Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are increasing number of users who have access to different types of electronic devices nowsaday. Hence, many people believe that we are neglecting the chance to interact directly with each others. From my personal perspective, I totally agree with this argument.
Thanks to the technological breakthrough, it is much easier for people to possess a or even several high-tech equipments. The commercial competition among tech giants in the world leads to a downward trend in prices of mobile phones, laptops and other gadgets. For instance, whenever Apple released their newest version of their smart phone, the price of the previous one will drop significantly. In addition, manufacturing industry especially in China, also contributes to the popular of cell phone, with their own local brands such as Xiaomi and Huawei. The significant features of these Chinese smart phones are having cutting-edge technology and low cost, which enables majority of poor people can afford such smart devices.
On another side, the digital revolution and especially development of wireless technology enables Internet users to connect each other from everywhere within few seconds. Although mordern technology brings several benefits to social life, the availability of new communication devices results in isolating people and discourage direct conversation. Many young people, especially students rely heavily on their smart phones and seem to be glued on the screen for several hours. Instead of hanging out, playing sports or taking part in live events, many of them likely to stay at home, get updates from friends via social media platforms while using fingers to express their feelings. As a result, they will find difficulties when confronting face to face with others and easily realise how lonely they are.
In conclusion, despite the popularity of modern communication devices, Internet users are getting more and more isolated physcically while they prefer to interact online.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"increasing number of users" -> "growing number of users"
Explanation: "Increasing number" is a common phrase, but "growing number" is slightly more formal and fits better in academic writing.
"nowsaday" -> "nowadays"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is the correct spelling of the word, maintaining formality and accuracy in writing.
"we are neglecting the chance to interact directly with each others" -> "we are neglecting opportunities for direct interaction"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and academically appropriate, using "opportunities" instead of "chance" and rephrasing to avoid using "each others."
"it is much easier for people to possess a or even several high-tech equipments" -> "it is much easier for people to acquire one or even multiple high-tech devices"
Explanation: "Equipments" should be "devices" in this context, and "acquire" is a more formal term than "possess."
"tech giants in the world leads" -> "tech giants worldwide lead"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement and restructuring the sentence for clarity and conciseness.
"whenever Apple released their newest version of their smart phone" -> "whenever Apple releases its latest smartphone model"
Explanation: Ensuring consistency in verb tense and using "its" instead of "their" for singular possessive form.
"with their own local brands such as Xiaomi and Huawei" -> "featuring their own local brands like Xiaomi and Huawei"
Explanation: Using "featuring" adds a nuanced touch to the sentence and maintains formal language.
"The significant features of these Chinese smart phones are having cutting-edge technology and low cost" -> "These Chinese smartphones are characterized by cutting-edge technology and affordability"
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using "characterized by" for a more formal tone.
"majority of poor people can afford such smart devices" -> "a significant portion of low-income individuals can afford these smart devices"
Explanation: Replacing "majority" with "a significant portion" and using "low-income individuals" enhances precision and formality.
"Although mordern technology brings several benefits to social life" -> "While modern technology offers several benefits to social life"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "modern" and improving sentence structure for academic style.
"the availability of new communication devices results in isolating people and discourage direct conversation" -> "the availability of new communication devices results in isolating people and discouraging direct conversation"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement by changing "discourage" to "discouraging."
"Many young people, especially students rely heavily on their smart phones" -> "Many young people, especially students, heavily rely on their smartphones"
Explanation: Placing a comma after "students" for better readability and using "smartphones" as a single word.
"As a result, they will find difficulties when confronting face to face with others" -> "As a result, they encounter difficulties when engaging face-to-face interactions"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "engaging face-to-face interactions" for a more formal expression.
"realise how lonely they are" -> "realize their loneliness"
Explanation: Simplifying the expression while maintaining the intended meaning and formal tone.
"Internet users are getting more and more isolated physcally" -> "Internet users are becoming increasingly isolated physically"
Explanation: Using "becoming increasingly isolated" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the prevalence of electronic devices and the impact on face-to-face communication. It acknowledges the increasing use of mobile phones and computers and agrees that this trend is leading to a decline in face-to-face interaction.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the implications of reduced face-to-face communication, such as its effects on interpersonal relationships, social skills, and mental well-being.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, agreeing with the idea that the widespread use of electronic devices is diminishing face-to-face communication. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the accessibility and affordability of electronic devices, the role of technology in facilitating communication, and the adverse effects on face-to-face interaction. Examples such as price drops of smartphones and the prevalence of social media usage among young people support the arguments.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the essay could provide more diverse examples and incorporate statistical data or relevant studies to strengthen the argumentation further. Additionally, deeper analysis of the societal implications of reduced face-to-face interaction would enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the relationship between electronic device usage and face-to-face communication. However, there are minor deviations, such as briefly mentioning the benefits of modern communication devices.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid introducing tangential points and instead concentrate solely on aspects directly related to the impact of electronic devices on face-to-face communication.