Today, advanced science and technology have made great changes to people's life, but artists are still highly valued such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

Science and technology nowadays have brought several benefits to human’s lives. However, works of art still have higher value because they help people realize the diversity of life and connect the community together, something that modern technology cannot do.
On the one hand, artistic activities help people express their own personality. Each work carries within it the author's personal color and that is what helps art become more diverse, contrary to technology products often only express what is pre-programmed. For example, all of Van Gogh's paintings have the appearance of yellow, which represents his joy in life. In addition, learning art helps individuals train their brain and helps it function better. For example, by taking art classes, humans reveal different sides of their personality that they never had before.
On the other hand, artistic products are what unite people. Although technology can also connect people through social networking sites, it will not be able to give us emotional or spiritual connection. There are many studies showing that social network users often cannot communicate and understand others, in contrast to art enthusiasts. Furthermore, artistic activities such as singing and dancing will help people bridge the gap with each other. For example, nowadays there are many street dance groups and many people respond even though they don't even know each other's names.
In conclusion, technology has helped human life develop, but the role of art is still highly valuable due to its help make life more diverse and bring people closer together.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Science and technology nowadays" -> "Science and technology currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise term than "nowadays," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in academic writing.
"works of art" -> "artistic works"
Explanation: "Artistic works" is a more specific and formal term that clearly refers to creations in the arts, enhancing the academic tone.
"help people realize the diversity of life" -> "enhance our understanding of life’s diversity"
Explanation: "Enhance our understanding" is more precise and formal, suggesting a deeper comprehension rather than simply "realize," which can imply a more superficial awareness.
"connect the community together" -> "foster community cohesion"
Explanation: "Foster community cohesion" is a more formal and precise phrase that accurately describes the strengthening of social bonds.
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: In academic writing, "On one hand" is sufficient without the definite article "the," as it is not referring to a specific instance.
"express their own personality" -> "express their individuality"
Explanation: "Express their individuality" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the unique aspects of personal expression.
"pre-programmed" -> "predetermined"
Explanation: "Predetermined" is a more formal term that accurately describes the fixed nature of technological outputs, avoiding the colloquial tone of "pre-programmed."
"all of Van Gogh’s paintings have the appearance of yellow" -> "all of Van Gogh’s paintings exhibit a predominantly yellow hue"
Explanation: "Exhibit a predominantly yellow hue" is more precise and formal, providing a clearer description of the color characteristic in Van Gogh’s work.
"helps it function better" -> "enhances cognitive function"
Explanation: "Enhances cognitive function" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase, focusing on the improvement of mental abilities rather than the vague "helps it function better."
"reveal different sides of their personality" -> "uncover various aspects of their personality"
Explanation: "Uncover various aspects" is a more formal and precise way to describe the discovery of new personality traits.
"artistic products are what unite people" -> "artistic endeavors serve as a unifying force"
Explanation: "Serve as a unifying force" is a more formal and precise expression, emphasizing the role of art in bringing people together.
"social networking sites" -> "social media platforms"
Explanation: "Social media platforms" is a more specific and current term, replacing the more general "social networking sites."
"cannot communicate and understand others" -> "fail to communicate effectively with others"
Explanation: "Fail to communicate effectively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the limitations of social media in facilitating meaningful interactions.
"bridge the gap with each other" -> "narrow the gap between individuals"
Explanation: "Narrow the gap between individuals" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing.
"make life more diverse" -> "enhance the diversity of life"
Explanation: "Enhance the diversity of life" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of art on the richness of human experience.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing how the arts provide insights into life that science and technology cannot. It highlights the diversity of life through artistic expression and the emotional connections fostered by art, which are not replicated by technology. The response is relevant and touches on both aspects of the question, demonstrating an understanding of the value of arts in contrast to science and technology.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of what specific insights the arts provide about life that science and technology do not. For example, incorporating examples of how art reflects cultural values or personal experiences could deepen the analysis and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that values the arts alongside advancements in science and technology. The argument is consistent, asserting that while technology has its benefits, art plays a crucial role in expressing individuality and fostering community connections. However, the transition between points could be smoother to reinforce the central argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion could reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the value of art, such as personal expression and community connection. However, some points, like the mention of Van Gogh’s use of yellow, could be better elaborated to explain how this specific example illustrates the broader claim about art’s emotional impact. The support for the ideas is somewhat general and could benefit from more detailed examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. For instance, discussing a particular artwork or a specific cultural event could illustrate the argument more vividly. Including quotes or references from artists or art critics could also enhance the credibility of the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the value of the arts in contrast to science and technology. However, there are moments where the discussion of technology feels slightly underdeveloped, particularly in how it relates to the arts. The mention of social networking sites, while relevant, could be better tied back to the main argument about the limitations of technology in fostering genuine connections.