Today, children can get so much information from the internet, so schools are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One school of thought holds that schools will be made redundant because of the availability of information on the internet. While acknowledging the reasons for this thinking, I would argue that schools will remain indispensable.
Granted, opponents of keeping schools might argue that the amount of information the internet can provide far surpasses that in any textbook. With this reservoir of knowledge, they say, children can easily study at home and no longer need to attend school. Yet, herein lies the rub: not all online content is reliable, and unauthenticated news is rampant on various virtual platforms. For young, impressionable minds, frequent exposure to fake information or toxic perspectives can give rise to distorted perceptions. This is why we will still need schools, which employ pedagogically well-trained teachers to interpret and deliver knowledge, forming an accurate and structured foundation upon which children erect their understanding.
Moreover, schools are not just a vehicle for transferring academic knowledge, but also a mini-society in which children can develop socially. Through daily interactions with peers and teachers, children can learn how to communicate, interact, and behave in different social settings. If school disappeared, these opportunities would be limited, and this would likely take a toll on their social development. This can be seen in the COVID-19 lockdown period, when children had to study remotely, and after returning to school, many of them reportedly experienced awkwardness in a face-to-face setting. This example is a testament to the importance of schools in developing children’s social skills.
To summarize, I am totally against the notion that the internet will marginalize schools, considering the indispensable role of schools in facilitating children’s overall development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"One school of thought holds that schools will be made redundant because of the availability of information on the internet." -> "One perspective asserts that schools may become obsolete due to the abundance of information on the internet."
Explanation: Replacing "holds" with "asserts" and changing "made redundant" to "may become obsolete" adds precision and formality to the statement.
"While acknowledging the reasons for this thinking, I would argue that schools will remain indispensable." -> "While acknowledging the rationale behind this viewpoint, I contend that schools will continue to be indispensable."
Explanation: Substituting "thinking" with "viewpoint" and "argue" with "contend" enhances the formality of the sentence, aligning it with academic style.
"Granted, opponents of keeping schools might argue that the amount of information the internet can provide far surpasses that in any textbook." -> "Admittedly, proponents of eliminating traditional schools might posit that the vastness of internet information surpasses that found in any textbook."
Explanation: Changing "opponents of keeping schools" to "proponents of eliminating traditional schools" and replacing "argue" with "posit" refines the language and emphasizes the contrast between viewpoints.
"With this reservoir of knowledge, they say, children can easily study at home and no longer need to attend school." -> "With this wealth of knowledge, proponents assert that children can effectively study at home, obviating the need for physical attendance at school."
Explanation: Substituting "reservoir" with "wealth," and rephrasing "no longer need to attend" to "obviating the need for physical attendance" elevates the language and maintains a formal tone.
"Yet, herein lies the rub: not all online content is reliable, and unauthenticated news is rampant on various virtual platforms." -> "However, herein lies the challenge: not all online content is reliable, and unverified news proliferates across diverse virtual platforms."
Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "the rub" with "the challenge" and using "proliferates" instead of "is rampant" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"For young, impressionable minds, frequent exposure to fake information or toxic perspectives can give rise to distorted perceptions." -> "For young and impressionable minds, consistent exposure to misinformation or toxic perspectives can lead to distorted perceptions."
Explanation: Minor adjustments, such as removing the comma before "impressionable" and replacing "give rise to" with "lead to," contribute to a smoother and more formal expression.
"Moreover, schools are not just a vehicle for transferring academic knowledge, but also a mini-society in which children can develop socially." -> "Furthermore, schools serve not only as a conduit for imparting academic knowledge but also as a microcosm in which children can foster social development."
Explanation: Substituting "vehicle" with "conduit" and "mini-society" with "microcosm" refines the vocabulary, maintaining a more formal and precise tone.
"If school disappeared, these opportunities would be limited, and this would likely take a toll on their social development." -> "The disappearance of schools would curtail these opportunities, potentially impinging on their social development."
Explanation: Replacing "If school disappeared" with "The disappearance of schools" and changing "likely take a toll on" to "potentially impinging on" contributes to a more formal and concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "One school of thought holds that schools will be made redundant because of the availability of information on the internet. While acknowledging the reasons for this thinking, I would argue that schools will remain indispensable."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction effectively presents your position on the topic, which is a positive start. However, to enhance clarity, consider providing a brief preview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will give readers a roadmap of your argument. For instance, you could mention briefly the aspects of unreliable online content and the social development role of schools.
- Improved example: "While acknowledging the belief that schools might become obsolete due to internet information, I firmly argue that their indispensability persists. In this essay, I will delve into the unreliability of online content and the crucial role schools play in fostering social development."
Quoted text: "Yet, herein lies the rub: not all online content is reliable, and unauthenticated news is rampant on various virtual platforms. For young, impressionable minds, frequent exposure to fake information or toxic perspectives can give rise to distorted perceptions."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: You’ve highlighted a significant point about the unreliability of online information. To strengthen your argument, provide a specific example or personal anecdote illustrating the potential harm of exposure to fake information. This will add depth and make your point more persuasive.
- Improved example: "Yet, herein lies the rub: not all online content is reliable. For instance, during my nephew’s online research, he stumbled upon a misleading health article. Such instances highlight the risks young minds face, developing distorted perceptions when exposed to misinformation."
Quoted text: "Moreover, schools are not just a vehicle for transferring academic knowledge, but also a mini-society in which children can develop socially."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point about schools being a mini-society is valid, elaborate further on the social development aspect. Provide a concrete example or personal experience showcasing how school environments contribute significantly to shaping children’s social skills.
- Improved example: "Moreover, schools transcend the role of imparting academic knowledge; they serve as a mini-society where children develop crucial social skills. For instance, my own experience of making lifelong friends and learning effective communication in school underscores its pivotal role in shaping social development."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear position and relevant ideas. Enhancing your examples and providing a roadmap in the introduction will contribute to a more comprehensive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates logical organization and clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is varied and appropriate, although there are occasional instances of underuse or overuse. The essay effectively argues against the idea that the internet makes schools redundant, providing coherent reasons and examples. The overall structure and flow contribute to a well-developed and cohesive response.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices for a more consistent application throughout the essay. Pay attention to avoiding occasional underuse or overuse of these devices. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a strong central theme, reinforcing the logical progression of ideas. Overall, maintaining a consistently high level of cohesion will elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using varied expressions and idiomatic phrases. There is a clear attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, contributing to flexibility and precision. The writer effectively conveys the arguments, supporting them with relevant vocabulary. While occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay displays awareness of style and collocation, enhancing overall lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider refining the use of less common vocabulary to ensure accuracy. Pay attention to word choice and collocation errors, aiming for greater precision. Additionally, incorporating a few more sophisticated lexical features and expressions, especially in the development of arguments, can elevate the overall lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and effectively uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. There are occasional errors, but they do not significantly impede understanding or communication. The essay effectively presents arguments with a coherent structure.

