Today some people can work from home using modern technology. Some say this only benefits workers, but not employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IIn this increasingly materialistic society, there is a common belief that home – based work is only advantageous for employees, not recruiters. This essay would delve into two assertions prior to indicating my strong disagreement.

On the one hand, it is believed to a persuasive assumption that working from home lowers the opportunity of information exchanges among companions. This poses a perilous situation in terms of interaction and management. Therefore, unproductivity and unprofitability in group combination is tangible.

Advocates also emphasize that incorporations are in the probability of providing their employees with advanced technological devices. This necessitates financial preparation to cover machinery expenses, easily correlating with economic crisis.

On the other hand, both employers and employees are attainers of home employment. To follow up, working from a personal space allows paid individuals to be evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues or extreme weather conditions. Moreover, the office cost is no longer a crystal strain towards businesses.

In addition, home office can eliminate the appeal of conflicts among colleagues. Uncannily, this has a positive influence on mental capacity, boosting preference and concentration at work. Sustainable exceptional outcomes and healthy working environment are results of employee’s dedication and interest in their own occupations. This good preparation for higher achievers is in its possibility of affluenting a single firm.

In the final analysis, I would affirm my perspective that today having a home employment is appropriate thanks to the advancement of electronic appliances. People should be in allowance for working privately from home in order to gladden both recruiters and workers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"IIn" -> "In"
Explanation: The double "I" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "In" maintains the formal tone and corrects the grammatical error.
"materialistic society" -> "society with a strong emphasis on material possessions"
Explanation: The phrase "materialistic society" can be vague and colloquial. The suggested alternative provides a more precise and formal description of the societal context.
"prior to indicating my strong disagreement" -> "before presenting my strong disagreement"
Explanation: "Prior to indicating" is slightly awkward and less common in academic writing. "Before presenting" is more direct and appropriate for formal essays.
"it is believed to a persuasive assumption" -> "it is considered a persuasive assumption"
Explanation: The phrase "it is believed to a" is grammatically incorrect. "It is considered a" corrects this and maintains the formal tone.
"working from home lowers the opportunity of information exchanges among companions" -> "working from home reduces the opportunities for information exchange among colleagues"
Explanation: "Opportunity of" is grammatically incorrect. "Opportunities for" is the correct phrase, and "colleagues" is more appropriate than "companions" in a professional context.
"poses a perilous situation" -> "presents a challenging situation"
Explanation: "Perilous" is too strong and informal for this context. "Challenging" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"unproductivity and unprofitability in group combination" -> "inefficiency and lack of profitability in group settings"
Explanation: "Unproductivity and unprofitability" is awkward and unclear. "Inefficiency and lack of profitability" is more precise and formal.
"incorporations are in the probability of providing" -> "companies may provide"
Explanation: "Incorporations are in the probability of providing" is overly complex and awkward. "Companies may provide" simplifies and clarifies the statement.
"easily correlating with economic crisis" -> "correlating with economic crises"
Explanation: "Easily correlating" is redundant and informal. "Correlating with economic crises" is more direct and formal.
"both employers and employees are attainers of home employment" -> "both employers and employees benefit from home employment"
Explanation: "Are attainers of" is unclear and awkward. "Benefit from" is straightforward and appropriate for formal writing.
"evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues" -> "protected from travel-related issues"
Explanation: "Evaporated" is incorrect and unclear in this context. "Protected from" is the correct and clear expression needed.
"no longer a crystal strain" -> "no longer a significant strain"
Explanation: "Crystal strain" is unclear and informal. "Significant strain" is precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"Uncannily" -> "Interestingly"
Explanation: "Uncannily" is an adjective typically used to describe something as strange or unnatural, which is not the intended meaning here. "Interestingly" is more neutral and suitable for academic discourse.
"boosting preference and concentration at work" -> "enhancing job satisfaction and focus"
Explanation: "Boosting preference and concentration" is informal and vague. "Enhancing job satisfaction and focus" is more precise and formal.
"Sustainable exceptional outcomes and healthy working environment" -> "Sustainable high-quality outcomes and a healthy work environment"
Explanation: "Exceptional outcomes" is redundant with "sustainable." "High-quality outcomes" is more precise, and "work environment" is the standard term in formal writing.
"affirm my perspective" -> "confirm my perspective"
Explanation: "Affirm" is less commonly used in this context; "confirm" is more appropriate and widely accepted in academic writing.
"having a home employment" -> "working from home"
Explanation: "Having a home employment" is awkward and unclear. "Working from home" is the standard phrase used in formal and professional contexts.
"in allowance for working privately from home" -> "allowing employees to work privately from home"
Explanation: "In allowance for" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Allowing employees to work privately from home" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"gladden both recruiters and workers" -> "benefit both employers and employees"
Explanation: "Gladden" is an archaic and informal term. "Benefit" is the correct and modern term for describing positive outcomes in a formal context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the benefits of working from home for employees and employers. The introduction clearly states the author’s disagreement with the notion that remote work only benefits employees. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the employer’s perspective, as the arguments presented for the employers are less developed and somewhat vague. For example, while the essay mentions financial burdens related to technology, it does not sufficiently elaborate on how these costs might be outweighed by other benefits, such as increased productivity or reduced overhead costs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally explored. This could involve providing more concrete examples of how employers can benefit from remote work, such as increased employee retention or access to a wider talent pool. Additionally, directly addressing the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement could clarify their position.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, stating a strong disagreement with the idea that remote work only benefits employees. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the lack of consistent reinforcement throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the author mentions benefits for both parties, the focus shifts back and forth, which can confuse the reader about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently link back to their main argument in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the author’s viewpoint and summarizing how each point relates to their overall stance. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each body paragraph can help reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the implications of remote work, such as reduced office costs and improved mental health for employees. However, many of these ideas lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For example, the claim that remote work eliminates conflicts among colleagues is intriguing but is not adequately supported with examples or explanations of how this occurs.