Varying the sentence beginnings and incorporating different conjunctions can also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For instance, the phrase "are not be pressured by time" contains a grammatical mistake; it should be "are not pressured by time." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which affect their health and transport" in the sentence discussing students studying at home. This omission makes the sentence harder to read and understand.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch errors like subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as verb tenses and sentence structure, can also be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and proper separation of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, a trend that is increasingly prevalent is the ability for adults to work online and for students to study from home via the Internet. While there are some potential benefits to this trend, I believe its drawbacks outweigh the advantages.

There are two clear positives of working and studying from home. First of all, workers can create their own flexible schedules. Specifically, they can do their work whenever they wish and are not pressured by time constraints. Therefore, adults feel more comfortable and focused, which enables them to complete tasks effectively. Apart from that, students can study online at any time, regardless of the weather. During adverse weather conditions such as storms, floods, or heavy rain, students can study from home through online classes. Consequently, they are not affected by bad climates that could impact their health and transport, allowing them to utilize this time to improve their homework.

Nevertheless, one of the most significant drawbacks of working from home is the potential for isolation. As workers have less opportunity for face-to-face interaction with colleagues, their social skills may decline, impacting their ability to collaborate and communicate effectively. In addition, students studying online can face challenges related to accessing necessary equipment, such as laboratory tools for science subjects. This lack of access can hinder their learning experience, making it difficult for students to fully grasp concepts and conduct practical experiments.

In conclusion, while working and studying online offer some advantages, such as flexibility and the ability to avoid adverse weather conditions, the significant drawbacks, including isolation and the absence of essential equipment, are far more substantial. These negative impacts outweigh the benefits, suggesting that this trend requires careful consideration.