How to improve:
To move towards a higher band score, aim for more consistent error-free sentences. Review complex structures to ensure absolute accuracy. Consider refining the use of transitional phrases for a smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, a wider range of vocabulary could enhance the overall depth of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

There’s a view suggesting that schools might become unnecessary because of the vast amount of information available on the internet. While I understand this perspective, I firmly believe that schools will remain crucial.

Opponents of traditional schools may argue that the internet offers more information than any textbook ever could. They propose that children could study effectively from home, eliminating the need for physical attendance at school. However, the challenge lies in the reliability of online content. Not all information found on the internet can be trusted, and false news is widespread across various online platforms. This exposure to misinformation or harmful viewpoints could lead to distorted perceptions, especially for young and impressionable minds. Hence, the presence of schools is essential as they provide a structured environment with well-trained teachers who can guide students in interpreting information accurately.

Additionally, schools serve not only as places for academic learning but also as communities where children can develop socially. Daily interactions with peers and teachers enable children to learn communication skills and adapt to different social situations. If schools were to disappear, these opportunities for social growth would diminish, potentially affecting children’s social development negatively. The period of remote learning during the COVID-19 lockdown is a clear example of how some children faced difficulties when returning to face-to-face interactions in school. This highlights the vital role schools play in nurturing children’s social skills.

In conclusion, I firmly oppose the idea that the internet will render schools obsolete. Considering the crucial role of schools in fostering overall development, especially in terms of information accuracy and social growth, they continue to be irreplaceable.