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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for travelers?

In recent years, the proportion of people who enjoy traveling has increased annually. There are some remarkable reasons leading to this phenomenon and its benefits will be discussed in this essay.

The two biggest reasons for the traveling trend are the high development of transportation and social networking. The high development of transportation comes from using modern types of equipment, which can increase the quality of the services and decrease the cost of traveling leading to more people afford to approach transportation services for traveling. In addition, because of the widespread of social networking platforms, many beautiful landscapes and annual festivals are known by people around the world which fascinates them and makes them decide to visit these places.

Visitors can bring certain benefits to the areas that they have visited. Indeed, tourists help the local economies develop through cultural activities and selling traditional products, so the native people will have a more qualified life. Furthermore, in tourist attractions, the authorities will pay more attention to those regions to maintain suitable conditions for tourist activities, and this will make public order stable. Traveling also helps the culture and the tradition of a country be preserved through tourist activities and festivals.

In conclusion, it is true that traveling has become more popular in recent years, and this is because of many reasons. Moreover, traveling is a positive activity that improves native people’s lives.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In recent years, the proportion of people who enjoy traveling has increased annually." -> "In recent years, there has been a steady annual increase in the number of individuals who appreciate traveling."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the formality of the original while enhancing precision by specifying a "steady annual increase" and replacing "enjoy" with "appreciate."

  2. "There are some remarkable reasons leading to this phenomenon and its benefits will be discussed in this essay." -> "Several notable factors contribute to this phenomenon, and its advantages will be discussed in this essay."
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce a more precise term, "factors," instead of "reasons," and employ a more formal structure in presenting the essay’s purpose.

  3. "The two biggest reasons for the traveling trend are the high development of transportation and social networking." -> "The primary drivers of the travel trend are the significant advancements in transportation and the ubiquity of social networking."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "biggest reasons" with "primary drivers," offering a more sophisticated term. It also employs "advancements" instead of "high development" for a more formal tone.

  4. "comes from using modern types of equipment" -> "stems from the utilization of state-of-the-art equipment"
    Explanation: The substitution of "comes from using modern types of equipment" with "stems from the utilization of state-of-the-art equipment" adds formality and specificity to the explanation of the development of transportation.

  5. "leading to more people afford to approach transportation services for traveling." -> "resulting in a greater number of people being able to access transportation services for travel."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while replacing the informal "afford to approach" with the more formal "being able to access."

  6. "because of the widespread of social networking platforms" -> "due to the widespread use of social networking platforms"
    Explanation: The change from "because of the widespread of" to "due to the widespread use of" enhances formality and accuracy in conveying the influence of social networking platforms.

  7. "fascinates them and makes them decide to visit these places." -> "captivates their interest, prompting them to choose to visit these locations."
    Explanation: The suggested alterations introduce more formal and precise terms, such as "captivates" and "locations," improving the overall tone of the sentence.

  8. "Visitors can bring certain benefits to the areas that they have visited." -> "Visitors can contribute specific advantages to the regions they explore."
    Explanation: The substitution of "bring certain benefits" with "contribute specific advantages" enhances precision and formality.

  9. "the native people will have a more qualified life." -> "the local population will experience an enhanced quality of life."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "native people" with "local population" and "more qualified life" with "enhanced quality of life" for improved formality and clarity.

  10. "Furthermore, in tourist attractions, the authorities will pay more attention to those regions to maintain suitable conditions for tourist activities, and this will make public order stable." -> "Furthermore, at tourist attractions, authorities will allocate increased attention to these regions to ensure suitable conditions for tourist activities, thereby contributing to the stability of public order."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by using terms like "allocate" and "thereby contributing" and provide a clearer structure to the sentence.

  11. "Traveling also helps the culture and the tradition of a country be preserved through tourist activities and festivals." -> "Traveling also plays a role in preserving the culture and traditions of a country through tourist activities and festivals."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal structure and language, maintaining clarity and precision in the expression of the idea.

  12. "it is true that traveling has become more popular in recent years" -> "It is evident that travel has gained popularity in recent years."
    Explanation: The replacement of "it is true that" with "It is evident that" adds formality, while "travel has gained popularity" is a more refined expression than "traveling has become more popular."

