Today, advanced science and technology have made great changes to people’s lives, but artists are still valued highly such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

It is undeniable that modern science and technology has contributed significant alterations to global residents’ lives. However, people still appreciate artists, namely musicians, painters and writers. This essay attempts to shed light on the abilities of arts in describing human’s life that cutting-edge technologies do not have.

First and foremost, arts play a decisive role in preserving cultural value and spiritual value. For example, a traditional kind of music from Bac Ninh province of VietNam, known as “Quan ho Bac Ninh” has been preserved for centuries until now through art. To be more specific, the older generations generated songs about their lives, and through music, the later generation could comprehend and inherit old cultural values of the previous generations. In contrast, technology has the tendency to fade away human’s trust in the roles of traditions and cultures. This is because of the pervasion of modern technologies into dwellers’ lives, especially lives of the young generation. Since they spend periods of time on their electronic gadgets for a day, they would potentially be affected and copy other countries’ culture, which could make their local traditions fade.

Besides, arts could also act as life fuels or our mental well-being. Specifically, there are many positive messages that could be delivered through poems and poetries. For example, the art creation named: “The last leaf” of O.Henry has transferred messages and advice to humans to always be positive and have strong courage to fight for living. However, about technology, I doubt that it could convey such positive and humane messages like art to touch somebody to a much deeper extent.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that technology has facilitated mankind’s lives, arts still has a special position in people’s cognition and in preserving traditions and culture field.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"modern science and technology has" -> "modern science and technology have"
Explanation: The subject "science and technology" is plural, so the verb "have" should be used to agree with the plural subject.
"global residents’ lives" -> "global residents’ lives"
Explanation: The possessive form "residents’" should be used to correctly indicate that the lives belong to the residents.
"namely musicians, painters and writers" -> "namely musicians, painters, and writers"
Explanation: A comma is needed after "painters" to separate items in a list, and "and" should be used before the final item in the list.
"shed light on the abilities of arts" -> "illuminate the capabilities of the arts"
Explanation: "Shed light on" is a bit informal and vague; "illuminate" is more precise and formal. Also, "the abilities of arts" should be "the capabilities of the arts" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"cutting-edge technologies do not have" -> "cutting-edge technologies lack"
Explanation: "Lack" is more precise and formal than "do not have" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"a traditional kind of music" -> "a traditional type of music"
Explanation: "Type" is more commonly used in formal writing than "kind" when referring to categories or classes.
"has been preserved for centuries until now" -> "has been preserved for centuries and remains"
Explanation: "Remains" is more precise and formal than "until now," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the older generations generated songs" -> "older generations composed songs"
Explanation: "Generated" is too broad and informal; "composed" is more specific and appropriate for describing the creation of music.
"the later generation could comprehend and inherit" -> "later generations could comprehend and inherit"
Explanation: "Generation" should be plural to match the plural subject "generations," and "could" should be used for the modal verb to indicate possibility.
"the pervasion of modern technologies" -> "the pervasive influence of modern technologies"
Explanation: "Pervasive" is more precise and formal than "pervasion," which is not a standard term.
"lives of the young generation" -> "lives of young people"
Explanation: "Young generation" is redundant; "young people" is more concise and formal.
"act as life fuels or our mental well-being" -> "serve as vital sources of mental well-being"
Explanation: "Serve as vital sources" is more formal and precise than "act as life fuels," which is awkward and unclear.
"there are many positive messages that could be delivered" -> "numerous positive messages can be conveyed"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "can be conveyed" is more precise than "could be delivered" in this context.
"has transferred messages and advice" -> "conveys messages and advice"
Explanation: "Conveys" is more appropriate for the continuous action of transmitting information, and it is more formal than "transferred," which implies a completed action.
"to always be positive and have strong courage" -> "to maintain positivity and exhibit courage"
Explanation: "Maintain positivity" and "exhibit courage" are more formal and precise than "always be positive and have strong courage," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"to touch somebody to a much deeper extent" -> "to affect individuals more profoundly"
Explanation: "Affect individuals more profoundly" is more formal and precise than "touch somebody to a much deeper extent," which is colloquial and vague.
"arts still has a special position" -> "arts still occupies a special position"
Explanation: "Occupies" is the correct verb to use with "position," and it is more formal than "has."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the unique contributions of the arts in preserving cultural values and enhancing mental well-being, which are aspects that science and technology cannot fully replicate. The examples provided, such as the traditional music of Bac Ninh and the literary work "The Last Leaf," effectively illustrate these points. However, the essay could improve by explicitly contrasting these contributions with specific aspects of science and technology, as the prompt asks for a comparison.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly addressed. This could involve explicitly stating how the arts provide insights into life that technology cannot, perhaps by discussing emotional depth, cultural identity, or the human experience in a way that science and technology fail to capture.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the arts hold significant value in society, even in the face of advancing technology. The position is consistently presented, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, there are moments where the argument could be more direct, especially when discussing the limitations of technology.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use more assertive language and ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central thesis. Phrases that reinforce the unique capabilities of the arts compared to technology would help maintain focus on the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas about the role of the arts in preserving culture and promoting mental well-being. The examples provided are appropriate and support the claims made. However, the development of these ideas could be deeper; for instance, the discussion on how technology diminishes cultural traditions could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate further on each point. This could involve providing additional examples, discussing the implications of the points made, or incorporating counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the contributions of the arts in contrast to science and technology. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of technology’s impact on culture could be more directly tied back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. This can be achieved by revisiting the prompt at the beginning of each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and discussions are relevant to the question of what the arts can tell us about life that technology cannot.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the value of arts in comparison to science and technology. The introduction effectively sets the stage by acknowledging the contributions of technology while emphasizing the importance of the arts. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the arts—cultural preservation and mental well-being—demonstrating a logical progression of ideas. However, the connection between the points could be more explicit. For instance, the transition from discussing cultural preservation to mental well-being feels abrupt, lacking a linking sentence that would guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing cultural preservation, a sentence like "In addition to preserving culture, the arts also play a crucial role in enhancing our mental well-being" would create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a clear paragraph structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific idea, which is a strength. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of cultural preservation from the critique of technology’s impact on culture. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more focused examination of each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing solely on the role of arts in cultural preservation and the other addressing the negative impact of technology on cultural values. This division would allow for a more thorough exploration of each idea and improve overall readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions could be more varied. For instance, the use of "besides" to introduce the second body paragraph is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal transition like "Furthermore" or "Additionally."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover" to add information, "Conversely" to introduce contrasting ideas, and "In summary" to conclude points. This variety will enhance the essay’s coherence and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By improving transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "significant alterations," "cultural value," and "mental well-being." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "cutting-edge technologies" and "traditional kind of music" could be expressed with more varied language. The use of "decisive role" is effective, but the essay could benefit from more synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "arts" and "technology," they could use terms like "creative expressions" or "scientific advancements." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "cultural heritage" or "technological encroachment," could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the abilities of arts in describing human’s life" could be more accurately expressed as "the capacity of the arts to reflect human experiences." Additionally, the term "life fuels" is vague and could be misinterpreted; a more precise term like "sources of inspiration" would convey the intended meaning more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to clarify their message. For instance, instead of saying "technology has the tendency to fade away human’s trust," the writer could say "technology often undermines traditional values." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can also help in selecting more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with a few minor errors. For instance, "VietNam" should be consistently spelled as "Vietnam," and "poetries" is not a standard term; "poetry" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "humans" is used correctly, but "human’s" in "human’s life" should be "human life" to denote a general concept rather than possession.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in proper nouns. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading more extensively can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, aiding retention.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence, "It is undeniable that modern science and technology has contributed significant alterations to global residents’ lives," effectively uses a complex structure. Additionally, the use of phrases like "First and foremost" and "Besides" helps to organize ideas clearly. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "arts still has a special position in people’s cognition and in preserving traditions and culture field" could benefit from a different construction to enhance clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can add complexity. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm. For instance, instead of saying, "arts still has a special position," try, "the arts continue to hold a unique and vital place in our understanding of culture and tradition."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "modern science and technology has contributed significant alterations" should use "have" instead of "has" because "science and technology" is a plural subject. Additionally, the phrase "the abilities of arts in describing human’s life" should be corrected to "the abilities of the arts in describing human life" for grammatical correctness and clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as after introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural subjects are matched with plural verbs. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as incorrect article usage and possessive forms, can enhance clarity. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance the flow of sentences. For example, in the sentence "To be more specific, the older generations generated songs about their lives," the comma after "specific" is correctly placed, but ensuring consistent use of commas in similar contexts will improve overall punctuation skills.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that modern science and technology have contributed significant alterations to global residents’ lives. However, people still highly value artists, namely musicians, painters, and writers. This essay attempts to illuminate the capabilities of the arts in describing human life that cutting-edge technologies lack.

First and foremost, the arts play a decisive role in preserving cultural and spiritual values. For example, a traditional type of music from Bac Ninh province in Vietnam, known as “Quan Ho Bac Ninh,” has been preserved for centuries through artistic expression. To be more specific, older generations composed songs about their lives, and through music, later generations could comprehend and inherit the cultural values of their predecessors. In contrast, technology tends to diminish human trust in the roles of traditions and cultures. This is due to the pervasive influence of modern technologies in residents’ lives, especially among young people. As they spend significant periods of time on their electronic gadgets each day, they may be influenced by and adopt other countries’ cultures, which could lead to the fading of their local traditions.

Moreover, the arts serve as vital sources of mental well-being. Specifically, numerous positive messages can be conveyed through poems and literary works. For example, the art piece titled “The Last Leaf” by O. Henry conveys messages and advice that encourage individuals to maintain positivity and exhibit courage in the face of adversity. However, I doubt that technology can convey such positive and humane messages to affect individuals more profoundly than art can.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that technology has facilitated mankind’s lives, the arts still occupy a special position in people’s cognition and in the preservation of traditions and culture.