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear stance, presents and supports ideas adequately, and mostly stays on topic. To improve, the essay could deepen its analysis, explicitly state the position, provide more diverse examples, and avoid minor deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization by introducing the topic in the introduction, providing supporting arguments in the body paragraphs, and concluding with a summary of the main points. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, the shift from discussing the affordability of electronic devices to the impact on social interactions could be made more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly into the next to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to organize different aspects of the argument. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, which can make the essay feel disjointed.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring each paragraph around a single main idea or argument. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, and use supporting sentences to provide evidence or elaboration. Additionally, ensure that there is a clear transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is limited variety in the types of cohesive devices used, and some connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened for clearer progression of ideas.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns, to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the logical progression of ideas and use cohesive devices strategically to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more cohesive and compelling argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Various terms related to technology and communication are effectively employed, such as "electronic devices," "technological breakthrough," "commercial competition," "manufacturing industry," "digital revolution," "wireless technology," "social media platforms," etc. The author also employs phrases like "cutting-edge technology" and "downward trend" to convey nuanced meanings.
- How to improve: While the essay does well in utilizing a diverse vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the precision and sophistication of word choice. Encourage the writer to explore synonyms and refine their use of descriptive language to elevate the richness of expression. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology or advanced vocabulary related to the topic can enhance lexical variety further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, though there are instances where terminology could be more accurate or refined. For example, phrases like "high-tech equipments" could be replaced with "advanced devices," and "mordern technology" should be corrected to "modern technology." While the meaning is clear, using more precise vocabulary enhances clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: Encourage the writer to carefully select vocabulary that precisely conveys their intended meaning. Suggest consulting a thesaurus or reviewing vocabulary lists related to the topic to identify more precise terms. Additionally, advise proofreading for accuracy to ensure correct spelling and usage of words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mixture of accurate and inaccurate spelling. For instance, "nowsaday" should be corrected to "nowadays," "equipments" should be "equipment," "mordern" should be "modern," and "physcically" should be "physically." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Recommend strategies such as spell-checking tools, proofreading multiple times, and seeking feedback from peers or tutors to identify and correct spelling errors. Emphasize the importance of attention to detail in spelling to enhance the overall quality and credibility of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with opportunities for refinement in precision and spelling accuracy. Encouraging the writer to expand their vocabulary repertoire, choose words more precisely, and pay careful attention to spelling can contribute to further improvement in lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It utilizes simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively, with a variety of sentence beginnings. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of sentence structures. For instance, there is a tendency towards simple sentence structures throughout the essay, which could be enriched with more complex structures such as subordinate clauses and participial phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and fluency, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with dependent clauses to add depth and complexity to your writing. Experiment with participial phrases, gerund phrases, and appositive constructions to create more varied and engaging sentences. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and structures can improve the overall flow and rhythm of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("many people believe that we are neglecting"), article usage ("a or even several high-tech equipments"), and sentence structure ("Instead of hanging out, playing sports or taking part in live events, many of them likely to stay at home"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization ("mordern technology," "Internet users are getting more and more isolated physcically").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing and practicing fundamental grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Take time to proofread your writing carefully, paying attention to common errors such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring grammatical issues and address them systematically. Additionally, familiarize yourself with sentence structure conventions to enhance coherence and clarity in your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing number of users who now have access to various electronic devices. Consequently, many argue that we are neglecting opportunities for direct face-to-face interaction. From my perspective, I fully agree with this assertion.

Thanks to technological advancements, it is now much easier for people to acquire one or even multiple high-tech devices. Competition among tech giants worldwide leads to decreasing prices of mobile phones, laptops, and other gadgets. For instance, whenever Apple releases its latest smartphone model, the price of the previous model drops significantly. Additionally, manufacturing industries, especially in China, contribute to the popularity of cell phones with their own local brands like Xiaomi and Huawei. These Chinese smartphones are characterized by cutting-edge technology and affordability, allowing a significant portion of low-income individuals to afford these smart devices.

However, on the flip side, the digital revolution, particularly the development of wireless technology, enables internet users to connect with each other from anywhere within seconds. While modern technology offers several benefits to social life, the availability of new communication devices results in isolating people and discouraging direct conversation. Many young people, especially students, heavily rely on their smartphones. Consequently, they encounter difficulties when engaging in face-to-face interactions and may realize their loneliness.

In conclusion, despite the benefits of modern communication devices, the increasing isolation of internet users physically as they prefer online interactions is a concerning trend.