  13. "Moreover, traveling is a positive activity that improves native people’s lives." -> "Furthermore, travel is a beneficial activity that enhances the lives of the local population."
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace "Moreover, traveling is a positive activity" with "Furthermore, travel is a beneficial activity," contributing to a more formal and precise tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It mentions the reasons for the increasing trend of traveling and discusses the benefits for travelers. However, the explanation lacks depth and specific examples. It would benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind the travel trend and a more detailed discussion of the benefits for travelers.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide specific examples and elaborate more on the reasons for the increasing trend of travel. Additionally, delve into the benefits for travelers with more details and examples.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that supports the idea that traveling is becoming more popular due to reasons such as improved transportation and social networking. However, there is room for improvement in maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every paragraph reinforces the main position and avoids statements that might introduce confusion. Consistency in presenting and defending the position will enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay lack depth and are often stated in a general manner. While it mentions the impact on local economies and cultural preservation, these ideas could be extended and supported with more specific examples or anecdotes.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each idea by providing concrete examples, statistics, or personal experiences. This will strengthen the essay’s argument and make it more compelling.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the reasons for the increasing popularity of travel and the benefits for travelers. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, and some points may seem loosely connected to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear connection to the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall discussion of why more people are traveling and the benefits they gain.

In summary, while the essay provides a general response to the prompt, it falls short in terms of depth, consistency, and specificity. To improve, the writer should enhance the content by providing more details, examples, and maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, with one paragraph dedicated to each major reason for the increasing trend of travel and its benefits. However, there is room for improvement in the internal organization of paragraphs, particularly in terms of the development of ideas within each paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. For example, in the paragraph discussing the reasons for the traveling trend, separate the discussion of transportation and social networking into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear focus.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but there is some inconsistency in paragraph length. The second paragraph, discussing the reasons for the traveling trend, is lengthy and could be more effectively divided into two or more paragraphs for improved readability.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced distribution of information across paragraphs. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, focused ones to enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "In addition," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices, as some connections between sentences and paragraphs could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of information.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance this score, focus on refining paragraph structure, improving the logical flow within paragraphs, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and connected presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There is a use of words like "proportion," "phenomenon," "fascinates," and "preserved," which contribute to lexical diversity. However, the range could be enhanced by incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using general terms like "people," consider employing more specific terms such as "travel enthusiasts" or "tourists" to add nuance.
    • How to improve: To elevate the lexical range, try incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to the essay’s theme. Additionally, consider utilizing synonyms and idiomatic expressions to add flair to your language. For instance, instead of repetitively using "reasons," explore alternatives like "factors" or "driving forces" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "certain benefits" could be replaced with a more specific term, such as "distinct advantages" or "specific contributions." Additionally, the term "modern types of equipment" might be more precisely expressed as "state-of-the-art technology."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus to explore more specific alternatives for commonly used terms. Review your essay to identify areas where substituting general terms with more precise vocabulary would strengthen your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors, such as "annual" instead of "annually" and "decide" instead of "decides." While these errors do not significantly hinder understanding, maintaining consistent spelling accuracy is crucial for a polished piece of writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully before submission. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure that verb forms match the subject (e.g., "fascinates" should be "fascinate" to agree with the plural subject "landscapes"). Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominant, and there is an attempt at complex structures. However, more sophisticated structures like complex-compound sentences or inversion could be incorporated to enhance variety and convey ideas more effectively. For example, the essay could benefit from using inversion to create emphasis, such as starting a sentence with a negative adverbial phrase for variety.

    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex-compound sentences and inversion. For instance, instead of consistently starting sentences with the subject, vary the structure by placing introductory phrases or clauses to create a more engaging and varied prose.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that slightly impact the overall accuracy. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("development of transportation comes"), use of prepositions ("approach transportation services for traveling"), and article usage ("make public order stable"). Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing, affecting the overall coherence.

    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and article usage. Focus on clarity by avoiding awkward phrasing. For example, rephrase sentences to eliminate ambiguity and improve the flow. Consider seeking feedback on specific instances where clarity is compromised.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures. To achieve a higher score, focus on incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy for increased precision and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a consistent annual rise in the number of individuals who enjoy traveling. Several noteworthy factors contribute to this phenomenon, and its advantages will be discussed in this essay.

The primary drivers of the travel trend are the significant advancements in transportation and the ubiquity of social networking. This stems from the utilization of state-of-the-art equipment, resulting in a greater number of people being able to access transportation services for travel. Additionally, the widespread use of social networking platforms captivates their interest, prompting them to choose to visit these locations.

Visitors can contribute specific advantages to the regions they explore. The local population will experience an enhanced quality of life through economic development, cultural activities, and the sale of traditional products. Furthermore, at tourist attractions, authorities will allocate increased attention to these regions to ensure suitable conditions for tourist activities, thereby contributing to the stability of public order.

Traveling also plays a role in preserving the culture and traditions of a country through tourist activities and festivals. It is evident that travel has gained popularity in recent years. Furthermore, travel is a beneficial activity that enhances the lives of the local population. In conclusion, the increasing popularity of traveling is attributed to advancements in transportation and the global reach of social networking, and the positive impacts of tourism extend to the economic and cultural well-being of the visited regions.

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