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on productivity in remote work settings or case studies of companies that have successfully implemented remote work policies. Additionally, elaborating on each point with explanations of why these benefits occur would strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about the benefits of remote work for both employees and employers. However, there are instances where the language and phrasing become convoluted, which can distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues" are unclear and detract from the focus on the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should strive for more straightforward language and avoid overly complex phrases that may confuse the reader. It is also beneficial to regularly refer back to the prompt to ensure that each point made directly relates to the question at hand. Simplifying language and ensuring clarity will help keep the essay focused and engaging.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of home-based work for employers to the advantages is somewhat abrupt. The phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" signal a shift in perspective, but the connection between the two sides could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the complexity of the issue before introducing the advantages. This could help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the disadvantage of home-based work for employers before delving into specific points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the key point of each paragraph, reinforcing the argument and providing a sense of closure before moving on to the next point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases used are not entirely appropriate or clear, such as "paid individuals to be evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues." This could confuse readers and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of connectors and linking phrases. For example, use "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Conversely" to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that the phrases used are clear and appropriate for the context. Consider revising awkward phrases for clarity, such as rephrasing "evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues" to something clearer like "avoiding potential travel disruptions."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "materialistic society," "information exchanges," "unproductivity," and "financial preparation." These choices reflect an attempt to use varied language to convey complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "the opportunity of information exchanges among companions," could be simplified or rephrased for clarity. The use of "evaporated" in the context of employees being affected by travel issues is also an unusual choice that may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of "information exchanges," you might use "communication" or "collaboration." Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary fits naturally within the context. Replacing "evaporated" with "freed from" or "relieved of" would improve clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that hinder clarity. For example, "perilous situation in terms of interaction and management" could be more effectively expressed as "challenges in communication and management." The phrase "the appeal of conflicts among colleagues" is also vague and could be better articulated as "the potential for conflicts among colleagues."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review each term to ensure it fits the context appropriately. For example, instead of "tangible" in "unproductivity and unprofitability in group combination is tangible," consider using "evident" or "apparent." This will enhance the precision of your language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "IIn" (should be "In"), "incorporations" (which may be intended as "employers" or "companies"), and "affluenting" (which is not a standard English word). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread your work carefully. Utilize spell-check tools and consider reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice writing them correctly. Keeping a list of troublesome words can also be beneficial for future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of vocabulary and some effective expressions, there are areas for improvement in precision, clarity, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "This essay would delve into two assertions prior to indicating my strong disagreement" show an attempt at complexity. However, many sentences are awkwardly constructed or overly convoluted, which detracts from clarity. For instance, "This poses a perilous situation in terms of interaction and management" could be simplified for better understanding. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "paid individuals to be evaporated in the likelihood of travelling related issues" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones while ensuring clarity. Using a mix of sentence lengths and types can enhance the flow of the essay. Additionally, focusing on clarity over complexity will help the reader understand the arguments better. Regularly reading high-scoring IELTS essays can provide examples of effective sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "to a persuasive assumption that working from home lowers the opportunity of information exchanges among companions" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The use of "companions" is also inappropriate in this context; "colleagues" would be more suitable. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas and hyphens (e.g., "home – based work"), disrupt the flow of reading. The phrase "the appeal of conflicts among colleagues" is also misleading and could be better expressed.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help identify and correct persistent errors. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with common punctuation rules, ensuring that commas and hyphens are used correctly to enhance clarity. Reading aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, it suffers from issues related to clarity and accuracy. By focusing on simplifying complex sentences, improving grammatical accuracy, and refining punctuation skills, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this increasingly materialistic society, there is a common belief that home-based work is only advantageous for employees, not employers. This essay will delve into two assertions before presenting my strong disagreement.

On the one hand, it is considered a persuasive assumption that working from home lowers the opportunities for information exchange among colleagues. This presents a challenging situation in terms of interaction and management. Therefore, inefficiency and lack of profitability in group settings are tangible.

Advocates also emphasize that companies may provide their employees with advanced technological devices. This necessitates financial preparation to cover machinery expenses, easily correlating with economic crises.

On the other hand, both employers and employees benefit from home employment. To follow up, working from a personal space protects individuals from travel-related issues or extreme weather conditions. Moreover, the office cost is no longer a significant strain on businesses.

In addition, a home office can eliminate the potential for conflicts among colleagues. Interestingly, this has a positive influence on mental capacity, enhancing job satisfaction and focus at work. Sustainable high-quality outcomes and a healthy work environment are results of employees’ dedication and interest in their own occupations. This good preparation for higher achievers has the potential to benefit a single firm.

In the final analysis, I would confirm my perspective that today having home employment is appropriate thanks to the advancement of electronic appliances. People should be allowed to work privately from home in order to benefit both employers and employees.