today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently, many people assume the high sales of popular consumer goods doesnt reflect the real needs of society in which they are sold but only the power of advertising. In my opinion, i agree more than disagree with the assumption.
From my point of view, it is true that the high sales of popular consume goods doesnt reflect the real needs of society. There are two main reasons for that, which is the influence of trends or famous people and that people mainly only buy things that they need. As many have known, trends and stars can have a great impact on people, especially juveniles. Most teens tends to try to keep up with new, viral trends or wanting to be like their favourite idols or stars and that causes them to spend money on many different kinds of popular consumer goods. Not only that, many of the goods only produce comfort or be useful when people are using them. When they are not used, they are almost pointless to purchase and only brought the people that bought it a good sensation instead of a true help. For example , people sometimes purchased a shirt that is similar to what social media idols or popular people wear , only to never wear it even once .
In conclusion , i think that the power of advertising is very great and could have a strong impact on people’s purchasing decisions .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many people assume" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "assume" with "believe" clarifies the verb tense and aligns better with the context of opinion or perception, enhancing the academic tone.
"the high sales of popular consumer goods doesnt" -> "the high sales of popular consumer goods do not"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "doesnt" to "do not" ensures proper verb agreement and maintains formal language standards.
"i agree more than disagree" -> "I agree more than I disagree"
Explanation: Adding the article "I" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"consume goods" -> "consumer goods"
Explanation: "Consumer goods" is the correct term, whereas "consume goods" is a misuse of the word "consume."
"the influence of trends or famous people" -> "the influence of trends and famous individuals"
Explanation: Using "and" instead of "or" corrects the logical conjunction, and "famous individuals" is a more precise term than "famous people."
"Most teens tends" -> "Most teenagers tend"
Explanation: Correcting "teens" to "teenagers" and "tends" to "tend" fixes grammatical errors and improves formality.
"tends to try to keep up" -> "tend to try to emulate"
Explanation: "Emulate" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "keep up," which is informal and vague.
"many of the goods only produce comfort or be useful" -> "many of these goods provide only comfort or utility"
Explanation: "Provide" and "utility" are more precise and formal than "produce" and "be useful," enhancing the academic tone.
"only brought the people that bought it a good sensation" -> "only provide the purchasers with a fleeting sense of satisfaction"
Explanation: "Provide" and "fleeting sense of satisfaction" are more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "brought" and "good sensation."
"people sometimes purchased a shirt" -> "individuals occasionally purchase a shirt"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "occasionally" are more formal and precise than "people" and "sometimes," respectively.
"only to never wear it even once" -> "only to never be worn once"
Explanation: "Never be worn once" corrects the awkward phrasing and maintains a formal tone.
"i think" -> "I believe"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards.
"the power of advertising is very great" -> "the influence of advertising is considerable"
Explanation: "Considerable" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "very great," which is overly colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the influence of advertising on consumer behavior. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "i agree more than disagree" is vague and does not provide a clear stance. Additionally, the essay lacks a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is necessary for a comprehensive response.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and develop it throughout the essay. They should also consider acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, discussing how advertising might meet some societal needs, and then refuting that point to strengthen their argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat unclear. While the writer states they agree more than disagree, they do not consistently reinforce this viewpoint throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the power of advertising but does not explicitly connect back to the initial position or summarize the argument effectively.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is clearly articulated in the introduction and consistently referenced in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "This supports my view that…" can help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a couple of ideas regarding the influence of trends and celebrities on consumer behavior. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the example of purchasing a shirt is relevant but lacks depth; it could be enhanced by discussing the emotional or psychological factors involved in such purchases.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for their points. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument, and additional supporting evidence, such as statistics or studies on consumer behavior, could enhance the credibility of the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of advertising on consumer goods. However, the phrase "people mainly only buy things that they need" introduces a conflicting idea that is not explored further, which could confuse the reader regarding the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support their central argument. They should avoid introducing ideas that may detract from the main topic unless they are explicitly linked back to the argument being made. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and staying on topic.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough exploration of the topic. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that high sales are more reflective of advertising power than societal needs. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets up the argument, but the transition to the body paragraphs lacks clarity. For instance, the phrase "there are two main reasons for that" is vague and does not clearly signal the upcoming points. The body paragraph discusses trends and the influence of celebrities, but the connection between these ideas and the thesis could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis. For example, explicitly state how trends and celebrity influence contribute to consumer behavior in the context of advertising. Additionally, using transition phrases such as "firstly," "secondly," and "in addition" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure within them could be more effective. The first paragraph introduces the argument, while the second paragraph attempts to elaborate on the reasons. However, the second paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The conclusion is present but does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For example, separate the discussion of trends and celebrity influence into distinct paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, the conclusion should briefly restate the main arguments made in the body to reinforce the overall message of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also," which helps to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, the transition between discussing trends and the subsequent point about the usefulness of goods is abrupt, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," and "for instance." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "people," use "consumers" or "individuals" to maintain variety in language while keeping the text cohesive.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms related to the topic, such as "consumer goods," "advertising," and "trends." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "popular consumer goods" and "real needs of society." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "popular consumer goods," alternatives like "trendy products," "mainstream items," or "widely marketed goods" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the arguments presented.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "doesnt" instead of "doesn’t" and "consume goods" instead of "consumer goods." These errors can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument. Furthermore, the phrase "only brought the people that bought it a good sensation" is awkward and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using the correct forms of words and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning clearly. For example, replacing "brought the people that bought it a good sensation" with "provided a fleeting sense of satisfaction to the buyers" would improve clarity and precision. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reviewing common collocations could also help.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "doesnt" (should be "doesn’t"), "i" (should be "I"), "tends" (should be "tend"), and "purchased" (should be "purchase" in the context used). These mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For instance, the sentence "As many have known, trends and stars can have a great impact on people, especially juveniles" is straightforward but does not incorporate any complex structures that could enhance the depth of the argument. Additionally, the use of phrases like "from my point of view" and "in my opinion" is repetitive and does not contribute to a varied sentence structure.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although trends and stars can significantly influence purchasing decisions, it is essential to recognize that…"). Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and transitions can help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "doesnt" should be "doesn’t," and "i" should be capitalized to "I." The phrase "only brought the people that bought it a good sensation instead of a true help" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas, which can lead to run-on sentences (e.g., "For example , people sometimes purchased a shirt…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as contractions and capitalization. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help improve clarity. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for commas and periods, will aid in avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring that ideas are clearly separated and articulated.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, focusing on enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, many people assume the high sales of popular consumer goods do not reflect the real needs of the society in which they are sold but only the power of advertising. In my opinion, I agree more than I disagree with this assumption.

From my point of view, it is true that the high sales of popular consumer goods do not reflect the real needs of society. There are two main reasons for this: the influence of trends and famous individuals, and that people mainly buy things that they need. As many have known, trends and stars can have a great impact on people, especially teenagers. Most teenagers tend to try to keep up with new, viral trends or want to be like their favorite idols or stars, and this causes them to spend money on many different kinds of popular consumer goods. Not only that, many of these goods provide only comfort or utility when people are using them. When they are not used, they are almost pointless to purchase and only provide the purchasers with a fleeting sense of satisfaction. For example, individuals occasionally purchase a shirt that is similar to what social media idols or popular people wear, only to never wear it even once.

In conclusion, I believe that the influence of advertising is considerable and could have a strong impact on people’s purchasing decisions.