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. When discussing technology, it would be beneficial to clearly link back to how these points contrast with the benefits of the arts. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements and instead focusing on specific aspects of technology that relate to the arts can help maintain relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which contributes to the overall logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses how art allows for personal expression, while the second focuses on the unifying aspect of art. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between personal expression and community connection is not explicitly stated, which may leave the reader momentarily confused about the relationship between these ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, a sentence at the end of the first paragraph could summarize the importance of personal expression in fostering community connections, leading into the second paragraph. This would help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main point of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states that art is a means of personal expression, which would set a clearer framework for the subsequent discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a concluding sentence that summarizes the key point discussed, reinforcing the argument before transitioning to the next idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking phrases could be expanded to enhance the flow between ideas within paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Moreover," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence and reduce repetition.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and fluidity of the writing, potentially improving the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "diversity," "express," "unite," and "emotional connection." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "artistic" is used multiple times without synonyms or variations, which could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, phrases like "higher value" and "modern technology" could be expressed with more nuanced vocabulary to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "artistic," you could use "creative," "cultural," or "aesthetic." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the themes of art and technology, such as "innovation," "expressionism," or "cultural significance," would elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "express their own personality" and "bridge the gap." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the author’s personal color," which may confuse readers as it mixes metaphors and lacks clarity. The phrase "technology products" is also somewhat awkward; "technological products" or "technological advancements" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. When discussing abstract concepts like art and technology, ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "personal color," consider using "unique perspective" or "individual style." This will help clarify your arguments and make them more impactful.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "human’s lives" should be corrected to "humans’ lives" to accurately reflect the plural possessive form. Such errors, while few, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and grammatical structures. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion, showcasing a broader range of vocabulary, more precise usage, and impeccable spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of clauses in sentences like "Although technology can also connect people through social networking sites, it will not be able to give us emotional or spiritual connection" shows an ability to construct more complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "In addition" or "On the one hand," the writer could use alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "Conversely." Additionally, integrating more relative clauses or participial phrases could add complexity and depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "human’s lives" should be corrected to "humans’ lives" or "human life" for grammatical correctness. There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "For example, all of Van Gogh’s paintings have the appearance of yellow, which represents his joy in life" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and possessive forms. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will also help clarify meaning and improve readability. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Science and technology nowadays have brought several benefits to human lives. However, works of art still hold higher value because they help people realize the diversity of life and connect the community together, something that modern technology cannot do.

On one hand, artistic activities help people express their own individuality. Each work carries within it the author’s personal touch, and that is what helps art become more diverse, contrary to technological products that often only express what is predetermined. For example, all of Van Gogh’s paintings exhibit a predominantly yellow hue, which represents his joy in life. In addition, learning art helps individuals train their brains and enhances cognitive function. For example, by taking art classes, people uncover various aspects of their personality that they never had before.

On the other hand, artistic products serve as a unifying force for people. Although technology can also connect individuals through social media platforms, it cannot provide us with emotional or spiritual connections. Many studies show that social network users often fail to communicate effectively with others, in contrast to art enthusiasts. Furthermore, artistic activities such as singing and dancing help people narrow the gap between each other. For example, nowadays there are many street dance groups, and many people respond even though they don’t even know each other’s names.

In conclusion, technology has helped human life develop, but the role of art is still highly valuable due to its ability to enhance the diversity of life and bring people closer together.